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good words, after all, you dont know how you get up from a fall, unless you take one, meaning that if you do, at least you have experience to get out of it incase it happens again
I have had feelings like these as well. But mine are ongoing. Started since Middle School, now im 4th year in college. I always felt worthless, not belonging in the world. No purpose in life, no direction. No friends or love life. I have been crying to just get it out, but we all know that doesnt help. Just yesterday I had an episode. I acually started writing in my suicidal journal. I felt like there was no reason to being here, all im doing is wasting away. I could easily waste away in my own personal BOX [coffin] . Why should i waste my families money when i have no future or an idea of what career i should settle into. here i am going to a school my family wanted me to goto, yet i m not digging the stuff we do there, its just not me. So again.. a waste. Not only that im feeling utterely alone and powerless, like i just wanna drive into a tree , end it there. Never return to my family, AGAIN, unless i come back as a cat, then i might get picked up by them, lol. wait, no Liz, no laughing games, this is serious. I wish to end my life before my 24th birthday, which is May. If you do not hear from me by June, expect the worse
A AIM buddy wrote this too me, with his permission, i m able to share this.
Dear Lizaria,
i have only known you a few days, but since the begining i have seen and heard the words, thoughts and feelings of a BRILLIANT young woman. you have a golden heart, which can be the cause of many things. lately it has caused you to be unhappy, but using the EXACT same heart, you can turn your unhappiness into bliss. just think of all the things in store for you, i guarantee you will find happiness in life. you will find a guy who will love everything about you, and eventually you might get married. you already have people who care about you and love you deeply, you just need to believe them. and wow, your talent with art is BEYOND amazing. if anything should keep you going, its your artwork. truist me, when you feel suicidal, draw what you want your life to be like, and maybe it'll come to life. keep dreaming, and never lose hope, hope is what has brought me this far. maybe you need just a tiny bit of everything i've talked about. maybe you need a big hug, or maybe you need people to just flat out tell you they care. all i know is that if you died, i would.........i would become SO depressed my life would fade away and i would die too. is that what you want? i hope not. trust me, nini. take my hand and we will fly out of this wretched world and into a new one you have only seen in your dreams. i KNOW there is strength within you. and i KNOW you can pull it out at any time.
Love, Jason
You can't drink your way out of pain. It makes it worse not better. You know this already. You need to learn this.
Not doing all that well on your exams isn't that much of a surprise, you haven't been well for a very long time. You can't perform wonders in exams when you are ill. Nobody can. It doesn't make you a weak pathetic failure. It makes you a human being, just like the rest of us. Nobody on this planet can perform to the best of their ability when they are really ill, so why should you be any different?
You're 18. You've got the whole world ahead of you. You can't see it now but you've got another 65 years of wonder and happiness and joy to come. Why throw it all away? What will you achieve by throwing it all away? A bit of peace? Will it be worth it?
You know what you need to do. You need to find the strength to scrabble up the slope a bit, you need to fight to get the help you need. All the help in the world is there, but you need to work to get it. It's not an impossible climb- I've done it, fiend has done it- but it's not an easy one. If you don't try you won't do it. If you let one doctor say no then you haven't tried. You've expected him to say no, and just taken it on the floor lying down.
Just take some time to get your head right. You can't do things when you're ill. Get better, get well. You've got all the time in the world to succeed, don't stop just because you got a setback. You can travel a thousand miles in so many ways. The only way you won't is if you give up.
i-know-you're-all-right.and-im-getting-there.i'm-just-tearin-myself-apart-right-now.but-im-movin-forward-have-spent-the-day-in-manchester-and-have-got-a-place-at-mmu.i-go-in-under-a-month.i'll-keep-this-brief-the-dashes-are-insane :mad:
I want to cut myself. I want to make myself hurt.
I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be better.
first of all, think of how many people on here you have helped/advised with this sort of thing before....
do you think they'd want you doing the same when they're learning from you?
Sorry i dont mean to sound like im trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I've been told tapping your arm with your 2 fingers helps.
Where abouts?
Kermit, I sometimes feel the same... Try doing something fun to distract yourself and cheer you up. Also, think about the good things. Maybe something you have planned to do? Maybe things that you have done that just cheer you up?
I know I'm not much use, and it's possible that you're feeling better now, but you have my number. Use it if you want to.
xx
I personally would go for red-felt tip pen, sometimes it feels a bit scratchy too, which can help.
If you need to cry, ask if you can go to the loo and cry all you want.
Btw - I'm gonna add you to my LJ, k?
I havent self harmed in just over a year.Tonight i came so close.My lifes a fucking mess
Im tired of feeling drained.Of feeling directionless and useless.My life is on much better course than it was a year ago and i know thast because ive changed things msyelf but this acts a very little consolation.
I cant pin point whats wrong theres just a massive sadness inside of me.
I watch things fall away from me and i do nothing about them although i know i should.Prime example being the relationship with my boyfriend going down the pan yet im doing fuck all to stop the inevtiable happening.Despite the fact most of my happy times are the times i spend with him.
I need a massive kick up the arse.
Sorry.
im so down right now.
;< Just look on the brightside kirsty. You'll get some place to stay, and it'll all be sorted soon enough. :yes:
They will find you somewhere, it just won't be in halls.
When I used to scratch up my tummy, I forgot to wear a vest under my shirt one day, and someone saw. I told her my cat scratched me (I had at least 50 scratches, probably more), and she believed it.