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Time for another ranty thread

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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Some people just don’t get it do they, actually so done with people. 
    I am beyond ready to jump because I can’t cope no more. 
    Wish I had died months ago. 
    Nothing to live for. 
    Only a fat, disgusting scummy whale that polluted the earth. 
    I am never going to recover so what’s the point.
    I honestly don’t see a way forward and wish I was in the ground. 
    I am just going to let myself rot because it is what I deserve. 
    I dont deserve help. 
    All I deserve is death and suffering. 
    Nobody would care if I died. I just want to slip away. 
    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    Thoughtsy said:
    I just wrote to Samaritans via email, anyone have any idea of time they take to reply? I hope they reply soon but I know they are volunteers so if they don’t its okay. I don’t deserve help anyway :anguished:
    Might be quicker to send them a text message on ‭07725 909090‬ they reply within like 1-2 hours on that. But from expereince on email they take about 12 hours

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Meggles said:
    Thoughtsy said:
    I just wrote to Samaritans via email, anyone have any idea of time they take to reply? I hope they reply soon but I know they are volunteers so if they don’t its okay. I don’t deserve help anyway :anguished:
    It can take any thing from 12 to 24 hours. It depends how busy they are
    Thank you 
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Shaunie said:
    Thoughtsy said:
    I just wrote to Samaritans via email, anyone have any idea of time they take to reply? I hope they reply soon but I know they are volunteers so if they don’t its okay. I don’t deserve help anyway :anguished:
    Might be quicker to send them a text message on ‭07725 909090‬ they reply within like 1-2 hours on that. But from expereince on email they take about 12 hours

    Thank you I will try the number 
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Currently on to The Mix Crisis Service so hopefully they can help me get into a safer state of mind. 

    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    missing My Nana's  so much tonight - Why is the world so fucking cruel to them - they didn't deserve to die, they didn't deserve to die   :'(  :'(:'(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Millie2787 said:
    missing My Nana's  so much tonight - Why is the world so fucking cruel to them - they didn't deserve to die, they didn't deserve to die   :'(  :'(:'(
    I'm sharing your sadness, holding you right now ((HUGS))
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    What a waste of time it's all been. :/
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Floxy said:
    Millie2787 said:
    missing My Nana's  so much tonight - Why is the world so fucking cruel to them - they didn't deserve to die, they didn't deserve to die   :'(  :'(:'(
    I'm sharing your sadness, holding you right now ((HUGS))
    Just wish they were hear with me right now 😭
    (((huge hugs back )))
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Millie2787 said:
    Floxy said:
    Millie2787 said:
    missing My Nana's  so much tonight - Why is the world so fucking cruel to them - they didn't deserve to die, they didn't deserve to die   :'(  :'(:'(
    I'm sharing your sadness, holding you right now ((HUGS))
    Just wish they were hear with me right now 😭
    (((huge hugs back )))
    Aww sweetheart, how I wish you'd been with me too. But not early this morning in lashing rain, raging thunder at 5.30 in the morning changing a massive filthy tyre on my land rover spectre 90 broken down on the Ma-13 to Palma. Sunrise wasn't up til gone 8 by which time I was soaked through, near demented with broken fingernails and cut on my arm all because my roadside assistance expired last week and the inconsiderate bastards hadn't reminded me! Not a soul in sight! Just grateful I had a clipon flashlight. Had to recharge my phone off the truck by which time the brute of the tyre had been fixed and the Plod arrived asking whats the matter to which I said what do you think is the fucking matter?

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    On buses to go to recovery college. Feel like getting off, then going to the other side of the bus stop and going home instead 😭😭😭 regret signing up now. Dont wanna go lol😭😭😭😭😭too anxious. 😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,515 Skive's The Limit
    Just been to recovery colllege. Was not exactly was expecting and didnt seem ogainsed at all. I mean i liked it but there ending up being only 2 other people as no one else turned up. And the other 2 people was well over the age of 50(probs best to not say how old they said they was) so i hardly spoke as felt really odd and stupid and not as wise lol. And it was all group discussion and then speaking to the people who run the group. But i mean generally was oka and glad i went as was interesting hearing others and stuff  But the only time i did speak in the table discussion was when they asked me “why are you here, youre young and beutiful” which yeah put me on the spot and felt really awkward and judged. And then i was just like i have mental illnesses and then she was like yeah i guess the pressure to be happy when youre pretty and young gets too much. Um i aint pretty and thats mot why i am seeking support  dont get why people say that. And even if was pretty, why is even apperenace related to how i feel.

    But straight after i came out i saw my old CC and was nice to speak to her for a bit and am really suprised she stopped me to ask how everythhing is goin now. And she asked how my health care college course went and i said i failed and she was like sorry. Then i felt like a massive failure and realised i havent gotten anywhere in my life since. Then she was asking hwo eveerything else is and i was like yeah is all really fine. Total lie.  Such an automatic response  but was lovely to speak to her
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    My day has been such a fucking shit show 😭 I ended up crying in placement just praying none of The kids saw me 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    My CAMHS appointment got cancelled and now I have to wait until Wednesday next week it will have been 2 and a half weeks. I am already not coping, attempting every night and apparently I’m doing okay. My life’s so shit and I can’t cope no more 😭😭😡
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    edited October 2018
    Swear no one understands, no one listens, no one cares, no one wants me here, perhaps I should just die as nobody would care if I drifted away. I am so done :( 

    I am falling further and further down into my depressed hole 😭

    wish i was dead .....
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Life’s so shit, I am far beyond done with it and I can’t cope no more. Just wish I was dead but i can’t kill myself :( 
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Still missing my nanas so much 😭 I just want them here with me 😭😩😩
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Millie2787 said:
    Still missing my nanas so much 😭 I just want them here with me 😭😩😩
    Aww Millie, sending hugs to you <3
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Seriously fed up of people treating friends like shit 😡
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,802 Master Poster
    Sorry @The Mix especially @Mike for yesterday in support chat
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Last night and into the early hours of this morning, Sóller, Alcúdia and Deià had the worst storms ever. Lightning fried our power grid at Sóller. Only in the last hour has it been replaced. Outside our house a drain burst sending water in to our garden flooding everything. It was only beause our property is up steps that we didn't get flooded.

    Our newly erected greenhouse was wrecked. All thats there is a concrete base smeared with mud. The roof of one of our garages was ripped away. Our cars were okay except my land rover whose roof took a hit from a piece of concrete.

    Next week I'm taking Soph and Peggy back to England. We've had enough.


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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Floxy said:
    Last night and into the early hours of this morning, Sóller, Alcúdia and Deià had the worst storms ever. Lightning fried our power grid at Sóller. Only in the last hour has it been replaced. Outside our house a drain burst sending water in to our garden flooding everything. It was only beause our property is up steps that we didn't get flooded.

    Our newly erected greenhouse was wrecked. All thats there is a concrete base smeared with mud. The roof of one of our garages was ripped away. Our cars were okay except my land rover whose roof took a hit from a piece of concrete.

    Next week I'm taking Soph and Peggy back to England. We've had enough.


    @floxy I’m so sorry (((huge huge hugs )))
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hugs back to you @Millie2787 and also @Kasa2103
    You two are good and kind friends to me.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    I may be takiing a break off the forum, at least until our awful weather has gone. Storms continue threatening and I can't afford having my satellite dish damaged again. The insurance adjuster came this afternoon and said the company would be paying for all the storm damage done. But what they can't pay for is the terror we went through last night. :'(:'(:'(


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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Literately wish that people who can’t be nice would fuck out my life 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    fadedangelfadedangel Posts: 263 The Mix Regular
    Wish people wanted me for who I am and I could find nice people who truly want to be my friend and want me around. Feeling so sad 😭 

    Going to do some exercise to take my mind off the heart breaking events of this day. 
    « I have been through hell but the best is yet to come « 
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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Went to a comedy club last night and the comedian called me depressed and an emo for the way I dress, then while we were out smoking he came up and apologized... if only he knew how right he was 😂😂😂
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,148 Part of The Furniture
    Just want a décents night sleep is that too much to ask clearly it fucking is 
    Fed up of all the head fucks in my and my friends life - So glad they’ve been told to stick it where the sun don’t shine 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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