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Community Guidelines
The Mix
The Mix HQPosts: 2,608 Staff Team
Main guidelines
- Harassing, threatening, abusive, vulgar, obscene, defamatory, or otherwise unlawful posts are not permitted. The same applies to links to websites that fit that description.
- Generalised statements about groups of people (positive or negative) are not permitted. If you want to talk about people in broad terms, make sure you either qualify your statement with evidence or make it clear you're not talking about an entire group of people. You can also frame what you say in terms of your own experience (e.g. "in my experience, Dutch people are...")
- Using these boards to post spam (unsolicited advertising) is not permitted. If an account is just posting spam, it will be deleted.
- If you want to post a message asking for help from users on projects, surveys, or if you are a member of the press looking for people to contribute to articles or stories, you must first obtain permission by messaging @The Mix or emailing [email protected]
- Anonymity is important on The Mix. If you know someone offline or engage with them on other websites, keep their identity and other online activity to yourself.
- Respect the opinions of others. Just because you don't agree, it doesn't give you the right to make personal attacks on that person.
- Multiple accounts are not permitted, unless the staff team have given you express permission. We will disable these accounts if we discover them.
- Reacting to someone breaking guidelines in a way that causes the situation to escalate is just as damaging as breaking them in the first place. Report the post, then leave it alone. A mod will be there soon to deal with it; don't add fuel to the fire.
- Discussing breaks, bans, or community members who may be on them is not permitted. This is to respect everyone's confidentiality around these issues, avoid comparisons, and to make sure these conversations don't derail any support happening in the same space.
Those who continually refuse to follow these main guidelines will be banned.
Although the staff and volunteers who look after The Mix boards will attempt to remove all problematic posts, we cannot guarantee we will review everything. If you see something that goes against our guidelines, please flag it.
The moderators of The Mix boards have the right to remove, edit, move or close any threads, posts or accounts for any reason and without notice.
All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of The Mix boards or Vanilla will be held responsible for the content of any message.
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Other things to bear in mind
Here are some other things to bear in mind when using the boards. These
aren't as strict as the guidelines above, but you'll find it easier to settle
in if you try and stick to them.
Personal information
New and old posts
Back-seat moderating
Stepping into the role of a moderator when you're not one is generally not appreciated. To be blunt, nobody likes it - it creates friction between community members and it makes the moderator's job more difficult. If you see something that needs mod input, it's okay to give helpful or supportive suggestions, but it usually doesn't go well when someone tries to diffuse an argument or enforce the guidelines when they're not a moderator.
Thread titles and content warnings
Vagueposting
Posting about frustrations with another community member isn't cool. Even when you don't mention their name, people will know you're referring to someone here and the vagueness causes speculation, paranoia, and creates an unwelcoming and unsupportive atmosphere for others.
If you need to vent about another member, either do it elsewhere or drop us a PM, where we will be more than happy to provide a listening ear. If you're ranting about something outside of The Mix, be specific about what or who you're talking about rather than being vague (e.g. 'my family are so annoying').
Self-depricating posts
Threads made to fuel self-criticism or validate thoughts of self-loathing (e.g. 'Am I an awful person?') will be removed. This is mainly because there's a risk of trolling (e.g. 'Yep you're an awful person') or people not replying to those conversatoins for other reasons, and we don't want that to be taken as confirmation of a negative thought someone is having in that moment. We're also more about lifting people up than putting people down, and it's better to have constructive conversations about those feelings.
Please don't give out phone
numbers, email addresses or anything someone could use to identify or
contact you. While this community is full of respectful people, it's
also public, meaning any random person could see that information. When
talking in any anonymous or public space, keeping this information
private is important.
Photos
Photos
It’s okay to share photos of yourself or your pets, but don’t share photos of anybody else. Don’t forget that once you post something online, there's no way to stop somebody saving it.
Pictures that show healed self-harm injuries are okay to share, as long as the healed injuries aren't the focus of the picture. For example, sharing a photo of your outfit where scars are visible is fine.
As
a general rule, any thread over a couple of months old can be
considered 'dead' and is best being left in its grave. If an old thread
is bumped by someone other than the original poster (sometimes known as
the OP), a mod will probably close it.
There are a few reasons for this:
1. If
the thread is asking for advice, any help will be useless after a
certain length of time because the problem will have been dealt with.
2. Newer posters get confused by all the old and ex posters who originally replied to the thread.
3. The original poster might not want old issues being brought up and bringing back potentially bad memories/feelings.
If you read an old thread and find something interesting you'd like to discuss, start a new thread of your own.
If you read an old thread and find something interesting you'd like to discuss, start a new thread of your own.
Back-seat moderating
Stepping into the role of a moderator when you're not one is generally not appreciated. To be blunt, nobody likes it - it creates friction between community members and it makes the moderator's job more difficult. If you see something that needs mod input, it's okay to give helpful or supportive suggestions, but it usually doesn't go well when someone tries to diffuse an argument or enforce the guidelines when they're not a moderator.
If
you're posting about something intense or using heavy language, it's
polite to add 'CW' (content warning) or 'TW' (trigger warning) to a
clear post title. For example, "when I was sexually assaulted (TW)".
Another option is to hide the potentially triggering part of your post by using the spoiler feature, like we've done with this section of the rules.
This
gives people a heads up that something might be difficult for them to
read before they read it, and makes it easier for everyone on the
community to look after themselves. Moderators will occasionally add
these to posts that need them. It's worth noting that anything severely
triggering (such as depicting methods of suicide or self-harm) should
not be posted at all.
Give and take
If you are thinking of posting a more personal question (where people would need to draw on their own personal experiences in order to answer) rather than a topic for general discussion, it's polite to give a little information about yourself or why you want to know, so that people will feel more comfortable replying.
If people don't respond
If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a harmless reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people just didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who - like you - won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.
A very rough rule of thumb is that you can expect a response in 24 hours.
Tagging
You can tag someone by using @ followed by their name. For example, @The Mix. That person will get a notification that you've mentioned them, so it's helpful to tag someone when you're referencing them so they know they're being talked about.
Quoting and referencing
Quoting someone is a useful way of telling people exactly what you're responding to. This doesn't trigger a notification for the person you quote, so it's polite to tag as well.
If you're quoting directly from somewhere external (e.g. an article or another support service), try and make sure you provide a link to that source. This lets people know what you've said is accurate and allows people to read further for more info. This is particularly important for Politics & Debate.
Give and take
If you are thinking of posting a more personal question (where people would need to draw on their own personal experiences in order to answer) rather than a topic for general discussion, it's polite to give a little information about yourself or why you want to know, so that people will feel more comfortable replying.
If people don't respond
If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a harmless reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people just didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who - like you - won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.
A very rough rule of thumb is that you can expect a response in 24 hours.
Tagging
You can tag someone by using @ followed by their name. For example, @The Mix. That person will get a notification that you've mentioned them, so it's helpful to tag someone when you're referencing them so they know they're being talked about.
Quoting and referencing
Quoting someone is a useful way of telling people exactly what you're responding to. This doesn't trigger a notification for the person you quote, so it's polite to tag as well.
If you're quoting directly from somewhere external (e.g. an article or another support service), try and make sure you provide a link to that source. This lets people know what you've said is accurate and allows people to read further for more info. This is particularly important for Politics & Debate.
Vagueposting
Posting about frustrations with another community member isn't cool. Even when you don't mention their name, people will know you're referring to someone here and the vagueness causes speculation, paranoia, and creates an unwelcoming and unsupportive atmosphere for others.
If you need to vent about another member, either do it elsewhere or drop us a PM, where we will be more than happy to provide a listening ear. If you're ranting about something outside of The Mix, be specific about what or who you're talking about rather than being vague (e.g. 'my family are so annoying').
Self-depricating posts
Threads made to fuel self-criticism or validate thoughts of self-loathing (e.g. 'Am I an awful person?') will be removed. This is mainly because there's a risk of trolling (e.g. 'Yep you're an awful person') or people not replying to those conversatoins for other reasons, and we don't want that to be taken as confirmation of a negative thought someone is having in that moment. We're also more about lifting people up than putting people down, and it's better to have constructive conversations about those feelings.
Signatures and avatars
If
you use an image that we deem offensive (or just plain annoying), the
mods will change it if you don't do it yourself. Sigs shouldn't be too
long. As a rule of thumb, if your sig is taking up more of the page than
the average reply, you might be asked to change it.
Okay, lecture over. 
Enjoy your time at The Mix, and if you get a moment, check out these posts too:
Enjoy your time at The Mix, and if you get a moment, check out these posts too:- About us
- Mods and Moderation Policy
- Get Involved
- Helping Each Other
- Online safety
- Sign our confidentiality pledge
Feel free to comment below with any questions or suggestions.
Post edited by Mike on
Tagged:
3
Comments
I think you should warn someone that what they are doing is wrong & worthy of a ban before you ban them. And mention the word ban not just talk about what happen or why the user was saying what they said. And make sure when say ban - they know what actions
Atleast making the user realise would make them consious of things theyre saying and the affects of it.
I made this suggestion ages ago on PM and clearly didnt go far
I think you should warn someone that what they are doing is wrong & worthy of a ban before you ban them. And mention the word ban not just talk about what happen or why the user was saying what they said. And make sure when say ban - they know what actions
Atleast making the user realise would make them consious of things theyre saying and the affects of it.
I made this suggestion ages ago on PM and clearly didnt go far
where did that rule about making mutili posts on the same topic gone?
ive been seeing a lot of repeated posts that are copied and pasted and can be put in the hug, ranty thread and activity wall of the exact same thing and kinda annoying.
But then I'm guessing your reason to not discuss your own is "comparison and derailing support" discussing you think you might be going on a break/ having less support /being more lonely is a challenge/support needed.- so seeking support not derailing it And for comparison I wouldn't see why that would be a problem since you're either near a break or you're not - why would knowing someone else's make a difference to yours?
i just don't understand that rule at all since if you're going near a break you'd feel upset about that and it's seeking support. & I know probs will say it's discussio to have with the team - still hard to not say it in like a group chat if you're talking about how you think you're going to have no one to talk to and say all reasons for it. And if you say it casually not because you're angry about it but cause you're upset about it Shouldn't even be worth one point imo
Threads made to fuel self-criticism or validate thoughts of self-loathing (e.g. 'Am I an awful person?') will be removed. This is mainly because there's a risk of trolling (e.g. 'Yep you're an awful person') or people not replying to those conversatoins for other reasons, and we don't want that to be taken as confirmation of a negative thought someone is having in that moment. We're also more about lifting people up than putting people down, and it's better to have constructive conversations about those feelings.
Posting about frustrations with another community member isn't cool. Even when you don't mention their name, people will know you're referring to someone here and the vagueness causes speculation, paranoia, and creates an unwelcoming and unsupportive atmosphere for others.
If you need to vent about another member, either do it elsewhere or drop us a PM, where we will be more than happy to provide a listening ear. If you're ranting about something outside of The Mix, be specific about what or who you're talking about rather than being vague (e.g. 'my family are so annoying').
We've also added some broader photo-sharing guidelines for group chat:
The aim with the self-harm photo guideline is to allow space to normalise self-harm and scars and break down stigma, while also keeping the community as trigger-free as we can.
One thing to note here is that moderators will err on the side of caution with these photos, and what mods consider to be triggering might vary a little. That's okay - we know it's a tricky one to judge and we're not expecting anyone to get these things right all the time.