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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the toilets are in the other part of the building which you can only get into with a key and I'd probably have to explain why I wanted to use them to get changes and I so ashamed of the fact that I self harm and that people will realise how weak and stupid I am I don't want to tell them
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talk to the pe teacher to see if u can change somewhere else. like someone else said you dont have to go into detail.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok...I have a dilemma.

    I recently cut quite badly over a scar that was already there and quite bad. Thing is, I'm going to Kenya in like a month and a bit, and I get the feeling this is gonna be one of those scars that will be really obvious for a long time. I need to know what I could use that will either hide it totally (like a waterproof foundation type thing) or make it almost disappear very quickly for when I go in the pool and things (I can't not, as they'd think it odd).

    So yeh, any ideas?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont find foundation or cover up works too well unless its to even out redness.
    It doesnt disguise big scars that well, hides some redness but not the actual scarred skin.
    Ive got lines in my arm where the razor has gone, but its not a scar and i though cover up would fill in the lines but it doesnt even do that.

    Best thing ive found is one of them wrist sweatband type of things. I got a black and pink one from claires accessories a while back and i got a pink studded bracelet thing for the other arm so it doesnt look to obvious.

    Big, chunky bangles and cuffs and stuff are everywhere right now so maybe you could fine something that fits over the worst part and that can get wet?
    I also find it helps to restricts me to only cutting one area of my arm.

    Just thought, tacky, but temporary tattoos?? Stick on body jewellery??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got bio-oil from superdrug it's about ₤10 and it's really good at healing cuts and scars quickly. try and restrict cutting yourelf though like using ice on the places you normally cut because i carried on cutting while i used and while it cleared them up quicker I've still got loads of new ones
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bio oil is supposed to be quite good franki, plus those sweat band things you can wear all the time too. even in the pool!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh, but it's kinda like...not on my arms. It's on the top of my leg.

    I may have to fork out for that bio oil stuff then. Fun >.<
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh ok. what about a sarong or those little shorts? you may be able to get waterproof scar make-up if you ask boots.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So yeh, any ideas?

    board shorts. :yes:

    although you will get a silly suntan.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can get bikinis that have a short skirt with them that you wear over the bottoms and its part of the set so you wouldnt even have to take it off.

    They have more in the argos additions catalogue but heres two that were on the website;

    http://www.additionsdirect.co.uk/assets/Additions/XL/F/F9176CKS05.jpg

    http://www.additionsdirect.co.uk/assets/Additions/XL/F/F9208AKS05.jpg
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    board shorts. :yes:

    although you will get a silly suntan.
    I may do that. Yes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how low down on your leg is it franki? I have scars on the top of my legs and hips so i always wear thoughs hotpant bikinis
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Looking for Help

    Hi Guys
    I'm in a bit of a state again. There's only one thing that I can think about.
    My family have always said that suicide is a sellfish act, its an easy way out and that it hurts t all the people that are left behind. I know this may seem hard, but its getting to the stage where I just dont care any more. There is nothing left in this life for me. Iv'e been like thi for so lng that I dont have any real friends anymore. I dont know anyone. I'm trapped in this shit holw with no where to go, noting to do, and no one to talk to. I'm a bisexual virgin that still lives at home with his mother and mentaly ill brother. I just want to lay down and die.

    My mother suffers with depression so I can talk to her. I can tak to my older brother as he has so many worries of his own to deal with and he's attempted it b4 himself. my farther has know idea of what i am going through.

    This might seem like the only person that I am thinking about is myself. but I think Im thinking of every one but myself. If I wasnt I wouldn't be here now.

    I don't trust phycollogists so there no good to me. What ellse is there left to do?

    some one please help me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go to your GP and exlpain your feelings. If you end up with a physcologist you wait a while and get to know them more as soon one who wants to help and a person not as as medical proffesional.


    IMO suicide is only selfish when the person hasn't tried everything but it. You don't seem like you have.

    I know you must feel tired of trying, I know the feeling, but try to think of how your mum who already has depresion would cope with losing a child. not very well. I mean I could list the effects it might have on people but I bet you've heard it before.

    If you write down your problems, hell make a list! And then you can often see the list is shorter than you expected it to be. The ones remaining will eithier ease pain wise with time (beaverament, abuse etc), be resolved as you get older and get more freedom (get to move out, leave school or wahtever your doing) or I bet you could work on them.

    How old are you out of interest, you sound youngish to me. Well theres so much more of life for you to do , you really do have the potential to do almsot anything. Don't let the anything be lost to suicide.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fucking.Hate.Summer.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fucking.Hate.Summer.

    couldn't agree more. it's shit.

    yesterday mum goes "i've come to a conscious decision not to worry about your cutting anymore. it's obviously bad or you wouldn't be wearing winter pyjamas on the hottest day of the year." and then stormed off.
    (i was being lazy in my pyjamas, but yes, i had to cover up the latest of my handiwork)

    i can't win. if i wear short sleeves she gets all upset and also won't stop looking and looking horrified, then commenting on how i shouldn't wear short sleeves cos it upsets people. but then i wear long sleeves to make her happy and get told off for that too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Summer's not a problem if you think about where you're going to cut.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it tough because of the scarring, I can't take being questioned
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how low down on your leg is it franki? I have scars on the top of my legs and hips so i always wear thoughs hotpant bikinis

    It's quite low down. Like down to about half way down my thigh. I bought some Vitamin C/zinc tablets the other day, but I go to Kenya in less than a month and there's no way in hell it's gonna clear up enough by then. I'll try those hotpant bikinis but I dunno if they'll be long enough. Hm.

    On another note - my computer got taken away on Sunday (am at college atm). Because Jake (not meaning to) made my sister cry. And I've stopped being able to pretend to my mum that I'm ok and that I'm happy and she's just been on and on at me recently about how I'm stuck up in my room doing nothing all the time. I try and do stuff but I don't have the energy. Thing is, it feels like I can't do anything right anymore. I'm getting told off for sitting upstairs in my room all the time, but when I go downstairs I get told off for not having done anything. Plus the tension between my mum and my stepdad is so fucking obvious and I hate sitting there feeling like I can't say a word in case I get snapped at again. I get told off for staying at home all day, but then when I come into college I get told off because I'm supposed to be doing volunteer work etc. Also - when I go to college I'm getting told off because they think I'm using it as an excuse to be social, when two days ago I was being told off for putting my priorities onto my Internet friends and my life online, and that I should be going out more with my real friends.

    I also got told yesterday that my sister feels inferior to me, because she was doing worse in college than me...er...hi, I dropped out. And I don't understand how she feels inferior to me when every single thing in her room is better than what I have. She gets a brand new laptop, I get a second-hand one that the battery runs out on within 10 minutes. She gets a TV...the original deal was that if she got a TV, I got a computer. But that went out the window too. And she has a fucking huge room and all kinds of new shit to go in it, and I'm just stuck in my fucking box bored out of my mind.

    Apparently I have to go out with her more. Because I need to make a better relationship with her. Even though she irritates the fuck out of me because all she ever does when she comes in my room to "talk" to me is stand in front of my mirror and play with my fucking hair and say "Fran, can I straighten your hair tonight?". I don't want to go out with her because it is probable that she will bring her girly friends with her. And I like them, but I just CANNOT do that whole girly girly screaming pink thing. I'd rather just stay at home by myself because that's the kind of person I am. But no, I have to "meet her in the middle", the middle apparently being what she wants. Because I'm not allowed any privacy anymore. Great.

    Fuck this. I'm ending up in tears almost every fucking night now. I feel so fucking low that I can't hide it from my mother any more, but I can't tell her because she'd get angry with me and that would just make things worse. The doctor hasn't said whether he's going to give me pills or not yet, and he hasn't told me if I'm going to be going back to counselling or not. I can't fucking deal with this much longer. I've been so tempted to just leave my house and never come back, but I'd have nowhere to go.

    Fucking hell, I'm such a twat.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're not a twat Franki *hugs* . You're going through a rough time, and no one around you seems to understand.

    On the note of your sister, the whole standing in your room and trying to talk to you - my mother does that. She comes up, sits down, says "Talk to me then" and it feels so forced and false that I rarely know what to say or feel like she's there because she wants to be. And just walking in to my room , yes yes I have a flight of stairs and no door that leads directly into my room...but it means people just walk in regardless and it feels like I'm being invaded.

    But you do have to escape your room sometime. I'm terrible for staying up there because I have the things that interest me all around me, and all myown personal things that I feel comfortable with there. After a while though, I reach the evening and just feel quite trapped and isolated, and it brings my mood down. The weathers gorgeous at the moment, just sitting outside could maybe help elevate your mood a little?

    My older bro gets all the treats too - lent tons of money, £80 trainers which he gets through in a minute and mama buys him more. TV, new cars (yes cars, he's a twat with his vehicles) and just seems to exploit my parents. He has a go at me for being the brightone and my parents say I'm more independant than him and so in affect he tends to need the more...bleeding them dry and getting all he wants is obviously what that means! I don't know why it works like that, my ex used to have the same thing with his brother and I know a few others like it...you just have to remember...that it's not your fault she's not doing well. If your doing better...than you're earning that - and you should acknowledged for the good way in which you work, and appose to being made to feel guilty because she's not working as hard? Is there anyway you can tell your mama so it hits home, that being around the friction between her and your stepdad makes it uncomfortable to be around them. That you should be made to feel in the wrong because your sisters not doing as well as you, and that she seems to get the better end of any deal?

    All I can offer now - but you're not a twat Franki, you're a lovely person and you're going through a rough time of it

    *hug*

    Malt x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The thing is though, she does get acknowledgement when she works hard and gets good marks. I don't, really. I kinda shouted at my mum and my older sister last night. It was bad. I've never done that before. I'm just getting so pissed off with them twisting things and making them out to be worse than they were. My mum said Jake was gloating about making Lizzy cry last night, and I was just so pissed off with her saying that that I just shouted at her "HE WAS NOT!" and bleh.

    I dunno. I guess I just need to talk to her, but I don't know how. She's always busy etc. and because my stepdad's such a miserable cunt it's stressing her out.

    I just can't do it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    <3 for franki.

    you know where i am sweety. you've done good things this week x x x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aaaaaargh for fuck's sake. I came out in a rash all over and it turns out, just as the Prozac started working, that I'm allergic to it! I now have a rash that's making anything but sitting upright really uncomfortable and is all over my eyelids :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im SUCH a loser. I bailed on counselling today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im SUCH a loser. I bailed on counselling today.
    So what?

    Go back next week.

    I missed quite a few therapy sessions in my time because I didn't feel up to it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told my mummy about doctorness. He wanted to see her next week so that was my mission to tell her. I think we have a kind of understanding now though, this is good. And I get to look after the new dog when we get it in September. Go me etc.

    Was fucking scary telling her though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh god.
    Life seems to be getting even more fucked up!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki, glad it went ok.

    David I'm glad its not just me. I feel so silly today but yesterday I just couldn't bare the thought of doing it. It's so tough. But worth it I reckon.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel stupid. I feel like I should never have bothered going to the doctors in the first place. It was all just a waste of time. I didn't get what I wanted out of it. It made me feel better for a while but now I'm pretty much back to square one with nobody at home understanding how I feel and my mum being able to convince everyone that I'm just immature. That I just need to deal with my problems better and act my age because I'm going through what every normal teenager goes through. Fuck them. Fuck the both of them. I just feel like a stupid little child for bothering to try and help myself, and I have been made (unintentionally maybe, but I have been none the less) to feel stupid for feeling like I do. And he made me show him my cut on my leg from when I saw Scott. And I got told that "little scratches like that won't result in any permanent scarring". Fuck off. Fuck off fuck off fuck off. It's only fucking disappearing 'cause I've been using Bio Oil on it for a week. Fuck them. Fuck the lot of them. Fuck them if they think I'm ever gonna tell them anything again. Fuck the doctors. It was pointless. Absolutely fucking pointless. And she showed him the letter I wrote her. With the one I wrote directed at Scott attached to it. The amount of times I said "that was not directed at you, I just thought you should see it" and neither of them were fucking listening to me. Neither of them. I should just not have bothered. I'm just a stupid, stupid, stupid little girl. Fuck them telling me to act my age. FUCK THEM. I'm fucking 16 not 36. I can't help the fact that I have shitty emotions. I can't help the fact that I'm fucking shit at dealing with anything that gets thrown at me. She was just sitting there talking to him about me like I'm some kind of attention-seeking little cow. And I couldn't say anything to her because I didn't want a fucking argument with her in the car. They were talking about how mum's anger and everyone's reactions to things is predictable. I fucking know it's predictable, that's why I never tell her anything. It's hardly nice being fucking shouted at ffs. Even though I know that it calms down eventually, it's not nice being shouted at in the first place. It's not nice having your mother be angry at you for things when you tell her, and be angry at you when you don't tell her. I couldn't give two shits whether she calms down afterwards, she gets so angry that it scares me into not telling her anything when she does.

    So fuck them. I'm not even gonna bother anymore. I give up.

    And now I'm sat here in the library at college almost in tears because this is never gonna get better. Never never never never never never never never never. It's just going to be stalemate forever. I'm sorry kiddies, I failed you. And now I give up trying to help myself. It's pointless.

    And I miss the Olive.

    Franki
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