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In my chest,
And it never lets me forget,
How painful,
It use to get.
As it tightens it’s grip,
And slowly suffocates,
What ever air I have left.
Scared to give breath,
To a life,
I could have instead.
(I don't know if this makes any sense)
We are always here to talk and remember, you are never alone ❤️
I changed for people,
Since I was little,
To fit their perfect world.
But no matter how many times,
I moulded my life,
It was never enough,
For them to look twice.
Like my insides were split in two,
But you knew,
Didn’t you?
Even though,
I couldn’t believe it was true.
That I was grieving,
For a mother,
Who was still alive.
But just didn’t want to apologise.
For the monster, she set loose,
Right in front of my eyes,
That night,
My sister, screamed for her life.
To the little girl who cries.
The one who flew solo,
And kept her head held high.
She was so brave,
Braver than you and I.
With her sad little eyes,
And her struggles with life.
And although it seems impossible tonight,
I know ahead, there’s something so very bright.
Can I just be done?
Why is it,
That life must go on?
Quiet. Quiet. Someone's here
Fight or flight. Constant fears.
I'm far away, but it's crystal clear
On replay, spilling tears.
I hurt myself today
Just to make sure I'm still alive
My mind's so far away
I'm still scared. How do I survive?
I can't tell anyone so I suffer silently
How could you do what you did to me?
I think my mind is finally broken
Everything inside forced out in the open
I can no longer hide this from my face
Everything is jagged and out of place
Hope is something I no longer chase
So I drift away, leaving no trace
And If I’m being honest…
I think I’ll be walking endlessly,
Until the end of reality,
Where fog drowns us quietly,
And love stays a mystery.
I noticed you mentioned SH within your poem and while I am not able to offer advice on this matter I can signpost you to some very useful organisations. The organisation Mind has a great article with some tips on coping with urges to SH. There are also apps like Calm Harm and distrACT with tips and techniques on coping with SH that you might like to look into.
We care for you and just want to make sure you are keeping yourself safe. Keep reaching out and remember you are never alone