Best Of

I’ve been having a really tough time lately, sometimes are tougher than usual and Id say recently it had been tougher than usual. I constantly worry about upsetting people or what they think of me and it often feels like I’m being judged. I overthink so many small things and sometimes I worry even when there’s nothing to worry about. Recently I upset someone and things got a bit heated which only made my fears worse. I’ve been self-conscious for a long time and my self-esteem hasn’t been great. This time of year is always hard with the lead-up to Christmas and the end of the year and it can feel like another reminder of everything I haven’t managed to fix. 2025 has been hectic for me full of ups and downs stress and exhaustion. Some weeks are easier but others quickly become overwhelming again. I struggle to sleep most nights and that constant pressure makes me feel like crying more often.

I’ve been dealing with these feelings for a long time and it can feel really lonely. I’ve had arguments and sometimes I feel like people aren’t really listening to me. I do have online spaces and connections and I’m trying to build more in person too. I want a romantic relationship but it feels tough I’ve tried dating apps a bit though I haven’t put in much effort yet and some features require paying. I know I can get upset too easily and can be sensitive but I also know I need to work on myself. Right now I feel like I’m relying on things to change externally because without that it’s hard to feel like I can be happy or improve my mental health. I really need direction a job opportunity and steps I can take to work on my struggles. It’s hard to keep going and maintain determination and self-esteem but I’ve been lucky to have some support along the way. Even though those people can’t directly fix things for me it helps just knowing they’re there. I’m still waiting for a breakthrough but I’m hoping things start to improve from here.

It sucks, why has everything got to be so damn hard. Why does everything have to me twice as hard than it should be.
It's exhausting, it's fustrating. It's painful.
It hurts living like this.

I'm out here giving everything all that I have got and then something just comes and keeps knocking me down. What have I ever done to deserve so much pain and torture.

I’m alone for the most part. And for the most part, I’m fine with it. But as I’m currently enjoying my meal in peace, it suddenly hits me. “Oh god, I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my life”

Weird how it suddenly just pops out of nowhere

Last night I had a 1 hour 30 minute back to back tonic clonic seizures

I was in and out of tonic clonic seizures whilst being sick for 1 hour 30 minutes (never been sick during seizures before)

Been to the doctors again and just been diagnosed with a migraine disorder to due with my FND

Refereed me to CAMHS and sent me different mental health websites as I have gone back into self harming

I had a EEG done when I had my EEG I only had absent seizures at the time they were non epileptic

Few days later I started having tonic clonic seizures never had an EEG done when discharged from hospital I was sent an appointment with the epilepsy clinic but because I don’t have a signed neurologist they won’t see me

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if I do have epileptic seizures as well as non epileptic I just don’t know what to do I tried speaking to my mum she said no don’t worry they can’t turn into epileptic seizures but somethings not right and I know it’s not but as I said it can just be me paranoid or my worries are right I don’t know what to do