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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
As I'm sure you've been made aware by recent posts, the site has a variety of people, and opinions on here. We come from different places; from different backgrounds, and yet we share so much. In some ways, we further these ties by other online communities, LiveJournal, or MSN, for example.

It has been both interesting and saddening to meet people and to share in part of their lives. People who are talented, who are witty, and lovely company, people who are stunningly gorgeous, and who can do more things that I ever could; but who are not happy.

We all, at some stage, feel low. How many of us, for example, came here seeking support when we felt low, and stayed because we liked the place or the people?

Too many of the people I care about and count as friends are depressed, some of them to the extent of self harm. This is not something I know anything about, and I cannot help them.

So, what I would like to do is this. I would like to have this thread as a place where people can share experiences of self-harm, that they can talk to people who have been through it, and come out on the other side, and hopefully, advice can be given on how to help yourself, and what to say as a friend of someone who's self-harming.

Let me first establish a few ground rules. If they're broken, folks, I'll close and delete the thread before the mods get anywhere near it.
  1. This is a sharing thread. You cannot judge other people, not criticise what they've done; it's their life, folks.
  2. Please do not use this as an excuse for bitching at people.
  3. Equally, please let's try not to turn this in to a game of oneupmanship of depressive events, or whatever. We're sharing, not competing
  4. Finally, if anybody insults or puts people down on this thread, I swear to God I will come and make your life a living hell. Don't even think it, folks.

As a final note, I appreciate that this could equally be in health. However, I would like it to stay here for a while, and gather some replies and momentum before we move it in to another forum where it may prove slightly less useful to people.

Links which may help you;

What is depression?

The Site Guide to Mental Health

Self Harm details [Site Guide]

Self-Harm Resource page

We've had a tough time of late, both as a community, and as individuals, it would seem. Let's try and put a foot on the road to making what we can better.

DJP
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was uber depressed last night, and my mood was not improved by the fact the every pair of scissors in the house were blunt :rolleyes:
    Self harm = release, and I'd be pretty lost without it, which cannot be healthy.
    Yeti suggested a pensil sharpener blade. So I'm going to try that.

    It's worryign that slef harm has become more or less socially acceptable now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Depression and Self-Harming - Please read
    Originally posted by DJP
    People who are talented, who are witty, and lovely company, people who are stunningly gorgeous, and who can do more things that I ever could; but who are not happy.

    Stop it. You're embarrsing me:blush:

    Edited to take out naughtyness

    :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    During the summer I did an investigation into self harm that was very interesting and led me to make some conclusions, I dont really think this is the place to share them because they break the rules.

    However, whilst I can never understand why people do it (I am of the firm belief that you simply cannot understand someone else's motivation for something unless you *are* them, you can only truely know your own experiences) and can appreciate why people feel the need to do it.

    Like emsie said, it is starting to become socially acceptable, which worries me.

    A few weeks ago my boyfriend did it to himself, with a pair of scissors, and he has a scar now. He says it hurt so much that he would never do it again, but he said he felt like the release of blood was the release of all his pent up feelings. It made me sad to know that, even after he had seen all of my research, he still did it. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Only done it a couple of times when with my ex and hugely frustrated and upset, usually cutting my hands or banging my head (know that makes me sound really deranged). I prefer to go out and exercise now, to go out on my bike far far and very fast, it works a lot better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, i can only speak personally, coz don't know anyone else who does it. With me its basically about power. No matter how shit my life gets, i can always make it worse by cutting my arm, leg or face to ribbons. Hurrah:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It makes me feel better.
    I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

    I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty
    Only done it a couple of times when with my ex and hugely frustrated and upset.....banging my head (know that makes me sound really deranged).

    Does that count as self harm?
    Because i always seem to do that quite a lot when i am stressed - it went right through my bedroom wall once.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Smash
    It makes me feel better.
    I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

    I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.

    Hmmmmm someone didn't read DJP's rules did they?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Smash
    It makes me feel better.
    I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

    I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.


    i feel the same way, it is like peeing or something, though not as common, it is something that people do that, unless they want to and with somebody who cares, doesn't need to be discussed.

    i see it all the time, people cut themsleves and go around and brag about it, when it is done like that, call me rude and cold, but i dont' give a fuck, if a person is truly looking for help then the situation is different. i dont' like it when people are like, oh, you cut yourself, and i hate people that do it in such obvious places, only looking for people to comment on it.

    now i'm not bitching at people on here, i am talking about the people who i know, the people who i see on the streets, the ones that cut their forearms and walk around with the t-shirts and go up to people and are like, oh no, look what i did last night. the people who unless you mention their new cut, they seem to get angry.

    people posting on here about their issues, that if fine, becasue people can help on here, that is the main reason why people do it, but its the others that bug me.

    yea i do it, no i don't care and no i don't think it is a personal problem for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by my_name
    and i hate people that do it in such obvious places, only looking for people to comment on it.



    tell me about it coughkatherinecough
    I hate people seeing my scars...I dont mind you guys knowing cos...well let's be honest, you ain't gonan stop me, and I'm not looking for you to care unless you actually like me and care for that. I loathe people noticing, I can't wear short sleeves anymore, and I've started doing it in places people never see, like the tops of my thighs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having been on quite a few BBS forums, and read quite a few blogs, such as Livejournal, it amazes me that so many people are into self harm. It also amazes me how many people are depressed too.
    I don't think it's a case of self harm becoming "acceptable", I think the phrase "more widely known about" would be better. It can never be acceptable as it's not normal.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
    It also amazes me how many people are depressed too.

    Without seeming or wanting to be critical, depression seems to be the new bisexual/gay. Last year it was hip to be queer/bi, at the moment it seems to be hip to be depressed. Please note i'm not talking about here. I know peeps who continually go on about how depressed they are. Yeah depressed because they can't find sun dried tomatoes for their fafalle cabonara:rolleyes:

    Depression seems to be a buzz word in society at the moment, and you can't be a fully functioning unit, without a mental health problem. Well guys you don't get depressed because you're best friend is going to the pictures without you. It often annoys me the trivial things that people use as an excuse for being depressed. Yeah, i know different people react in different ways to things, but this flagrant use of the word depression really annoys me. Let's get one thing very clear. Depression is a seroius mental illness. It develops over months and years, not overnight. It can, in my case, take years to develop and takes many forms.

    I'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone's problems, or make myself look more ill than them or even say they aren't depressed. But i've read some peoples problems here and seen/heard about other peoples problems, and they just seem to be caught up in the dynamic of depression, which unfortunately debases depression and makes it look like we're all a load of whingers. One thing i worry about, when i see my CPN or GP or psychiatrist, is that i won't be believed. My psychiatrist said 2 weeks ago that it's because of the generalisation and use of the word depression that suffers feel isolated and unbelieved.

    Oooooooo long post. Stop now:D

    Kevvy XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RubberSkin
    One thing i worry about, when i see my CPN or GP or psychiatrist, is that i won't be believed.

    when i first went to see my GP to tell ehr about it she said

    "So you think you were raped?"
    Like she thought I was making it up, it made me feel so horrible.

    I'm now worried whether I'm one of the people you mean. I use depressed in the sense of the word unhappy, not serious mental illness. I'm sorry. I self harm and am on anti-depressants, insomnia, anorexia/bulimia. But....depressed? I'm not sure now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by evilemsie
    "So you think you were raped?"
    Like she thought I was making it up, it made me feel so horrible.

    Awwwwww hon. That's sooooooooo bad :(

    I've read your posts and i know you're not a faker. I had a similar thing with my psychiatrist a few years ago. "so when were you first raped kevin?" "When i was 7" "Are you sure that's correct?" What a fucking wanker:rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was that bitching? Ah crap.
    I'll delete it if it bothers anyone, I just whacked my opinion down, based on an experience I had just last week.

    Apologies where necessary.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to do it but i guess what caused me to do it has stopped now. I dunno what made me do it at first but it just felt better when i did. I do regret it sometimes cos i have nasty scars on my arms but it wasnt something i could help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like a lot of people on here, yeah, i use to self harm, and actually, it's only now that i've stopped that i can really talk about it. I went through a phase last year that i had quite a lot of difficulty dealing with (MAJOR relationship problems, ill with M.E, stressed about exams, etc...) and i ended up cutting. I tried to kill myself and developed an eating disorder (which i only realised afterwards was a disorder) and it was at that point i realised i had a problem, and went to the doctor. Unlike the experiences some of you have had with your doctors, mine was very sympathetic and helpful, and put me on anti-depressants (we talked it through and decided i didn't need councilling, it was just a bad patch that i needed help getting through). I went on Prozac for 6 months and i just started feeling.. better, i suppose, and came off them. Recently i haven't had a great time of it, and i've had kinda worse phases, but i don't want to get back into the cycle of self harming again, mainly cos i don't want anyone (and yes, it is generally relationship triggered :rolleyes: ) to have that sort of control over me. Instead of cutting, i go for long walks, or runs (depending on how energetic i feel!) or i have started punching walls, which i suppose is another form of self harm, but it doesn't scar.. i hate not being able to wear short sleeved stuff in the summer, cos when i get tanned, my scars show worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have any of you got last weeks News of The World Magazine dated 13th October.
    There is a piece in there about someone who used to self harm, it goes through her story. This girl has turned her life around. She set up a charity - The Self Harm Alliance (SHA), she now has a job as a community mental health worker, shes also started a helpline.
    The web address is www.selfharmalliance.org (am I allowed to put that web address up? please let me know if its not allowed)
    They also have a Helpline called SHA helpline and can be contacted Wednesday to Sunday between 7pm & 8pm.

    If any of you have a copy of the magazine it might be worth you reading it:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Might have helped if I put the Telephone number on:)
    01242 578820

    Sorry about that;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was really depressed a couple of years back (bullying issues), and there were times when I hated myself so much I felt I should punish myself for being so stupid, and I was really close to harming myself. I was actually sitting there at my desk with my compasses, but I wimped out after I scratched my skin a little tiny bit. I don't think I'd ever do it again. Too chicken.

    I'm all better now though. Good luck to everyone who's depressed at the moment - you'll make it through okay. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Edited due to DJP's request.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Onenatcons made a post which I felt to be inappropriate. I made this point to him, and he has edited the post out of decency.

    I thank him for his tact, and publicly do so.

    *edited to make the thread make sense*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *applauds*

    Brilliant thread DJP. :)

    But I have nothing more to add. I've never been depressed, despite recent situations, and I've never self harmed. However, a lot of my friend, RL and Net, do, and I feel like I've learned a great deal from them.

    To everyone who does - good luck getting through it. It's tough, but remember, there are always people to help you. It's just a case of being willing to seek the help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A couple of things from your variyijng posts -

    "Depression as the gay"
    I always thought this until a couple of months ago when everything that could go wrong for me in my life did.
    But now I'm "living depressioN" I cannae agree less with that statement.
    Depression is horrible, speaking from my own shit as thats all I can do, its like a constant numbness, a black cloud hanging over your eyes constantly.
    And poeple tell you to "get over it", "deal with it" but they don't understand, no-one can understand unless they've been through it.
    Sorry, ranting agin!!

    "Is banging head on door counted?"
    I do it alot, i would probably cut myself too if i didn't pass out at the drop of a drop of blood.
    My head is really bumpy and shit, I did tell someone who I thought I was my closest mate, but he just laughed at me and told me I was weird. I dunno if that makes sense?
    ________
    Vaaapp
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by RubberSkin


    Without seeming or wanting to be critical, depression seems to be the new bisexual/gay. Last year it was hip to be queer/bi, at the moment it seems to be hip to be depressed. Please note i'm not talking about here. I know peeps who continually go on about how depressed they are. Yeah depressed because they can't find sun dried tomatoes for their fafalle cabonara:rolleyes:

    Depression seems to be a buzz word in society at the moment, and you can't be a fully functioning unit, without a mental health problem. Well guys you don't get depressed because you're best friend is going to the pictures without you. It often annoys me the trivial things that people use as an excuse for being depressed. Yeah, i know different people react in different ways to things, but this flagrant use of the word depression really annoys me. Let's get one thing very clear. Depression is a seroius mental illness. It develops over months and years, not overnight. It can, in my case, take years to develop and takes many forms.

    I'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone's problems, or make myself look more ill than them or even say they aren't depressed. But i've read some peoples problems here and seen/heard about other peoples problems, and they just seem to be caught up in the dynamic of depression, which unfortunately debases depression and makes it look like we're all a load of whingers. One thing i worry about, when i see my CPN or GP or psychiatrist, is that i won't be believed. My psychiatrist said 2 weeks ago that it's because of the generalisation and use of the word depression that suffers feel isolated and unbelieved.

    Oooooooo long post. Stop now:D

    Kevvy XxX

    I'm sure there are people who claim to be depressed when in fact they're just melodramatic. But you have to be very careful about getting at people for not having a good enough reason for being depressed. If you're depressed yourself I'm sure you know how easy it is for a tiny thing to set you off on a spiral, and i'm sure you also know that there are plenty of people who are depressed without any good 'reason': it's important that it becomes widely understood that depression can be due to a chemical imbalance, and is often seen repeated in families. it can be a strightforward disease like any other. Just because it's mental rather than physical doesn't make it any less valid, nor any less OK to be treated for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've posted this once before.

    When I was 19 my life was hell. Nothing really that bad happend if I'm honest. But my family had moved away and I was alone and struggling to cope with a college course on very little money. I convinced myself I could manage but because they were away and only visited now and then I felt abandoned and crap.

    I took an overdose of sleeping pills I'd had prescribed for my depression. At the time it felt right. But then I realised what I'd done and asked my friends to help me. They took me to casualty. While I was in hospital I was treated like shit. Because of what I'd done, my symptons were irrelevant. I needed no help, when in actual fact I needed a huge amount of love and support which I never received.

    I'm lucky. I was strong enough to carry on regardless of medical opinion and I overcame my depression. Some people aren't so lucky yet they receive the same treatment I did. If you fall into that category you need to fight for proper help. Or email somebody like me and we'll help you through or find the right people to do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fifi La Drools
    While I was in hospital I was treated like shit.

    Of all the ODs i've done, only once did i phone 999 for help, and like you EVERY time was treated like shit. Who the hell do these nurses/doctors think they fucking are? It's not their place to judge me, just treat me. Whatever the reason for someone's OD, or whatever attempt, it has absolutely no bearing on their treatment.:mad: :mad: :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Prufrock
    Just because it's mental rather than physical doesn't make it any less valid, nor any less OK to be treated for it.

    Yup, it's that oh so mystical word mental. When i was first sectioned (basically i can be physically restrained from leaving hospital) in 1994 i was shit scared. To me mental/psychiatric hospital meant unwashed people with long hair, running down corridors with axes and knives. When i was literally dragged to hospital i was screaming and crying i was so scared because i had the typical view that mental evokes. Hmmmmmm very wrong was i. Ooooooo sound like yoda :)

    But even now peeps are scared of the word, and mental health always gets a bad attitude. People don't understand mental health issues, therefore they're afraid of it, therefore they'll fight it or run away from it (flight or fight syndrome), both of which do nothing to help that person. Catch 22 in a way, but not much we can do about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was wondering about Scarlett too, but meh. I think it might be a literary character:p

    Anyhoo, I havent really cut for all that long, maybe 18 months, and I seem to be moving away from the need to, but Ive been so lucky that people seemed to believe me. Depression and cutting are almost fashionable these days, which is a point I think Elizabeth Wurtzel makes very succinctly, and its meaning that genuine sufferers are getting badly treated.

    Teen angsters irritate the fuck out of me, because they seemt o crave the attention that being "depressed" gave them. Dont get me wrong, people who cut for attention DO need help, people dont seek attention unless theyre not getting any, but I dont think that theyre helping the cause of self-harming, because most self-harmers do it hidden as a way of deliberately injuring themselves. And yes, cigarette burns, banging heads, and so on all count as self-harming.

    Another problem is that doctors think everyone is teen angsting at first, even I had to go to (different) doctors twice to get help. And I was lucky- the second doctor, when I got to university, was amazing, getting me referred to a psychiatric unit for evaluation pretty quickly, even though they had no room for new patients for about 18 months. I was also very lucky that a vacancy came up in Durham (the unit was in Newcastle), so Im getting teh help I need. Most people are not. Unless you try to kill yourself or someone else, you dont get the help you need, 99/100 times.

    I always try to give sympathy, because I know what its like to feel so alone and helpless, I spent a whole summer literally waiting to die, and now Im not embarassed to talk about it. Every time I see someone whos in distress I offer them someone to talk to, although not many take me up on that offer:(

    Oh well,
    this is me. Does really need udpating though:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit, if you send me an update I'll add it on, S
    :)
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