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oh ok thankyou @Lottie5433 im ok just need someone to talk to is all im safe etc

@eylah I'm feeling better than yesterday, thank you. I'm still dealing with these thoughts, but I'm coping a lot better.

Hey @Rose113

It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and hurt by your mum's reaction to your interests, and that's completely understandable. It's tough when you feel like someone you love isn't supporting your passions, especially when you've been so supportive of theirs. It’s especially frustrating when you’ve even stepped outside of your comfort zone to participate in something she loves. It makes perfect sense that you'd want her to reciprocate that enthusiasm...

It's natural to feel angry when you perceive some double standards, like in this situation where your mum is investing in her hobby while questioning yours. It's like she's saying her passions are valid, but yours aren't, and that can feel incredibly invalidating. You have every right to feel that it’s not fair.

It's also completely normal to crave your mum's excitement and approval. We all want to share our passions with the people we love and have them celebrate our joy. It’s disappointing and upsetting when that doesn’t happen, and it’s okay to acknowledge and feel that disappointment.

It might be helpful to consider a few things, though this doesn't excuse her behaviour: Sometimes, parents can project their own anxieties or insecurities onto their children. Perhaps your mum's reaction isn't truly about your aerial classes or writing, but something else she's struggling with. This doesn't make it okay, but it might offer a different perspective?

It's also important to remember that you can't control your mum's feelings or reactions. Perhaps having an open and honest conversation with her about how her words make you feel could be helpful. You could use "I" statements, like "I feel hurt when you say my passions are a waste of money, because..." This can help her understand your perspective without making her feel defensive. Maybe you could ask her for more information on why she's so skeptical about your aerial hoop class and trapeze classes and trapeze classes so you can try to understand.

Ultimately, though, your passions are yours. They are valid and important, regardless of whether your mum understands or approves. I would suggest to focus on nurturing those passions for yourself and try to find a community of people who share your interests.

I remember seeing pictures of you doing your aerial hoop class and it looks like something you're super talented at , Rose! Let us know how it goes talking to mum

My mums started ice skating lessons on a Saturday morning at 10am and she wants me to go with her for the next 6 weeks and just watch from the stands and I agreed and that’s what we did today and then it was the public skate and she wanted to do that and I did it with her even though it’s not something I enjoy but it’s something she’s passionate about and I accept that.

I was saying I’m gonna pursue my aerial hoop class and trapeze classes with MY money and she kicked up a fucking fuss over it saying it’s a waste of money. Like hang on she spent £100 on ice skating lessons and mine are so much cheaper. Why can’t she be fucking excited for me rather than complaining. It’s something I’m passionate about why can’t she accept that

Just like becoming an author it’s something I’m passionate about but she fucking accept that it’s not fair

Hey @TheNightmare, we see and hear you. I can understand that you're feeling upset with where you are. You've been taking positive steps towards your goals, but opportunities haven't always worked out, and when we're not feeling great, it makes sense that those setbacks can hurt a lot. You've kept fighting for opportunities, and you've got a couple leads now. You're right - they might not lead to anything, and that'll feel frustrating. Or, they might lead to something, and allow you break this cycle. The important thing you've done is kept fighting to get those opportunities. I'm glad to hear that you're still determined to break this cycle. We're all cheering you on!

I think about them all day - every day since I went back to my home town and it never stops I always wonder what if things had gone differently. What would have life been like if I hadn’t of been abused or removed from my birth parents. I saw the pub they were arrested at and started getting flashbacks to the night we were removed I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever remember more to the past but I do I remember a lot and it’s torturing me the nightmares and terror I can barely handle. I saw my old foster home and remembered sitting by that window so many times if the shop hadn’t of been abandoned I wish I could of gone up there but it looked completely empty and like no one had been there for years. We went past a primary school that I’d been in because it wasn’t even pointed out and as soon as I saw it I immediately remembered it and I’m guessing that was the school that I would of gone to.