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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Friends who say that either are not friends, or don't really know what you are going through. They won't guess.

    So you nearly fell off? Big deal. I've not cut for three years but I still nearly fall off the wagon every now and then. As fiend says, the worst thing to do is lie in the dust.

    Have you seen Batman? Why do we fall? So we can learn how to pick ourselves up again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did something stupid. I did that whole almost-telling-Lewin-but-chickening-out thing. And I couldn't tell him all of it, but I had to tell him why I couldn't tell him. I told him it was because it would upset me if I told him. And now he's made me email him what I posted on here and a couple of other things as well.

    Fuck. He's gonna go all awkward and it's gonna be fucked up and BOLLOCKS I SUCK.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't suck - well done for being honest. I'm sure it will work out. Good luck. xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    You don't suck - well done for being honest. I'm sure it will work out. Good luck. xx
    He's ok with it. I was so damned panicky though. So so scared :(.

    I need to get a grip :|.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm just a kinda update I bit the bullet and went to counselling on friday, had been a bit loopy for a few days, and it was the toughest one I've had but it felt needed. weekend was tough and then they've cancelled this weeks, but I'm not gonna let it get me down.I also joined a gym just over a week and a half ago and have been going everyday to give me some kind of focus and stress release. Seems to be helping.I can't remember when I last cut. Must be 3/4 weeks. Longest I've gone in forever. Just need to keep at it. Take care xXx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girl_gunner wrote:
    Hmm just a kinda update I bit the bullet and went to counselling on friday, had been a bit loopy for a few days, and it was the toughest one I've had but it felt needed. weekend was tough and then they've cancelled this weeks, but I'm not gonna let it get me down.I also joined a gym just over a week and a half ago and have been going everyday to give me some kind of focus and stress release. Seems to be helping.I can't remember when I last cut. Must be 3/4 weeks. Longest I've gone in forever. Just need to keep at it. Take care xXx

    Well done honey :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girl_gunner wrote:
    Hmm just a kinda update I bit the bullet and went to counselling on friday, had been a bit loopy for a few days, and it was the toughest one I've had but it felt needed. weekend was tough and then they've cancelled this weeks, but I'm not gonna let it get me down.I also joined a gym just over a week and a half ago and have been going everyday to give me some kind of focus and stress release. Seems to be helping.I can't remember when I last cut. Must be 3/4 weeks. Longest I've gone in forever. Just need to keep at it. Take care xXx

    :)

    well done!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm proud of you, Kirsty :). The gym thing will help you lots, but try not to overdo it, don't want you collapsing ;p. Exercise will be good for the endorphins and stuff. Remember where I am, though, if you need me.

    :heart: the Kirsty x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even though my current situation is alot better, i'm feeling so incredibly down. I feel like now my whole life is fucked because i'm going to have to be put back a year if i'm going to get into school at all...and i'm so scared of being bullied. right now i'm finding it so hard not to cry, i just really need a hug, everything seems to have totaly fucked up and it just looks like i have no chance in life any more. i am destined to be a minimum wage worker, with a totaly wasted life. Not the beautiful dream i once had...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    twisted_trinity wrote:
    I feel like now my whole life is fucked because i'm going to have to be put back a year if i'm going to get into school at all

    So what?
    i am destined to be a minimum wage worker, with a totaly wasted life.

    Only if you don't do anything about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    So what?
    Quite. At least you're going to school, it's more than what some people get. I'm being put back a year through choice, one of my friends recently failed the IB and is having to redo the second year. We're gonna be a year behind, so what? It's one year. It's not gonna make a significant difference in your life, really.

    But *hugs for you* anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't know what's going through my head at the moment. In the last few days, I've made some decisions on my future. I'm leaving North Wales, to start off and moving into the city. Which one? Not yet decided, but London is a contender. I'm just gonna have to sort out through the details now, with some luck I'll be able to make the move within weeks.

    Anyway, I've come home tonight and feel so confused. This Tuesday, it will have been one year since I attempted suicide. Life now is so much better - got a job and money... but is it really that great? What I seem to be missing is companionship. Yes, there's Lisa - but all she seems to want at the moment is sex. And I, quite frankly, don't. I'm feeling pretty lonely, yet by moving I could make it worse. Moving away from family, but not from friends as they've all left the area anyway. Or does that make it worse? Maybe it doesn't.

    Ooh, sorry if I'm confusing you, but I just wanted to tell someone. :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How close are you to your family?
    If when you feel lonely, they are people that can make you feel un-lonely, then maybe you should be prepared that moving away from that might be quite hard.

    I know for me, i could be in a room full of my family and still be lonely. But thats just me and my relationships with my family.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sikorah wrote:
    How close are you to your family? If when you feel lonely, they are people that can make you feel un-lonely, then maybe you should be prepared that moving away from that might be quite hard. I know for me, i could be in a room full of my family and still be lonely. But thats just me and my relationships with my family.
    Difficult question. Normally, I don't feel close to my family at all. Having just been away in London for three days, I feel slightly closer on returning, but nothing more than that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Someone please tell me why I'm crying?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *x*franki chicken*x* wrote:
    Someone please tell me why I'm crying?

    only you know the answer to that..

    or is it because your smoothies at work are no longer free?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mystifymysoul wrote:
    only you know the answer to that..

    or is it because your smoothies at work are no longer free?


    I have no idea why though. I think I just need someone around to hug. I've been thinking about Olive, and fuckface. And blah I don't know.

    And I do get free smoothies sometimes now, depends who's serving :p.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They may not be anyone around to hug.

    But I am sure there are many people who would give you an *e-hug* if you wanted one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know. But that doesn't really help that much :(.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *x*franki chicken*x* wrote:
    I know. But that doesn't really help that much :(.

    Yeah I know, hardly a consolation.

    Everyone feels lonely sometimes.

    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know, but I've been feeling lonely for a long time. My best friend is on the other side of the country, I'm not close to my family anymore after Scott, and even though I'm making the effort to make it better, it'll never be how it was. I can't talk to any of them the way I used to be able to. I have nobody I can tell everything to. I don't have the same kind of friendships and relationships that other people around me have. I rarely go out with my friends, because all they ever do is go out for meals. They never have parties or go to the cinema or anything like my sister's friends. I can't make any new friends because I have NO self-confidence and I can never believe that anyone really genuinely likes me, and it shows. I pretend to be confident, and that works until people get close to me and then I scare them off. There's more but my dinner's ready so I can't type it. Blah.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On a related note: I keep randomly crying for no reason. Fun times.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *x*franki chicken*x* wrote:
    I know, but I've been feeling lonely for a long time. My best friend is on the other side of the country, I'm not close to my family anymore after Scott, and even though I'm making the effort to make it better, it'll never be how it was. I can't talk to any of them the way I used to be able to. I have nobody I can tell everything to. I don't have the same kind of friendships and relationships that other people around me have. I rarely go out with my friends, because all they ever do is go out for meals. They never have parties or go to the cinema or anything like my sister's friends. I can't make any new friends because I have NO self-confidence and I can never believe that anyone really genuinely likes me, and it shows. I pretend to be confident, and that works until people get close to me and then I scare them off. There's more but my dinner's ready so I can't type it. Blah.

    I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with any of my school friends to be honest. Sure I have a group of friends, but no best friend or anything. I see people around me who seem so close to eachother and I know how it feels to want that. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but somehow I still feel like there is some kinda void..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mystifymysoul wrote:
    I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with any of my school friends to be honest. Sure I have a group of friends, but no best friend or anything. I see people around me who seem so close to eachother and I know how it feels to want that. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but somehow I still feel like there is some kinda void..
    That's the thing though...

    I don't even like half of them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *x*franki chicken*x* wrote:
    That's the thing though...

    I don't even like half of them.

    Then why are you still "friends" ?

    If you think it's because you can't make anymore friends, then thats wrong. There is no point hanging on to something that isn't working. In the long run it will cause more pain than good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't make any more friends though. They all have their own little groups which, much as I can talk to them and laugh with them, I will never be a proper part of.

    It's all a bit shit really.

    And oh yay I'm crying again. Fs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *x*franki chicken*x* wrote:
    I can't make any more friends though. They all have their own little groups which, much as I can talk to them and laugh with them, I will never be a proper part of.

    It's all a bit shit really.

    And oh yay I'm crying again. Fs.

    I know this is like totally cliched etc. but have you considered maybe joining some kinda club or something you are interested in? or is there no-one at work you particularly like? I mean making friends can be hard, I'm not saying its easy.

    What makes you think you aren't a "proper part"?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because they all go off and do their own things with their own groups, and they know each other better. When I was in Spain, there was one group I mainly stuck with (because my group, none of them take Spanish), but even them I felt a bit...isolated from. It's hard to explain.

    And I like the people at my work, but it's the same with them too.

    Next year I'll be doing a lot of Additional Studies, and there'll be my new IB year to make friends with. But that's not helpful atm, which is shit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know its the same?

    Try getting to know them better, invite them out etc.

    Just look forward to september when you can meet entirely new and amazing friends, who may well be in the same boat as you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because...it just IS. I barely know them. One of them is coming to my college next year, so that's cool. But two of the others...one I knew at school but lost touch with, then she got me my job after randomly seeing her in town. But they're best friends, and so cliquey. And they're all (apart from me) quite chummy with the new managers already and I'm like...wtf? How did that happen?

    It all stems from lack of confidence in myself because I don't have the guts to laugh and joke with them all the time for making myself look stupid. Blaaaaaaaaaah.
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