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Profiles on dating sites
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Comments
As for the profile, plenty of girls are gamers and that can be a big draw. I love a geeky girl so I don't see why the same wouldn't work in reverse. But there's a difference between being a gamer and being a sad sack who never leaves his house; the latter is what comes across in your profile. Being a gamer as part of a varied social life is one thing, being nothing but a gamer quite another.
apparently. It happens a lot, because they regard it as flaming (which it is from time to time kinda, i admit)
It also had some good advice.
What is it with these boards now, could this be why they are dying a slow death? Old posters are moving on and hardly any newbies signing up?
Censorship is taking over, its like the boards have become all corporate. If your opinions are tough, controversial or not to everyones taste, your post is removed.
How about letting young people express themselves, isnt that what a message board is for. Look at twitter and facebook- could it be a coincidence that the reason they are thriving is because it allows people to express their opinions without censorships (within reason)
I saw StrubbleS post and although it was tough, it had some good advice. Yes it was tough but how the hell are posters supposed to learn, grow and develop into young men and women who can handle criticism and accept other opinions? If posters are only allowed to respond in a non controversial, vanilla kind of way or risk having their advice sanitised, whats the point of putting effort into responding?
If we all cuddle around Mr Ferrari (or whatever hes called) and be very nice, trying not to be rude and not offend or upset him (or anyone else on the boards) tell him nothing is wrong as hes dating profile isn't terrible how the hell is that giving him 'advice for the real word'. Please wise up, in the real world, if you ask a question you sometimes have to listen to opinions you dont agree with or like - but its that experience and how you deal with it, that makes you a better person.
Sorry rant over! Thats my cue. :wave:
Asking if someone has a "learning disability" is not respectful. I understand the sentiment, but think about other people before throwing the insults around. Mr Ferrari is irritating because he keeps asking for advice on the same issue and then bloody well ignores it all, but asking about his "learning disability is just needlessly insulting to people who do have those problems.
Moderation is not the same as censorship. If you don't like the moderation here, you know where the door is.
Perhaps he does have a learning disability, how would we ever know if we aren't allowed to ask. If he then doesnt want to say - fine.
Yes I do know where the door is, like yourself who has been through it many times before when you throw your toys out the pram
G'night
It's not relevant to the discussion. And it is a bit of an insult to people with learning difficulties.
Of course it is, at least 10 people have tried to get a simple message across and failed. Its relevant.
Quite.
My original response was deleted as well. Thankfully it wasn't nearly as long as that one, but even if it had been, they have a duty to keep people from being insulted.
why is asking someone - who gets the dating profile 101 in full length, but takes not a single thing from it - if he has learning difficulties offensive to anyone who really has learning difficulties? Honestly here. Even if it was meant as an insult, it was a pretty weak one. If someone said "Are you dull?", it would probably have passes.
If someone posted something, and someone else said, "LOL I bet you are a ginger!" (for whatever reason), I would not be upset and I have red hair. I don't know if there is any connection, between these two cases, because I can't see one in the first example either.
OK StrubbleS, let's hear what you have to say.
What was your genuine intention and belief behind posting that comment?
Would it mean that you would take the piss out of him less if you found out he had a learning disability? If that's the case, then why didn't you wait to find out the answer before mocking him further?
At the end of the day we really encourage people to communicate without insulting each other or passing unnecessary comments simpy for a cheap laugh. There was no evidence in the context of your post: "Do you have a learning disability + belittling comment" that you were asking your question in a way that was intended to help him feel better about the situation or would lead to benefit in your relationship with him as a fellow member of this community.
So Calvin, I'm sorry if you think this is unfair censorship, but the way I see it, it's not even the fact we're a charity that led me to delete the comments - people simply don't deserve to receive that kind of flack.
Let's all just accept that Franki is a profile writing genius and be done with it .
First of all I said "difficulties" and not "disability", which are very different in tone and meaning, if you ask me.
Second, the question about learning difficulties and the 'belittling' remark are unrelated.
1. The question aimed towards the fact that people go to great lengths to point out bad parts in his profiles, explain why, and offer improvement. The OP rewrites his profile in a similar atrocious style.
2. The exact same thread has been here before, and if you check it, I gave (to my opinion) good and reasonable advice (as I did in the beginning of this thread). So what is it you prefer? If someone asks for advice and people write long posts to help and the advice is ignored, shall the user be henceforth ignored, the same advice copy/pasted or is it a shift in tone acceptable to call out to the OP so he realizes his ignoring of the advice is objectionable and the improvement to his situation is nil? If you ask me, it's the latter.
3. The 'belittling remark' was aimed at the new part about the expensive camera, which was similar to AR's reponse imo. It is a repulsive thing to say, I stated why (in an example however).
If you never show your patience with someone who ignores any help has it's limits, he will just ask over and over again, learn nothing and alienate the people giving him advice in the end resulting in a loss-loss situation.
We don't ask you. They are exactly the same in tone and meaning. Someone with "learning difficulties" is not someone who fails to grasp a point, they are someone with a problem like Down's or cerebal palsy. Saying someone has "learning difficulties" is far more than saying they're a bit slow on the uptake.
As I say, it may well be that English isn't your first language, but what you are trying to say isn't really what you said.
:yes: agreed
:yes:agreed.
So, now moving on from there...
StrubbleS - I really appreciate the points you've made in your latest post and reckon that others in the community will totally relate to them and agree with some of the issues.
As mods, we rarely object if people challenge others in the way you have with your latest points 1-3 (I hold my hands up and apologise if anyone feels I've ever done so.) These are opinions that you're really welcome to both have and share, particularly in a community that's all about giving and receiving advice. I hope I've never said that this kind of feedback (if presented in a and non-offensive way) isn't acceptable.
Another take on it?
When you decide to give advice to anyone about anything, you kind of have to accept that the person may not be able to meet your standards, reach the goal you've set out for them or simply decide for themselves that while what's worked for you might be amazing for you, it might not feel right for them - that's a persons perogative (SP?). There could be any number of reasons why Mr Ferrari hasn't written the 'perfect' profile you've all put heaps of effort into explaining and he's not obliged to give some long justification for why that's the case - it's not a prerequisite for asking for feedback.
This blog kind of sums up what I'm getting at a little better I think -
http://spaghettipie.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/a-little-advice-on-giving-advice/
However, what's really strong in this thread is a reminder that these boards are never just about the OP. When Franki (strongest example I feel) wrote her replies, they clearly touched loads of us and have helped goodness knows how many people get more dates. :d That in itself is great motivation to keep posting and remember that it's a whole community that will benefit.
The alienation you speak of - that's a choice not a given. If people choose to become so frustrated and annoyed with someone for not following the directions put forward to them, then that seems a real shame because not only might the benefits be a drip-drip approach and finally click, but also there are plenty of others who will be listening to that advice and gaining from it.
This "ignoring advice is objectionable" is actually really military in approach and really not what TheSite.org is about. If it was the case, I'm sure you'd be a banned member by now for all the time's you've ignored my advice. And hey, I'm sure we wouldn't be having this conversation now! :razz:
New business idea there?!
I reckon she should offer a basic up front fee, then a percentage of what ever the guy shells out on the first date or whatever!
+1 good idea!
Wait, what?
I have no issues with my own profile, love. I get plenty messages and responses.
And then I spelt Ferrari wrong. I really should just go to sleep.
Well I'm "so" sorry for ignoring people's advice. Although I do take some of it in account.
Are some of you saying that I have a "learning disability"?:shocking:
I can honestly say that I don't bother reading long replies. And I mostly skim through peoples replies without actually reading them properly.
Frankipanda
Let's see if you can write me a good profile and see if I get any replies. Oh and send me it as a personal message.:thumb:
BTW. I don't bother reading StrubbleS's posts.
So, what you're saying is, the huge amount of time and effort I put in to trying to help you was for nothing, because you didn't actually read any of my posts? Nice.
I've already written you a good profile. You chose to "skim" that reply and not read it properly, so I won't be writing you another one.
Well. There's gratitude for you.
I mean Franki could write you an excellent profile but as soon you have to communicate in your...ummm...less personable style, it'd be obvious that someone else had wrote it. I'd think that was a bit weird.