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Having a parent who hoards

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Comments

  • briannatbriannat Inactive Posts: 114 The Mix Convert
    @AnonymousToe some of what you mentioned here reminds me of my own difficult relationship with my mother. It's so frustrating to be able to see what help is needed to make the situation better, your living situation and your personal relationship with your mother as well as her relationship with herself. Knowing that help exist out there for these types of problems and yet seeing your parent actively choosing not to get help, it feels so deeply and unfair and infuriating at times. I think I had to accept at some point that I can't force someone to help themselves if they don't want to. This took years of my own therapy and work on the self to realise. At 19 though I was mostly just sad and angry about everything.

    As an older sibling it's pretty natural to feel like you're responsible for the well being of your younger sister. I wonder if you could focus more on the things that are within your control such as having a loving relationship with your sister and being a safe space for her in an environment that doesn't feel so safe.. Your sister sounds lucky to have you as an older sibling. I also think you deserve to have that emotional safety as well, in whatever spaces you can find and create it. Besides here on community, I hope you can find that with your other relationships such as friends and maybe other family. Your anger and frustration are all so real and valid, and I still find myself feeling hurt and angry years later. I try my best though to make sure I'm not holding that in just for myself, and that I'm talking about it and allowing myself to feel what I need without any self-judgement.

    I hope you can have a somewhat peaceful day today <3
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    I could really do with somewhere to study that isn’t my bed. I just fall asleep
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,259 Master Poster
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    I could really do with somewhere to study that isn’t my bed. I just fall asleep

    hey might not be a gd idea or suitable but maybe a library bc you could listen to music and might help you not fall asleep. ❤️ hope your ok
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    Thank you @eylah thats a good idea. If only I could leave the house 😂
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,259 Master Poster
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    Thank you @eylah thats a good idea. If only I could leave the house 😂

    sry 💔 i didnt know im so sry 💔
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    Oh @eylah don’t worry, it’s ok! 🩷
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,259 Master Poster
    AnonymousToe wrote: »
    Oh @eylah don’t worry, it’s ok! 🩷

    hugs im still sry for suggesting something that isn’t accessible for you 🥺💔
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    She buried some of my clothes in a pile while I was away, and so when I tried to get to them, she started complaining about me ‘destabilising everything’. She cares more about having a nice pile of hoard than about people actually using their possessions. Now she’s doing her thing where she wants people to feel bad for her and nobody’s allowed to be happy. It’s shit.

    Also last night I had a really weird dream about it all. My sleep is never restful
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,259 Master Poster
    hugs @AnonymousToe <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    I hate being at uni and I hate being at home. I’m never happy no matter the circumstances. At uni I can’t wait to go home again. At home I can’t wait to get away. I want a home that’s not toxic. I need help but my struggles have to be buried because my mum’s more important. I dont know why she can’t see that. It’s so hard.
    (I’m 19 so it doesn’t matter)
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 5,437 Part of The Furniture
    It matters to us @AnonymousToe and so do you. You deserve to have a home you feel comfortable in and want to be in. We can hear how important your mum is to you but you also matter and we care about you <3
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  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,639 Boards Guru
    Omg coming back home to this is so awful. I hate it here, I hate it here
  • LeylaLeyla Community Manager Posts: 149 Helping Hand
    @AnonymousToe Hi Toe!

    I hear that you have had this on your radar for a long time, and that coming home feels really hard for you with all of your mum's tendencies and also her refusal to take any criticism about it even though it feels so valid for you to express that to her.

    I wonder if there are any particular thoughts or feelings you'd like to get out here now that you've gone back home for some time? We are all here to listen to you and I can imagine how tricky this situation has been for you to navigate, and that coming home could have filled you with lots of dread that you don't deserve to feel, does that sound right?
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