Time for another ranty thread

Millie2787

Floxy said:

Nerve pain in my feet is causing me sleep problems. Tomorrow I'm seeing the doctor to switch painkilling meds. I can't go on like this otherwise.

@Floxy big hugs Mandy 💖💖

Millie2787

I’m so tired but got so much work due for tomorrow 😩

fadedangel

Floxy said:

Nerve pain in my feet is causing me sleep problems. Tomorrow I'm seeing the doctor to switch painkilling meds. I can't go on like this otherwise.

Aww Mandy I am so sorry your poorly, have been worried about you (((HUGS))) 

Get well soon lovely 

Much Love,
- Lauren xx 

[Deleted User]

Thoughtsy said:

Floxy said:

Nerve pain in my feet is causing me sleep problems. Tomorrow I'm seeing the doctor to switch painkilling meds. I can't go on like this otherwise.

Aww Mandy I am so sorry your poorly, have been worried about you (((HUGS))) 

Get well soon lovely 

Much Love,
- Lauren xx 

Thank you sweetheart. I'm doing painkillers at the mo, so not writing. Hope your day is going better than mine though! Tomorrow I have an appointment (see below)

Millie2787 said:

Floxy said:

Nerve pain in my feet is causing me sleep problems. Tomorrow I'm seeing the doctor to switch painkilling meds. I can't go on like this otherwise.

@Floxy big hugs Mandy 💖💖

Thanks Millie. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a neurologist. Thank you  for being here for me.

fadedangel

So upset right now 😭
Everything is getting really bad I can’t cope.

i am trying to find someone to blame for everything as there must have been a reason, a reason I now have a life like this as I am struggling and I am so overwhelmed by everything it is too much. 

I feel like such a bad person, no one is going to want me as I am so bad of a person. 

I really need someone to tell me it isn’t my fault that I am not bad that things will get better because I have no hope at the moment for my recovery. 

It is so so hard to constantly have your little brother telling you it is all your fault and your a bad person and Annabelle and my dad.

i am finding life so difficult right now and don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I am so close to tears but I am trying to hold them back and stay strong since I don’t want my family to see me cry. 

Someone help me feel better, take me away from all my problems. I wish the old Lauren was here 😭💔

i am desperate and I am so sorry for the person I am and who I have become  

Aife

Thoughtsy said:

So upset right now 😭
Everything is getting really bad I can’t cope.

i am trying to find someone to blame for everything as there must have been a reason, a reason I now have a life like this as I am struggling and I am so overwhelmed by everything it is too much. 

I feel like such a bad person, no one is going to want me as I am so bad of a person. 

I really need someone to tell me it isn’t my fault that I am not bad that things will get better because I have no hope at the moment for my recovery. 

It is so so hard to constantly have your little brother telling you it is all your fault and your a bad person and Annabelle and my dad.

i am finding life so difficult right now and don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I am so close to tears but I am trying to hold them back and stay strong since I don’t want my family to see me cry. 

Someone help me feel better, take me away from all my problems. I wish the old Lauren was here 😭💔

i am desperate and I am so sorry for the person I am and who I have become  

@Thoughtsy Sending you lots of hugs Lauren. It sounds like everything is feeling really bad and overwhelming at the moment. I'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling. I just wanted to say that none of this is your fault and you're not a bad person at all. It's okay to be finding things difficult. Recovery isn't an easy process but it is possible. You are strong enough and brave enough to get through this and we're all here to help you too. Keep holding onto any hope you have because things won't always feel like this. You're an amazing person Lauren

How would you feel about making a thread to talk through how you're feeling? There's lots of people here who can help you through this. We're all here for you Lauren

[Deleted User]

@Thoughtsy I'm so sorry you've been made to feel worthless again by your father, but I implore you to relate how he's making you feel to Amanda.

Also talk to her about Annabelle....and this is important, but I am believing that she doesn't understand your handwriting, so you could beat this unpleasant girl in your head by getting one over on her by preparing a letter to give to your therapist.

As Aife promised, we are here for you. You are awesome.

Much love,

Mandy

fadedangel

I am feeling so desperate right now  

i can’t go on like this anymore, something needs to change. 

Someone just make this stop, please I am begging you 😭

[Deleted User]

Thoughtsy said:

I am feeling so desperate right now  

i can’t go on like this anymore, something needs to change. 

Someone just make this stop, please I am begging you 😭

Go to support circle or support chat. Get help @Thoughtsy

I'm in pain and can't cope. Taken painkillers to the max and still it's hurting! 

[Deleted User]

Also @Thoughtsy

Please Lauren, if it's really bad then you MUST phone NHS 111 or Samaratans. Or if you are in immeditate danger, then 999.

Do it for yourself. You have to take responsibility for yourself and I know it's really difficult right now, or phone Mumma Bear from your bedroom and ask her to come and see you.

Laine

I feel so bleh! 

Is it okay to take tomorrow off college? I fell ill today and just want a day off to recover tomorrow but I know I'll end up going anyway because I'd feel bad and my attendance can't fall  

[Deleted User]

Laine said:

I feel so bleh! 

Is it okay to take tomorrow off college? I fell ill today and just want a day off to recover tomorrow but I know I'll end up going anyway because I'd feel bad and my attendance can't fall  

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling rough, but you should inform your class tutor so she knows. Then if you feel worse later in the day, you could request going home earlier without having your attendence figure debited. Better to be rested than strung out.

Laine

Thanks floxy,  gonna ring up tomorrow and say I won't be in I might change my mind in the afternoon but definitely not early morning I need my rest 

[Deleted User]

Laine said:

Thanks floxy,  gonna ring up tomorrow and say I won't be in I might change my mind in the afternoon but definitely not early morning I need my rest 

That's a better idea so go do. If you feel better by the afternoon, then go in as planned xx

Siena

Hope youre feeling better @Thoughtsy
and that you got support

Siena

Laine said:

I feel so bleh! 

Is it okay to take tomorrow off college? I fell ill today and just want a day off to recover tomorrow but I know I'll end up going anyway because I'd feel bad and my attendance can't fall  

Take care of yourself x

[Deleted User]

Another painful late night, but this time I've tender spots all over my body. Soph called the doc out. He thinks I have fibromyalgia. i hope not.  

fadedangel

Shaunie said:

Hope youre feeling better @Thoughtsy
and that you got support

Sorry I didn’t reply to one of your pms I went to circle, thank you for everything (((HUGS))) x

Millie2787

I’m so tired of my anxiety - today’s ordeal the fucking bus -  I attucally don’t need this today 😭🤦🏻‍♀️😭

fadedangel

😭😭😭
I want to move schools so bad as I can’t cope with school anymore. 
I think it would really help me but my parents keep saying no  

They don’t have to put up with shit all day but instead I’m left to suffer 😡

[Deleted User]

Thoughtsy said:

😭😭😭
I want to move schools so bad as I can’t cope with school anymore. 
I think it would really help me but my parents keep saying no  

They don’t have to put up with shit all day but instead I’m left to suffer 😡

No, but your parents have other pressures in life to deal with: It's called work and not all work is easy.

Any other school isn't necessarily going to be better. I'll bet you there will be just as many drama queens, idiot guys and clikky lunchtime groups no different from your's, and anyway, you don't know what the teachers in another school are going to be like. You said there's a couple of nice ones in your school, and at least you know how predictable the ones you dislike can be. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't! There again, another school could be situated much further away, and that would mean you'd have to get up earlier for the longer distance commute.

Sometimes life is shit.

Millie2787

I’m so tired of shit recently 😩

[Deleted User]

The painkillers have stopped working and I can't take any more for 2 hours and I'm racked with pain.

fadedangel

Floxy said:

The painkillers have stopped working and I can't take any more for 2 hours and I'm racked with pain.

Aww Mandy, I hope you start to feel better soon - sending hugs (((HUGS))) 

fadedangel

Floxy said:

Thoughtsy said:

😭😭😭
I want to move schools so bad as I can’t cope with school anymore. 
I think it would really help me but my parents keep saying no  

They don’t have to put up with shit all day but instead I’m left to suffer 😡

No, but your parents have other pressures in life to deal with: It's called work and not all work is easy.

Any other school isn't necessarily going to be better. I'll bet you there will be just as many drama queens, idiot guys and clikky lunchtime groups no different from your's, and anyway, you don't know what the teachers in another school are going to be like. You said there's a couple of nice ones in your school, and at least you know how predictable the ones you dislike can be. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't! There again, another school could be situated much further away, and that would mean you'd have to get up earlier for the longer distance commute.

Sometimes life is shit.

Yes, they do have other pressures in life but they don’t have to attend somewhere everyday where they have no friends, everyone hates them, they are struggling and they get offered no support and so many other things. My dads current job are helping him with anything he is struggling with but the school just seem to let me rot. I have friends at my old school, ones that support me and like me as a person. At that school, I don’t have to change for anyone but right now I have to pretend I am someone I am not just to find somewhere to sit in the canteen. I am not someone who is dirty minded and all that but I have to put up with it day after day and it is horrible. I have to hang out with the bully that put me in this position because she is part of the group and there is no one else. I have so much hate for her and sometimes I just cry because I wish I could live a good life like I used to feel but she ruined that for me and now I have to be her friend. I hate it Mandy, I hate everything about the school besides one or two teachers. I won’t do it anymore, something has to change. It isn’t healthy for me to be shutting myself away in toilets because I am so unhappy let alone SH there. 

I know the kind of people I would be faced with at my old school and yes I was bullied but the bully is gone and things started to get better then. I liked every single one of my teachers at my old school but one and now I only like about 2. My old school is actually now I think of it, closer to home and I could walk there every morning. I had friends at my old school, ones that appreciate me, support me and like me as a person. They aren’t silly, stupid people like the people I currently have to spend my life with and at the moment my old school is where I would rather be. Now my old school has merged with the other campus I could make loads of new friends. I just think it would be the better choice for my chance at recovery but then I don’t want to regret it or for me to have made the wrong decision. I need to be 100% sure and I think I am. 

Sometimes life is shit Mandy but we have to keep going, somehow. (((HUGS)))

Lots of love, 
Lauren xx

Millie2787

Floxy said:

The painkillers have stopped working and I can't take any more for 2 hours and I'm racked with pain.

Lots of love Mandy 💖💖 @Floxy

[Deleted User]

Thoughtsy said:

Floxy said:

Thoughtsy said:

😭😭😭
I want to move schools so bad as I can’t cope with school anymore. 
I think it would really help me but my parents keep saying no  

They don’t have to put up with shit all day but instead I’m left to suffer 😡

No, but your parents have other pressures in life to deal with: It's called work and not all work is easy.

Any other school isn't necessarily going to be better. I'll bet you there will be just as many drama queens, idiot guys and clikky lunchtime groups no different from your's, and anyway, you don't know what the teachers in another school are going to be like. You said there's a couple of nice ones in your school, and at least you know how predictable the ones you dislike can be. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't! There again, another school could be situated much further away, and that would mean you'd have to get up earlier for the longer distance commute.

Sometimes life is shit.

Yes, they do have other pressures in life but they don’t have to attend somewhere everyday where they have no friends, everyone hates them, they are struggling and they get offered no support and so many other things. My dads current job are helping him with anything he is struggling with but the school just seem to let me rot. I have friends at my old school, ones that support me and like me as a person. At that school, I don’t have to change for anyone but right now I have to pretend I am someone I am not just to find somewhere to sit in the canteen. I am not someone who is dirty minded and all that but I have to put up with it day after day and it is horrible. I have to hang out with the bully that put me in this position because she is part of the group and there is no one else. I have so much hate for her and sometimes I just cry because I wish I could live a good life like I used to feel but she ruined that for me and now I have to be her friend. I hate it Mandy, I hate everything about the school besides one or two teachers. I won’t do it anymore, something has to change. It isn’t healthy for me to be shutting myself away in toilets because I am so unhappy let alone SH there. 

I know the kind of people I would be faced with at my old school and yes I was bullied but the bully is gone and things started to get better then. I liked every single one of my teachers at my old school but one and now I only like about 2. My old school is actually now I think of it, closer to home and I could walk there every morning. I had friends at my old school, ones that appreciate me, support me and like me as a person. They aren’t silly, stupid people like the people I currently have to spend my life with and at the moment my old school is where I would rather be. Now my old school has merged with the other campus I could make loads of new friends. I just think it would be the better choice for my chance at recovery but then I don’t want to regret it or for me to have made the wrong decision. I need to be 100% sure and I think I am. 

Sometimes life is shit Mandy but we have to keep going, somehow. (((HUGS)))

Lots of love, 
Lauren xx

I remember you mentioned your bully getting dealt with and being sent away, and from that time on you did so well at that school. When I was 13, I had similar difficulties finding the right time to talk to my mother, but one of my friends suggested when next time I had a big problem, hand write my mother a letter and give it to her during a quiet moment. I did it because mother was stern and I was always tounge-tied around her. Being an international musician she was also busy. This was why writing was such a practical idea, even though I ended up being home schooled.

All that you shared here could be drafted into a letter to give your mum once your father has gone to work. Having him conveniently out of the way would mean you and mum would have quality time together: To discuss your return to the old school which you loved so much.

The only problem I see is that your present education curriculum could be disrupted by moving schools. Still, if in a letter to mum you could persuade her, then the possibility of your returning would be bright. You cannot of your own move schools with your parent's permission, but since you're on the cusp of beginning studies for your GCSEs, this time could be favourable. You also write very well. Think about it.

[Deleted User]

Millie2787 said:

Floxy said:

The painkillers have stopped working and I can't take any more for 2 hours and I'm racked with pain.

Lots of love Mandy 💖💖 @Floxy

Last night was dreadful because when I took the next amount of painkillers, they took at least an hour to become effective. By then it was 2 AM. Pain tires us because our bodies release endorphins causing an analgesic effect, exacerbating tiredness. This morning I woke with brain fog, but once I got a pot of tea on, waking up became pleasant. Once I ate breakfast, I felt better.

My new doctor prescribed a transdermal patch that releases tiny amounts of analgesic. Used in conjunction with this new painkiller taken this morning, I'm feeling much better. Aunty said I'll be feeling much better by tonight. I haven't been able to drive yet, but my doctor said the patches are road-legal, otherwise she would never have prescribed them.

fadedangel

Really struggling today. The urges are so high and I am so done with school. Something has to change as I can’t cope no more. I am trying really hard to stay positive but I don’t know anymore. Don’t know what to do or who to reach out to. Someone please make this stop 😭☹️

[Deleted User]

Thoughtsy said:

Really struggling today. The urges are so high and I am so done with school. Something has to change as I can’t cope no more. I am trying really hard to stay positive but I don’t know anymore. Don’t know what to do or who to reach out to. Someone please make this stop 😭☹️

I've sent you something that will help you, but you should come out of your room and help Mumma Bear in the kitchen. She'll be very tired after her long day so any extra help she'll appreciate and it will help you take your mind off your present troubles.

Stay strong! Every day you get into a hard place, you manage to stay afloat. Write down the date and time, for over the next few weeks you'll see a pattern of how you coped. This is what I did when going through terrible times, and keeping my journal up to date enabled me to believe in myself more and more.

Rely on the professionals who help you. Keep close to their advice and work on it. This does require some self-discipline and yeah - it's tough alright. But little by little you will get stronger and that voice in your head if you resist her, she will become weaker and weaker until you stand tall. I believe in you, Lauren!