If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Best Of
Hi!
Hi, it's nice to meet you all! One thing you should know about me is that I'm socially awkward, so I might not always reply, but I'd love to get to know you! I'm here because I don't like who I am in my own body anymore, I'm male BTW but weirdly, I feel more like a girl, and I feel more confident with that persona, I don't want to say I'm trans yet, but I feel more comfortable when I've done face filters and I've looked like a girl, is that normal?
Scoliosis operation tm!
Hii everyone I just wanted to say in case anyone wonders why I don’t reply for a while, tomorrow im having my operation for scoliosis which is quite big, so I might not be active for a while, idk exactly how long yet!
Anyway im feeling alright right now actually because I’ve managed to accept and calm my anxiety (a while back when I first found out I had to have it I couldn’t stop crying because I was really scared of the risks but I’ve realised this is the best choice for me and im going to a really good hospital and they know what they’re doing), so I’m happy im feeling a bit better about it now.
I’m supposed to be back from the hospital on around the 27th so I’ll update you
I hope everyone’s doing alright ❤️
Anyway im feeling alright right now actually because I’ve managed to accept and calm my anxiety (a while back when I first found out I had to have it I couldn’t stop crying because I was really scared of the risks but I’ve realised this is the best choice for me and im going to a really good hospital and they know what they’re doing), so I’m happy im feeling a bit better about it now.
I’m supposed to be back from the hospital on around the 27th so I’ll update you
I hope everyone’s doing alright ❤️
How you can set boundaries with a friend 💚
At any given moment, the staff team is having at least one conversation with someone here about a relationship they have with someone that has become challenging or demanding. This could be due to: disagreements, hurt feelings, high support needs on one or both sides, and more.
It's also not uncommon for those of you who have made friends here to connect away from this community (e.g. via text or meetups). We made a whole thread about that
If you're reading this and thinking 'is this about me?', it's not. We have more of these conversations than anyone will realise, and there will also be situations like this that we're not aware of. This is broadly aimed at everyone it might apply to, so don't read into the timing or anything too much.
So, if you have a relationship with someone, and maybe you've decided to take it away from The Mix, but it's become difficult or burdensome: what can you do about it?
---
🔒 Keep your communication within this platform
There are a lot of safeguards here that you won't have if you communicate privately. The thread linked above goes into this in more detail so we won't say loads on this, but please trust us!
🙋♂️ If a group chat has become uncomfortable for you, it probably has for others
Chances are, other people just don't feel able to say it. Sometimes all it takes is one person to say 'hey, I'm not sure the dynamic of this chat is very healthy' for more people to come forward.
🚧 When setting boundaries, use 'I' statements
If the relationship has gone beyond what you're comfortable with for any reason, an honest conversation with the other person is usually the healthiest way to resolve it.
When you do this, try to use as many 'I' statements as possible. An I statement is one that frames the situation in terms of how you feel and what you need, rather than making it about the other person. This can help avoid the conversation becoming heated or defensive, making it more productive overall.
For example, notice the difference between these two statements:
Notice the difference in tone? This is also a tried and tested conflict resolution technique!
🧘♀️ Sit with the discomfort
These conversations are uncomfortable by nature. Allow that to happen and trust that the result of the conversation will lead to a healthier relationship for both of you in the long run.
If the person you're setting boundaries with responds negatively at first, allow them to have their reaction and don't put pressure on yourself to fix that. Once people have had time to process a difficult conversation, they tend to feel differently and might even come around to your perspective.
⛔ Assert your boundaries if you need to
You might find that the other person simply doesn't agree to adjusting your relationship, and they aren't willing or able to respect the boundaries you're trying to put in place.
If this happens, there are ways to be firmer. You can:
You don't need to feel guilty about blocking. You can send a supportive message before you take this step if it feels appropriate, making it clear you care about the person. For example, "I care about you and I know you mean well, but our relationship doesn't feel healthy for me right now so I'm taking a step back."
If you're talking in this community, you can also DM @TheMix, and we can intervene on your behalf or chat to the other person to make sure they're respecting your boundaries.
💚 You are not a crisis support worker
A big thing people come to us about is a friend coming to them privately in crisis.
Repeat after us: I am not a crisis support worker.
Being there as a friend is one thing. But there's a reason why dedicated crisis services require a lot of training and supervision to work on: it's difficult and requires a lot of support to do long-term.
If your friend is at breaking point, here's what you can do (click the spoiler):
---
Mods usually close threads like this, but we thought this might be an interesting one to leave open. I imagine everyone here has had to manage some conflict in a relationship at least once before.
Feel free to reply with any thoughts on the post, or ideas for navigating difficult relationships.
It's also not uncommon for those of you who have made friends here to connect away from this community (e.g. via text or meetups). We made a whole thread about that
If you're reading this and thinking 'is this about me?', it's not. We have more of these conversations than anyone will realise, and there will also be situations like this that we're not aware of. This is broadly aimed at everyone it might apply to, so don't read into the timing or anything too much.
So, if you have a relationship with someone, and maybe you've decided to take it away from The Mix, but it's become difficult or burdensome: what can you do about it?
---
🔒 Keep your communication within this platform
There are a lot of safeguards here that you won't have if you communicate privately. The thread linked above goes into this in more detail so we won't say loads on this, but please trust us!
🙋♂️ If a group chat has become uncomfortable for you, it probably has for others
Chances are, other people just don't feel able to say it. Sometimes all it takes is one person to say 'hey, I'm not sure the dynamic of this chat is very healthy' for more people to come forward.
🚧 When setting boundaries, use 'I' statements
If the relationship has gone beyond what you're comfortable with for any reason, an honest conversation with the other person is usually the healthiest way to resolve it.
When you do this, try to use as many 'I' statements as possible. An I statement is one that frames the situation in terms of how you feel and what you need, rather than making it about the other person. This can help avoid the conversation becoming heated or defensive, making it more productive overall.
For example, notice the difference between these two statements:
- You're needy and you're asking too much of me
- I can't give you what you need right now
Notice the difference in tone? This is also a tried and tested conflict resolution technique!
🧘♀️ Sit with the discomfort
These conversations are uncomfortable by nature. Allow that to happen and trust that the result of the conversation will lead to a healthier relationship for both of you in the long run.
If the person you're setting boundaries with responds negatively at first, allow them to have their reaction and don't put pressure on yourself to fix that. Once people have had time to process a difficult conversation, they tend to feel differently and might even come around to your perspective.
⛔ Assert your boundaries if you need to
You might find that the other person simply doesn't agree to adjusting your relationship, and they aren't willing or able to respect the boundaries you're trying to put in place.
If this happens, there are ways to be firmer. You can:
- set specific times to chat or meet up, so your interaction is boundaried
- mute/archive the chat you're in to give yourself peace of mind
- block the person if you feel the situation isn't resolvable
You don't need to feel guilty about blocking. You can send a supportive message before you take this step if it feels appropriate, making it clear you care about the person. For example, "I care about you and I know you mean well, but our relationship doesn't feel healthy for me right now so I'm taking a step back."
If you're talking in this community, you can also DM @TheMix, and we can intervene on your behalf or chat to the other person to make sure they're respecting your boundaries.
💚 You are not a crisis support worker
A big thing people come to us about is a friend coming to them privately in crisis.
Repeat after us: I am not a crisis support worker.
Being there as a friend is one thing. But there's a reason why dedicated crisis services require a lot of training and supervision to work on: it's difficult and requires a lot of support to do long-term.
If your friend is at breaking point, here's what you can do (click the spoiler):
What you can do now for the person in crisis
So when someone is currently in crisis, the first thing we recommend is urging them to contact crisis services themselves - Samaritans, Papyrus, Crisis Messenger, 999 or A&E.
If they don't want to, that's okay. It's not your responsibility to keep them safe, and sometimes the best thing is to allow someone to make their own decision. People tend to be more capable than we give them credit for, even in crisis, and it's okay to give them and you some space.
Another option is to contact 999 for your friend yourself. We would only recommend this if you think they are in immediate danger and need emergency services to intervene directly.
Keeping you safe
Your wellbeing and emotional safety is important too, which means getting the support you need.
You can contact crisis services to ask for help supporting someone else, and they'll happily chat to you.
If you feel you've reached the end of what you can do, it's okay to say that and set some boundaries for now. That might mean saying something like "I care about you, and I feel that I've done what I can as your friend right now, so I'm going to take a step back from this conversation"
A more substantial boundary-setting conversation might be needed afterwards, but saying this should give you the space you need to step away in the now.
So when someone is currently in crisis, the first thing we recommend is urging them to contact crisis services themselves - Samaritans, Papyrus, Crisis Messenger, 999 or A&E.
If they don't want to, that's okay. It's not your responsibility to keep them safe, and sometimes the best thing is to allow someone to make their own decision. People tend to be more capable than we give them credit for, even in crisis, and it's okay to give them and you some space.
Another option is to contact 999 for your friend yourself. We would only recommend this if you think they are in immediate danger and need emergency services to intervene directly.
Keeping you safe
Your wellbeing and emotional safety is important too, which means getting the support you need.
You can contact crisis services to ask for help supporting someone else, and they'll happily chat to you.
If you feel you've reached the end of what you can do, it's okay to say that and set some boundaries for now. That might mean saying something like "I care about you, and I feel that I've done what I can as your friend right now, so I'm going to take a step back from this conversation"
A more substantial boundary-setting conversation might be needed afterwards, but saying this should give you the space you need to step away in the now.
---
Mods usually close threads like this, but we thought this might be an interesting one to leave open. I imagine everyone here has had to manage some conflict in a relationship at least once before.
Feel free to reply with any thoughts on the post, or ideas for navigating difficult relationships.
JustV
5
Re: college today
updateeee:)
after we done revision on the theorists we went through some past paper questions - i feel sm more confident for my exam now from one class with her wow - but i even started openly answering questions in class which i don’t even do in my own class so im super proud of me right now ahh!!
after we done revision on the theorists we went through some past paper questions - i feel sm more confident for my exam now from one class with her wow - but i even started openly answering questions in class which i don’t even do in my own class so im super proud of me right now ahh!!
{TW} Just done with this
Nothing is okay anymore and I’m just feeling so confused and lost and I hate feeling like this, it’s like there’s an earthquake in my head and around me all the time
Been back in contact with my real mum and brothers for a few weeks now and it was going well but now they’ve all distanced themselves and are barely talking to me and I hate it 💔 am I really such a crap daughter. My whole life I’ve only every wanted to be loved and I thought I was getting that but now it’s fallen apart, no one loves me which why would they, I’m a useless and worthless freak that will not get anywhere in life, part of me wishes I wasn’t here, like would anyone even care. I’m a complete and utter neuisance 😭
I’m holding everything in trying to not bother anyone and to just get a grip like I’m expected to do, things changed, drastically and nothing feels right anymore. I feel lost in a painful and confusing world trying to navigate everything like I’m a silly toddler again 💔 Looking after myself is getting harder and harder, it’s so gross but I’ve barely showered, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth and changed into clean clothes in days, I can’t cope but somehow I’m getting through each day
My age regression has gotten so bad and so out of control, recently 2 nights in a row I’ve badly regressed and lost my memory which is my worst part of age regressing and it only happens when things are really not okay and my body does that to flee the threat but idk what that threat is or anything. I can’t control it, I had the hang of it, I new the signs to look out for, I knew what to do to calm down but now I have no idea whatsoever 😭 I feel so stupid, I feel pathetic. I’m done trying 💔 can’t I just hide forever so this pain can eventually leave
I’ve been poorly since Thursday night too and today I found out I have Covid which is just fucking great, I hate being unwell as it is, I just cry and cry endlessly when I’m poorly. I keep coughing so I’ve hurt my head I have a sore throat. My ears keep popping when I’m blowing my nose cos I’m delicate
Why does life have to be like this, why can’t things of gotten better, I wish this pain would end so I didn’t have to deal with this anymore 💔 I just want someone to hug me, for no one to tell me that it’s all gonna be okay because that’s all lies, it’s never gonna be okay, not for a long time. Not least till Christmas is over. God I fucking hate Christmas
I hate Christmas, i despise the actual day, im all for Christmas movies curled up in bed ALONE but fuck I hate the actual day, it’s the most patronising day for me, I pretend to fit in with people that have never loved me, pretend to enjoy the day and like one big happy god damn family, it makes me want to throw up the amount of days from 25th December to 2nd January that I have to smile and like I don’t want to scream.
Christmas reminds me of the amount of friends and people I’ve lost to suicide these past long and painful years who won’t be in 2025 with me and this year being 10x worse with all the friends I lost this year. Dad or my half brother won’t even be around and yeah I barely knew them but still it still hits hard
💔💔
Been back in contact with my real mum and brothers for a few weeks now and it was going well but now they’ve all distanced themselves and are barely talking to me and I hate it 💔 am I really such a crap daughter. My whole life I’ve only every wanted to be loved and I thought I was getting that but now it’s fallen apart, no one loves me which why would they, I’m a useless and worthless freak that will not get anywhere in life, part of me wishes I wasn’t here, like would anyone even care. I’m a complete and utter neuisance 😭
I’m holding everything in trying to not bother anyone and to just get a grip like I’m expected to do, things changed, drastically and nothing feels right anymore. I feel lost in a painful and confusing world trying to navigate everything like I’m a silly toddler again 💔 Looking after myself is getting harder and harder, it’s so gross but I’ve barely showered, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth and changed into clean clothes in days, I can’t cope but somehow I’m getting through each day
My age regression has gotten so bad and so out of control, recently 2 nights in a row I’ve badly regressed and lost my memory which is my worst part of age regressing and it only happens when things are really not okay and my body does that to flee the threat but idk what that threat is or anything. I can’t control it, I had the hang of it, I new the signs to look out for, I knew what to do to calm down but now I have no idea whatsoever 😭 I feel so stupid, I feel pathetic. I’m done trying 💔 can’t I just hide forever so this pain can eventually leave
I’ve been poorly since Thursday night too and today I found out I have Covid which is just fucking great, I hate being unwell as it is, I just cry and cry endlessly when I’m poorly. I keep coughing so I’ve hurt my head
I have a sore throat. My ears keep popping when I’m blowing my nose cos I’m delicate Why does life have to be like this, why can’t things of gotten better, I wish this pain would end so I didn’t have to deal with this anymore 💔 I just want someone to hug me, for no one to tell me that it’s all gonna be okay because that’s all lies, it’s never gonna be okay, not for a long time. Not least till Christmas is over. God I fucking hate Christmas
I hate Christmas, i despise the actual day, im all for Christmas movies curled up in bed ALONE but fuck I hate the actual day, it’s the most patronising day for me, I pretend to fit in with people that have never loved me, pretend to enjoy the day and like one big happy god damn family, it makes me want to throw up the amount of days from 25th December to 2nd January that I have to smile and like I don’t want to scream.
Christmas reminds me of the amount of friends and people I’ve lost to suicide these past long and painful years who won’t be in 2025 with me and this year being 10x worse with all the friends I lost this year. Dad or my half brother won’t even be around and yeah I barely knew them but still it still hits hard
💔💔
Rose113
5
i am so angry at myself 😭💔
idk if many know but my mum passed away in september from her liver failure/transplant and her other health issues. i feel so ashamed of myself bc i said to her i would not touch alcohol especially bc she passed from it. but last night i drank alcohol and was threatened with being arrested if i didjt go hospital with police so i did. but i woke up today and i feel so guilty and ashamed with myself bc i did the exact thing that killed my mum and i feel so so angry with myself bc I have failed so badly. im sat here sobbing bc i want my mum back but that ive started going down the path she did. im so emotional rn i wish i had ppl to talk to but im alone 💔. i feel so like she is so mad at me for doing it. i cant do this💔😭.
eylah
5
Funeral
Travelling tomorrow to go for a funeral on Monday. Packing and stuff today and even though I didn't really know the person, just getting ready for the funeral is making me feel so shitty. It's reminding me again how it was when I was preparing for my stepmoms funeral over 2 years ago. I feel so shitty tho because I don't want to go to the funeral and it makes me feel like a terrible person
I've got to spend 2 nights with no privacy at all though too as I'm sharing a family room in a travel lodge with my 2 older sisters and dad and I like my space but I'm not gonna get that. I'm gonna get no sleep either because my dad snores
I've got to spend 2 nights with no privacy at all though too as I'm sharing a family room in a travel lodge with my 2 older sisters and dad and I like my space but I'm not gonna get that. I'm gonna get no sleep either because my dad snores
Chloe234
5
Reported my mother to the police, had a small update (TW but no abuse details mentioned)
I reported my mother to the police about eight months ago, for historical child abuse, they've been gathering evidence and have now set a date to interview her soon.
I can't help but think she'll get away with it or kill herself before they talk to her, the police officer asked what outcome I wanted, I said prison, even six months (it wouldn't be long enough, but it'd be something)
All key witnesses are dead, my auntie (dads side), my nan (mothers side) and one of my sister (my other sister is still alive but my mother and her were rather close as far as I know)
I don't know if eight months of investigation means they've gathered a lot or if it's taken so long because there's hardly anything to find
I want her in prison so that I know it was bad, I'm tired that I just kept thinking it was all ok, I want to be able to say what my mother put us through was bad enough that she served time and it wasn't nothing.
I'm still living with it today, I'm so fucked up lol and I don't blame it all on her, I never even use to blame any of it on her and I'm responsible for my own healing and actions as an adult but man, it'd be nice to have a clear head
Maybe if she gets charged I could finally put it behind me
I guess the other side to this is the guilt, as much as I'm replacing it with hate to a degree, I keep thinking back to when I was a kid, telling her I'd never leave her, I'd always be there for her, I even felt it, like I whole bodily wanted to protect her, I feel like a hypocrite
I can't help but think she'll get away with it or kill herself before they talk to her, the police officer asked what outcome I wanted, I said prison, even six months (it wouldn't be long enough, but it'd be something)
All key witnesses are dead, my auntie (dads side), my nan (mothers side) and one of my sister (my other sister is still alive but my mother and her were rather close as far as I know)
I don't know if eight months of investigation means they've gathered a lot or if it's taken so long because there's hardly anything to find
I want her in prison so that I know it was bad, I'm tired that I just kept thinking it was all ok, I want to be able to say what my mother put us through was bad enough that she served time and it wasn't nothing.
I'm still living with it today, I'm so fucked up lol and I don't blame it all on her, I never even use to blame any of it on her and I'm responsible for my own healing and actions as an adult but man, it'd be nice to have a clear head
Maybe if she gets charged I could finally put it behind me
I guess the other side to this is the guilt, as much as I'm replacing it with hate to a degree, I keep thinking back to when I was a kid, telling her I'd never leave her, I'd always be there for her, I even felt it, like I whole bodily wanted to protect her, I feel like a hypocrite
Re: Something you wish others knew
Oo I really love the idea of this thread because we can then get to discuss things most people may not know about us. Well funny enough some of you pretty much know I love working behind the camera but back in the day I wanted to be in front of the camera. I always wanted to go into writing but I always prefered acting especially playing someone who is completely different to me. One day, I could be some meadevil knight, the next a James Bond like villian or spy. However, I felt like being behind the camera was interesting and fun because I only saw what was the camera never the behind the scenes or anything. When I was in college because we were unable to get any of the drama students to perform in our films sometimes me and my friends would actually act in each other's films. I acted in one of my friends films and he actually entered it into a film comeptition and it got almost 11 nominations for this indie film competition and the film was also put onto youtube for a limited time. I felt almost famous and suprised to think that a small short film made by a group of college students would go that far actually. It's something I don't often talk about now and then but I wished I did more 
Amy22
5
Today at college
TW// mentions of self harm
I am safe
So last night I had a very bad night and ended up relapsing and then crying till 4am and then I had disturbed sleep when I did manage too.
This morning I managed to pretend I was okay and act like nothing was wrong but then at lunch time I completely fell apart, I cried in the bathrooms for most of lunch and then it was time for class in witch I didn’t make it into the room. My teacher new I wasn’t okay so asked me to stay outside whilst she got the class settled
This teacher has been continuously lovely with me and been trying to get me support from the student mentor who has been busy (this has been going on since before half term) so because I told su that I’d self harmed she put in an urgent call for me to speak to Emma the safeguarding lead and so after a bit she came up to see me and spoke to me, she said she wanted the first aider to have a look at my injury to check it was okay in which I let them so Emma, Janis and this other teacher took me into an office and were all so lovely and chatted to me whilst Janis sorted out my sh. Emma then assessed my safety and deemed me safe enough for her to not have to let anyone outside of college know which I’m so glad about.
Emma and Janis and this other lady have all said that if I ever need to chat or if I need Janis to check anything over for me then I’m welcome to find them but they have all said that if I talk to Janis or the other lady then they will obviously pass it onto Emma because she’s safeguard lead. Emma has also given me her email, support links and her work number in case I need anything
So overall they’ve been so so so nice with me and have said multiple times that they are there for me whenever I need.
I am safe
So last night I had a very bad night and ended up relapsing and then crying till 4am and then I had disturbed sleep when I did manage too.
This morning I managed to pretend I was okay and act like nothing was wrong but then at lunch time I completely fell apart, I cried in the bathrooms for most of lunch and then it was time for class in witch I didn’t make it into the room. My teacher new I wasn’t okay so asked me to stay outside whilst she got the class settled
This teacher has been continuously lovely with me and been trying to get me support from the student mentor who has been busy (this has been going on since before half term) so because I told su that I’d self harmed she put in an urgent call for me to speak to Emma the safeguarding lead and so after a bit she came up to see me and spoke to me, she said she wanted the first aider to have a look at my injury to check it was okay in which I let them so Emma, Janis and this other teacher took me into an office and were all so lovely and chatted to me whilst Janis sorted out my sh. Emma then assessed my safety and deemed me safe enough for her to not have to let anyone outside of college know which I’m so glad about.
Emma and Janis and this other lady have all said that if I ever need to chat or if I need Janis to check anything over for me then I’m welcome to find them but they have all said that if I talk to Janis or the other lady then they will obviously pass it onto Emma because she’s safeguard lead. Emma has also given me her email, support links and her work number in case I need anything
So overall they’ve been so so so nice with me and have said multiple times that they are there for me whenever I need.
Rose113
5