Best Of
Re: Anti bullying week- dealing with bullies
Such a helpful and thoughtful post. Thank you so much for sharing, I really hope it helps somebody in need! Very kind of you to share 
Re: Time for another ranty thread
Sending hugsindependent_ said:I feel like right now I just need a massive rant, but I have no one who I feel comfortable ranting about everything to. Everyone is either too busy, too close to the situation, knows the people involved or ‘are’ the people involved
I should add I have some great friends and I know they’d get it but something in my brain stops me lol
Re: Sexual attraction
Hi Dylan, I think it's entirely possible to love someone but not find them sexually attractive. However, from what you have said you haven't mentioned that you don't find them attractive, rather you find the act itself unfulfilling/one-sided. Would that be correct?
For most relationships, sex is an important aspect and its important we can communicate how we are feeling sexually with our partner; its one of the foundations for good communication in a relationship. You mention that your partner won't feel the same way about being more "adventurous" what makes you think that?
Is there anyway you feel you could communicate with him about how you are feeling?
For most relationships, sex is an important aspect and its important we can communicate how we are feeling sexually with our partner; its one of the foundations for good communication in a relationship. You mention that your partner won't feel the same way about being more "adventurous" what makes you think that?
Is there anyway you feel you could communicate with him about how you are feeling?
Re: Sexual attraction
Het @DylanJames !
I agree with what @Jordan has said about communication. Communication is key. I think this might help your situation greatly because I think you're trying to suggest something new in the bedroom.
I think doing sex can be much easier than talking about sex so sometimes we fall into "sex routines". Good sexual communication could give you the confidence to discuss new adventurous things you'd like to try.
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-sex-23053.html
I have attached an article about sexual communication. Hopefully this should give you some tips on how to initiate conversations about sex.
In regards to sexual attraction, it is possible to love your partner and find them sexually attractive. It is also possible to love your partner and not find them sexually attractive. Romantic love is a very interesting thing because it is so complicated. Having sex all the time doesn't "prove" how much you love someone. From what you have said, your relationship sounds very loving and caring. I hope you find the time to have a chat with your partner about your sex life.
Hope everything works out!
I agree with what @Jordan has said about communication. Communication is key. I think this might help your situation greatly because I think you're trying to suggest something new in the bedroom.
I think doing sex can be much easier than talking about sex so sometimes we fall into "sex routines". Good sexual communication could give you the confidence to discuss new adventurous things you'd like to try.
https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-sex-23053.html
I have attached an article about sexual communication. Hopefully this should give you some tips on how to initiate conversations about sex.
In regards to sexual attraction, it is possible to love your partner and find them sexually attractive. It is also possible to love your partner and not find them sexually attractive. Romantic love is a very interesting thing because it is so complicated. Having sex all the time doesn't "prove" how much you love someone. From what you have said, your relationship sounds very loving and caring. I hope you find the time to have a chat with your partner about your sex life.
Hope everything works out!
Re: Imposter Syndrome.
Hey @Laine am sorry you go through this, you've made some massive achievements since I've known you and you deserve to know they all happened 100% because of you
I've had similar feelings to this myself, reading you article you linked I feel like an 'expert' or a 'soloist'- I feel like I can't progress at something til I know EVERYTHING, and I feel like I have to do it alone. Reading the article, was there anything you identified with personally?
You said you felt like home was your safety blanket, are there any aspects of home you could apply to where you are now to help you feel better? It's great to get out of your comfort zone, but there's actually an optimal level of uncomfortable-ness you grow at, and if you're too uncomfortable you still won't grow. Think of it as like a plant that's being overwatered, it needs water (like everyone needs uncomfortable experiences) in moderation, not too much or too little or it won't grow.
With the lockdowns and it nearly being Christmas, did you want to talk about missing home a bit more?
Thanks for sharing that article, I'll be sure to read through it good n proper later and that'll it'll help lots of people here too!
Take care of yersen, and know we're always here for you
I've had similar feelings to this myself, reading you article you linked I feel like an 'expert' or a 'soloist'- I feel like I can't progress at something til I know EVERYTHING, and I feel like I have to do it alone. Reading the article, was there anything you identified with personally?
You said you felt like home was your safety blanket, are there any aspects of home you could apply to where you are now to help you feel better? It's great to get out of your comfort zone, but there's actually an optimal level of uncomfortable-ness you grow at, and if you're too uncomfortable you still won't grow. Think of it as like a plant that's being overwatered, it needs water (like everyone needs uncomfortable experiences) in moderation, not too much or too little or it won't grow.
With the lockdowns and it nearly being Christmas, did you want to talk about missing home a bit more?
Thanks for sharing that article, I'll be sure to read through it good n proper later and that'll it'll help lots of people here too!
Take care of yersen, and know we're always here for you
Re: Imposter Syndrome.
Hey @Laine 
Just wanted to get on and send some love
I don't have much advice or any at all really but I did want to say that it's great you had some support from someone. It's really important to open up when things are feeling a little heavy.
I just had a read through that imposter syndrome link you popped up and I found it really interesting. I might be wrong but a lot of what was mentioned might also be down to a lack of self-worth and perhaps low self-esteem?
I found some definitions of those two terms, ill put them below.
I found this great website here if you'd like to check it out. It's about self-esteem and self-worth/self-value, why they're important etc etc.
At the end of your link re. imposter syndrome, there are also some tips on how to deal with it. Perhaps you could give some of those tips a shot and then hopefully, within the time you'll start to feel like you deserve all of the good things in your life.. because you do.
I'm pretty sure that most adults are just winging their way through adulthood and life in general. I like to think of life as a game with no instructions on how to play. We're all just figuring it out as we go along and it seems to just work out. I don't think that you're faking anything but what I do think is that you should be kinder to yourself, you're always so kind to others... you deserve kindness too.
Thanks for sharing all that you did Laine, you're great.
Just wanted to get on and send some love I don't have much advice or any at all really but I did want to say that it's great you had some support from someone. It's really important to open up when things are feeling a little heavy.
I just had a read through that imposter syndrome link you popped up and I found it really interesting. I might be wrong but a lot of what was mentioned might also be down to a lack of self-worth and perhaps low self-esteem?
I found some definitions of those two terms, ill put them below.
Self-worth is defined as a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing ‘I am greater than all of those things.’ It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.”
At the end of your link re. imposter syndrome, there are also some tips on how to deal with it. Perhaps you could give some of those tips a shot and then hopefully, within the time you'll start to feel like you deserve all of the good things in your life.. because you do.
Truth be told I'm faking my way through adulthood
I'm pretty sure that most adults are just winging their way through adulthood and life in general. I like to think of life as a game with no instructions on how to play. We're all just figuring it out as we go along and it seems to just work out. I don't think that you're faking anything but what I do think is that you should be kinder to yourself, you're always so kind to others... you deserve kindness too.
I just feel bad for anyone who has to talk to me, be with me
I also wanted to reply to this wee bit. Please DON'T feel bad for people who have to talk to you. I promise that talking to you is an absolute pleasure and I find it sad that you don't realize how amazing you are.Thanks for sharing all that you did Laine, you're great.
Re: Flashbacks? (TW: assault)
Hey @Aidan
I am so sorry about what happened
I hope you are ok now
Again I will say sorry because I have no advice I just wanted to check in to see if you are ok now
Sending big hugs
I am so sorry about what happened
I hope you are ok now
Again I will say sorry because I have no advice I just wanted to check in to see if you are ok now
Sending big hugs
Re: Flashbacks? (TW: assault)
Hey Aidan, you did a great thing writing this, especially when the thoughts are all jumbled up in your head writing a post like this can be really great as it can help you to make sense of everything you're thinking. If it's bothering you, then it's absolutely not silly (it's never silly) and it's great you're speaking about it to us, we're always here<3
You've had some excellent advice above from all the others, I don't have much to add but I think making a plan of how to tackle this is a really good idea. It will take time but you will get there, you will be able to face your anxieties and do the things you want to.
And definitely keep talking about it along the way you don't have to pretend it's all fine to everyone. You've recovered from depression, that is a really wonderful thing to have done but it's ok to admit when something isn't right again and get the support you need for it, whether that's talking to the people in your life or getting more MH help if you feel you need to go that route at any point.
You are strong, you will get through this too
You've had some excellent advice above from all the others, I don't have much to add but I think making a plan of how to tackle this is a really good idea. It will take time but you will get there, you will be able to face your anxieties and do the things you want to.
And definitely keep talking about it along the way you don't have to pretend it's all fine to everyone. You've recovered from depression, that is a really wonderful thing to have done but it's ok to admit when something isn't right again and get the support you need for it, whether that's talking to the people in your life or getting more MH help if you feel you need to go that route at any point.
You are strong, you will get through this too
