Having a parent who hoards

briannat

@AnonymousToe some of what you mentioned here reminds me of my own difficult relationship with my mother. It's so frustrating to be able to see what help is needed to make the situation better, your living situation and your personal relationship with your mother as well as her relationship with herself. Knowing that help exist out there for these types of problems and yet seeing your parent actively choosing not to get help, it feels so deeply and unfair and infuriating at times. I think I had to accept at some point that I can't force someone to help themselves if they don't want to. This took years of my own therapy and work on the self to realise. At 19 though I was mostly just sad and angry about everything.

As an older sibling it's pretty natural to feel like you're responsible for the well being of your younger sister. I wonder if you could focus more on the things that are within your control such as having a loving relationship with your sister and being a safe space for her in an environment that doesn't feel so safe.. Your sister sounds lucky to have you as an older sibling. I also think you deserve to have that emotional safety as well, in whatever spaces you can find and create it. Besides here on community, I hope you can find that with your other relationships such as friends and maybe other family. Your anger and frustration are all so real and valid, and I still find myself feeling hurt and angry years later. I try my best though to make sure I'm not holding that in just for myself, and that I'm talking about it and allowing myself to feel what I need without any self-judgement.

I hope you can have a somewhat peaceful day today

AnonymousToe

I could really do with somewhere to study that isn’t my bed. I just fall asleep

eylah

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I could really do with somewhere to study that isn’t my bed. I just fall asleep

hey might not be a gd idea or suitable but maybe a library bc you could listen to music and might help you not fall asleep. ❤️ hope your ok

AnonymousToe

Thank you @eylah thats a good idea. If only I could leave the house 😂

eylah

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Thank you @eylah thats a good idea. If only I could leave the house 😂

sry 💔 i didnt know im so sry 💔

AnonymousToe

Oh @eylah don’t worry, it’s ok! 🩷

eylah

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Oh @eylah don’t worry, it’s ok! 🩷

hugs im still sry for suggesting something that isn’t accessible for you 🥺💔

AnonymousToe

She buried some of my clothes in a pile while I was away, and so when I tried to get to them, she started complaining about me ‘destabilising everything’. She cares more about having a nice pile of hoard than about people actually using their possessions. Now she’s doing her thing where she wants people to feel bad for her and nobody’s allowed to be happy. It’s shit.

Also last night I had a really weird dream about it all. My sleep is never restful

eylah

hugs @AnonymousToe

AnonymousToe

I hate being at uni and I hate being at home. I’m never happy no matter the circumstances. At uni I can’t wait to go home again. At home I can’t wait to get away. I want a home that’s not toxic. I need help but my struggles have to be buried because my mum’s more important. I dont know why she can’t see that. It’s so hard.
(I’m 19 so it doesn’t matter)

Laura_tigger82

It matters to us @AnonymousToe and so do you. You deserve to have a home you feel comfortable in and want to be in. We can hear how important your mum is to you but you also matter and we care about you