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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IthinkI'mgoingtodie.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because I made the mistake of asking somebody to be honest. The truth hurts, kids. It hurts a lot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, it does
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im really sorry to everyone-im my own worst enemy-had an appointment with counsellor today but didnt go just couldnt that makes it over 3 weeks since i last went and will be four if i make anothewr appointment although im thinking of never going back ever as im just wasting her time-sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woke up feeling like crap today, tried to do stuff but all motivation has gone and left me. Life sucks, I realise now that I never really have had any friends, and my mothers getting in a right strop with me because I dont want to do anything today and really isnt helping matters I just want to tell her what she can do. The only thing holding em back is a gruesome little pact (if thats the right word) I made with someone a while ago. Theres no hope I'll never get where I want to be.:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    please dont do anything-im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I felt my mood change this afternoon. Id been feeling fairly good this week(because im doing well at starving myself and throwing up) even monday morning i was so chatty and laughing that my work mates commented that they like 'monday morning me'. But today i just suddenly felt like i was being drained, and within hours i wanted to kill myself. Now im just feeling horridly depressed and scared. And i want to self-harm. im reluctant coz my arm as only just healed from last time-over a month ago.

    sigh.

    when will it be over?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and again i harm, and again i feel like an idiot, and agian i moan about it-just want to cry but cant

    how you feeling today sikorah?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    same thanks.

    hope you feel better soon. you're not an idiot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sikorah wrote: »
    same thanks.

    hope you feel better soon. you're not an idiot.

    sorry-hope you feel better soon aswell-my counsellor keeps emailing me to go back and i just dont think i can-sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In need of help

    Lately nothing seems to be going right i have no money and i know that seems minor bt its bothering me. im behind with all my assignments coz i tried to kill myself and ended up in hosp where i cudnt do them. they released me thinking that i was gona make an appointment with sum1 bt i just find it so hard to ask for help in person. iv recently come to the conclusion that im beginning to be severely bulimic i cnt now keep ne food down without it makin me want to vomit until im retching bile - i know i am so why i cnt ask for help - because im overweight and no1 will believe me bt last night after i purged i cudnt stop shakin n my heart was racin i was really scared i tried talking to my mum abt it and she sed well u dnt look it and disregarded the subject it took a lot for me to say that and now im scared about tellin ne1 else. i know its an idiotic thing bt i am losing weight bt i dnt want that to be the way nemore bt i dnt now how i can stop. im worried that i have all this on my mind and that in the dark of night when i cnt sleep and its all going round my head i will really realise its not worth it n try to do something stupid. last time i tried to slit my wrists n got stitched bt all the times b4 that its been overdose n the last time i did they sed i wudnt survive i dnt want to die i just want this to be over. sorry to rant in comparison to everyone else my problems seem so trivial bt well i really need help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hollypoppy wrote: »
    Lately nothing seems to be going right i have no money and i know that seems minor bt its bothering me. im behind with all my assignments coz i tried to kill myself and ended up in hosp where i cudnt do them. they released me thinking that i was gona make an appointment with sum1 bt i just find it so hard to ask for help in person. iv recently come to the conclusion that im beginning to be severely bulimic i cnt now keep ne food down without it makin me want to vomit until im retching bile - i know i am so why i cnt ask for help - because im overweight and no1 will believe me bt last night after i purged i cudnt stop shakin n my heart was racin i was really scared i tried talking to my mum abt it and she sed well u dnt look it and disregarded the subject it took a lot for me to say that and now im scared about tellin ne1 else. i know its an idiotic thing bt i am losing weight bt i dnt want that to be the way nemore bt i dnt now how i can stop. im worried that i have all this on my mind and that in the dark of night when i cnt sleep and its all going round my head i will really realise its not worth it n try to do something stupid. last time i tried to slit my wrists n got stitched bt all the times b4 that its been overdose n the last time i did they sed i wudnt survive i dnt want to die i just want this to be over. sorry to rant in comparison to everyone else my problems seem so trivial bt well i really need help.

    please get help and dont disregard your problems-they are as valid as anyone elses-to be honest people who are bulimic are slighly above avwerage size so saying because you are overweight that you cant be bulimic is a false statement-please take care of yourself
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hollypoppy.. People with bulima quite often don't loose any weight, and that is a common mis-conception. Please do go and get help, go and have a chat with your GP, write down things that you want to say, maybe phone him/her during their phone in times and ask for a referral to some one, if you was in hospital, they will have a record of that. You should have been offered help whilst in hospital before being discharged.
    People are more understanding than what some people think..give it a go at getting help..what's the worst that can happen? I'm guessing that you can't feel much worse than you already do.
    Good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why however much i harm now it is not enough it needs to get deeper i need to cut deeper i need to so much ive just turned a proper knife onmyself in comparison to my normal baldes and its still not enough im sorry im soory
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why however much i harm now it is not enough it needs to get deeper i need to cut deeper i need to so much ive just turned a proper knife onmyself in comparison to my normal baldes and its still not enough im sorry im soory

    HP - thats not a good sign. If your cutting a lot deeper or with sharper blades then before to get any where near the same effect is scary. Phone the Smaritans if you need some to talk to or go and see your doctor for some proffesioial help. You have noting to be sorry for but you have to look after yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im sorry-im just a waste of space
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your not a waste or time, space or anything else. But it sounds like your depression and self harming has got a lot worse, to the extent I would be seriously worried if one of my friends in the same situation.

    I have to say it again, but I really do think you need some serious proffesional help before things get even worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry i just dont know what to do-I've pushed everyone away this time by doing it and nooone knows what to do-i told my friend just to forget me as it would just be easier for her-now i have to go and face everyone at college when all i want to be doing is harming to make the world seem that little bit easier. I'm sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow and i probably will go-the first time in over 4 weeks-i also have to face my psychology teacher today who now knows of the harm because i had a bad timein his last lesson due to it being about depression and harming-our new topic for a couple of weeks-so my friend told him and now i have to face him knowing he knows knowing he must think im such a waste of space and tim e and energy-and another moment of being with my friend with her not knowing what to say or do or anything just constantly looking at me to see if she can read me-i'm sorry for the moan i really am-i know its my own fault i shouldnt of harmed-i shouldnt of given in-i dont even seem to have a reason why i did it-i dont dseserve any help-i just deserve to die to get away from everyone so that they can get on with there lives without worrying about what im going to do next-without having to say to me its ok its fine and anything else they can think of-to not have to reassure me that they dont hate me when they must do-god im so damm useless-im so sorry everyone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to everyone-been in constant contact with counsellor today pretty much and I'm seeing her tomorrow-scared-spoke also to my psychology teacher and he was brilliant and is such a great guy-more like a mate than a tutor-my friend was ok-we had a long conversation and shes again said she will be there for me and now has more of an understanding of what I'm going through when i harm-i'm really sorry to everyone-thank you for your support-now all i do is have to kick this thing-so much easier said than done as even though had a more positive day still feel rubbish and want to harm-need to harm. just wish i could click my fingers and it would all get better-that everything would go away and id be ok-sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like you've had a tough, but stillpositive day hyper, keep your chin up and focus ont he future, you have seen the light now, so follow it to the end of the tunnel. We all have said that one day when the time is right, things will start to look up, and although it's been a tough day, you have more support and understanding now.
    Good Luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just had enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats up trev ?:D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ha.

    thanks cal needed the laugh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah your right its like Prisoner Cell Block H in here some nights :D

    will drop you a pm..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ha.

    Ignore it. The ignore fuction is a god send somedays.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just want to cut so deep and i cant cos everyone will hate me even more than they do already im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i need to harm i need to harm i need to harm i need to harm





    im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I REALLY didn't want to come back here, but help
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