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Starting a sexual relationship

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It starts out by treating women like human beings. People like if you are interested in what they have to say and enjoy your time with them simply for the sake of having a good time and not just because it might lead to sex. If you believe it or not, the way you are writing on here and therefore think also carries over in how you behave. People reek your desperation from far off. I can tell you, that if you were Ryan Gosling and I show the girl you are about to bag the stuff you write on here, that there is a high chance that she will change your mind about you. What you are looking for is an alive sex doll and I am not surprised in the slightest that you find nobody that wants to fill that role for you. Ugly people have sex too, usually because they have redeeming features that are attractive.

    You wouldn't consider a hobby if it doesn't lead to sex. You don't wanna talk to people if you know it doesn't lead to sex. You have basically nothing to offer to somebody you want to bond with except that you are willing to have sex.

    The normal way to go about is, like I said, is getting to know people, liking each other, spending time with each other and develop a romantic relationship. All of that is a waste of time for you. I think at this point you should consider the help of a therapist, because you are so focused on your unwavering obsession to get laid that it won't be happening. It's like people tell you to slow down your driving but you are eager to arrive where you want to go. Unfortunately where you want to go you have to take some turns and you simply cannot go through them at a fast pace. If you don't chill out and become a sufferable human being that is in some way interesting I doubt you will get laid any time soon.

    I'm good looking, I am mildly successful, I am funny. I have never ever had a one night stand and I don't expect to have one in my life time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're saying that sex is at the end of a long, slow, difficult road and that it takes a huge amount of time and effort to get sex. That assertion of yours is demolished by the fact that every day, many people have sex on the first date, one-night stands, hookups, etc. - it's happening right now. What you say is "the normal way" is actually the hard way - like saying that to travel from Portsmouth to Southampton requires going via Edinburgh.

    You may not want sex quickly, but many people do want it and get it. It's perfectly normal to want frequent sex and to not want to wait weeks/months/years. I don't know why you're only mildly successful - you clearly haven't been able to apply your intelligence and proclaimed good looks to be sexually successful. It sounds like you don't care that you don't get much sex. It's devastating to me that I don't get any sex; I was told when I was growing up that when I became an adult, those difficulties would no longer exist.

    At an office where I used to work, a new member of staff had sex with a long-serving member of staff in the stationery cupboard on his first day at work (it wasn't made-up gossip; I walked in on them during intercourse without previously knowing they were in there); they had not met previously. There was no getting to know each other or developing a relationship, not even any dating - it was instant attraction. I'm often instantly attracted to girls; how can I instantly attract girls to me, so that I don't have to go through a long, expensive, tedious, frustrating process before getting sex? How can I make my sexual pursuits sprints rather than marathons?
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Perhaps you're asking the wrong people here?

    We are trying to help you constantly, but do not want any of our advice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're not trying to help me get what I want, need and am asking for - which is sex every day. You're telling me that I shouldn't prioritise sex and that I should go through a long, arduous, tedious battle involving unspecified hobbies, which, if I'm lucky, might one day lead to sex. People on here make it sound as though I have to go through months or even years of a hard slog to earn access to the possibility of entering the ranks of the sexually active. Without doubt, many people easily get sex every day - I want to be one of them. I want normal sex (cunnilingus, fellatio, intercourse), which millions of people do and take for granted - I'm not asking for the moon on a stick.

    Advising me what to say to girls would be useful to me (what would quickly get you into bed?), as would advising me what to write on my profiles on dating websites.

    If things were the other way round - I were sexually successful and someone asked me how to get sex, I'd gladly tell him exactly what I do to get sex. I'd tell him what I wear, where I go and what I say. I wouldn't tell him he was wrong to want sex, nor would I tell him that he should go a long, arduous route of starting hobbies and knowing someone very well before even thinking about sex.

    The reason that I chose this site to ask for advice is that it's sex-positive - hence I thought that I was in the right place. There's no judgmental tone in the articles, or any 'keep your virginity until you're in a long-term relationship with your perfect partner' nonsense that is present on some sites. However, the tone from most of the people on this thread is very much that you're claiming that knowing someone for ages is the only way to get sex, or at least that's it's the only way that I could get sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plugitin wrote: »
    Perhaps you're asking the wrong people here?

    We are trying to help you constantly, but do not want any of our advice.

    I agree with Plugtin.

    Okay so you want sex everyday? then go somewhere you can get sex everyday, weather that means paying for it or not, go to your local brothel.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    You're not trying to help me get what I want, need and am asking for - which is sex every day.
    The only way we could actually help you with that, is if we were sleeping with you ourselves, which I can assure you won't be happening.

    We've tried to help you out, we're doing the best we can and you need to realise we don't have all the answers
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Many people on here are talking down to me, trying to make me feel guilty for wanting what is perfectly normal and natural. Many of you are saying that I have to jump through hoops and prove my worth over a long period to get what many people get regularly, frequently and without any difficulty and hence take for granted.

    Some of you do have the answers; you could tell me how things happen for you.

    As I've said before, I'm poor. If I could afford sex with prostitutes every day, then I would get it. Sex once a year with a prostitute would be nothing like sufficient.

    Many people get sex every day without paying for it; I want to know how to be one of them.
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Yes, but the problem here is that none of us *can* tell you what you want to hear - because we have given you our advice and you have refused to take it. Those of us who have tried to help have given you their advice.

    I wouldn't talk to a random guy in a bar, so what he should say or do is out of the question.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    Many people on here are talking down to me, trying to make me feel guilty for wanting what is perfectly normal and natural. Many of you are saying that I have to jump through hoops and prove my worth over a long period to get what many people get regularly, frequently and without any difficulty and hence take for granted.

    Some of you do have the answers; you could tell me how things happen for you.

    As I've said before, I'm poor. If I could afford sex with prostitutes every day, then I would get it. Sex once a year with a prostitute would be nothing like sufficient.

    Many people get sex every day without paying for it; I want to know how to be one of them.

    Nobody has tried to make you feel guilty about wanting sex, sorry if that's how it's come across to you, but that hasn't been our intentions.

    Many of us are saying about being in a relationship first because that is how a lot of us here generally tend to do it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Those people you refer to, are more than likely in relationships, rather than having actually gone out there and found some random person in a club to sleep with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've read everything everyone has written here. None of it could help me to get sex every day. You need to accept that not everyone wants to know someone for ages before having sex with them. As much as you might disapprove, many people (including me) want to get straight down to it. I want to know where I can meet girls who are 'up for it', rather than those who think that you should know someone for weeks/months/years before even considering sex. How can I be like the people who have one night-stands, or like my former colleague who had sex in the stationery cupboard on his first day at work?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I've read everything everyone has written here. None of it could help me to get sex every day. You need to accept that not everyone wants to know someone for ages before having sex with them. As much as you might disapprove, many people (including me) want to get straight down to it. I want to know where I can meet girls who are 'up for it', rather than those who think that you should know someone for weeks/months/years before even considering sex. How can I be like the people who have one night-stands, or like my former colleague who had sex on his first day at work?

    Have you tried asking your former colleague? Because he clearly knows how to do it and has the answers your looking for..
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I want to know where I can meet girls who are 'up for it', rather than those who think that you should know someone for weeks/months/years before even considering sex. How can I be like the people who have one night-stands, or like my former colleague who had sex in the stationery cupboard on his first day at work?

    None of us have ever said that there are not people out there who will have sex the first time they meet someone.

    It's just pretty much everyone who has responded doesn't go about it that way. That doesn't mean there aren't people out there who would - you're just asking the wrong people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My former colleague, whom I'm no longer in contact with, was very good-looking. Hence he was never short of admirers and didn't have to make any effort to get sex. He didn't need social skills, intelligence, a good personality, nor the ability to dance or tell jokes. He was single at the time I worked with him; he got plenty of sex with loads of girls. One day, he had sex during his lunch hour with a girl he met in the pub minutes earlier.

    The assertion by many people here is that a relationship needs to be established over a long period of time before sex can happen between its participants. In reality, every day, many people have sex with people they've only met recently. A long-term relationship sometimes starts with sex; a relationship doesn't need to start with weeks/months/years of celibacy before sex can be introduced.

    Where do I find the girls who do have sex readily, and how do I get sex with them? I don't want to try to get to know a girl, then find out that she's a prude who wants to wait ages to have sex, or doesn't like sex at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    http://www.lovepanky.com/men/how-to-tips-and-guide-for-men/how-to-hook-up-with-a-girl
    http://www.brobible.com/life/article/how-to-get-laid/

    ^ from simply googling. Perhaps these will be of some help.

    We don't know you, we don't know what you look like or what kind of person you are, whether you seem approachable or not, what kind of places you go to, so we really can't tell you exactly what to do to get laid.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Brothel.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ninaballet wrote: »
    This is the issue. No (or very very few) girl is going to have sex with a guy who walks up to her and says "Hi. Have sex with me." The only way I would consider having sex with someone I had met that night would be if we'd spent the entire night talking (about normal things like our interests) and even then they would have to be pretty special.

    I second this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Amongst the hundreds of readers of this thread, some must have sex without waiting ages. It would be useful if they posted their advice here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had sex the first time I met someone, I ended up having an STI and regretting it, Rumours we're spread round and it was horrible, I was made into a laughing stock, and the guy never spoke to me again, I wish I'd got to know someone first....before having sex with him, because I definitely wouldn't have done it.

    Having sex with someone you don't really know causes so many risks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You want to be 100% sure to go for it. You shouldn't allow anyone to force u and if they mention that they did and it was this amazing experience then don't let that interviene with the feelings u have for it. Everyone is different on how they like to see express there love for someone. .

    Keep being true to urself and when the right person comes along u will be happy that u waited for them to. Theres no rush so it's good to try and not worry about it untill the time comes. You just need to be around people who care.

    Would this be something u can try?

    I'm here if u wanna talk x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you remember I explained the "hard, tedious, arduous" way to you, because I think you vastly overestimate the number of how many people really have sex the same day they meet. And if that happens you need to make it happen, and be good at it. It is no magically formula. There are no words that you can utter that make her panties drop. You most certainly better be really good looking, funny, charming, etc. have something to offer, like taking her out on an awesome date. There needs to be an connection that you build through conversation. She needs to find you interesting, worthwhile, exciting or at least stupidly hot. You said you are no good conversationalist, you said you are poor (that's not the biggest problem, but is not really helpful), your looks are average at best. You probably have high standards, no fatties, slim big boobs. High standards often come in package with the desperate. You don't have these things. It is like the 145cm tall guy wants to make it big in volleyball. Your almost pornoesque view of human sexuality is reserved for those who are extremely proficient at it. Average people who don't want to peruse Craigslist for people who put up adverts for sex do it the old fashioned way. You will not get your answers here of elsewhere.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Emmalee wrote: »
    I had sex the first time I met someone, I ended up having an STI and regretting it, Rumours we're spread round and it was horrible, I was made into a laughing stock, and the guy never spoke to me again, I wish I'd got to know someone first....before having sex with him, because I definitely wouldn't have done it.

    Having sex with someone you don't really know causes so many risks.

    The problem here wasn't that you had sex with him, it was that you (presumably) didn't use a condom. I'll use a condom every time, so that I'm much less likely to catch anything. Even if I did, neither the sexual encounter nor the STI would become common knowledge, so I wouldn't become a laughing stock in regard to it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People always say they'll use a condom but i think in the moment of madness its usually forgotten to put on, You're right a condom would of prevented an STI, However you was wrong that you can't be certain you wouldn't become a laughing stock.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lovepanky is a very useful website; thank you for directing me to it.

    It's not the case that I only want slim girls, nor that they have to have large breasts. I'm not indiscriminate either, but I like various shapes. I find curvy girls every bit as attractive as slim girls. Likewise, I'm just as attracted to thirtysomethings as I am to twentysomethings. I've never understood why at most strip clubs, escort agencies etc., all the girls are young and slim - is there really so little demand for anyone over thirty or over nine stone?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't make a good impression on strangers; my conversation with them is poor - greatly inferior to my writing. Most people do not want to be around someone they've formed a bad first impression of. I thought I'd have some successs through dating websites, as my conversation is better when talking to someone whom I know about.

    It would be helpful if I knew what I should or should not write on my dating website profiles. I've been advised elsewhere that I shouldn't mention sex at all on my profiles, and my mention of sex on them is why I've had no success. However, how then would I answer the questions asked on the dating sites? When it asks "What would you like to do on a first date?", I've said that I want to have sex. I can't think what would be better to falsely claim that I want to do instead.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You keep thinking that there are magic words that you can utter to make a girl want to have sex with you. It is not like that. The urge to have sex with someone arises when a connection is formed, be it physical attraction, feeling safe with that person, and discovering positive aspects about that person that you like. Why do we need lawyers? Can't they just tell me the words I have to say to the judge to get off the hook? You lack those intrinsic, rather superficial qualities that are vital. Look I don't want to dissuade you from trying, but the quickest way to disappointment is through unrealistic expectations. You will to 99% never have sex every day unless it is in a committed relationship and nobody can tell you what to say or what to write on a dating profile that wants to make people have sex with you, because such a thing does not exist.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That connection can, in many cases, be formed within minutes or hours - it doesn't necessarily take weeks/months/years. It would be useful to know how a connection can be formed quickly - preferably from someone who quickly and successfully forms connections which lead to sex.

    Many people are sexually successful via dating websites despite not being good-looking or rich, so what they write in their profiles and in their messages to other members must be of substantial relevance. The advice I've read about online dating is too vague for me to use. As far as I'm aware, no-one whom I personally know has profiles on dating websites, so I've no-one to ask directly about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I'm writing my dating profiles, describing myself and what I'm looking for, should I be honest? I thought that honesty was valued, so I've written that I'm there for sex, but, years later, that strategy has never resulted in a phone call with anyone from any of the dating websites that I'm on, let alone meeting them. Should I hide the fact that I'm looking for sex? Should I pretend that I'm on the dating sites for something else? If so, what? I've been told that I would more likely get sex if I list hobbies and pursuits on my profiles, but no-one has said which hobbies and pursuits would make girls be likely to want to have sex with me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I thought that honesty was valued, so I've written that I'm there for sex, but, years later, that strategy has never resulted in a phone call with anyone from any of the dating websites that I'm on, let alone meeting them.

    Should I hide the fact that I'm looking for sex? Should I pretend that I'm on the dating sites for something else? If so, what? I've been told that I would more likely get sex if I list hobbies and pursuits on my profiles, but no-one has said which hobbies and pursuits would make girls be likely to want to have sex with me.

    Isn't that peculiar? I mean among those billions of women on this planet you'd assume at least some think similar to you and simply want a lot of sex without questions asked, yet why have they never get in touch with you? It is inferred that people want sex. It is a natural and enjoyable act since the dawn of humanity and kept us alive as a species.

    So people like hobbies and pursuits? So maybe they look for something in a person that they find exciting or interesting, that draws that to them? Weird. So maybe an mutual interest in sex is not sufficient enough. God, people and their standards, am I right?

    Look at this point all I can do is being a broken record so I spare us both the sermon, because if you think that filling in the blanks after "hobbies: " and "pursuits: " on a dating website, possibly with lies because it does not seem that you have anything interesting to offer, increases your chances of everyday sex then I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Maybe in a few months or years when you have exhausted all the possibilities you will try to change your modus operandi, since just because you rrrrreeally want something does not entitle you to that thing. In brief again: You do not possess what women are looking for in quick no strings attached sex and you cannot fake that you do, not even if you put "rare sportscar collector" in your hobbies and "amassing my second million pounds before I turn 30" as your pursuit on a dating website.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's no simple answer. What attracts me to a man won't attract other women to a man. And mentioning sex in your dating profile is rather off putting. It makes it sound as though it's all you're after.
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