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Starting a sexual relationship
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No - I've been there and done that. It was a waste of time, money and effort. She deliberately misled me in claiming that she'd have sex with me "when the time's right"; months later, we'd not even had a peck on the cheek. All I received from her was a string of lame excuses. It left me feeling frustrated, foolish and with a much reduced bank balance. Had I realised that she was leading me on and conning me, I wouldn't have bothered with her; she could see that I was an easy target to exploit. I'm not an open wallet or a mug who's going to allow himself to be fleeced again. If someone's not ready for sex, then they're not ready to date. I want sexually liberal girls with high sex drives. If she wants to wait, then she's not my type, even if she will eventually have sex with me, which she probably won't. The girl whom I wasted hundreds of pounds and many hours on had sex with someone whom she met after she met me - and she didn't keep him waiting for months.
Women are automatically entitled to sex. Even if they look and behave like Aileen Wuornos, they have no difficulty in getting as much sex with as many men as they want. The qualities that men need to have in order to be granted permission to have sex: good looks, good social skills, charm, ability to dance and tell jokes etc. don't apply to women. A woman doesn't need to prove she's worthy in order to get sex, she merely needs to be willing. There's no gender equality in dating and sex.
I'm not going to be made to feel guilty for wanting what is perfectly normal. The large majority of people have sex and enjoy it. I want to be one them.
You're becoming bound by this unhealthy mindset of having researched all of this and become so fixated on this end goal that it's making you less likely to get the sex you so want.
Whilst you continue to exist in a mindset where your "target" is to have sex, the chances are it will not happen for you.
There's perhaps some slim chance that you might happen upon a set of circumstances that leads to some drunken fumble on a pile of coats (or whatever), but that's what that would be, a one-off encounter, and, chances are, you'd find it deeply unfulfilling.
There is no doubt in my mind that you'll find yourself in a healthy, sexual, relationship with someone just as soon as you stop concentrating on the sex aspect and start thinking about the relationship aspect.
You say that you've been "lied to and manipulated" multiple times in the past. The implication of that would be that someone has lied to you about the promise of sex, and the further implication of that is that you have brought [the question of] sex to that relationship far sooner than you should have. In other words, your partners have not been lying to you or manipulating you, they've been trying to run things at a speed at which they are comfortable.
Now, there will, of course, exist, a section of female society who might be willing to [immediately and without preparation] embark on a highly sexualised adventure with you, someone they've never met. However, the chances are that a) you don't know these people, b) you're unlikely to meet these people and c) once you do meet these people, your "vibe", "aura", "desperation", "lack of experience" - call it what you will - will shine through and turn them away. You're not on a level with them, because you're not sexually experienced.
So. Tl;DR; if you want to have sex, stop trying to get sex.
a) I still want to just dive right in.
b) Why didn't I get sex in this type of situation during my teens when it was acceptable? Girls didn't want me then, just like they don't want me now.
a) Some sex would be better than none.
b) I was lied to, exploited and psychologically manipulated; I didn't falsely assume.
c) If someone's 'comfortable pace' is to have months of dating without so much as a peck on the cheek, then she's not ready to date, let alone suitable for me.
d) I've tried not trying to get sex - I didn't get sex then either. How would I get sex without trying (without wasting a huge amount of time, money or effort)? My aim is to get sex as soon as possible, as often as possible, as cheaply as possible and as easily as possible, with as few complications as possible. If prostitutes' fees were 50 pence per shag, I'd get laid every night without exception.
e) If I can't get sex because I'm not sexually experienced, not sexually confident etc. - how do I get started?
They are ready to be dating, hence why they are dating. Just because they don't want sex straight away and want to go at their own pace does not in any way mean then aren't ready to date.
If being desperate to have sex is off-putting, nymphomaniacs would be virgins because their desperation would be repulsive. What you mean is that desperation to have sex is repellent in a man, but attractive in a woman. This is yet another double standard in our so-called gender-equal society.
You think that months of being taken out regularly without so much as a peck on the cheek is normal dating? The point of dating is to have a sexual relationship; if a person isn't ready for sex, then she shouldn't be dating, as she's leading on the mug who's wasting his time, money and effort on her. The average is sex on the third date, and it is common to have sex on a first date.
You think having sex every single day is normal dating?
The point of dating isn't about sex, people don't just date someone for sex.
Okay but what about asexuals? They still date. Are you saying that they shouldn't be allowed to date?
Here's something that might blow your mind: it was a year before I had sex with my first girlfriend. Like it or not Adam, everyone has their own paces and not everyone is ready to sleep with someone after a date or a couple of dates. Personally, it takes me a long time to be comfortable with being physiclaly intimate with anyone. You're so deluded about this whole social mechanic that it's frustrating and sometimes insulting. Sex is a big deal to a lot of people. Do not sit there and decide what someone else is ready for or wants. You will not get anywhere if you stick to this attitude. Believe us, take in what we say, we aren't bullshitting you.
It's been said a thousand times and I'll say it a final time - people are PEOPLE, not objects or sex machines.
Sex every day certainly is normal. No psychologist, doctor etc. would claim that daily sex is abnormal.
Sex is the main reason for dating. Sex is the central component of a sexual relationship - that's why it's called a sexual relationship.
Only about 1% of people are asexual, which means that it's probably the least common sexual orientation. Some asexuals date, but many don't, because a high proportion of asexuals have schizoid personality disorder, and vice versa. None of the girls who misled me into thinking they would have sex with me were asexual. If someone is asexual and is dating, they should tell their date that, or at least tell them that they don't ever want sex. I've made it crystal clear by the way I talk to girls I fancy that I'm sexually attracted to them, so as to avoid asexuals, prudes, sex-phobics and the friendzone. Likewise, my dating profiles clearly state that I want sex on the first date. On many sites, members are asked what they want/like to do on a first date - should I lie and say that I want to play dominoes?
That's true, but I'm ready to have sex within minutes of meeting a girl whom I fancy. I want to find girls who likewise are ready to have sex, without me having to wine and dine them, buy them expensive presents, be interrogated by their families, make them laugh, 'be friends first' or any other extraneous rituals. I thought that clearly stating on my dating website profiles what I want would attract girls of that type, yet it hasn't and I don't know how I can. No-one ever initiates contact with me on the dating sites. About 99% of the girls whom I send messages to via the sites never respond. I've never got to the stage of talking to any of them on the phone, let alone meeting them.
1) daily sex is normal - who even has time for that, or has a high enough sex drive? It might be nice to, but it's hardly a maintainable pattern over time.
2) sex is the main reason for dating - what about just enjoying each others' company
3) what about asexuals dating *shock horror* other asexuals.
Please, wipe your brain and get rid of these mentalities. They're over judgemental, warped and completely unreasonable. You've researched sex to such an extent that instead of being well informed, it's holding you back
I do. I masturbate for about two hours per day; I easily have the time and sex drive to have sex every day.
Just enjoying each others' company is what friends are for. Friendship and dating are two different things. Dating without sex is like repeatedly going to a restaurant and never eating anything, repeatedly going to a museum and never looking at any of the exhibits; repeatedly going to a sports centre and never playing sport.
Yes, I am surprised - and very disappointed. I joined dating websites to get lots of sex and that's what I thought I'd get. I thought that girls who have high sex drives and whom enjoy sex would have been keen to have sex with me, especially those who don't want a load of complicated stuff like wining and dining, meeting each others' families, 'being friends first' etc. I thought they'd see my profile and be pleased to find someone who wants the same things that they do. All the sexual activities I want are mainstream, including French kissing, fellatio, cunnilingus and vaginal intercourse. Most girls enjoy those activities, and they don't all feel the need for a long, arduous preamble.
Oh. Looks like you're saying my relationship isn't a relationship then.
Companionship above the sex anytime, really.
That would make sense, because they'd be suited to each other. Only 1% of people are asexual, so this isn't a major issue. Dating websites, nightclubs etc. are not full of asexuals. Most people have never dated an asexual, so this isn't much of an issue. The vast majority of people want and enjoy sex.
:yes:
Can you hear yourself? :banghead:
Not 24/7 like you appear to want.
It sounds like you're not doing it correctly and that you've never climaxed during sex. As soon as you have your first orgasm, you'll understand why the vast majority of people love sex and you'll want to do it thousands of times. I wouldn't want to live if I couldn't have orgasms every day; they're intensely pleasurable.
It's bizarre that people who don't like sex (much) are attracted to a thread which is asking how to start a sexual relationship. You must have realised from day 1 that you weren't going to convert me into the 'sex is a load of fuss over nothing' way of thinking that you have and are trying to promote. I have an erection for about two hours per day.
I stand by what I wrote minutes ago. I can't understand why anyone would want a sexless date; it's like a meal without food, a museum without exhibits, a car without an engine, a party without guests, a radio without sound.
Who said we don't like sex? Sex is amazing. It's just not common place to want it for hours per day like you seem to, or expect people to just give it to you. Let me ask you this - how many times would people have to repeat themselves before you got the message here?