Community Guidelines

The Mix

Main guidelines

• Harassing, threatening, abusive, vulgar, obscene, defamatory, racist or otherwise unlawful posts are not permitted. The same applies to links to websites that fit that description.

• Using these boards to post spam (unsolicited advertising) is not permitted. If an account is just posting spam, it will be deleted.

• If you want to post a message asking for help from users on projects, surveys, or if you are a member of the press looking for people to contribute to articles or stories, you must first obtain permission by messaging @The Mix or emailing [email protected]

• Anonymity is important on The Mix. If you know someone offline or engage with them on other websites, keep their identity and other online activity to yourself.

• Respect the opinions of others. Just because you don't agree, it doesn't give you the right to make personal attacks on that person.

• Multiple accounts are not permitted, unless the staff team have given you express permission. We will disable these accounts if we discover them.

• Reacting to someone breaking guidelines in a way that causes the situation to escalate is just as damaging as breaking them in the first place. Report the post, then leave it alone. A mod will be there soon to deal with it; don't add fuel to the fire.

• Discussing breaks, bans, or community members who may be on them is not permitted. This is to respect everyone's confidentiality around these issues, avoid comparisons, and to make sure these conversations don't derail any support happening in the same space.
  

Those who continually refuse to follow these main guidelines will be banned.

Although the staff and volunteers who look after The Mix boards will attempt to remove all problematic posts, we cannot guarantee we will review everything. If you see something that goes against our guidelines, please flag it.

The moderators of The Mix boards have the right to remove, edit, move or close any threads, posts or accounts for any reason and without notice.

All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of The Mix boards or Vanilla will be held responsible for the content of any message.

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Other things to bear in mind

Here are some other things to bear in mind when using the boards. These aren't as strict as the guidelines above, but you'll find it easier to settle in if you try and stick to them.

Personal information

Please don't give out phone numbers, email addresses or anything someone could use to identify or contact you. While this community is full of respectful people, it's also public, meaning any random person could see that information. When talking in any anonymous or public space, keeping this information private is important.

Photos

It’s okay to share photos of yourself or your pets if you’re comfortable with that, but please don’t share photos of anybody else. Don’t forget that once you post something online, there's no way to stop somebody saving it.

New and old posts

As a general rule, any thread over a couple of months old can be considered 'dead' and is best being left in its grave. If an old thread is bumped by someone other than the original poster (sometimes known as the OP), a mod will probably close it.

There are a few reasons for this:

1. If the thread is asking for advice, any help will be useless after a certain length of time because the problem will have been dealt with.

2. Newer posters get confused by all the old and ex posters who originally replied to the thread.

3. The original poster might not want old issues being brought up and bringing back potentially bad memories/feelings.

If you read an old thread and find something interesting you'd like to discuss, start a new thread of your own.

Back-seat moderating
Stepping into the role of a moderator when you're not one is generally not appreciated. To be blunt, nobody likes it - it creates friction between community members and it makes the moderator's job more difficult. If you see something that needs mod input, it's okay to give helpful or supportive suggestions, but it usually doesn't go well when someone tries to diffuse an argument or enforce the guidelines when they're not a moderator.

Thread titles and content warnings

If you're posting about something intense or using heavy language, it's polite to add 'CW' (content warning) or 'TW' (trigger warning) to a clear post title. For example, "when I was sexually assaulted (TW)".

Another option is to hide the potentially triggering part of your post by using the spoiler feature, like we've done with this section of the rules.

This gives people a heads up that something might be difficult for them to read before they read it, and makes it easier for everyone on the community to look after themselves. Moderators will occasionally add these to posts that need them. It's worth noting that anything severely triggering (such as depicting methods of suicide or self-harm) should not be posted at all.

Give and take
If you are thinking of posting a more personal question (where people would need to draw on their own personal experiences in order to answer) rather than a topic for general discussion, it's polite to give a little information about yourself or why you want to know, so that people will feel more comfortable replying.

If people don't respond
If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a harmless reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people just didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who - like you - won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.

A very rough rule of thumb is that you can expect a response in 24 hours.

Tagging
You can tag someone by using @ followed by their name. For example, @The Mix. That person will get a notification that you've mentioned them, so it's helpful to tag someone when you're referencing them so they know they're being talked about.

Quoting and referencing
Quoting someone is a useful way of telling people exactly what you're responding to. This doesn't trigger a notification for the person you quote, so it's polite to tag as well.

If you're quoting directly from somewhere external (e.g. an article or another support service), try and make sure you provide a link to that source. This lets people know what you've said is accurate and allows people to read further for more info. This is particularly important for Politics & Debate.

Vagueposting
Posting about frustrations with another community member isn't cool. Even when you don't mention their name, people will know you're referring to someone here and the vagueness causes speculation, paranoia, and creates an unwelcoming and unsupportive atmosphere for others.

If you need to vent about another member, either do it elsewhere or drop us a PM, where we will be more than happy to provide a listening ear. If you're ranting about something outside of The Mix, be specific about what or who you're talking about rather than being vague (e.g. 'my family are so annoying').

Self-depricating posts
Threads made to fuel self-criticism or validate thoughts of self-loathing (e.g. 'Am I an awful person?') will be removed. This is mainly because there's a risk of trolling (e.g. 'Yep you're an awful person') or people not replying to those conversatoins for other reasons, and we don't want that to be taken as confirmation of a negative thought someone is having in that moment. We're also more about lifting people up than putting people down, and it's better to have constructive conversations about those feelings.

Signatures and avatars

If you use an image that we deem offensive (or just plain annoying), the mods will change it if you don't do it yourself. Sigs shouldn't be too long. As a rule of thumb, if your sig is taking up more of the page than the average reply, you might be asked to change it.

Okay, lecture over. Enjoy your time at The Mix, and if you get a moment, check out these posts too:

• About us
• Mods and Moderation Policy
• Get Involved
• Helping Each Other
• Online safety
• Sign our confidentiality pledge

Feel free to comment below with any questions or suggestions.

Shaunie

I have a suggestion. 


I think you should warn someone that what they are doing is wrong & worthy of a ban before you ban them. And mention the word ban not just talk about what happen or why the user was saying what they said. And make sure when say ban - they know what actions

Atleast making the user realise would make them consious of things theyre saying and the affects of it. 

I made this suggestion ages ago on PM and clearly didnt go far

The Mix

Shaunie said:

I have a suggestion. 


I think you should warn someone that what they are doing is wrong & worthy of a ban before you ban them. And mention the word ban not just talk about what happen or why the user was saying what they said. And make sure when say ban - they know what actions

Atleast making the user realise would make them consious of things theyre saying and the affects of it. 

I made this suggestion ages ago on PM and clearly didnt go far

Thanks for the feedback, @Shaunie. This might be good for other folks to know about too, so we've gone into some depth in our response.

We talk about this a little bit in our Mods and Moderation Policy:

Bans

If we notice a persistent problem with how someone is using the community, we'll raise our concerns with them privately. If that problem continues, we may put that person on a temporary ban with conditions attached to their return.

When a banned user returns, moderators maintain a close watch on their behaviour and any return to previous problems will result in another (potentially permanent) ban. This is entirely at the discretion of the moderators.

We believe it’s important to work with challenging members to overcome barriers they’re facing on the community. For this reason, we dedicate a fair amount of time to private communication and tend not to insta-ban anyone.

Warnings are definitely something we try and be clear and consistent with. We think it's important to give someone the chance to change their behaviour before going down the route of a ban of any kind, because that essentially gives them the choice of what happens next. Unless circumstances are extreme, we don't think it's fair to ban someone with no prior warning of their behaviour.

An important thing to note here is why we might put someone on a break or ban them. We tend to do this when it's clear that someone isn't functioning well in a particular space, and we genuinely believe it's not beneficial for them to be there (i.e. rather than for the sake of punishment). Chances are, if someone is finding it difficult to use the community constructively, that comes from a place of vulnerability. In these situations, a break from the community helps to remove them from a space that may be hindering rather than supporting them, and allows them time to work on those challenges (sometimes with us).

It's also worth us clarifying the different kinds of communication here. Something we will always do before a break or ban is let someone know that their behaviour isn't okay. This might not involve explicitly saying there may be a ban or break if this continues, but we are firm in at least following that step to make it clear that we need their behaviour to change (again, unless circumstances are extreme).

That being said, we do reserve the right to be flexible with this. There will be situations where a warning isn't quite enough, but we still need to act. This massively depends on the conversations we've had with that person and the circumstances of what's happened, but we may sometimes put somebody on a break or ban without explicitly telling them it's the next step.

Again, this is very rare and we do provide as much warning as we feel is necessary in those conversations. Ultimately though, we think giving someone a break if it's needed (especially if it's not very long) is a smidge more important than being super thorough in setting up that expectation.

There are always ways we can improve how we go about these situations, so feedback like this helps us make sure we're doing the best we can. We're also working on a system that will hopefully make it much clearer for folks to know when they're nearing a break. More on that to come...

Happy to hear any thoughts on this from you or anyone else reading.

Mike & the team

Shaunie

Thanks

where did that rule about making mutili posts on the same topic gone?
ive been seeing a lot of repeated posts that are copied and pasted and can be put in the hug, ranty thread and activity wall of the exact same thing and kinda annoying. 

The Mix

Shaunie said:

Thanks

where did that rule about making mutili posts on the same topic gone?
ive been seeing a lot of repeated posts that are copied and pasted and can be put in the hug, ranty thread and activity wall of the exact same thing and kinda annoying. 

Hmmm... good question. IIRC, it was was something we decided to remove in our quest not to make this post too long. We'll consider whether it's worth adding back in - you may well be right there.

As a sidenote, if you do notice duplicates, please do report them so we can see if they need to be deleted (which is likely the case).

Really appreciate the feedback @Shaunie, thank you. 

Mike & the team 

Past User

hello,i joined the site then found out its under 25 year olds..im 50, so id like a staff member to delete my account please....thankyou

The Mix

john0207 said:

hello,i joined the site then found out its under 25 year olds..im 50, so id like a staff member to delete my account please....thankyou

Hey @john0207. Sure thing, we'll do that for you now.

If you'd still like support or just a place to chat to other people, Elefriends is a support community run by Mind, and it's open to anyone over 18. It's private, so you'll need to sign up to see it.

Take care and thanks for being honest!

Mike & the team

Shaunie

I don't think there is anything wrong with discussing your own break. I can see why wouldn't discuss others with reason of confidenality.
But then I'm guessing your reason to not discuss your own is "comparison and derailing support" discussing you think you might be going on a break/ having less support /being more lonely is a challenge/support needed.- so seeking support not derailing it  And for comparison I wouldn't see why that would be a problem since you're either near a break or you're not - why would knowing someone else's make a difference to yours?
i just don't understand that rule at all since if you're going near a break you'd feel upset about that and it's seeking support. & I know probs will say it's discussio to have with the team - still hard to not say it in like a group chat if you're talking about how you think you're going to have no one to talk to and say all reasons for it. And if you say it casually not because you're angry about it but cause you're upset about it Shouldn't even be worth one point imo

The Mix

Thanks @Shaunie. So it sounds like the main question here is around why discussing your own break would cause a problem - is that fair?

But then I'm guessing your reason to not discuss your own is "comparison and derailing support" discussing you think you might be going on a break/ having less support /being more lonely is a challenge/support needed.- so seeking support not derailing it  And for comparison I wouldn't see why that would be a problem since you're either near a break or you're not - why would knowing someone else's make a difference to yours?

The comparison thing could certainly be an issue. People's breaks won't always be of the same length, for the same reasons, or have the same conditions attached to their return. From experience, we know that others knowing this information can cause tension and we'd rather keep that private and not go down that road.

i just don't understand that rule at all since if you're going near a break you'd feel upset about that and it's seeking support. & I know probs will say it's discussio to have with the team - still hard to not say it in like a group chat if you're talking about how you think you're going to have no one to talk to and say all reasons for it. And if you say it casually not because you're angry about it but cause you're upset about it Shouldn't even be worth one point imo

Conversations around issues to do with The Mix can make other folks uncomfortable and create a generally negative vibe in the space you're using, even if you're not doing so with any resentment of the service. It can also make the group feel uncomfortable and create a difficult vibe in the room, and we want to keep the environment as supportive and comfortable as possible.

You are totally allowed to talk about feeling upset or more lonely in a challenge as you said, but we'd ask that you don't bring your break or points into that conversation. Discussing the way you're feeling and the broader situation you're in is okay, as long as you don't go into those specifics.

If you're in the situation where you're on or close to a break and you'd like to talk about that openly, it would be more constructive to do that in another space or via PM with the staff team.

Mike & the team

Shaunie

Thanks. makes sense

 

Sassie

Hi 

Mike

Sassie said:

Hi 

Hey @Sassie, welcome. Do you have a question about the guidelines?

Mike

We've added this to the guidelines under 'other things to bear in mind':

Self-depricating posts
Threads made to fuel self-criticism or validate thoughts of self-loathing (e.g. 'Am I an awful person?') will be removed. This is mainly because there's a risk of trolling (e.g. 'Yep you're an awful person') or people not replying to those conversatoins for other reasons, and we don't want that to be taken as confirmation of a negative thought someone is having in that moment. We're also more about lifting people up than putting people down, and it's better to have constructive conversations about those feelings.

Another change that's been meaning to come in for a while.

Mike

An addition has been made to the vagueposting guideline. It's underlined below.

Vagueposting
Posting about frustrations with another community member isn't cool. Even when you don't mention their name, people will know you're referring to someone here and the vagueness causes speculation, paranoia, and creates an unwelcoming and unsupportive atmosphere for others.

If you need to vent about another member, either do it elsewhere or drop us a PM, where we will be more than happy to provide a listening ear. If you're ranting about something outside of The Mix, be specific about what or who you're talking about rather than being vague (e.g. 'my family are so annoying').

Sometimes, aimlessly venting frustrations and hitting 'post' can be super therapeutic, but this extra step feels like a good thing for us all to do. It helps keep any worry or paranoia around our posting down to a minimum, and hopefully protects everyone from any indirect sniping that might happen.

If you think someone is talking about you, another member, or anything to do with the community, we'd encourage you to report the post. Even if you're not sure, it's better for mods to check and it be fine than for us to miss something we need to address.

If something is vague and it sounds like it might be about The Mix, it's likely we'll err on the side of caution and delete it. If we do, as with any change we make to your posts, we'll PM you.