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Best Of
❇ A little update from me ❇
So I know a few of you have probably heard me talk about me applying for jobs and apprenticeships too and sometimes having been quite unsuccessful in securing them to the point i nearly almost gave up trying buthad a good long talk with myself not to. I wanted to update you all on my journey and I have got some good news. Well its two bits of good news actually.
So the first good news is that as some of you are aware I applied to do an internship with a local company in my area that are disability confident and run a programme aimed for neurodivergent adults to help them get into full time employment. I recently had to go to their assessment day to complete some tasks and I was told in the afternoon I'd have a phone call from the tutor running the internship. To be honest I was quite nervous a bit because I normally end up getting to the interview stage and they I get the usual "thank for applying but you didn't get it" type of response all the time. However the phone call came quickly and I was told I got offered a place. The course starts in September and I will be doing various placements in different departments such as marketing, customer service, IT support etc. I'm so so excited to start this new journey in September and I cannot wait. Eventhough this is a very different route for me it will aid me in my employment search for now, until I can find something more stable and up my street in the TV and film industry (I know I talk about how important the media industry is to me and this really where I want to work).
So my second piece of good news is that a long long time ago back in the year 2019 (before I was an adult actually 😂) I used to volunteer in my local British heart foundation charity shop in my town. But then the pandemic hit and I couldn't work there as they wanted paid staff there not the voluntary staff. However, I noticed that they were looking for more volunteers recently and I applied once again to volunteer with them. My old supervisor is now the new manager and she was very happy to have me back working there. I am currently working there on Saturdays doing the morning shift instead of the usual afternoon shift I did which could get quite quite busy. It's been so great so far and I have even had a go steaming clothes 🤯 (the steamer does look a bit intimidating at first but once I handled it right I got the knack of it)
Honestly it's so mad to think somehow things are slowly looking back up for me again as I originally thought I would still be struggling to find something I love. Also my volunteering role I might be doing in my local library is still pending at the moment due to them being busy. But hopefully I can volunteer there as well to increase my skills. I'm also on a gaming course in my library on Fridays where I make a board game from scratch and I have to game test it too to see if it works. I have got a few ideas....involving tanks and my love of cats 😂.
So the first good news is that as some of you are aware I applied to do an internship with a local company in my area that are disability confident and run a programme aimed for neurodivergent adults to help them get into full time employment. I recently had to go to their assessment day to complete some tasks and I was told in the afternoon I'd have a phone call from the tutor running the internship. To be honest I was quite nervous a bit because I normally end up getting to the interview stage and they I get the usual "thank for applying but you didn't get it" type of response all the time. However the phone call came quickly and I was told I got offered a place. The course starts in September and I will be doing various placements in different departments such as marketing, customer service, IT support etc. I'm so so excited to start this new journey in September and I cannot wait. Eventhough this is a very different route for me it will aid me in my employment search for now, until I can find something more stable and up my street in the TV and film industry (I know I talk about how important the media industry is to me and this really where I want to work).
So my second piece of good news is that a long long time ago back in the year 2019 (before I was an adult actually 😂) I used to volunteer in my local British heart foundation charity shop in my town. But then the pandemic hit and I couldn't work there as they wanted paid staff there not the voluntary staff. However, I noticed that they were looking for more volunteers recently and I applied once again to volunteer with them. My old supervisor is now the new manager and she was very happy to have me back working there. I am currently working there on Saturdays doing the morning shift instead of the usual afternoon shift I did which could get quite quite busy. It's been so great so far and I have even had a go steaming clothes 🤯 (the steamer does look a bit intimidating at first but once I handled it right I got the knack of it)
Honestly it's so mad to think somehow things are slowly looking back up for me again as I originally thought I would still be struggling to find something I love. Also my volunteering role I might be doing in my local library is still pending at the moment due to them being busy. But hopefully I can volunteer there as well to increase my skills. I'm also on a gaming course in my library on Fridays where I make a board game from scratch and I have to game test it too to see if it works. I have got a few ideas....involving tanks and my love of cats 😂.

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I am safe!
Had my ECG this morning and it came back normal, my oxygen came back good too, my blood pressure was lower standing that laying down and now I’m just waiting for the blood test results
Meant to have college today but last night was horrible I didn’t think I was gonna make it though the night so decided to just skip and let myself just be alone today 😖
I’m safe
TW// suicide!!
Meant to have college today but last night was horrible I didn’t think I was gonna make it though the night so decided to just skip and let myself just be alone today 😖
I’m safe
TW// suicide!!
I genuinely thought last night was the end but somehow I made it through by forcing myself to let another front be in charge and somehow it helped. Think gonna try contact shout in a bit

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Re: your doing your best 💓
for you all 
i know these difficult days can sometimes feel like theyre breaking you. the weight might almost feel too much. but believe me when i tell you -
i have seen all your guy’s strength . i have felt the kindness of your guys’s hearts. i have witnessed how capable and brave you all truly are on so many occasions and i know with absolute certainty that this is something you can get through . and you do not have to go through this alone.

i know these difficult days can sometimes feel like theyre breaking you. the weight might almost feel too much. but believe me when i tell you -
i have seen all your guy’s strength . i have felt the kindness of your guys’s hearts. i have witnessed how capable and brave you all truly are on so many occasions and i know with absolute certainty that this is something you can get through . and you do not have to go through this alone.


5
[TW suicidal thoughts] Fucking hate home life
I hate everything about being at home.
I just dont know how much longer I can cope with everything, i want everything to end, be quiet and be engulfed in darkness.
But can't do anything of that because then I'd be a failure and I'd be selfish.
Just going to cry and shrivel up and hope i die
I dont give a shit about life anymore- I just fuck it up for everyone around me. If im not here they can actually enjoy life and not "worry" about me.
- I hate my siblings - constantly doing things that know annoy me or sticking their noses into my business and life.
- I hate my parents (mainly my mum)
- i hate not having my own space
- i don't feel it can be me
- i feel watched constantly - having my past haunt me when im trying to bury it
- it doesnt feel safe enough to cry or let any emotions out - must be numb or happy all day everyday
- no ine listens to my feelings
- my parents say they are "caring" and "supportive" and care if im "safe" but all they do 'care' about is that they look like good parents. When actually they make me feel like im defective (well i am) and just keep bring up past history of my mental health as abreast to keep me confined to the house at certain hours - dont allow me to have a life because they are "worried". I call bullshit
I just dont know how much longer I can cope with everything, i want everything to end, be quiet and be engulfed in darkness.
But can't do anything of that because then I'd be a failure and I'd be selfish.
- then my parents would regret how they treat me because they didn't see the signs
Just going to cry and shrivel up and hope i die
I dont give a shit about life anymore- I just fuck it up for everyone around me. If im not here they can actually enjoy life and not "worry" about me.
College and discrimination
I know I’ve been posting a lot about my FND recently and I am sorry but themix is all that I really have but anyway this is to due with my college the college won’t let me come back in because of my FND but they have 3 other students with FND and they are aloud to attend I was aloud to attend for 2 days and then they said I couldn’t come back and I was so upset I hustled started crying as soon as my mum got off the phone I had a feeling in my stomach and as soon as she got off the phone my mum said you can’t go to college and I just bursted into tears and after crying and shouting I just shutdown and I kept saying to myself in my head I just want my life back my auntie was really upset with the college so was most of my family so my auntie emailed them and we feel like the college is discriminating against me as there are 3 other students with FND who are aloud to attend so my mum has got a meeting with the manager tomorrow hopefully the last one and hopefully good news because I should still deserve to have a life even with FND I just want my life back
Re: Mental Health Awareness Week 2025
Three cheers for the Community!!
Hmm, Community matters because it gives people a chance to feel connections to others regardless of their personal situation, and connections like that can save lives and give people hope.
Community to me means safety in numbers, where as long as you have other people around then you can feel safe and unified knowing you have each others' backs
Top tips? Be yourself! Genuinely, people like it when they can see some of your personality. Whether it's how you type, the emojis you use, the references you make. It all brings something unique and personal to the Community and makes it feel authentic. Be open too! You may or see things you didn't know could even exist in people's lives, but it is someone else's reality and it deserves to be respected. It will make you feel more able to be honest too if you are open when speaking to others
Hmm, Community matters because it gives people a chance to feel connections to others regardless of their personal situation, and connections like that can save lives and give people hope.
Community to me means safety in numbers, where as long as you have other people around then you can feel safe and unified knowing you have each others' backs
Top tips? Be yourself! Genuinely, people like it when they can see some of your personality. Whether it's how you type, the emojis you use, the references you make. It all brings something unique and personal to the Community and makes it feel authentic. Be open too! You may or see things you didn't know could even exist in people's lives, but it is someone else's reality and it deserves to be respected. It will make you feel more able to be honest too if you are open when speaking to others

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