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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so not dealing well with things. I was being so strong but tonight I've just crumbled my two mates have jsut totally blown me off for their boyfriends, I'vejsut got in from work and already hit the bottle. I am so devastated. I can't pull myself out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just keep trying. As cliched as it is, you'll get there in the end. You really will. If you slip up with something, you slip up. Just try and learn from any *mistakes* or whatever. Don't give up hope, and if you already have, try and find it again.

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just keep trying. As cliched as it is, you'll get there in the end. You really will. If you slip up with something, you slip up. Just try and learn from any *mistakes* or whatever. Don't give up hope, and if you already have, try and find it again.

    :)

    good words, after all, you dont know how you get up from a fall, unless you take one, meaning that if you do, at least you have experience to get out of it incase it happens again
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lizaria's Sad World

    I have had feelings like these as well. But mine are ongoing. Started since Middle School, now im 4th year in college. I always felt worthless, not belonging in the world. No purpose in life, no direction. No friends or love life. I have been crying to just get it out, but we all know that doesnt help. Just yesterday I had an episode. I acually started writing in my suicidal journal. I felt like there was no reason to being here, all im doing is wasting away. I could easily waste away in my own personal BOX [coffin] . Why should i waste my families money when i have no future or an idea of what career i should settle into. here i am going to a school my family wanted me to goto, yet i m not digging the stuff we do there, its just not me. So again.. a waste. Not only that im feeling utterely alone and powerless, like i just wanna drive into a tree , end it there. Never return to my family, AGAIN, unless i come back as a cat, then i might get picked up by them, lol. wait, no Liz, no laughing games, this is serious. I wish to end my life before my 24th birthday, which is May. If you do not hear from me by June, expect the worse


    A AIM buddy wrote this too me, with his permission, i m able to share this.


    Dear Lizaria,
    i have only known you a few days, but since the begining i have seen and heard the words, thoughts and feelings of a BRILLIANT young woman. you have a golden heart, which can be the cause of many things. lately it has caused you to be unhappy, but using the EXACT same heart, you can turn your unhappiness into bliss. just think of all the things in store for you, i guarantee you will find happiness in life. you will find a guy who will love everything about you, and eventually you might get married. you already have people who care about you and love you deeply, you just need to believe them. and wow, your talent with art is BEYOND amazing. if anything should keep you going, its your artwork. truist me, when you feel suicidal, draw what you want your life to be like, and maybe it'll come to life. keep dreaming, and never lose hope, hope is what has brought me this far. maybe you need just a tiny bit of everything i've talked about. maybe you need a big hug, or maybe you need people to just flat out tell you they care. all i know is that if you died, i would.........i would become SO depressed my life would fade away and i would die too. is that what you want? i hope not. trust me, nini. take my hand and we will fly out of this wretched world and into a new one you have only seen in your dreams. i KNOW there is strength within you. and i KNOW you can pull it out at any time.
    Love, Jason
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bird, one thing you'll get here, in this thread, is unconditional support for the way you're feeling. Look around, you're not the only one, you're not alone, and you are worth something. Whenever you're ready mate, we're going to be here for you to make a start on something new.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so not dealing well with things. I was being so strong but tonight I've just crumbled my two mates have jsut totally blown me off for their boyfriends, I'vejsut got in from work and already hit the bottle. I am so devastated. I can't pull myself out.

    You can't drink your way out of pain. It makes it worse not better. You know this already. You need to learn this.

    Not doing all that well on your exams isn't that much of a surprise, you haven't been well for a very long time. You can't perform wonders in exams when you are ill. Nobody can. It doesn't make you a weak pathetic failure. It makes you a human being, just like the rest of us. Nobody on this planet can perform to the best of their ability when they are really ill, so why should you be any different?

    You're 18. You've got the whole world ahead of you. You can't see it now but you've got another 65 years of wonder and happiness and joy to come. Why throw it all away? What will you achieve by throwing it all away? A bit of peace? Will it be worth it?

    You know what you need to do. You need to find the strength to scrabble up the slope a bit, you need to fight to get the help you need. All the help in the world is there, but you need to work to get it. It's not an impossible climb- I've done it, fiend has done it- but it's not an easy one. If you don't try you won't do it. If you let one doctor say no then you haven't tried. You've expected him to say no, and just taken it on the floor lying down.

    Just take some time to get your head right. You can't do things when you're ill. Get better, get well. You've got all the time in the world to succeed, don't stop just because you got a setback. You can travel a thousand miles in so many ways. The only way you won't is if you give up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    first-thing-my-spacebars-broked :mad:

    i-know-you're-all-right.and-im-getting-there.i'm-just-tearin-myself-apart-right-now.but-im-movin-forward-have-spent-the-day-in-manchester-and-have-got-a-place-at-mmu.i-go-in-under-a-month.i'll-keep-this-brief-the-dashes-are-insane :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for getting into MMU. God damn your space bar. Just think, when you go to uni you will get a new start.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    having one of those days where everything is a struggle. Can't believe i'm feeling like this again when i'd got so far, especially with the cutting. i can't work out if it is coz i'm back at home with my mum or something else, all i know is that everything seems black.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feel so shit, i dont know what to do, i feel like cutting, i wish i could just curl up and cry, but i dont even feel like i can cry anymore.

    The antidepressants are having no effect and argh i just dont know what to do. :banghead: :banghead:
    You don't feel like you can cry anymore, I felt like that when I was taking anti-depressants. Are you sure they are the best option for you? They make you numb, you can't deal with things when numb. You'll hold it inside till you feel like this and thats not good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cant cry when im on anti-d's either, well very rarely. They do numb you, and thats what puts a lot of people off. You've just got to weight up the pro's and con's.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The bottom's completely fallen out of my mood, I've spent the last hour just sitting here staring into space, I'm so so tired but I can't sleep with my mind like this.

    I want to cut myself. I want to make myself hurt.

    I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    The bottom's completely fallen out of my mood, I've spent the last hour just sitting here staring into space, I'm so so tired but I can't sleep with my mind like this.

    I want to cut myself. I want to make myself hurt.

    I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be better.
    *hugs for you*
    first of all, think of how many people on here you have helped/advised with this sort of thing before....
    do you think they'd want you doing the same when they're learning from you?
    Sorry i dont mean to sound like im trying to make you feel guilty or anything. I've been told tapping your arm with your 2 fingers helps.
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    Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Ballerina wrote:
    I've been told tapping your arm with your 2 fingers helps.

    Where abouts?

    Kermit, I sometimes feel the same... Try doing something fun to distract yourself and cheer you up. Also, think about the good things. Maybe something you have planned to do? Maybe things that you have done that just cheer you up?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit, darlin', you know you don't really want to. You might think you want to, but you don't. Think about what you say to me every time I feel like that. Think about how much time and effort will be lost, and you'll just be having to start all over again, and I know you won't want that.

    I know I'm not much use, and it's possible that you're feeling better now, but you have my number. Use it if you want to.

    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teh_Gerbil wrote:
    Where abouts?QUOTE]
    on your forearm, or wherever you usually cut
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry ^ :blush:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ;] there's an edit button sweetheart.

    I personally would go for red-felt tip pen, sometimes it feels a bit scratchy too, which can help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know, but it still didnt work
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You realise you're missing some of the code to complete the quote? You need to insert a "[/" before the "QUOTE]" at the end. Then it will work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've cried in school before. Well, actually, I've gone absolutely fucking mental in school before. Crying, scratching at my hand, just being...fucked up. In front of lots of people. They didn't really know what to do with me. They were all rather scared, as it happened.

    If you need to cry, ask if you can go to the loo and cry all you want.

    Btw - I'm gonna add you to my LJ, k?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try not to worry about what other people think. Can't you get changed in the toilets or somewhere away from others, if you are paranoid that they will see your cuts?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive never noticed this thread tucked away in the health forum.Now that i have i think i might have found a place to vent a bit.
    I havent self harmed in just over a year.Tonight i came so close.My lifes a fucking mess
    Im tired of feeling drained.Of feeling directionless and useless.My life is on much better course than it was a year ago and i know thast because ive changed things msyelf but this acts a very little consolation.
    I cant pin point whats wrong theres just a massive sadness inside of me.
    I watch things fall away from me and i do nothing about them although i know i should.Prime example being the relationship with my boyfriend going down the pan yet im doing fuck all to stop the inevtiable happening.Despite the fact most of my happy times are the times i spend with him.
    I need a massive kick up the arse.
    Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After finally thinkin id sorted everything regarding uni after the fiasco that is my a levels and actually startin to look forward to it i get a call from the uni sayin sorry but theres no spaces in accomodation. im starting to think this is fate sayin i should jus not go.
    im so down right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After finally thinkin id sorted everything regarding uni after the fiasco that is my a levels and actually startin to look forward to it i get a call from the uni sayin sorry but theres no spaces in accomodation. im starting to think this is fate sayin i should jus not go.
    im so down right now.

    ;< Just look on the brightside kirsty. You'll get some place to stay, and it'll all be sorted soon enough. :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ai get a call from the uni sayin sorry but theres no spaces in accomodation.

    They will find you somewhere, it just won't be in halls.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh been tryin sort somewhere out. Its jus so frustrating. And 300 miles away so I cant even march up there and shout and stamp.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bugger, got PE as well, and i have cuts all up the back of my legs, fuck!!!
    Tell them you walked through a thorn bush. It might not even look like it, but people will believe anything, especially if they don't want to see the truth.

    When I used to scratch up my tummy, I forgot to wear a vest under my shirt one day, and someone saw. I told her my cat scratched me (I had at least 50 scratches, probably more), and she believed it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeh people will believe anything. my mum once believed the cuts on my tummy were from climbing a barbed wire fence. lol.tbh now i dont even bother lyin
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I used to scratch up my tummy, I forgot to wear a vest under my shirt one day, and someone saw. I told her my cat scratched me (I had at least 50 scratches, probably more), and she believed it.
    Yeah everyone believes my cats are vicious buggers. Or pretends to. My poor cats.
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