Best Of

Hi

It's okay to be scared but it's a step in a direction to figuring out what is going on.

I may take a little while to reply but please Don't be scared to keep posting as much as you feel the need to I will respond as soon as I possibly can. I'm here for you

Yes of course @Cutelivejazz
I can chat for now, but if I do start taking longer to respond I do apologise.

@Animalloverb thanks for trying to help. It's not that simple tho and in the politest kindest way possible you don't really get it. Im really sorry if im coming off as rude I don't mean it in a rude way im just trying to be honest it's not just grades it's all the effort the waking up at 5am every morning going to bed at 1am pulling all nighters draining myself I put in so much effort for those grades I worked myself to exhaustion and with the social aspect its not just about the bulling or making friends its also the effort I put in like if I know my friend isn't okay I drop everything I stay online I won't go to sleep if they need to talk ill do anything to help them but other people just don't like ill ask if we can talk and they'll say they're tired but half an hour later they'll be on a video game and when I text them they only respond in the morning saying they were asleep that hurts. I just feel like im too much sometimes people ask me why I care so much and to be honest it's because I know what it feels like to think no one cares so if I can be one person who cares about them then im happy

@Animalloverb I did manage to sleep eventually thank you for checking in it means a lot. I really hope im not bothering you though i know I've been reaching out for support a lot recently and I don't want to drain anyone or make them fed up of me. Im starting sixth form tomorrow and im feeling pretty nervous from both the social and academic aspect. Im not the best with people and ive always struggled with making and keeping friends and have had people take advantage of that. For example when I was in Yr 6 I didn't have any friends (tbh I didn't in year 4 or 5 lol) so the group of "popular girls" befriended me and we took photos and videos and stuff and in one of the videos they all made me eat a chip of the floor and then that video got passed around when I was in year 8 and I think you can imagine how that went. (Yes ik it was dumb and gross and I still hate myself for it idek why I did it i guess I was being cool and like them. Then in secondary I went through many friend groups most of which talked behind my back and bullied me I remeber one of my friend groups were really nasty and kept saying things like oh go home and kill yourself and tbh I did consider it I remeber standing by my window genuinely thinking maybe it will be easier for everyone if I just didn't exist. Im better -ish now but I also got picked on for being emotional and crying a lot i remeber id have to step out class a lot and every time the whole class would laugh at me and mumble abt me saying things like omg she's crying again she's just doing it for attention ect. They stopped only after my RE teacher really had a go at them and she was super pissed and she came to check in on me and gave me a hug. I think im also worried beacuse my best friend is going off to college and im staying at my secondary's sixth form and one of her best friends is staying and we're friends but I don't really think she likes me and she's been off with me so I don't really trust her and im just hoping I'll actually be able to make new friends bc im a very social person but I dont really think people like me. Im also worried about lessons like idk if im smart enough I feel like I don't deserve to be there and like people might find out im not actually smart and I might fail everything and not be able to get into any unis at all and be stuck in a minimum wage job I hate being miserable what if im not smart enough to do what I do like my physics grades dropped what if everything else drops too during A levels and I fail everything. Im just so stressed