Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Former Member

Had one of my "suicidal bouts" this morning. I woke up feeling rather edgy. Later, I just started getting thoughts about killing myself. I started crying, and then about five minutes later, the thoughts suddenly disappeared. It was like my mind had gone completely blank. What the hell's going on inside my head?

Former Member

So remember next time you feel suicidal- the thoughts DO pass.

Former Member

FallenAngel84 wrote:

So remember next time you feel suicidal- the thoughts DO pass.

Yeah - it's just a shame the bastards can't stay away. :mad:

Former Member

I'm very sad to see a spiteful vindictive cow starting on someone when they come to this thread for help. I think it is a disgrace, and melodie should be ashamed of herself. She won't be, but such is life. I've spent so much time in this thread, I don't want to see it all go to waste. Help or fuck off, children.

Anyway.

SG, the trouble with very bad feelings is they become self-fulfilling. When yuou start feeling a bit sad you drag yourself down more and more, it's very important to recognise when you're starting to feel sad and to do something else to try and stop them from taking over your mind. Do you go straight into suicidal feelings, or do you start by feeling a bit useless, and then you use that feeling to "prove" you're worthless, and then use your worthlessness to "prove" hyou should do the world a favour and kill yourself?

Sorry if that didn't make a lot of sense, it was what happened with me. Some minor thing would happen, I would feel embarrassed, the embarrassment would make me feel useless and worthless, and the feelings of worthlessness would make me so angry that I'd cut, or it would make me so despairing I would pop pills or make myself sick.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

Some minor thing would happen, I would feel embarrassed, the embarrassment would make me feel useless and worthless, and the feelings of worthlessness would make me so angry that I'd cut, or it would make me so despairing I would pop pills or make myself sick.

I can relate to that. I think that's why I'm struggling despite the fact that things seem ok really. The minute the smallest thing happens (and the triggers are getting smaller) I leap on it, almost like a relief or an excuse. Except at the time it doesn't feel that way it feels like the only way out of the feeling is, as you say, to cut, binge or make myself sick.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

SG, the trouble with very bad feelings is they become self-fulfilling. When you start feeling a bit sad you drag yourself down more and more, it's very important to recognise when you're starting to feel sad and to do something else to try and stop them from taking over your mind. Do you go straight into suicidal feelings, or do you start by feeling a bit useless, and then you use that feeling to "prove" you're worthless, and then use your worthlessness to "prove" you should do the world a favour and kill yourself?

It varies hugely. Some days, I wake up and feel a bit jittery, to put it that way. That is, I'm rather edgy and moody for no apparent reason. That can lead on to the suicidal feelings. Currently, when I get these feelings, what I do is either have a nap or I try and read a book or a newspaper - basically anything to get a temporary escape.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

It varies hugely. Some days, I wake up and feel a bit jittery, to put it that way. That is, I'm rather edgy and moody for no apparent reason. That can lead on to the suicidal feelings. Currently, when I get these feelings, what I do is either have a nap or I try and read a book or a newspaper - basically anything to get a temporary escape.

then you're doing good Danny. distractin yourself is part of getting better an better. trust me I know. I'm there right now. And anytime you feel SU think about things you're looking forward to, comin to london again etc. I do know its hard. Im jus a pm away as always xxx

Former Member

Girl_gunner wrote:

then you're doing good Danny. distractin yourself is part of getting better an better. trust me I know. I'm there right now. And anytime you feel SU think about things you're looking forward to, comin to london again etc. I do know its hard. Im jus a pm away as always xxx

Thanks, I'll remember that.

Former Member

Im not like that, i just find suddenly im feeling suicidal. Sometimes it passes within the day sometimes it lasts a week or so.
I just dont let myself stop long enough to think about it. I do pointless things like driving all the way to town, for something random like a dvd, just to pass the time.

Former Member

*gone*

littlemissy

swank wrote:

I don't know why... but after going two weeks of no self hamr it suddenyl seems a really crap achievemnt and it feels so pathetic that it was this much of a struggle.
I don't feel proud I feel awful.

Two weeks is a wonderful achievement and not crap in any way. You spent 2 weeks without the need (or fighting the need) to harm yourself and that is definitely something to feel proud of.

*hugs*

Former Member

*gone*

littlemissy

swank wrote:

But I can't make myself feel good about it, I just feel crap that it was this much of a struggle. I'm so tired of all this... I guess I'll feel differnt in a few hours... but until then

Try and distract yourself for a little while then. Go out, go to the gym, go for a run or something. Force yourself to do something for a couple of hours.

Then you may start realising that you have actually done a good thing, something to feel very proud of.

Former Member

how do you deal with being scared of what you're going to do to yourself?

Former Member

I honestly don't know. I know I've got through it before but I can't tell you how. Hugs, though, hope you're ok. Try to focus on something else.

Former Member

Yeh I'm trying I jsut feel like I'm having a breakdown. My anxiety/panic/whatever attacks are back. I hadn't had any for like 6 months before this week. I feel so sick. I dunno what's happening.

Former Member

Try to occupy yourself, try to relax. It's so tough for you right now but I know you can do it. Lots of people here have faith in you.

Love. x

Former Member

What's happened pet?

JsT

Tell MYT to fuck off. Plenty more airlines who wont treat you like shit like MYT.

Former Member

MYT are c.unts, they're notorious for treating staff like shite.

Former Member

I experience a sexual act withthe same sex in the attempt to discover more about my sexuality, which in a effect led me to self harm. I felt depressed, and like a feak because i wanted more and more of the sexual act. But its ok now. when I become depressed, usually over school or home, i consider self harm a way of punishing me further. I feel as though i deserve pain, and being how I have the emotional pain I might as well have the physical pain as well. Your friends can try tostop you, throw compasses in the bin, but they will never stop you completely, i hear that you have to stop out of your own accord. I would always find ways around to cut to something sharp, and a pencil sharpener blade has been most effective so far.

Former Member

Hey there.

Are you saying that you started self-harming because you felt guilty about what happened with another member of the same sex?

And when you say "it's ok now" does that mean you aren't curious about sleeping with the same sex or that you've stopped hurting yourself?

I get the impression you do still self-harm and it sounds like you have a lot to work through, so maybe you should consider a form of counselling to help you stop? But you're right, they can only help you as long as you're prepared to be helped.

Good luck.

Picc.
x

Former Member

*gone*

Former Member

I don't wear short sleeves even when I don't have open cuts and I hate it. I can empathise there.

Former Member

*gone*

Former Member

back for easter hols with family here and yes i can so empathise.

Former Member

Just a little update. The trial period at the office has ended. The boss told me earlier that I won't be needed again. They can't hire me, for the simple reason there's a lack of business. I'm disappointed, but not entirely surprised. It's a bit of a downer. I'm not sure what exactly happens next, I think I'll have to talk to the agency to see where we go from here.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

Just a little update. The trial period at the office has ended. The boss told me earlier that I won't be needed again. They can't hire me, for the simple reason there's a lack of business. I'm disappointed, but not entirely surprised. It's a bit of a downer. I'm not sure what exactly happens next, I think I'll have to talk to the agency to see where we go from here.

At least you're keeping at it if you know what I mean. I understand you feel like shit but the company letting you go is not a reflection on your capabilities as a worker, it's just you've be placed with a shit company, a bunch of annoying co-workers and very little in the way of decent pay and work.

There are better jobs out there though and a different situation, group of people etc...might help to make up for it the first time round. My very first experience - the people were rude to me, nasty and spiteful to me, ignored me etc...and now I'm happy as larry and treated with respect etc...

Former Member

Being in this area, things are pretty restricted at the moment. I hope to find another job soon, make some money and hopefully leave, never to come back.

Former Member

*gone*