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Welcome back @ThatFelixGuy, I was wondering why I hadn't seen your comments around in a while This comment ended up longer than I intended so I put a spoiler round a couple paragraphs that were less relevant.

I can understand that you wanted to be left alone for a while, which is why you left the boards. Sometimes when we get incredibly overwhelmed we can feel like our brain is shutting down and that it is easier to just do as little as possible. I'm really glad you have decided to come back to The Mix, and I hope we can support you as you navigate the issues you have identified. Always remember you are more than welcome to drop in and out of these boards depending on how you feel.

Regarding your last point: It's an amazing first step to recognise that you want to be a better person. I think it takes a lot of courage to recognise and identify when we have issues, and to recognise that we can be doing more to be as you say a "better person".

I know you might think that your issues are small compared to others, but that does not mean what you are facing is not relevant. What you are going through is no less important than anyone else.  You have the right to feel what you are feeling ,regardless if others have a different relative experience. You can be grateful for some things in your life and still go through a host of issues. Being grateful that we are better than others and wanting to fix our own issues are not mutually exclusive. 


You mentioned wanting to talk to a doctor, but you were unsure how to proceed. I know people are a bit worried about booking doctors appointments and taking up GPs time during Covid but please do not let that stop you. Your problems do not stop being problems just because of the current situation. GPs would prefer if you talked to them now rather than later. My GP is doing phone/video consultations.

Here's a link from the Mental Health Foundation about how to talk to your GP about your mental health. I'd also recommend maybe taking a look at the Mental Health Foundation page on depression, as a few of the things you list are considered symptoms of depression.

I know those two links might be a bit overwhelming, so I am more than happy to break down the main parts of each page if you want me to

Hey guys!

A few weeks ago my English teacher asked me how best she could support me with my stammer. We ended up having a really long conversation about it, and I found out that she didn't know much about stammering at all. She's awesome and was really open to finding out more but the whole conversation got me thinking about stammering and the fact that it's not really spoken about much. So I just wanted to write this wee somethin' somethin' about stammering and how to support someone who stammers.

What is a stammer?
A stammer is a speech impediment which sometimes makes speaking incredibly difficult. Someone who stammers might repeat sounds (li li li liam), they might make sounds longer (llllllllliam)  or their words might get blocked and no sound comes out at all. The severity of a stammer can differ from person to person, day to day, or sentence to sentence. Sometimes I can speak fluently for hours upon hours and then suddenly I'm stammering again or totally unable to speak.  
People might stammer more when they're excited, tired, stressed out, feeling under pressure, self-conscious, or rushed. Talking on the phone can also be very difficult and therefore can cause a person to stammer more. Stammering isn't caused by stress or anxiety however stress and anxiety can make a stammer worse.

Can it be cured?
Sometimes stammers go away by themselves or with the help of speech therapy however, if stammering carries on into adulthood it's likely here to stay forever, although this is not always the case.  There is no cure for stammering however there is therapy/counseling which can help people to accept their stammers and the acceptance will then hopefully help make talking a little easier.

How does stammering affect someone?
I can't speak for everyone however I can share from my own experience. For me, my stammer makes every day feel like an obstacle course. Is my stammer going to be bad today? Am I going to be able to hang around with and talk to my friends at lunch? Is my teacher going to make us read out loud? Am I going to embarrass myself? ... My stammer is my biggest insecurity and although it's not something I try to hide (i talk... like.. ALOT) it is something that I feel embarrassed about. I struggle at school, during registration, or whenever I'm asked to answer a question out loud. I struggle to tell people what I want and sometimes I find it difficult just to have normal conversations. It's sometimes hard to order meals or coffee, to talk on the phone, or even just using Siri/Alexa

What might be difficult for people who stammer?

• Meeting new people 
  
• Introducing themselves
• Job interviews 
• New environments 
• Talking on the phone
• Talking when there's a queue behind them
• Making orders, restaurant, take away, coffee shop, bar, etc.
• Talking above background noise,
• Talking when others can overhear
• Going to parties or social events
• Zoom calls/meetings/facetime
• School registration 

There are lots of different things which are made more difficult for a person who stammers, however that's not to say that everyone who stammers finds the above situations difficult.

How to talk to and support someone who stammers

Talking to someone who is stammering might feel uncomfortable but know that it's more uncomfortable for the stammering person. Try to be patient and listen as if you would to anyone else.

• Try not to interrupt or talk over them
• Please don't guess or try to finish their sentences
• Try to avoid making jokes such as "Spit it out" or "Did you forget your name?"
• Focus on what the person is saying and not how they're saying it
  
• Try to keep eye contact
• Be patient
• Avoid advice, don't tell them to "slow down", "calm down", " don't be nervous", etc. 
• Realize that talking over the phone might be difficult, sometimes texting is better
• If you phone someone who stammers and hear nothing straight away, give them time
• Ask them how/if you can make it easier for them
• Know that someone who stammers still know exactly what they want to say, they're just figuring out how best to say it.
• If you're in a group conversation with someone who you know stammers, ask if they'd like to speak and invite them into the conversation 

I think the best way to support someone who stammers is to just treat them like any other person but still understanding that certain situations can be a little more difficult for them. Patience is also super important. I had someone walk away from me mid-sentence once 🙃. It can feel rubbish when you're being treated differently just because of your speech impediment.


Hope this is a wee bit helpful for yous  


"Those with a stammer have the unique opportunity to teach the world to listen"