Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Former Member

hey.. long time no post..well, hardly any post at all..

i went to the doctors today, had a chat and he put me back on AD's.. i just started to mention self harm to him, as i was going to tell him about mine, as i havent spoken to anyone at all over it..

But.. he jumps into a speech about how if it wasn't in the papers at the moment, it wouldn't be anywhere near as bad..how its 'f'n stupid' and its a temporary buzz complaint that will pass. This made me feel even more worthless than i was already, knocking me down a peg or 5 and thennn..he goes on about 'look at it like this, ive seen 3 people with cancer this morning, try and get your problems into perspective'

such help these days..

[i know cancer is worse:rolleyes:]

Former Member

I would make an immediate complaint about that doctor to the practise, because that opinion is grotesquely unreasonable and professional. If people could "get over" depression they fucking would- does he think that people LIKE slicing their arms open?

I'm sorry you saw a complete cunt of a doctor, try again and don't let it put you off them.

Showing pictures of cutting injuries on a "support" website is grossly irresponsible, IMHO; all it does is give people new ideas of what to do and what to try, it serves no other purpose. It's why I delibrately avoid telling people how I cut; I don't want to give them ideas as to what to do.

Former Member

Originally posted by swank
Why dont you check out the forum there? Its extremely supportive. There IS a LOT of debate about wether the pictures help or hindered. For me I look at them when I'm thinking "i cant get any worse" and I see that people have done horrific wounds... at least im not that far gone.
Also I have a few of my own pictures there and when im feeling low and trying NOT to cut sometimes I look at them and think "I dont want to look like that again"

That's interesting. Personally I find pictures the most triggering thing, cos when you're in that frame of mind, for me it isn't a case of "I don't wanna go that bad", it's more like "I can do worse than that".

Originally posted by swank
Please don't judge psyke, I have been using that forum since october and its done nothing but "support" me.

I'm sorry, I wasn't judging, I only said that I wish I hadn't looked at the pics, I wasn't referring to the site as a whole. I'm sure it is supportive and I'm glad you have found support there.

Former Member

I'm not a regular poster on psyke. It is an effective support site for some. But for me, its more complicated. Sometimes it helps me, sometimes it hinders. I'm better off not looking to be honest. But as I said I don't know what goes through my head sometimes. I really don't. But hey, I haven't cut for a week if I last until tomro

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
But hey, I haven't cut for a week if I last until tomro

well done

keep going.

Former Member

Originally posted by SupaStar
well done

keep going.

Thanks , if only it'd last

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
I'm not a regular poster on psyke. It is an effective support site for some. But for me, its more complicated. Sometimes it helps me, sometimes it hinders. I'm better off not looking to be honest.

Everyone is different, some people will be comforted by pictures of wounds. Personally I find them triggering, and they give me ideas- publishing them on a support website is very irresponsible, and I stand by that statement.

But as I said I don't know what goes through my head sometimes. I really don't. But hey, I haven't cut for a week if I last until tomro

A week is a good start, keep up the good work hon:)

I don't think any of us know what goes through our heads, I sure as hell don't. I was in tears earlier because the tea I cooked was crap.

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit
I was in tears earlier because the tea I cooked was crap.

I was crying yesterday because I'd had an amazing day and I got really upset when I knew I was going home. I hate not being able to control it when I need to cry.

littlemissy

Originally posted by Kermit
I don't think any of us know what goes through our heads, I sure as hell don't. I was in tears earlier because the tea I cooked was crap.

i can sympathise. i was in tears the other day because i was convinced dave was going to find some blonde bimbo and date her instead of me. i was really upset about that. i have cooked many meals and cried over them too.

its funny the things that upset us when you are feeling down.

littlemissy

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
I'm not a regular poster on psyke. It is an effective support site for some. But for me, its more complicated. Sometimes it helps me, sometimes it hinders. I'm better off not looking to be honest. But as I said I don't know what goes through my head sometimes. I really don't. But hey, I haven't cut for a week if I last until tomro

i struggle looking at that site. i only look at it when i am feeling down and want to cut but cant due to the fact that it is not possible for me to do that (ie because i am in the library or dont have a suitable implement to do it) i then start imagining what all i want to do. not an easy website to look at for me

Former Member

i cut again. *sigh* knew things were too good to last

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
i cut again. *sigh* knew things were too good to last

Try not to pressurize yourself not to cut.

Your self-harming is a symptom rather than a cause of your problems. But if you put yourself under extreme pressure not to cut but then a trigger comes along and you do cut you will feel bad that you failed and enter the vicious circle.

I know this is far easier said than done.

Former Member

Thanks i'm jus pissed off at myself, coz i basically set myself up for it. and im pissed at my friends for not helping and then being pissed at me when i cut :mad:

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
Thanks i'm jus pissed off at myself, coz i basically set myself up for it. and im pissed at my friends for not helping and then being pissed at me when i cut :mad:

In what way did your friends not help you? Do you mean they did something to trigger it or you are pissed off with them from not stopping you cutting?

Former Member

I'm not trying to blame them, its just..well we all went out last night and i said i'm not drinking coz if i do ill get drunk and cry and cut. so they all insisted on filling me up with drinks all night, sticking shots in my coke and stuff, regardless of what i said. I know i could have said no, but its a lot harder than it seems. I was only annoyed at them coz they bitched at me this morning. Im being self-centered.ignore me.

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
I'm not trying to blame them, its just..well we all went out last night and i said i'm not drinking coz if i do ill get drunk and cry and cut. so they all insisted on filling me up with drinks all night, sticking shots in my coke and stuff, regardless of what i said. I know i could have said no, but its a lot harder than it seems. I was only annoyed at them coz they bitched at me this morning. Im being self-centered.ignore me.

Your friends seem rather disrespectful of your wishes- they put shots in your coke and stuff regardless of what you said.

But then again they probably don't *get it* as unless you've been there you can't really can you?

I don't drink nowadays (but more to do with the ADs not being compatible with alcohol rather than the depressive effects alcohol has on people) and can sympathize. Peer pressure is very strong. Even my relatively sensistive and well informed friends at university still try to talk me into drinking despite knowing that I won't as I'm on medication and stuff. They know what its for but I think they think that if I lighten up and get drunk with the rest of them then it would help me have fun and join in etc. I know it wouldn't help me but they know less about me than I do and don't realise that it would do me more harm than good.

Dealing with "peer pressure" and the social expectation etc surrounding drinking is actually far worse than the not drinking itself.

(Edited for clarity)

Former Member

Yeh. Its so hard. Especially as I have this reputation for never turning down a drink, always going out, etc etc. Its just making the problems with self-harm escalate. Or however you spell that. My friends are normally really good, but at the moment they're mad at me about it in general, so I think are trying to just act normal. Or something. *sigh*

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl_gunner
My friends are normally really good

Mine too. But like you I have been learning a lot recently about good friendships turning bad.

Former Member

Originally posted by Randomgirl
Mine too. But like you I have been learning a lot recently about good friendships turning bad.

yeh *hugs* its so hard for people to understand.

Former Member

I started cutting again shortly after coming to uni for the first time. The last time I did it was a long time ago and I feel like I've let myself down so badly. Now I'm still doing it and I don't even why. I've made some really bad choices like cutting my arms so that they're really messed up and because it's hot I can't do that much about hiding it so everyone knows. I'm not attention seeking but I've lost interest in caring really, which is really bad. So consequently the warden of my hall has rung my parents and all the SCR are apparently very worried about me. She's pushing my parents into getting me treated, but i've tried so many things in the past and nothing seems to help, I just don't know what to do.
I'm so upset because my parents are besides themselves, mum was crying so much when I was on the phone to her and I felt so bad.
Has anyone had CBT or anything like that and does it help? If not does anyone have anything to recommend since apparently I have to have something because the staff need a guarantee that we're doing something, especially as I am on the JCR for next year and I was made today to feel very much like I shouldn't be if I'm doing this, despite the fact that I am outwardly fine.

Former Member

Hey, xapis, sorry to hear things are so bad for you.

I know what you mean about cutting your arms - I hide it regardless of the weather but I think that's as conspicuous as showing it sometimes. People are constantly joking about me wearing a cardi in summer but at least they don't know why.

CBT seems the most effective form of therapy for many self-harmers. It's all about looking at the thought processes you go through in different situations and working out how to change them so that you don't feel bad about yourself any more, and you don't feel the need to cut yourself. As with everything, though, it's not for everyone.

Go see your GP at uni, and see what they recommend. Mention that CBT has been suggested because they can probably find an NHS therapist who's qualified to go through that process with you.

Above all, good luck! If things with your GP don't go anywhere, try your uni support services, and keep trying until someone listens.

littlemissy

well ... i have the urges again. they are the strongest they have been in months. i have cut once in the last 6 months and i really dont want to do it again. its all driving me bananas just now.

just wanted to vent a bit, sorry.

Former Member

You can vent here. Hope you manage to distract yourself. You're doing really well.

littlemissy

Originally posted by piccolo
You can vent here. Hope you manage to distract yourself. You're doing really well.

im talking online to my fiance and i am just in tears. the thing that scares me the most is that i do not know why i am feeling like this today. its so long since i have been like this.

Former Member

Originally posted by littlemissy
im talking online to my fiance and i am just in tears. the thing that scares me the most is that i do not know why i am feeling like this today. its so long since i have been like this.

It is scary, but don't beat yourself up about it. Can you phone your fiancé? Sometimes it's more comforting to hear a familiar voice than to chat online.

Former Member

*gone*

Former Member

Originally posted by swank
On monday I have a jab, now I can lie when they see my scars and tell them it was just a silly phase I went through years ago and hope they drop it! If I hadnt been able to "cut down" then I would be facing a lot of awkward questions at school.

If it helps, I had a jab at my surgery when I had open cuts and the nurse said nothing. No one will accuse you, even at school I imagine, it's not their job.

And congrats, good for you Hope you keep getting better.

Former Member

Yeh i've only once been questioned by a teacher at school. And thats one I know very well personally, so she wasnt doing it from the view of a teacher. And the nurse at the doctor said nothing.

Former Member

Originally posted by swank
Just wanted to post something postitive here, I've gone from cutting everyday, to about once a week for about a month and a half now. I've been able to avoid my arms thus far, hiding it a lot better than I used to and my scars are fading freakishly fast.
On monday I have a jab, now I can lie when they see my scars and tell them it was just a silly phase I went through years ago and hope they drop it! If I hadnt been able to "cut down" then I would be facing a lot of awkward questions at school.

When I went for a smear test I had open wounds and lots of scars on my thighs. When the nurse saw them she gasped, but then pretend not to have noticed them.

I think that they are fairly focused on the reason you are their on that occassion so are unlikely to mention your scars.

Lots of people on here have posted about having jabs and blood tests and stuff with cuts and scars on show and most say that the nurse didn't pass comment.

Even if they do comment... why bother lieing?

Edited to add: this thread might be worth a read for reassurance!

Former Member

Originally posted by Randomgirl
Even if they do comment... why bother lieing?

Because schools can be tricky places. I knew a teacher who found out a girl self-harmed and used to walk up to her in crowded corridors and pull her sleeves up to see if there were any fresh cuts. She obviously thought she was helping....

Our school nurse used to administer injections and since she's involved in pastoral care as well she would comment sometimes. It all depends on the person as to how they handle it and whether you want them to know.