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Profiles on dating sites
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I sometimes only read every third word in a post. Saves wear and tear on the old eyeballs.
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2011/4/13loftus.html
Well, it all makes sense now.
Hear, Franki? Write this man a goddamn profile, but keep it short, he doesn't want to read !
:yes:
Best post in this utterly irritating thread.
My bad, my bad.
Man, he'd hate the guy that sent me a message this morning. It was LONG.
Dead original that one.
Least you're getting messages now
I'll message you Arctic, when I remember my password.
And this, boys and girls, is why EVERYONE should purchase the Franki's Perfect Profile (tm) service.
Cheques in the post yeah:D
Made payable to "Franki the Awesome" please
view profile
If I was a woman...boobs. I would have boobs. I would enjoy that.
But yes, if I was a woman, I'd think you'd put fuck all effort into that profile. Fuck all. And why would I bother to contact someone who can't be arsed to put together a better profile?
I actually have no idea what to say.
Re-read the thread.
1. I told you to fix Lostprophets and you haven't. Do that.
2. Get rid of this: If you live around 20 miles away, tell me why I should get to know you.
3. Read the rest of this fucking thread.
"Ok,here goes the fun part,how can I explain how amazing I am without using my usual flashy dance moves.......(edit-I cant dance,I just generally get medical assistance from club medics...).
(And I know I dont have a pic,I need to take one.The ones I have arent too amazing or impressive.)
Anyways,Im 23,about 6ft depending where Im standing,I have light brown hair unless I gel it then it goes a darker colour and Im told I have nice blue eyes and a really nice smile.
I wouldnt really know about that one as I cant really look at my own face much and I feel smiling at myself in the mirror all day long would make me strange.
Personality wise Im pretty laid back,I dont like stressing and I prefer things to flow and turn out as they may.It makes my life easier and allows possible new opportunites to arise that may not had I been affected by obsession and worry.
I think I have a good sense of humour,it ranges from dry sarcasm to midly intelligent wit all the way down to ridiculous mum jokes and massive enjoyment of Team America.
I enjoy laughing,especially at silly immature jokes as they let me relive my childhood.
Im also a massive wind up merchant too,so expect me to banter and pick on you too although in a nice,sweet appreciative way of course,as I only pick on people I really like.
I do have my own flat,car and job and I pay for it all on my ownsome.Yes,Im an independant man and yes,I do and can cook for myself although Im no masterchef,more a no-handed less annoying Jamie Oliver.
Dont let my independance and self reliance put you off.Yes,I can pay my own bills and look after myself but I still enjoy company,plus,an occasional cooked meal for me or a hand tidying would definitely not be turned down.
I have been teaching myself to play guitar for a few years now and in all honesty,I really should practice more instead of just hitting it and making noise.Nah,Im joking,I can play a fair few songs but I really do need to practice more.
As you have probably guessed I am a rock guy at heart,Guns N Roses,AC?DC,Led Zep,Bon Jovi,Aerosmith also mixed with Feeder,Slayer and Metallica too.
I do listen to other genres of music too,Tupac,Snoop Dogg,BIG as well as anything on the radio.......as long as it isnt Heart FM!!
I enjoy it as its expressive and creative,music is very personal and each person can have their own experience and connection to it and thats what I enjoy the most.
It lets you say what you cant say with words,lets you release feelings that you cant put into a sentence and sometimes makes you feel like you arent alone when your down,plus it can also lift your spirits high,make you dance and make you sing at the top of your voice.
Ive also started learning a Martial Art too and am really enjoying that.Its brilliant physical exercise,which Im really into and work hard at,but its also good for your spirit and helps you to center yourself,steadying your emotions and focus.
Thats whats always fascinated me about Martial Arts,whatever movement you do,how you breathe and everything you learn is always there for a reason.
Thats why I wanted to learn,for the fighting side of it and the warrior style of defence and also the philosophical and spiritual focused side too.
Theres so many lessons of life and wisdom in the history,teachings and philosophy of Martial Arts it can really enrich your life and give you a new perspective on yourself.
My main ambition at the moment is to join the Fire Service and Im hoping to apply whenever they start recruiting again.
Its an extremely important job that needs motivation,dedication and professionalism and is performed by a highly trained team which I would love to join and aspire to do so.
Well,thats my write up.
If Ive peaked your attention in anyway or you want to ask anything else feel free to say hi."
My name is Adam. I earn lots of money and like to listen to women talk about the feelings they have. I am sensitive, but also I am strong - sometimes I cry over the state of the world while working at my job as a lumberjack. I'd love to meet a girl and pretty much make our life into that movie The Bodyguard. I can bench-press 500lbs. I'd love to meet your dad. Dirty Dancing.
Online Dating Profile Guide
i have the weirdest boner right now. :razz:
I am equally bored, so...
Aside from the terrible punctuation issue that you have, and the edit, this is quite good. But I would rewrite it a little:
Now comes the fun bit, where I explain how amazing I am without the usual flashy dance moves.
Delete. Put photos up, regardless of how good they are. Most girls will look at a profile with no photos and go, "No, ta". Remember that attraction is based first on looks and then on personality. Nobody is ever going to say that your personality is the first thing they noticed about you, are they? If you need to take a photo just for the purpose of posting it on a dating profile (which I wouldn't recommend), make sure it shows off your favourite feature. I always take photos of me on haircut days because I know I look good. I tend to either focus on my eyes (by 'focus on' I don't mean that that's all that's in the picture, by the way), or make sure I'm smiling. Smiling is always a winner, because it makes you look approachable and friendly. Don't force a smile if you're taking a photo of yourself - instead think of something that genuinely makes you smile, so the smile looks genuine.
Don't put your age. It's already in your profile. There's no point describing yourself physically because they can see that from the photos and the information boxes.
Again with the terrible punctuation. I might seem pedantic but even things like not using apostrophes in contractions, not putting an extra line break between your paragraphs, and not putting a space between a comma/period and the next word make reading your profile more difficult than it should have to be.
"I don't like stressing" is redundant. Who LIKES stressing? It's like saying, "I like to have fun". OH NO, NOT THAT TERRIBLE FUN!!!
Anyway...
"I like to think I'm pretty laid back, I take life as it comes and try not to worry too much about things that I can't do anything about. I find that it makes life easier and means that my mind isn't clouded over by worries and stresses, allowing me to come across opportunities I might otherwise have missed".
Delete. Unless you're going to prove your humour somewhere on your profile.
"I enjoy laughing" is, again, redundant.
"I love those silly, immature types of jokes, they take me right back to my childhood".
This is a long winded way of saying something I've written on my profile:
I chain smoke when I'm nervous, I am sarcastic, cynical and self-deprecating, and I will be mean to you regularly as a form of affection.
I've said in 12 words what you've taken a whole two-line sentence to say.
Delete all of this. All of it. Independence and self-reliance are rarely deal-breakers and this is the kind of thing you would talk about on a first date or in initial conversation. And don't make assumptions about how the girl would cook or clean for you. You're making a long-term commitment to someone you haven't even exchanged words with in that last sentence and that's a big no-no.
Don't admit to a lack of motivation. Reword like so:
"I've been sporadically teaching myself to play guitar for the past few years. Sometimes life gets in the way and I don't play for a few weeks, but then when I do pick it up again I remember why I started learning in the first place".
How have they "probably guessed"? Because you play guitar?
"I love music, and I'm a rock guy at heart. A few of my favourites are Guns 'n' Roses, AC/DC, and Led Zeppelin, as well as a few more contemporary artists like Feeder".
Bear in mind that while you and I know there's a big difference between Zep and Slayer, someone like, say, CptCoatHanger, who doesn't listen to that kind of music, probably wouldn't know or care. Don't distinguish type.
"I do also listen to other genres, and will listen to anything on the radio if it's not too cheesy".
"I find that music is very personal and that one person can hear and connect to a song in a totally different way to another. The way that a piece of music can totally change your mood is amazing".
Again, you want to condense as much as possible. You may not have a word limit, but you don't want to go so overboard that they get bored of reading.
Which Martial Art?
The first sentence is good, but the grammar, again, makes me cringe.
"It's brilliant physical exercise, something I'm really into, as well as being good for your spirit. It helps me to centre myself, steadying my emotions and giving me focus. I've always loved the fact that everything you learn in martial arts is for a reason - there are so many lessons in the history, teachings and philosophy that can give you a whole new perspective on yourself".
Delete. Wanting to join the Fire Service is, again, good first-date conversation fodder, and the second part just makes me go, "so what?"
Delete.
They already know that if they want to know anything else, they can message you. You don't need to tell them something they already know.
Don't be a dick.