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Starting a sexual relationship

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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Adam0 wrote: »
    When I see a girl in a short tight dress, high heels, bright red lipstick etc, I should not think about wanting to have sex with her but should instead want to play dominoes with her? Why would she modify her appearance in such a way that causes herself to have difficulty walking if she wants to play dominoes? She must want sexual attention in order to wear what she's wearing, otherwise she'd wear something comfortable instead. No-one wears high heels for comfort.

    Wow, you really don't deserve sex with a mindset like that.

    Have you ever considered the fact that a woman can dress how she wants because that makes her feel good? That you think there is a correlation between high heels and sex.... Ha.

    Have sexual thoughts about her by all means, but women aren't dolls to just fuck because they have a small tight dress and heels on.

    Listen to what we're telling you. Get some form of pick up line going that at least makes it look like you care about the woman.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A strong desire to frequently have sex is perfectly normal. If people only had sex occasionally or weren't that into it, the human race would have died out thousands of years ago. Anyone telling me/implying that I'm wrong to want to have sex every day is in the wrong. We're meant to have sex every day, not once a fortnight.

    Bright red lipstick, a tight short dress and high heels are to make the wearer sexually attractive, not merely to 'look nice'. She wouldn't wear them if she didn't want sexual attention. My point is that usually she does want sex, but not with me. What should I wear/do/say so that she is likely to want sex with me?

    Everything I've heard and read says that chat-up/pick-up lines never work. If you think that they do, tell me which line(s) would be successful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a girl. I've had sex with guys on the same day as meeting them. But the thing is, it didn't start off about sex. Our relationships were always based on more than that, sounds lame but a 'deeper connection'. A situation, shared feelings, good conversation. There still needs to be *something* in addition to attractiveness and the desire to have sex, even for a one off or a fuck buddy type relationship. But meh, that's just my point of view.

    This post completely demolishes the claim by many on here that you have to be friends with a girl, or know her for a long time, before sex can happen. Getting sex does not need to be the arduous, complicated marathon full of obstacles that many people here and elsewhere say that it does; it is often a sprint. Sex does often happen on the day of first meeting - but why never with me? How can I make my process of getting sex a clear sprint on flat ground, not a marathon with frequent obstacles in my path?

    What type of situation? Shared feelings about what? Conversation about what? If someone would tell me how to get into situations where I can meet girls and have sex with them on the same day, that would be useful. What topics of conversation would make a girl inclined to have sex with me very soon?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    Bright red lipstick, a tight short dress and high heels are to make the wearer sexually attractive, not merely to 'look nice'. She wouldn't wear them if she didn't want sexual attention.

    No. No they are not. I wore a short dress yesterday, why? Because the weather was nice. I wore high heels yesterday, why? Because I was running late and they were the first shoes I could find. I spent the day in lectures, not wanting sex because I was dressed in "provocative clothing".

    We're not trying to tell you that you're wrong to want sex every day, that's perfectly fine, but to get that you are going to have to treat women like you want to spend time with them, not their vagina. Even if you only want a fuck buddy.

    Until you change your view on women there are no pick up lines that will work, there is nothing you can wear/do/say that will work.
    Adam0 wrote: »
    What type of situation? Shared feelings about what? Conversation about what? If someone would tell me how to get into situations where I can meet girls and have sex with them on the same day, that would be useful. What topics of conversation would make a girl inclined to have sex with me very soon?

    Also, something the girl is interested in, you need to find out. One girl might want to sit and talk about politics all night then decide she wants sex, but most wouldn't. Same with every topic we suggest. yet again, girls=humans. We are not all the same, you need to actually talk to them, find out about what they're interested in and talk about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do think any girl u see or talk to would like nice either way from wearing a tight dress to a skirt etc. They are just doing it for themselves but I can see where ur coming from when there are some girls who go out wearing a dress or skirt because they want to get attention and I know that sounds crazy for me to say but I'm a girl and I like looking nice but I have to say when going out some girls as young as 16-17 try and look older and act older so they can get attention. I'm only saying that there are some girls who try to do that only if u did see a woman wearing a dress or girl wearing one then they could only be wearing one because they feel like it.

    The only thing u can do is try and meet people by going out. I don't think hiding urself behind a computer screen will help. You need to reflect before u meet people what u need to work on so that u dont end up in that situation again. Asking urself what questions did I ask them last time? Was there anything I said what I did wrong? How did I act towards them? Once u know what u did then u can start changing things from there.

    There maybe nothing ur doing wrong but when u ask for sex straight away that can be off putting but if you could meet someone and a make a bit of conversation knowing that ur interested then ur more likely be able to sleep with them. Not all girls are gonna come at the chance and say I will sleep with u straight away. You need to get to know them but as I said looking at urself first and being prepared before u meet them would help u alot.

    You can meet people anywhere but u need to think what's best for u. I may say that finding out on that saying site wether they have any meet ups soon can get prepared to meet someone new. Do they have any events coming up do u know? That's something u can think about. You can meet people by not always going out to bars or clubs but I think somewhere for u like joining a pub quiz, taking up an excersie class, going to garden parties or family events will be ideal for u. What do u think?

    You have to be urself but u have to show an interest in the woman first. You need to reflect on what's happened before and make changes from there and without asking for sex straight away or anything but getting to know the person and showing an interest in themselves will get u far. There is someone out there for everyone but the problem is u ask for sex direct when u have to get to know them first and then take it from there.

    Try selling urself and get them to show an interest in u two. You can do that by getting them to ask u questions, sharing ur experiences and what u look for in a person. Without saying u want sex straight away is gonna give u a better chance. Also with u saying about why David Beckham and those people dont get refuse. You got to remember that well that they are a celeb and all girls would be drawn to them at first but he wouldn't of gone and asked them for sex directly. That's th problem u got.

    Everyone is the same even if they are famous or what but when u get to know them its what they say and do what counts and thats why reflecting on what happened before can make u change things and be prepared when u meet someone else.

    Try and do that when u next meet someone x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    Bright red lipstick, a tight short dress and high heels are to make the wearer sexually attractive, not merely to 'look nice'. She wouldn't wear them if she didn't want sexual attention. My point is that usually she does want sex, but not with me. What should I wear/do/say so that she is likely to want sex with me?

    Oh dear. Where to begin.

    There's nothing wrong with noticing a pretty girl in the street and thinking that she's very pretty. Everyone does it, to a greater or lesser extent, as so long as you don't stare for ages or make inappropriate comments it's not really a deal.

    Some women may be dressed up for "sexual attention", but others are not. And even if they are, it doesn't mean they're after sexual attention from just anyone. When I go out to dinner with my girlfriend she dresses up, and yes there's a sexual element to it, but quite simply she's going to come home and have sex with me. There is nothing you will say that will change that.

    The trouble is that you either cannot or will not understand that there is no magic behaviour or phrase that will make a girl fall at your knees. Pick-Up Artistry doesn't work for one reason: treating people as a doll to fuck is not an attractive trait.

    Chat up lines can work, but it isn't the words that work, it is how the person says them, how they interact with the person they want to pull. It's about you being human and treating them like a human.
    This post completely demolishes the claim by many on here that you have to be friends with a girl, or know her for a long time, before sex can happen. Getting sex does not need to be the arduous, complicated marathon full of obstacles that many people here and elsewhere say that it does

    You didn't read what YSH actually said, perhaps you should go back and try again.

    I'll try and make it more clear, from a boy perspective. I've twice had a "fuck buddy" where we slept together on the first day we met "in real life". But this doesn't mean it was a "sprint", it doesn't mean I had magic powers of persuasion and it doesn't mean they were easy.

    In both cases we'd been talking for several weeks, if not months, about random stuff. Sometimes it was the weather, sometimes it was what we were doing for the weekend, sometimes it was the Muppets, sometimes it was sexting, once it was the finer points of the Tenancy Deposit Scheme for private renters. There were no magic topics that compelled them to sleep with me; they did it because they knew me and liked me and trusted me and wanted to.

    My point is that, behind the headline "I met a girl and we slept together on the first date" was weeks and months of getting to know them and, even more importantly, allowing them to get to know me. There was a connection. There was trust. And because of that the sex was really good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    A strong desire to frequently have sex is perfectly normal. If people only had sex occasionally or weren't that into it, the human race would have died out thousands of years ago. Anyone telling me/implying that I'm wrong to want to have sex every day is in the wrong. We're meant to have sex every day, not once a fortnight.

    Bright red lipstick, a tight short dress and high heels are to make the wearer sexually attractive, not merely to 'look nice'. She wouldn't wear them if she didn't want sexual attention. My point is that usually she does want sex, but not with me. What should I wear/do/say so that she is likely to want sex with me?

    Everything I've heard and read says that chat-up/pick-up lines never work. If you think that they do, tell me which line(s) would be successful.

    Yes, the most reproduction is going on with people who love and care for each other, who build families or at least intend to. they do want sex, but they want it with someone they know, can trust, are familiar with, can depend on, not some random nobody who's only positive characteristic is that he wants to get his dick wet. That's what everyone is telling you for the last 9 pages.

    Yes, she may make herself sexually attractive, but that does not mean she wants to attract YOU. She can be choosy and she picks someone with a mug she does not flinch when she looks at it, someone who is not under the poverty line and someone who is interesting and fun to converse and hang around with. You cannot seem to lose your weird mindset that people owe you sex, because you want it so much. What you should do and say to increase your likelihood is what is being told to you for 100 posts now. To treat her like a human, to excite her. Nobody can tell you how to be an interesting human being with some phrases and the clothes you wear. That'S why you haven't gotten your answer after all this time.

    Girls are not one single organism that are connected through the hivemind. They all have different interests, like different things, there is no cookie cutter formula you can apply to them to advance your agenda. To realize what they want and what they like you have to find out and you only do so by spending time with them, talking to them, getting to know them, becoming familiar to each other. If you don't want to do that, it's like you want to drive your car yet not re-fuel it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    The most reproduction is going on with people who love and care for each other, who build families or at least intend to. they do want sex, but they want it with someone they know, can trust, are familiar with, can depend on.

    That's untrue; most conceptions do not take place in that type of situation. Most pregnancies are unplanned, and many occur with no preparation or thought. Often, there is no thought or conversation from either person about contraception or having children. I'm responsible and will use condoms every time I have sex, but most people (even those who've decided that they don't want children) do not diligently use contraception. If conscientious use of reliable contraception were always implemented where wanted/intended/appropriate, then most people currently alive would not have been born. Many people have been lied to in regard to who their father is. The sexy son hypothesis, first described by a biologist in 1930, states that women want their children to be fathered by (though not raised by) exciting, adventurous, handsome, promiscuous men - not by reliable, trustworthy, honest, caring, good men whom they know well. Millions of women say that they only want faithful men and hate cheats, yet the reality is that millions of men who are married/in ostensibly exclusive long-term relationships find no difficulty in having large numbers of affairs/one-night stands etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I go out to dinner with my girlfriend she dresses up, and yes there's a sexual element to it, but quite simply she's going to come home and have sex with me. There is nothing you will say that will change that.

    a) I'm not trying to interrupt couples on dinner dates and take anyone away from anyone, so that's not relevant to any scenarios that I've been in or want to be in.

    b) It's arrogant for anyone to believe that there's no chance that their girlfriend/boyfriend will have sex with someone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    a) I'm not trying to interrupt couples on dinner dates and take anyone away from anyone, so that's not relevant to any scenarios that I've been in or want to be in.

    b) It's arrogant for anyone to believe that there's no chance that their girlfriend/boyfriend will have sex with someone else.

    a) Not everyone in a pub or nightclub is single.

    b) Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, I generally prefer to call it "trusting".

    The "sexy son" hypothesis is a load of bollocks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you try another forum like The Student Room? You're clearly getting nowhere here and the response you're getting from people is all saying the same thing. What we're saying to you won't change - take it or leave it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's best for u to get off the dating websites and meet women face to face. You said u don't seem to be getting anywhere from the dating websites but have tried the face to face dateing and its not worked but u have only tried that a few times then the dating sites. I do think getting out there and meeting women is gonna give u a greater chance to know if someone is interested or not and if there not it doesn't matter but there are lots more women u can meet anytime.

    I don't know if the dating website is really helping u but if u know any single nights coming up u know of on the dating website ur with then I would try to go to all of them if u can as im sure u will meet someone there by going there so many times. You want to find the right person and u will. That's why getting out and meeting people either by taking up a local pub, joining an excerise class, going to garden parties locally or seeing family at events will give u chance of meeting someone. That's where u need to look.

    There doesn't need to be any conversation regards to u using chat up lines only if u know how to go about it and there's only some guys who can get away with using chessy chat up lines but in ur case that won't work for u because of the situation. You just need to be urself and set a good first impression as I said before from looking ur best wearing a shirt and jeans, saying hi to the woman first, asking her questions to know more about her including what is it u do for a living, showing a keen interest in what shes got to say and sharing ur stories and get her to ask questions about her.

    You dont have to do nothing else. Once u start going out and meeting people then u will feel better in urself. That's all u need to do. You will meet someone eventually but u cant be direct and ask for sex straight away.

    Have u looked at the website I gave u? There's also information and advice on The Site pages about sexual relationships.

    @ArcticRoll as Adam0 hasn't had luck with getting to know someone just yet it may be hard for him to meet someone when he hasn't had much luck where as u have. Also it sounds like from what u said that u got to know the girl and slept with her but it was more then sex. Adam0 only wants sex and that's it. I think he needs to be his self and go about it in the right way either joining a local pub quiz, excersie class, attending garden parties locally or seeing family at events. I'm sure he will meet someone when he goes out more. Yh?

    @Adam0 an excerise class is something I think u will be more interested in. There are always new people who join excersie classes all the time and u could find one u like to do and where it has men and women as well. Zumba could be a good one for u. What do u think? Also what did u say about women getting pregnant and not using condom? I don't know


    Would this be something u can do?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can also try posting in www.reddit.com/r/sex

    A through and through sex positive community that praises all things sexual including rapid and frequent partner change, but let me warn you that this here is a very docile community. Over at reddit the kiddie gloves are off and you you will get a harsher reality check that your pipe dream is not realistic for a person in your position.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MikeS wrote: »
    Why don't you try another forum like The Student Room?

    I didn't consider going on a student site because I'm not a student. Even when I was at college, girls didn't want me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not everyone in a pub or nightclub is single.

    I know that, but most of them are there to find someone new in order to get laid (without taking months to get to know someone first), which means that they're there for the same reason as me. I'm good at keeping things secret. I'm not going to approach a girl whilst she's eating dinner with someone, but I'm not stupid/prudish enough to refuse sex simply because she has/might have a boyfriend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I know that, but most of them are there to find someone new in order to get laid (without taking months to get to know someone first)

    Absolutely not. The majority of people are there to have a fun night, most likely with their close friends. Fun doesn't mean 'getting laid'. Your mindset regarding all of this is absolutely awful. You treat women as though they're objects that you can throw in the bin once you've gotten your wicked way - that is disgusting so I do not understand why you think it's a mystery that nobody wants to have sex with you. Common sense, Adam0.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I know that, but most of them are there to find someone new in order to get laid

    Except they're not.

    My point was not that you'd "interrupt dinner". My point was that not everyone out dressed sexily" is wanting sex, and of the ones wanting sex, most will already have someone they want to have sex with.

    With your attitude, I'm not surprised you struggle to make relationships. Try acting like a decent human being, see what happens.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All of the lads I know and most of the girls I know who go out on Friday and Saturday nights do so to get laid; they have stated that. I tried going out with a group of colleagues from work - all of them got sex, except me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If most people who go to bars and nightclubs do not go there for sex, where do lots of girls go to have sex with someone new? That would be a useful place to be, as I would have better odds there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do you think lots of girls do that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    not stupid/prudish enough to refuse sex simply because she has/might have a boyfriend.

    If she has a boyfriend the chances of her wanting to fuck you are even slimmer than they already are for you.
    Knowing you'd happily participate in cheating/helping someone cheat is so off putting. I'm honestly not surprised you're not having sex.
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    :banghead:
    What are you not getting about this situation?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're getting it. I think reading what people on here have said and actually taking it in would be a start.

    If you're going to get anywhere, you'll realise it's not about specific 'tactics', chat up lines etc. It's about two individuals connecting on some level - and for that to happen you need to be focussing on exactly that, the person not what she's wearing or what to say to get her into bed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Why do you think lots of girls do that?

    Because most girls have sex and enjoy it. I'd like to know where they go to do so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We're covering old ground. Maybe it would pay you to re-read this thread once or twice and believe & take in what people say.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    If she has a boyfriend the chances of her wanting to fuck you are even slimmer than they already are for you.

    If I ruled out any girl who might have a boyfriend, I'd be reducing my chances.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plugitin wrote: »
    :banghead:
    What are you not getting about this situation?

    What I want to know is how can I get a lot of sex? No girl has ever fancied me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're going to get anywhere, you'll realise it's not about specific 'tactics', chat up lines etc. It's about two individuals connecting on some level - and for that to happen you need to be focussing on exactly that, the person not what she's wearing or what to say to get her into bed.

    How do I 'connect on some level'? I've no idea how to go about that. You do know, because you've chosen to have sex on the first meeting on multiple occasions. It would be useful if you told me which subjects of conversation are useful in making a girl sexually attracted and stimulated by someone to such an extent that she wants to have sex on that first meeting.
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Adam0 wrote: »
    What I want to know is how can I get a lot of sex? No girl has ever fancied me.

    But we have told you over and over again.

    Please, re-read the thread. Think about what we've said.
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Adam0 wrote: »
    How do I 'connect on some level'? I've no idea how to go about that. You do know, because you've chosen to have sex on the first meeting on multiple occasions. It would be useful if you told me which subjects of conversation are useful in making a girl sexually attracted and stimulated by someone to such an extent that she wants to have sex on that first meeting.
    But YSH already did.
    I quote:
    "But the thing is, it didn't start off about sex. Our relationships were always based on more than that, sounds lame but a 'deeper connection'. A situation, shared feelings, good conversation. "

    Good conversation. Shared feelings. Deeper connection.

    Is this not enough?
This discussion has been closed.