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Starting a sexual relationship

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    No-one has said that mentioning sex will put them off. However, making it obvious that you're just after sex, will.

    I've been told many times that mentioning sex whilst on a date, or anywhere on my dating profiles, will mean that there is no chance that girls will want me.

    You're saying that in order to get sex, I have to hide the fact that my sole purpose for dating is sex? How would I do that? What else should I pretend that I want girls for? At what point am I allowed to mention sex?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Not with that attitude! but if that is the only reason you respond to my post then you are still 2 feet over your neck in denial thinking that your pipe dreams come true.

    With what type of attitude can a wheelchair-bound person climb a mountain to its summit?

    Having sex is a pipe dream? Most people have had sex many times, with several people, starting when they were in their teens.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I've been told many times that mentioning sex whilst on a date, or anywhere on my dating profiles, will mean that there is no chance that girls will want me.

    You're saying that in order to get sex, I have to hide the fact that my sole purpose for dating is sex? How would I do that? What else should I pretend that I want girls for? At what point am I allowed to mention sex?

    You do realise we've gone over this 20,000 times?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No-one has told me specifically how to approach a girl whom I want to have sex with. I realise that there isn't a method that has a 100% success rate, but millions of people know what is highly likely to have a favourable outcome. What are the subjects that are most likely to make her inclined to have sex with me as soon as possible? It's being implied/stated here that I need to pretend that I want her in my life for some reason other than sex, without being told what that should be. I need specifics. If talking about sex won't get her wet, what will? I'm aiming to optimise my chance of having sex with her as soon as possible and as many times as possible with the least outlay of time, effort and money, whilst avoiding the friendzone.

    I've had no success on the dating websites, and the viewers of my profile only know what's stated on it. Are there particular non-sexual pursuits/interests that I could (claim to) do, that would likely make the female members of those sites inclined to want to have sex with me? Are there any non-sexual hobbies that are widely considered to be sexy?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    With what type of attitude can a wheelchair-bound person climb a mountain to its summit?

    Having sex is a pipe dream? Most people have had sex many times, with several people, starting when they were in their teens.

    Jesus, either imagine a really shallow/gentle way up, or someone who has only one arm (who can walk but not climb). It was a metaphor. I am sure you can make it work in your head.

    Having sex is not a pipe dream. Having sex every day, many times a day, presumably with different people is, for someone in your position double so. Most people I know, who are not your typical players, but who are attractive, charming and socially able who are having sex for more than a decade now often only have between 3 and 10 sexual partners, with the large majority of it being in committed romantic relationships.

    I'll say it again, your grasp of reality and your "facts" about sexuality of people does not seem to be congruent with what dozens of people here are telling you, but it could of course be that we are all wrong and you are right.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need to know how to gain positive reactions from my dating website profiles. One of the main things that is to be filled out is what I want to do on a first date; I've answered that question honestly. Should I not say that I want sex on the first date? If so, what should I falsely claim that I want to do on a first date?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Jesus, either imagine a really shallow/gentle way up, or someone who has only one arm (who can walk but not climb). It was a metaphor. I am sure you can make it work in your head.

    Even if a mountain has a way up with a very gentle slope throughout, it is highly unlikely that the path's surface would all be smooth enough and/or wide enough to make it to the summit in a wheelchair. A person who can walk up a mountain, but whose disability is that he has only one arm, would not be confined to a wheelchair. I interpreted your metaphor to mean that I have no chance of ever having sex, as the the wheelchair-bound person has no chance of wheeling his way up to the mountain's summit.
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey everyone,

    I'm stepping in here with my mod badge on.

    It feels like this thread is stuck in a bit of a loop; 307 replies in and the discussion doesn't seem to have developed much beyond the initial post.

    So..

    Adam0: usually when a thread gets to this stage, we will close it and encourage the original poster to start a new thread, approaching the issue in question from a different angle or focusing on a different aspect. So with that in mind a couple of questions for you:
    1. Are you finding this thread helpful? If not, it may be best to close it and have a think about this next question:
    2. Given the nature of the responses you've received and the culture with which TheSite is imbued, can you think of an alternative approach that might result in a more satisfying type of interaction?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    I'll say it again, your grasp of reality and your "facts" about sexuality of people does not seem to be congruent with what dozens of people here are telling you, but it could of course be that we are all wrong and you are right.

    The people commenting here are not representative. Amongst the people on this thread are those who prefer companionship to sex, who only want sex once a month, who like to wait a year before having sex with someone, who think that there's a 'straight version of gay bathhouses' and who think that me wanting to have sex makes me a misogynist. Those people are not representative of 21st century sex and sexual attitudes of young adults in Britain. Many people's attitude on this thread is to condemn me, try to make me feel guilty and to tell me that I shouldn't want (frequent) sex. What they should be doing is giving me the advice that I need, which is: wear .............., go to ............; when you approach a girl say ..................... - minutes later, your penis will be in her vagina.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    James wrote: »
    Hey everyone,

    I'm stepping in here with my mod badge on.

    It feels like this thread is stuck in a bit of a loop; 307 replies in and the discussion doesn't seem to have developed much beyond the initial post.

    So..

    Adam0: usually when a thread gets to this stage, we will close it and encourage the original poster to start a new thread, approaching the issue in question from a different angle or focusing on a different aspect. So with that in mind a couple of questions for you:
    1. Are you finding this thread helpful? If not, it may be best to close it and have a think about this next question:
    2. Given the nature of the responses you've received and the culture with which TheSite is imbued, can you think of an alternative approach that might result in a more satisfying type of interaction?

    I'm disappointed with the hostility I'm facing here, as well as having received little useful information. I'm on the Sex and Relationships section of the forum of a site which clearly appears to be sex-positive. I'm puzzled that this thread has attracted many comments from people for whom sex is only a very minor aspect of their lives and is of little significance to them. If someone only wants sex once a month, why would they read, let alone comment on this type of thread? It's equivalent to a person who has little or no interest in sport choosing to comment on a sports thread. I'd like sexual advice from people who are sexually successful; I thought that this type of thread would contain such advice from such people.

    I'll give a lot of thought as to how I can try a better approach in regard to this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As recommended yesterday by James, I've started a new thread in order to approach the problem from a different angle. It centres on the aspect of the initial encounter. It's called Approaching girls.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As you have pointed out Adam, you are looking for replies from people with a similar mindset to you. If that's the case then you are fairly unlikely to find that here so it's worth thinking as James said, is continuing to ask this question here helpful to you?

    As you have noticed from the replies here, this community comes from a different place and whilst you may not feel this is representative, that's the culture here. TheSite encourages people to develop healthy relationships. Sex can play an important part in those relationships and we certainly don't shy away from talking about it.

    We also recognise that plenty of people may not feel ready to settle into something long term and it's fine to have more casual relationships. The key is respect and communication whatever type of relationship you're looking for.

    It's also worth reminding you to take great care in the way that you speak about women, they are more than just their sexual organs and you will be met with anger and criticism if you aren't able to take that on board. Especially as you are talking to a mostly female audience.
    What they should be doing is giving me the advice that I need, which is: wear .............., go to ............; when you approach a girl say ..................... - minutes later, your penis will be in her vagina.

    I'm afraid you won't find an answer to this here. Relationships are about humans, feelings, a connection, attraction, communication - there simply is no such thing as a magic formula. All women are unique and different, as are all men.

    I'm going to close this thread now, thanks to everyone who has offered their advice to Adam.
This discussion has been closed.