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Best Of
I need help
Basically I went for coffee with a guy from an app before I met my boyfriend. I didn’t bring this up because it didn’t feel like a big deal and was so insignificant. I then started to feel guilty so I told him that I met someone for coffee. He then asked if I got anything out of using that particular app and I said I met that guy on it. He said he asked me before if I met anyone on the app and I said no. And he said he had the impression I never met anyone else and he was my first ever date. I said I felt like he was my first ever date because the coffee felt so unimportant and when he asked me I would likely have been referring to the time after we spoke. We stopped speaking for a while and reconnected. But regardless I feel bad I said no. I don’t remember this. But the facts are that the coffee was not important and before we met. I didn’t even think the coffee was a date as it felt just friendly and I’ve told him this. We both seem to have understood each other but I feel really guilty and can’t get rid of this feeling. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about it again with him
user123
2
Not myself anymore, job is hard
Hello everyone,
At the moment, I’m feeling very odd. I’m at the point where I’m an adult but still feel like a child and everything’s quite strange, and I’m finding it hard to manage my emotions.
In school and through college, I always felt like I had to be the nicest person because if I wasn’t then I was bad essentially and the only way I would be loved and liked was if I wasn’t myself. This was to the point where I would criticise and check every single word I said. It was so hard as I felt like I was hiding parts of me and I feel guilty now about that as I feel that I was fake. I
I recognise I was growing up but I get anxious about that, which leads me on to the next thing.
Over the past year, I feel like I’ve gone back to who I truly am which unfortunately isn’t the kindest person, due to I think partly growing up and also hard experiences I have gone through. Felt like I was wasting my life from worrying and being someone I wasn’t was tiring. I am still kind to people but I feel that a bit more of my personality comes through now which I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with but doing it anyway. I’ve had a lot of friendship issues which confirms to me how horrible I must be.
At work, the manager was saying that he would ask my colleague if she could stay on as I was nervous about being on my own ( buildings a separate building). I find him nice and funny but he has said stuff behind my back a few times I got angry, I’m not 100 percent sure if they were talking about me, but I’m very sure they were because of the faces my other colleague was making and they kept looking at me too. I rolled my eyes at them and went to the front when they looked at me because I was annoyed. Went to my manager where my colleague was stood there I explained (quite angrily) that my colleague (she was stood there) had told me that I was going to be in my own for whole days at some point. I was nervous as my manager hasn’t told me this. I asked my colleague this question specifically and she said I would be at some point. I got quite angry at her in front of my manager as he then was telling me I got the wrong end of the stick when I specifically asked that to her, my manger backed her up. I don’t mind being on my own, but the building is separate, we have a button to press which will call someone in an emergency, but it was pressed before (accidentally) and no one actually came down to help until a while later, which I actually discussed with them after at how bad this could be. it shows that they aren’t very quick if there was a problem.
My manger keeps telling me how words can hurt people, and how he’s not responsible for my happiness, and I get that, I really do. Second one hurt a lot though as I feel like we should all be kind to each other and saying that was just kind of rude. I am unsure if I am just sticking up for myself, or if I’m being unreasonable and a bit too firm. I’ve learned I have to be quite firm at work in order to be treated fairly, otherwise they take advantage of me. I’m just quite honestly too scared to be on my own as it’s in a separate building to the main part, on its own and I’m dealing with general public. Luckily our shop isn’t busy. My manger said ‘well everyone else has been alone’ but at the start I’m sure we were told we had to have at least two people. My colleague said we are meant to follow that practice but don’t always do that and then denied she said it.
A general thing in life that I’m annoyed about, is that I can accept others for their flaws, eg my manager not listening, interrupting me, being rude etc, but they can’t accept mine. Not just him, but people in my life can’t accept me for the things I may not be so good at/ proud of but it’s just me.
I just feel like I’m the most inherently awful person as I was clearly very angry and I didn’t speak in the nicest way to my manager and my colleague. I was just annoyed as my manager interrupts me, seems to think I’m silly and won’t ever admit he’s wrong. When he doesn’t understand what I’ve said, he’ll turn it round so it’s my fault and I get annoyed. I would change jobs but I do have some nice friends there, and I’m worried the next job would be even worse. What ever I say to my colleague always goes back to my manager as she’s the main bosses granddaughter- but I can’t help expressing my emotions to her as she’s the only one that’s around usually. I’ve got a work review soon and my manger will definitely hurt me in that.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for by writing this, I just think I’m very anxious that I’m becoming a horrible person which I don’t want to be, I find it super hard to manage sad and angry emotions which usually ends in tears- I’m wondering if this could be caused by something? I’m not sure. I’m also nervous that everyone will now think I’m horrible at work. On top of all this, I am slowly trying to filter in that I’m lesbian. I’ve always known, but certain people can’t know, and others can. So there is a lot of tiptoeing and I have to be extremely careful who I tell etc, due to not knowing how people might take it.
Any advice would be really helpful xx
At the moment, I’m feeling very odd. I’m at the point where I’m an adult but still feel like a child and everything’s quite strange, and I’m finding it hard to manage my emotions.
In school and through college, I always felt like I had to be the nicest person because if I wasn’t then I was bad essentially and the only way I would be loved and liked was if I wasn’t myself. This was to the point where I would criticise and check every single word I said. It was so hard as I felt like I was hiding parts of me and I feel guilty now about that as I feel that I was fake. I
I recognise I was growing up but I get anxious about that, which leads me on to the next thing.
Over the past year, I feel like I’ve gone back to who I truly am which unfortunately isn’t the kindest person, due to I think partly growing up and also hard experiences I have gone through. Felt like I was wasting my life from worrying and being someone I wasn’t was tiring. I am still kind to people but I feel that a bit more of my personality comes through now which I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with but doing it anyway. I’ve had a lot of friendship issues which confirms to me how horrible I must be.
At work, the manager was saying that he would ask my colleague if she could stay on as I was nervous about being on my own ( buildings a separate building). I find him nice and funny but he has said stuff behind my back a few times I got angry, I’m not 100 percent sure if they were talking about me, but I’m very sure they were because of the faces my other colleague was making and they kept looking at me too. I rolled my eyes at them and went to the front when they looked at me because I was annoyed. Went to my manager where my colleague was stood there I explained (quite angrily) that my colleague (she was stood there) had told me that I was going to be in my own for whole days at some point. I was nervous as my manager hasn’t told me this. I asked my colleague this question specifically and she said I would be at some point. I got quite angry at her in front of my manager as he then was telling me I got the wrong end of the stick when I specifically asked that to her, my manger backed her up. I don’t mind being on my own, but the building is separate, we have a button to press which will call someone in an emergency, but it was pressed before (accidentally) and no one actually came down to help until a while later, which I actually discussed with them after at how bad this could be. it shows that they aren’t very quick if there was a problem.
My manger keeps telling me how words can hurt people, and how he’s not responsible for my happiness, and I get that, I really do. Second one hurt a lot though as I feel like we should all be kind to each other and saying that was just kind of rude. I am unsure if I am just sticking up for myself, or if I’m being unreasonable and a bit too firm. I’ve learned I have to be quite firm at work in order to be treated fairly, otherwise they take advantage of me. I’m just quite honestly too scared to be on my own as it’s in a separate building to the main part, on its own and I’m dealing with general public. Luckily our shop isn’t busy. My manger said ‘well everyone else has been alone’ but at the start I’m sure we were told we had to have at least two people. My colleague said we are meant to follow that practice but don’t always do that and then denied she said it.
A general thing in life that I’m annoyed about, is that I can accept others for their flaws, eg my manager not listening, interrupting me, being rude etc, but they can’t accept mine. Not just him, but people in my life can’t accept me for the things I may not be so good at/ proud of but it’s just me.
I just feel like I’m the most inherently awful person as I was clearly very angry and I didn’t speak in the nicest way to my manager and my colleague. I was just annoyed as my manager interrupts me, seems to think I’m silly and won’t ever admit he’s wrong. When he doesn’t understand what I’ve said, he’ll turn it round so it’s my fault and I get annoyed. I would change jobs but I do have some nice friends there, and I’m worried the next job would be even worse. What ever I say to my colleague always goes back to my manager as she’s the main bosses granddaughter- but I can’t help expressing my emotions to her as she’s the only one that’s around usually. I’ve got a work review soon and my manger will definitely hurt me in that.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for by writing this, I just think I’m very anxious that I’m becoming a horrible person which I don’t want to be, I find it super hard to manage sad and angry emotions which usually ends in tears- I’m wondering if this could be caused by something? I’m not sure. I’m also nervous that everyone will now think I’m horrible at work. On top of all this, I am slowly trying to filter in that I’m lesbian. I’ve always known, but certain people can’t know, and others can. So there is a lot of tiptoeing and I have to be extremely careful who I tell etc, due to not knowing how people might take it.
Any advice would be really helpful xx
Sibling I’ve always wanted
Hello, apologies for the amount of posts, I felt that the two things belonged in separate board categories.
As someone who is now an adult, but has never grown up with siblings, I have a lot to say about it. When I was young I never wanted a sibling at all, but as I have grown up, it’s the worst thing ever to not have a sibling in my opinion. I saw everyone else having these lovely relationships with their siblings, someone they could confide in, someone who experienced the same things as them, in a lot of cases I think people who have siblings can feel less alone. When my parents go away, I hate it because I am the only child- I don’t have anyone to talk to, and have to rely on other people to take me places as I don’t drive.
One big thing I have had a history of mental health issues and I’ve never had anyone to back me up, support me if it was hard with my parents. My parents are so loving and kind, but at times, they’ve also not been helpful in the way they’ve dealt with things at times. At that point it would have been great to have someone there my age to support me, to confide in, talk to that I could totally trust. I have my grandparents who are equally lovely, but they often just agree with my parents, not attempting to fully understand the issue and just thought I was causing trouble.
I have never had that until the last few years. Through my mum’s tennis team, I met a lady (I’ll call her Jess) who is around ten years older than me who is mum’s friend on her team. She knows my family, it was nice to get to know her more. I went to watch her team every week when I left college as I was finding the change of routine hard, was about three years ago now. Her tennis team really love me, and I love them. They even go on little holidays and day trips as a tennis team, and I am always invited which is super sweet.
Jess and the team in general have definitely become a big support system, even though they are all my mums age, apart from Jess who’s younger. Something very bad happened in my family and I didn’t feel comfortable staying at home, so I asked to stay with Jess because I always have fun with her. She made her bed up for me to sleep in as her house only has one bedroom, her on the sofa, let me stay up chatting to her all night. I recently stayed at hers again, I always do things for her, paint pictures, make things because I love her so much. She is the sister I have never had and I feel like I’m doing all the things I’ve missed out on with a sibling with her now. She always has the time to support me, gives me hugs if I need them and always says she always here for me. We’ve only had a little falling out which was just a bit of confusion but even then, she accepted that what I did was how I dealt with things. She said I remind her of her younger sibling who is away a lot so I think that’s why she’s taken to me. She picks me up, takes me places sometimes, she’s just the best and I finally have the thing I was missing. When we all went on holiday, she was having a really hard time and I just hugged her and looked after her with my mums team and it was not good that she was so unhappy, but I loved looking after her like a sister would as it’s something that is a bit unfulfilled inside of me I think. She’s fine now which is good and I am happy about that.
I remember when I went to her house last as my mum and I had organised it with her as mum couldn’t drive me, Jess was taking me somewhere in the morning and she was doing her makeup while I was watching her do it sat on her sofa half asleep as it was so early. This in particular stands out to me because this is something I missed out on when I was younger with a sibling. I see her as family now rather than a friend even. If mum ever even hints that I could be sad, Jess wants to be there to help me, she’s always by my side and I would hate for that to ever disappear. She knows how much I love her and she promised that I am stuck with her now which again is so kind. Jess is the sweetest and most loyal friend, come big sister in the world.
I think we have such a lovely wholesome bond and I don’t know why, we just do. I’m so lucky to have Jess. I think I wanted to write this to maybe find others who don’t have siblings and see your opinions and share that it can be very difficult, but I guess it’s okay as you can choose your family.
As someone who is now an adult, but has never grown up with siblings, I have a lot to say about it. When I was young I never wanted a sibling at all, but as I have grown up, it’s the worst thing ever to not have a sibling in my opinion. I saw everyone else having these lovely relationships with their siblings, someone they could confide in, someone who experienced the same things as them, in a lot of cases I think people who have siblings can feel less alone. When my parents go away, I hate it because I am the only child- I don’t have anyone to talk to, and have to rely on other people to take me places as I don’t drive.
One big thing I have had a history of mental health issues and I’ve never had anyone to back me up, support me if it was hard with my parents. My parents are so loving and kind, but at times, they’ve also not been helpful in the way they’ve dealt with things at times. At that point it would have been great to have someone there my age to support me, to confide in, talk to that I could totally trust. I have my grandparents who are equally lovely, but they often just agree with my parents, not attempting to fully understand the issue and just thought I was causing trouble.
I have never had that until the last few years. Through my mum’s tennis team, I met a lady (I’ll call her Jess) who is around ten years older than me who is mum’s friend on her team. She knows my family, it was nice to get to know her more. I went to watch her team every week when I left college as I was finding the change of routine hard, was about three years ago now. Her tennis team really love me, and I love them. They even go on little holidays and day trips as a tennis team, and I am always invited which is super sweet.
Jess and the team in general have definitely become a big support system, even though they are all my mums age, apart from Jess who’s younger. Something very bad happened in my family and I didn’t feel comfortable staying at home, so I asked to stay with Jess because I always have fun with her. She made her bed up for me to sleep in as her house only has one bedroom, her on the sofa, let me stay up chatting to her all night. I recently stayed at hers again, I always do things for her, paint pictures, make things because I love her so much. She is the sister I have never had and I feel like I’m doing all the things I’ve missed out on with a sibling with her now. She always has the time to support me, gives me hugs if I need them and always says she always here for me. We’ve only had a little falling out which was just a bit of confusion but even then, she accepted that what I did was how I dealt with things. She said I remind her of her younger sibling who is away a lot so I think that’s why she’s taken to me. She picks me up, takes me places sometimes, she’s just the best and I finally have the thing I was missing. When we all went on holiday, she was having a really hard time and I just hugged her and looked after her with my mums team and it was not good that she was so unhappy, but I loved looking after her like a sister would as it’s something that is a bit unfulfilled inside of me I think. She’s fine now which is good and I am happy about that.
I remember when I went to her house last as my mum and I had organised it with her as mum couldn’t drive me, Jess was taking me somewhere in the morning and she was doing her makeup while I was watching her do it sat on her sofa half asleep as it was so early. This in particular stands out to me because this is something I missed out on when I was younger with a sibling. I see her as family now rather than a friend even. If mum ever even hints that I could be sad, Jess wants to be there to help me, she’s always by my side and I would hate for that to ever disappear. She knows how much I love her and she promised that I am stuck with her now which again is so kind. Jess is the sweetest and most loyal friend, come big sister in the world.
I think we have such a lovely wholesome bond and I don’t know why, we just do. I’m so lucky to have Jess. I think I wanted to write this to maybe find others who don’t have siblings and see your opinions and share that it can be very difficult, but I guess it’s okay as you can choose your family.
Update on seizures
Thursday i went back to the doctors because I was still having absent seizures every 20-30minutes and some were lasting over 5 minutes the day I had a 5 minute seizure my mum wanted to take me to hospital she rang 111 and explained that they won’t be able to do much they will only do the same scans etc and plus I was exhausted so me and my mum agreed we can go home and go to the doctors in the morning the doctors appointment was quite positive but negative at the same time I had a few absent seizures and then 2 big seizures ( we call them the big seizures I don’t know the right term of word for them ) the doctor wanted me to go to a and e too but he knew I really didn’t want to and anxiety makes me more likely to have seizures so he called the hospital and they said I can go on temporary medication which is good news I’ve been on the medication since Thursday but when I was in the waiting room I started to have a big seizure and my mum wasn’t there at the time and of course when your having a seizure you have no control over your body when I came out of it I started to cry and I was really upset because of course people saw and it’s a horrible feeling having people around you that you don’t trust or don’t know when your having a seizure but I’m still having quite a lot of absent seizures even in the medication but they only last up to few seconds or a minute which is a big improvement my EEG is on Friday the 21st so I will have to stop the medication tomorrow just in case it interferes with the EEG results I’m not looking forward to the EEG I know I’m going to have a sensory overload but I’m looking forward to getting some results if the EEG comes back normal then it’s a neurological condition causing my seizures so I don’t know how they will find out what the neurological condition is but the absent seizures are causing pain I’m biting my tongue and my muscles seize up when I’m having a absent seizure and I think I’ve pulled a muscle and I’ve got cuts all over my tongue and I’m exhausted but I am seeing a friend today that I haven’t seen in a long time so i can’t wait and she knows about my seizures so she knows what to expect and hopefully I don’t make her panic I am a burden to a lot of people recently I just came here to rant as I usually do thanks for reading this very messy rant😂🫶🏼
Re: Who are your queer role models?🌈🌈🌈
@stardust444 omg yesss chapell roan and Billie Eilish are such good singers I love them to 
Beth
2
Done (safe)
Lost the only real person and legit caring person I had so what the point anymore. Just distance myself and cut everyone out now I guess 
best for everyone
best for everyone 
Rose113
7
I’ve ruined everything
I dont know what’s even happened but my anxiety has gone completely out of control. I literally collapsed the other day. Everything is fine but now my uni want a meeting about it and I’m terrified. I’m scared they won’t even let me in the labs anymore - maybe they’ll decide it’s unsafe.
It’s so much. Uni is so scary all the time and there’s no break, there’s nowhere to escape to. I’ve got a presentation coming up in a couple of months as well and I just can’t deal with all this. They’re trying to help me but I’m still terrified. I dont know what to do. I feel like I shouldn’t even be here. I dont know how to calm myself down and just be ok. My mind won’t stop. I’m so scared.
It’s so much. Uni is so scary all the time and there’s no break, there’s nowhere to escape to. I’ve got a presentation coming up in a couple of months as well and I just can’t deal with all this. They’re trying to help me but I’m still terrified. I dont know what to do. I feel like I shouldn’t even be here. I dont know how to calm myself down and just be ok. My mind won’t stop. I’m so scared.
TW mentions of suicide. Getting over the guilt
I’ve been sending a few days thinking about how I want to write this post and I think I’ve finally got it. Recently I went to see dear evan Hansen the musical, which was incredible but the acting was so raw and the themes so real it brought back a few things I prefer not to think about. The main point is when evan said to his mother ‘you would hate me if you knew what I tried’. And it reminded me of even though they aren’t aware of it what I very nearly put my family through and the guilt I feel daily of how much it would have ruined them. I still feel so so guilty that I vowed to never put them through it and whenever I think like that it is them that stops me. I also wrote something that I think describes what I am feeling a bit better than I can on here.
Thanks
‘ I don’t think you ever truly recover from the guilt of the future you might have left behind. Just one bit further and that would’ve been it. You wouldn’t have made it out. They would’ve come home calling to an empty echoing house devoid of life. Hand shaking, hearts breaking as they desperately try to pull you back to the place you have left. The letters would be there sure, but that’s shallow comfort in the world you would’ve created. They would pace the room searching and scrambling for what they could’ve done. You would not be there to tell them they did all they could. Outside the door four black paws scratching, where is she. I don’t understand. He never will. The family photo sits there a painful reminder of what was, and what can never be again. Your father would become angry. How could she be so selfish? After everything I gave her. He will never be able to answer that question. Your mother on the other hand will wilt and become a ghost of who she used to be. She will sit on your bed holding your cat, dreading the day the final piece of her daughter will depart with his furry form. She will never stop asking why she wasn’t home. Your sister will become frozen. She will graduate uni barley scraping past. She will not amount to what she should’ve been. The weight of your loss pins her to her childhood bedroom. She will not see the world. Your family will never be what it was and the guilt of that keeps you here.’
Thanks
‘ I don’t think you ever truly recover from the guilt of the future you might have left behind. Just one bit further and that would’ve been it. You wouldn’t have made it out. They would’ve come home calling to an empty echoing house devoid of life. Hand shaking, hearts breaking as they desperately try to pull you back to the place you have left. The letters would be there sure, but that’s shallow comfort in the world you would’ve created. They would pace the room searching and scrambling for what they could’ve done. You would not be there to tell them they did all they could. Outside the door four black paws scratching, where is she. I don’t understand. He never will. The family photo sits there a painful reminder of what was, and what can never be again. Your father would become angry. How could she be so selfish? After everything I gave her. He will never be able to answer that question. Your mother on the other hand will wilt and become a ghost of who she used to be. She will sit on your bed holding your cat, dreading the day the final piece of her daughter will depart with his furry form. She will never stop asking why she wasn’t home. Your sister will become frozen. She will graduate uni barley scraping past. She will not amount to what she should’ve been. The weight of your loss pins her to her childhood bedroom. She will not see the world. Your family will never be what it was and the guilt of that keeps you here.’
Work Capability Assessment
I got a letter through the post saying that I need to attend an appointment for a work capability assessment. I don`t really understand what this is about so I was wondering if anyone here has been through it and can explain it to me. One of my sisters was meant to go with me but she is unable to make it due to work commitments. As the letter only came through yesterday, it is too short notice for her to get the time off. So I`m having to get a friend to go with me instead. Going into London is hard enough let alone when it is a part I don`t even know.
Dancer
5
Re: Heartstopper watch party! 🌈 Feb 15
Here is the poll!- https://strawpoll.com/kjn1D2qmjyQ
Just a friendly reminder that this space is primarily for coming together to enjoy the show. It's not a support group or general chat. Also, for this particular Heartstopper watch party, you will need access to Netflix, as that's the only platform where it's currently available.
We understand that not everyone has access to every streaming service, so for future watch parties, we always try our best to stick to TV providers where you don't need a separate login. We want to make sure everyone has a chance to participate!
I'll keep you posted on the new date and time for the Heartstopper watch party. Can't wait to see you all there!
Just a friendly reminder that this space is primarily for coming together to enjoy the show. It's not a support group or general chat. Also, for this particular Heartstopper watch party, you will need access to Netflix, as that's the only platform where it's currently available.
We understand that not everyone has access to every streaming service, so for future watch parties, we always try our best to stick to TV providers where you don't need a separate login. We want to make sure everyone has a chance to participate!
I'll keep you posted on the new date and time for the Heartstopper watch party. Can't wait to see you all there!
ella
3