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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im such an idiot- iharmed last night and agin this morning-two weeks down the drain-im such a loser-my friend was trying to make sure i didnt she kept texting me so that i would be distracted but it didnt work-i told her to leave me alone and i pushed her away too much-im sure she hates me now-i hate me now-even more than i have ever done-i wish i was dead-i told her i should be dead-im sure she agrees-im such a loser-im sorry

    Hiya, newbie here...new to the site but not to depression, SH, posting...

    I hope I'm not upsetting the status quo here, just wanted to comment, specifically to hyper person, and maybe just have a general 'shooting of the breeze' with regards to my experience of these things

    HP - you're not an idiot, or a loser. You're doing the best you can. I carved myself up like a Xmas turkey, and all I can think about is doing it again...hence sitting with laptop trying to distract myself:blush:

    Every time I do it, I hope it will be the last time. I find it helps, and coping's coping right....but OH hates it, and it makes him so upset. At the arse end of a mental breakdown ATM, so employing some fairly unhealthy techniques for getting through the day...inc. hitting the booze. I know I know, anyone who's reading this and takes/knows about AD's will tell me that it's not a good thing...but it helps.

    The thing with yesterday, I think something was definatly brewing, as I spent the day cutting, and crying, and cutting, and drinking...sounds like the lyrics of a bad country and western song. Anyway, the day culminated in me telling my OH (of 8 years) about the rape and sexual abuse in my past, which was something I always thought I would NEVER tell. He knows I've had a fucked up life, which goes part was to explaining my fucked up head (BPD):grump:

    Sorry, back to the self harm - I've been reading ALOT recently about mental illness and the like, and it turns out I've been doing it for years, but never realised it had a name. I've only turned to blades fairly recently, but looking back I've done the lot...the skin picking, scratching till i bleed, banging my head against the wall (probably why my memory is shot to pieces these days:banghead: )....I could go on. Point is, I know my disease, or whatever you want to call it - like so many of us do, but can't do much about it at this point, cept ride this particular wave till I'm back on dry land again.

    Sorry for the epic post guys....promise to be a little less wordy next time

    Vicky XXX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    suffered from depression

    I have suffered from depression and self-harming for three years now. I am on medication for both, but lately I seem to feel it’s not working. As well as having suicidal thoughts and cutting myself a lot more, I also have to deal with being obsessed with men in shows. I know it sounds weird, but it’s making me very upset and I wish I could stop, but I can’t. I see a psychiatrist once every two months, but she doesn’t seem to be helping much. Will any one tell me what shall I do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HI Smith...know how you feel, PM me if u wanna chat :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to everyone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you have nothing to apologise for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    feel like i have everything to apologise for-im just a waste of space and i cant stp harming-its all im good for
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Know how you feel, really I do....but you're not a waste of space, it's your brain playin tricks on you making you think that

    SH isn't a weakness, it's a coping mechanism...which shows you are coping, and you can fight this

    Take care

    Vicky XXX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not coping-i dont know where i am at the moment dont want to go back to counsellor-dont want to be told i have bipolar or anything-just want to die
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a permanent solution to a temporary problem - trust me

    You need some help hon, you can't battle this on your own
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it would just be easier than seeing the looks on peoples faces that ive let down
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know that feeling...but seeing their faces after you've tried to top youself is far worse, believe me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curlywurly-BPD, you referring to borderline yeah? I printed some info about it out. I know it had traits that everyone can relate to but it sounded a perfect description of me.
    Then again some people use abbreviation BPD to be bi-polar, and if u did then im waffling shite for no reason!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it would just be easier than seeing the looks on peoples faces that ive let down

    You have not let them done, especially if they know what it is your going through, they will understand.

    Whats up Sofie?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just feel like crap right now. My 'friend' is refusing to talk to me for unknown reasons and to make everything worse, I'm not feeling too well. (I've got problems with my stomach, atm)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BPD - mean bi-polar - soz for confusion
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie...just been dropped like a hot brick by a so called friend.

    Anything you wanna get off your chest?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why hon, what's up?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    xsazx wrote: »
    ignore me

    whats up?

    im sorry everyone-i no what people look like when you've tried-but i dont plan onseeing there faces after
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didnt plan on seeing there faces either, but it dont always go that way..the worst thing ever is after, the why did you do it? the im so disappointed..
    Thats really hard..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    KWYM sparky...esp. as statistically most suicide attempts are unsuccessful.

    You can end up buggering yourself up, and hurting people who love you

    Found that one out the hard way :(

    Vicky XXX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know-i know im stupid and rubbish and useless and an idiot and everything but i just want to get out
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    school will be over before you know it and GCSE's wont matter as soon as you start A-levels or whatever you plan to do after.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curlywurlygirly i said that cos i also found out the hard way, thats why i said it dont always work that way..I have tried more than once in the past, but im still here..As, like you said are unsucessful, it causes more problems later in life..

    xsazx what is the problem? is it school? I had a really bad time at school, that is what caused me most of my problems, at the time, you think you'l never get out, but just stick it out and you will get through it..Get the grades you derserve and make something of your self..

    hyper person you are not stupid and usless, you know that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know its not much and I know I sometimes dont believe it myself but things will get better.

    I know its not much but if anyone wants to talk about anything to someone that they dont know and will never see, feel free to PM me.

    Sorry I just want to help in any way I can and thats all I can really do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curlywurlygirly i said that cos i also found out the hard way, thats why i said it dont always work that way..!


    Didn't mean to come across as condecending, so sorry if that was how it was recieved....just saying I've been there, and if anyone wants to chat openly and honestly with me about it...feel free to PM me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can honestly say I know how you feel.I was bullied myself for most of the 5 years I was at school, and the teachers knew but did nothing.. I know how you must be feeling, although i was never physically bullied..
    I think that you really are doing bestg and proving the bullies wrong but getting the best you can and getting out of there.
    Im sure that your new school will be better? do you know anyone tht goes there currently..have you thought about going to college..
    I was bullied even to an extent at college, and again last year wheni went back, but I am now stronger and it was only 1 day a week.
    I know it must be tough, but don't let them win..things will get better.
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll second what Sparky said...as I was bullied ass through senior school. I'm so sorry you're not getting the help you need, and hope things will get better soon.

    Remember, the people who are bullying you ATM will be working in the supermarket/McDonalds etc... In a few years time, and you'll make a life for yourself, coz you're a survivor, not a bully
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im just a waste of space, a waste of energy and time im never going to get away from this unless i take the one way out-im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its true i am a waste of space and im sorry for wasting everyones time-and i have to face counsellor tomorrow-i wish i was dead
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