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Rant on creativity and my lack of it

Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,369 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
So lately I want to get into colouring again and doing art like I used to. But I feel bad when I have to use tutorials to help me eventhough I'm aware that's what they're for. I used to reference things including artwork all the time because of my old to the point it restricted my routine. I'm on medication for my OCD and anxiety, I'm on a double dose of fluoxetine. It helps but I don't think it fully removes all of my worries. I gate having a brain that is always switched on, there's no off button for me at all. I try to relax but I can't.

So this is going to sound down right silly but the other day I had a thought that I needed to double check I referenced a youtuber colour with Claire who coloured in a book and I think I followed it for how to colour water as well as Johannesburg Basford but I can't remember now. So the other day I double checked twice. But now my brain wants me to constantly double check everything again I'm scared I'm going back to square one all over again and I've made no improvements. I've talked to my parents about it and they have been supporting me, it's just I feel like im having a low moment right now you know.

Right now I want to double check but I'm telling myself not too in the hopes my grain gets bored and gives up. Sorry for wasting time as usual I should be more worried about what's happening in the world yet I'm worried about tge tiniest tiny things I've done.
Just a person who likes pop culture and films

Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 8,845 Legendary Poster
    sending you hugs @Amy22 . im here and im listening. <3 it’s not silly or wasting anyone’s time. you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s okay and understandable. you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and it’s okay. we have to have set backs to progress to the future. you’re so strong amy. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,369 Part of The Furniture
    eylah wrote: »
    sending you hugs @Amy22 . im here and im listening. <3 it’s not silly or wasting anyone’s time. you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s okay and understandable. you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and it’s okay. we have to have set backs to progress to the future. you’re so strong amy. <3

    Aw thank you so much I think im just having one of those moments right now.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • eylaheylah Posts: 8,845 Legendary Poster
    Amy22 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    sending you hugs @Amy22 . im here and im listening. <3 it’s not silly or wasting anyone’s time. you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s okay and understandable. you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and it’s okay. we have to have set backs to progress to the future. you’re so strong amy. <3

    Aw thank you so much I think im just having one of those moments right now.

    and that’s okay @Amy22 . is there anything that could help rn with what’s going on? im here and im listening amy. you’re loved & cared abt. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,742 Boards Guru
    It’s ok, you’re not wasting time 🫂 you’re allowed to have blips and it doesn’t erase all your progress
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,369 Part of The Furniture
    eylah wrote: »
    Amy22 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    sending you hugs @Amy22 . im here and im listening. <3 it’s not silly or wasting anyone’s time. you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s okay and understandable. you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and it’s okay. we have to have set backs to progress to the future. you’re so strong amy. <3

    Aw thank you so much I think im just having one of those moments right now.

    and that’s okay @Amy22 . is there anything that could help rn with what’s going on? im here and im listening amy. you’re loved & cared abt. <3

    I think I'm feeling a bit better now actually but I think maybe getting back into crochet could help again. I've been watching a lot of YouTube at the moment to district my brain because my brain just never switches off. I wish brains had like an off switch sometimes lol.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,369 Part of The Furniture
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    It’s ok, you’re not wasting time 🫂 you’re allowed to have blips and it doesn’t erase all your progress

    Aw thank you its just been like ages since I've felt this way to be fair. I just feel like I tend to be such a perfectionist and I feel the need to be always right and one step ahead of everyone else but I realised actually this might be taking a toll on me because then I feel tired and burnt out.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • eylaheylah Posts: 8,845 Legendary Poster
    Amy22 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    Amy22 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    sending you hugs @Amy22 . im here and im listening. <3 it’s not silly or wasting anyone’s time. you’re feeling what you’re feeling and it’s okay and understandable. you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and it’s okay. we have to have set backs to progress to the future. you’re so strong amy. <3

    Aw thank you so much I think im just having one of those moments right now.

    and that’s okay @Amy22 . is there anything that could help rn with what’s going on? im here and im listening amy. you’re loved & cared abt. <3

    I think I'm feeling a bit better now actually but I think maybe getting back into crochet could help again. I've been watching a lot of YouTube at the moment to district my brain because my brain just never switches off. I wish brains had like an off switch sometimes lol.

    sending you so many hugs 🫂. im here for you always amy. <3 you’re not alone. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,346 Boards Champion
    @Amy22 , thank you so much for making this post, and it's really positive that in the middle of feeling low and fearful of going 'back to square one', you made the choice to log into the Boards and open up about your feelings here. That feels like such a self-caring thing to do for yourself!

    I really hear what you're saying, and it sounds like it is both frustrating and a bit frightening to think about old compulsions taking hold again. It sounds like you've been working really, really hard to resist the urge to complete that compulsion of double-checking again, though it's tiring when your brain is racing and there's no 'off-switch'. I can imagine that feeling so overwhelming at times, and particularly hard when you're not able to get true rest.

    It's so positive that you've been able to speak with your parents and that they're being supportive. It's okay for your mental health journey to not be linear too, and for their to be ups and downs. That doesn't have to mean that you're necessarily going backwards, but instead, that you're riding the waves. In the past when you've noticed an urge to double-check or be extra cautious, I wonder if there's ever been anything that's helped to bring that anxiety down a little bit?

    We're here for you, and you're doing so well to talk about this!
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,369 Part of The Furniture
    Tha k you so much everyone for your kind messages it really means a lot. @Sian321 thank you so much too your very kind and sweet.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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