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kaii wrote: »

Hey @MorgsSmiles24, I’m so sorry that you haven’t been feeling great these past few weeks, and that your chronic illness interferes with your basic tasks. I’m glad to hear that you turn to your family and faith for support when it gets difficult.

You’re so amazing for getting through each day with a chronic illness. It’s lovely that you made this thread to uplift others who are experiencing the same as well! I hope you’re okay and that you’ll feel better — I also hope you’ll get a full time job one day

Thanks, @kaii. If I even get a part-time job, I won't mind. My ability to do any work currently is low.

Hey @Rose113

First of all, thank you for sharing this. I know how hard it is to open up, even just writing this must’ve taken so much strength — more than you probably realize right now. Please know, with every word I read, I don’t see someone who’s broken or a burden — I see someone who’s carrying so much pain that never should’ve been theirs to carry in the first place.

You are not alone in this. I know it may feel that way right now, but there is a community here, we care deeply about you. You are not wasting anyone’s time — and you don’t need to keep pretending just to make everyone else comfortable. You deserve to be held, to be heard, and to be supported through your pain. There is no shame in struggling. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.

What you went through — and are still going through — is so much. Too much for one person to hold inside. Of course it hurts. Of course it feels heavy. Of course it feels like too much sometimes. But that doesn’t make you weak or wrong — it makes you human.

You’re worth supporting. You’re worth fighting for. And the pain you’re in right now doesn’t define you. It's valid, but it's not forever.

Can I gently check in — are you safe right now? I know you said you are at the end of your post. Just know if you dont feel safe reachout. I know in past posts and chats you ahve mentioned hkw u helpful helplines can be at time but please reachout if you need then, if not a helpline reaxhout to someone, anyone who can sit in the dark with you until it passes. I know it's hard to believe right now, but there are people who will care in the way you need.

You deserve care. You deserve to feel better — not because others demand it, but because you are a person with worth, with so much strength, and with a heart that gives even when it’s empty. That is incredible. You are incredible.

Please, don’t ever think you’re not worth the time or love or space. You are. Always. we see you. I see you, through every board post and every chat: i see you. I’m proud of you for surviving, even when it feels impossible.

You are not alone. ♥️

TW// heavy vent and suicide reference!!!!

I tried to make out in circle that I’d be okay tonight so no one had to worry or waste time on me but honestly I’m here just sobbing on my floor blasting sad songs. Suicide is wrong but I’m just genuinely feeling so low tonight after bottling things up for so long and then early I completely exploded yet I still hid the truth truth from everyone. No one gets how hard it is to keep up to peoples expectations. People rely on me to much that I’m not allowed to feel low or broken, I just have to put up this front but it’s so painful. I just want the world to swallow me up already 🥺 just thinking about things a thousand miles per hour lately but I can’t tell anyone what it’s about because I’m expected to move on but I can’t when it’s carved into my brain 💔

Someone told me it’s okay to not be okay but in my life it’s not okay to be not okay and I can’t admit that I’m not okay and I know this Post proves that I’m not okay but I’ll never be able to accept the truth, have to just deny it to get through it, can’t acknowledge it at all because that leads to the evil inside me coming out. Why else would people leave and abuse me and neglect me…

I help others because deep down I know no one can help me and no one will truly care, everyone has to listen to someone weather they like it or not so least I can be that person and then maybe it with deplete the fact that I’m just broken and can’t be fixed, I’ve already fucked my body up because of neglecting myself but why should I look after myself when no one looks after me and then everyone gets angry saying to start looking after myself when I fucking can’t! My own mother couldn’t look after me so why should I look after me…foster carers couldn’t look after me without abusing me to the point I have a fear of showers/baths etc…my own “mother” can’t even look after me now even though she missed the past 16 years of my life 💔

I don’t want to be here yet suicide is selfish and wrong and I learnt from that mistake when I was 15, now everyday I wish that something life threatening would happen to me…never does! Every birthday I blow out candles and wish for it to be the last year…that started when I was 11. People die when they don’t want to die so why can’t it be fair?

People think I have it easy because I smile and take care of others first but nope behind the smile is a girl that is having to survive and fight silent battles to escape the truth when Infact she wishes she had someone she could just scream to about everything that she is dealing with…

I just want to be numb like cancel my feelings and let me feel nothing please! Brain wash me or take my brain out! Reverse the past and all the crap and hurt that I’ve had from people.

I just want the pain to go away, that’s all I ever wanted yet life just doesn’t get better trust me I know from experience, 11 year old me is just stuck as an 18 year old in pain knowing that one day it will be my time to go but until then survive and thrive and fake it till I make it 🙃 tired myself out writing this and now I’m struggling to stay awake so off to bed I go and hopefully things won’t feel as bad tomorrow.

I’m safe and maybe I’ll be fine tmr just a low night I guess so don’t waste your time on me, trust me I ain’t worth it

Night 💕

Possibly could be stress. But why now? Like I've been more stressed before and my meltdowns aren't anything new?

I'm eating and drinking better than before- that's what I don't get?