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pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
I also definitely hear you when you say it doesn't feel right to be leaving right now. But hopefully a bit of space will be a positive for you, and you'll still be able to be there for your sister emotionally when and if she does need you. Sometimes we think physically being there is as important as emotional support, but I would guess that having you as someone who empathises and understands is an important thing that brings comfort, and that won't change.
I think it's often really common to maybe feel a sense of guilt when your own situation changes, so please try not beat yourself up about that as going to uni is a huge thing in itself to celebrate.
For your uni place, moving into a new environment can definitely take some readjusting with new rules and expectations (and dw that will be the case for everyone, although I understand why you feel more worried about that side of things). It’s totally normal for everyone to go through a bit of a trial-and-error phase as you all get used to each other’s habits and figure out what “acceptable” means for everyone. Have you met your housemates yet? Once you’re all settled, it might be helpful for you all to have a casual chat about how you’ll handle house things together. In my experience these things naturally come up when living with new people.
And I’m really sorry to hear about how things are with your sister. It must be so hard to be dealing with her behaviour on top of everything else. How are you holding up? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this, or maybe a friend who you trust?
As always we're here if you need to chat more or need any advice. You don’t have to go through this alone.
oh that’s gd how are things now?
pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
Well they really fucking didn’t and it just kept getting worse. It’s not fair. No matter what I do, I’m stuck going back to this hoard until I can afford to move out. And that’s a long way away because my own struggles make it impossible to start earning anything yet. I just feel like I have no control over my future. I don’t WANT to live in a hoarder home!!!!!!
My point here is you are not alone and it can get better even if you think there is no hope. You need to sit your mom down and as hard as it’s going to be her being your mom you need to give her the harsh truth because it sounds like for her to understand at this point you need to be as blunt as possible.
Explain exactly how it makes both you and your sister feel. Her mother instincts will kick in somewhere trust me. She’s just blind at the moment and maybe she needs therapy because a lot of hordes have an emotional reason for hording we might not see and once you get to the bottom of that it should help
Good luck always here
pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
oh thats gd! i rly hope things improve for you i rly do bc your deserving of a happy life! im sending you so many hugs 🫂!
pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
She’s trying to make space because as usual ‘we don’t have space for Christmas’ and somehow that’s all my fault. All she’ll focus on is the things that don’t belong to her. So she’ll insist on sorting my things and blame me for everything. It’s just so hard because she can’t even realise this is totally insane. Christmas is probably the worst time in a hoarder home,
pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
pfp made by @Chloe234 ❤️
In some of the hardest moments, has there been anything or anyone that supports you in those conflicts with your parents? For example, I wonder whether there might be any boundaries you'd wish to set with your Mum when she begins to attack?
Keep us posted @AnonymousToe and we're here to listen!
She was talking about random stuff tonight and somehow she acknowledged that parental mental health does affect the children. But she can’t apply that knowledge to our situation. She just seems totally oblivious to how bad it really is. I dont know how bad it is though. It feels normal because I’m used to the stuff everywhere. But I know it’s not supposed to be like this. I’ve always been so jealous of people who can use all the furniture in their houses and that just makes me so sad. This has been my childhood. And now I’m 19 and it feels like it’s all falling on me. Nobody’s doing anything. I think my mum needs therapy or something but she says it’s pointless. I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be on medication that she just randomly stopped at one point too. I just don’t get it. It’s like self neglect but I don’t understand because it affects her children too. It’s like she can’t see this for what it is. It’s like she’s totally insane and it’s honestly scary to think about. I’ll be ok. It’s safe but it’s just a lot to think about, especially when I’m supposed to keep it all to myself. I really want to tell someone who can actually do something to help me. But I’m not sure anyone can. This all feels so hopeless. It’s really hard to be positive and move forward with my own life when my parents are constantly going downhill. I feel responsible because nobody knows that my little sister is living in such an emotionally difficult environment, and maybe she should have help to cope with that. I feel like it’s my job to tell someone, because nobody else will, but if I do then i dont know what will happen to me. My mum might abandon me. And I don’t want to live in a hoarder home but it’s better than the street.