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Starting a sexual relationship
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Essential support for under 25s
Comments
In regards to you not receiving help from a "counselling service", I'm sorry you didn't receive the help you were expecting but this is why you should make a formal referral to the community mental health services in your area through your GP. The community mental health services would then be able to refer you to others who would be best able to cater to your specific needs. Your GP was talking bollocks when he said he couldn't get in touch with the relevant services for you, so perhaps speaking to a different GP may be beneficial? Mind you, I'm basing this off the UK system so if you're abroad it may be different. Sorry if that's the case.
A lot of people have sex in their mid-teens when they're not mature enough for it, this is how a lot of teenagers end up getting their hearts broken. Maturity has very little to do with age but more to do with someone's attitude and ability to act responsibly (both in practical terms and also in regards to others emotions). Judging from your responses, I feel that at the moment you haven't got the appropriate awareness that would enable you to make a mature decision about starting a sexual relationship, so again, would advise you to seek help and then try again at a later date.
I would be very surprised if this actually happened. I, like Adam, have Autism; but have different relationship issues. After being diagnosed, I was discharged and was given no support at all. I was not referred to anyone. I was told to talk to social services which really was a waste of time. I've not received any help that would actually help me. In fact, I've received far more help from friends.
I'm sorry to hear that, I have had issues with receiving help myself but I've found that if you just keep pestering them, they eventually cave in and put you through to someone. If you're not receiving adequate support you could always complain as well. Threatening to go to the papers also helps a small amount as everybody hates bad PR.
I know u have had bad experiences which can not be easy for u. The problem is all of us on here dont understand what u been through and how its effecting u ever since. That's why I do believe that u should tell us all exactly what kind of support u are looking for on The Site.
Your thread says it all but in terms of giving u advice on who u can turn to seems to be lacking on here which could be for any reason. However, the only way we can try and help u to the best of ur situation is if u tell us exactly what u from this thread. I think everyone knows now that u want advice on having a sexual relationship but in order for us to try and help u then u got to try and help urself.
I dont mean it disrespectfully to u but there seems to be something missing from the advice and support we have given u. I'm not blaming u for it although I do think there needs to be a way of us trying to get the cause of the problem to why u have had problems asking a woman for sex straight away and the support u received with ur autism or maybe compromising and moving forward from this.
This isn't it fault and we dont blame u. Only we want to try and help u the best we can do in order for us to do that we need u to tell us exactly what u want from this?
Please let me know what u think?
www.relate. org. uk - this is a helpline for those who want help with relationships
www.sexaddiction.co.uk - this is a helpine and website for those who are experiencing difficulties with sex addiction etc
www.sexnrespect.co.nz- this is a website for support and advice on sex t
www.match. com/datingtips- this a dating website with tips to help those on a first date
www.autism.org.uk- this is a website and to help and support those who have autism within a support group
Hope that helps
CrazyCat x
You're right, I apologise if my advice was misguided. I'm simply amazed that psychologists don't provide more attention/support to autism in general as it clearly can have a detrimental impact on individual's quality of life without support. I will leave you to it.
I acknowledge that I have faults; I do want to change for the better. I'm not arrogant; quite the opposite - I have low self-esteem and I hate myself. I do take responsibility for myself, and have to. On many occasions, I have sought help, but I've usually been blocked or met with indifference. I have often thought that I can do things, only to be disappointed when my best attempts to do so fail.
That's ideal then Adam, I know it must be incredibly frustrating to not receive help but to have that awareness and willingness to improve is the first and largest step in improving your situation. I think looking up some local services in your area that support people with autism would be a good place to start, if you were in the UK the National Autistic Society has a list of contact details and information which could prove beneficial to you. If you're meeting resistence in getting help from others then unfortunately you're going to have to do a lot of the work yourself and so self help tips on that site may prove useful to you. The most important thing is to not give up on yourself, and to keep trying.. which I understand is going to be difficult but it will be worth it in the end.
I am responsible; I always carry a condom. I don't know what you mean by me lacking awareness to have sex; I see the only barrier in that respect as being that girls don't want sex with me. If they did, I'd be having sex every day. Sex need not be complicated. Wining and dining, wooing, 'being friends first' etc, isn't necessary - millions of people have sex frequently without preceding it with any of that nonsense. Many people have had sex at a party with someone they've never met before - and I'm not talking about sex parties; I mean ordinary parties of the type that many young people attend.
I also was discharged soon after being diagnosed. I had a psychiatric nurse at the time; it was him who noticed that I'm autistic and referred me to a psychologist to be diagnosed (however, he did not help me in any other way). The nurse retired and I was not given a replacement for him. I asked to have another nurse assigned to me; I was told that there wasn't one available and I would have to manage on my own. They said that they're understaffed and have to proritise patients who suffer severe, treatable conditions such as borderline personality disorder and they can't assign staff to people with mild, incurable conditions such as mine.
Again this cant be easy for u and we may not all understand what it going through. However, as I've said before can u tell us exactly what the problem is? I know u have mentioned about sex and ur autism but we want to be able to help u if u tell us exactly what the problem is
This cant be easy for u I know but I want to know what support u want. I think u need to tell us so we can try and understand a bit more. Again there's been advice on here but it's like the advice were given u is wrong? I don't know.
I understand that u may carry a condom without just having sex with anyone. Though the fact that u said u don't want to wine and done shows that u dont want to get to know them but ask for sex directly and that's it. There seems to be something u may not be doing right by moving things on. Once we know what u want then we can try and help?
It's good that u think realistic about urself which is good. You do want to change for the better and I get that u do. That's the first step u need to make by saying u want to change in order to want help. The only thing is u got to engage with us and tell us what the problem is
Remember that we wanna try and help. Have u looked at those sites I gave u?
These are the sites I gave u.....
www.relate.org.uk
www.sexnrespect.co. nz
www.sexaddiction. co.uk
www.match.com/datingtips
www.autism.co.uk
CrazyCat
Thank you for those links; I'm reading them.
Picking up a girl in a sports car and wining and dining her at top restaurants cannot be necessary. This is certain, because the average person first has sex in their mid-teens, before they can do those things. Sixteen-year-olds are not allowed to drive on British roads and they certainly don't wine and dine girls at expensive restaurants - yet they do have sex. Sixteen-year-olds typically live with their parents and are not masters of seduction - yet they do have sex. It's common for two teenagers whom have never met before to have sex together at a party - they don't get to know each other well, are not friends first. How then, do they form the psychological connection that many people on here and elsewhere are telling me is essential in achieving before sex can take place? It's common for British people in their teens and twenties to go to nightclub and sunbathing-centred beach resorts in Spain, Greece, Cyprus etc., where they have sex with a different person during each night of their holiday - does each brief pairing really form a strong connection with each other on their one-night stands? If so, how? I can't stand noise, crowds and hot weather, so this type of holiday is not an option for me - but I still wonder how it happens. Most of the holidaymakers at those resorts are not well-educated, well-off or beautiful, yet they get loads of sex easily whilst drunk - how do they manage that? None of them are going there for medium-term, let alone long-term relationships. They know that even if they do want to see each other after the holiday, it's impractical for them to meet regularly when one lives in Newcastle and the other lives in Hampshire.
You say it's common for teenagers whom have never met before to have sex together at a party. People taking vacations and sleeping with a different person every night. Where do you get all this?
I think you are making a lot of assumptions, pass them off as facts and then you are disappointed because you don't fit the bill. You have a skewed view of reality and sexuality and suffer from high expectations you cannot reach, just like the normal sized girl that starves herself, because apparently having a thigh gap, a bikini bridge, or visible ribs is what gives you worth as a person.
Let's face it. A lot of people more handsome, more able and more affluent (i.e. more desirable) than you DO NOT have sex every day and not for a lack of want. I think you should start improving yourself and develop a healthier outlook on things (as stated in this thread dozen of times), just like the body-issue girl who will be advised how to accept her body instead of telling her how to lose more weight.
The average age to first have sexual intercourse in the UK is mid-teens. A high proportion of those have had oral sex before then. I've seen many reliable sources and that is clear. I don't know where you get 18 from. I know of many individual cases of strangers having sex at parties and a string of one-night stands on holiday from people I've spoken to, from documentaries and from surveys. Even if your claim of 18 were true, I'm still doing far worse than average. In addition, very few 18-year-olds are sweeping girls off their feet (whatever that means), picking them up in sports cars and wining and dining them at expensive restaurants - as many girls demand.
Many poor, ugly, stupid, uneducated people have sex many times whilst still in their teens. Sexually active people are not a rich, beautiful, smooth-talking, privileged elite who have doctorates, live in gated communities, have live-in servants and drive Ferraris. Getting sex can't be rocket science, nor does it require thousands of pounds. There can't be many men who are more repellant than Mick Philpott, who has had a huge amount of sex with many partners. Being poor, having convictions including the attempted murder of one of his girlfriends and GBH against her mother didn't reduce the ease at which he found new sexual partners. You can't claim he has a great personality - the opposite is true, he has antisocial personality disorder.
I've been trying all my life to improve myself; I've been repeatedly blocked, diverted, misled and lied to. A healthy outlook for me has to be one in which I aim to have sex every day. I'm not going to aim to have sex a few times a year, but not until I'm in my fifties, just because someone on here considers me too immature to have sex. In every way, I've been ready to have sex since I was 13; every day since then I've wanted to do so. In any case, emotional maturity isn't required to have sex; I don't know why anyone would think that it is.
Yes it is. It involves recognising that women are human beings, that you have to actually care about the person you're with, and that the world does not owe you anything.
Also, I am at university and have been since September. I live with 11 people, all completely different, some go out most nights, some have never been out. And none of us have slept with someone on the night they met all year. Same goes for my group of friends from my course. It's not half as common as you think to just go out, meet someone and have sex.
Many people have had sex many times without recognising any of that.
It is common; a lot more common than you think it is; it happens every night. It's likely that some of the people you mention have had sex with someone on the night they met them, but that you're unaware of it. Most girls claim that they've had sex with fewer people than they actually have; they also typically claim that it took significantly longer to get them into bed than it actually did, because they think it gives them a better reputation.
In any case, regardless of how common it is, it's what I want to do. I'm trying to find out how to.
As I've said, I've been refused counselling and I don't have enough money to pay for it privately. My family have never cared about me; they didn't even give me enough food to eat when I was growing up. I received nothing for my birthdays and Christmas. When I pointed out to my family that other kids received cards, presents etc., they retorted, with contempt: "I don't care what anyone else gets, you're getting nothing!" I've never had any friends. The only time that anyone wants to be near me is to victimise me.
If I can prevent/stop my autism being a hindrance, I'd like to know how. You think that a condition which involves lifelong impaired social and communication skills need not hinder my life? You think that an autistic person can be a smooth-talking Casanova? If so, please give me an example of one.
You have a real victim mentally and that really isn't going to get you anywhere. In fact, it is just going to put girls off even more.
Indeed. I'd rather get to know someone first and then have sex with them.
No-one wants to visit a sports field several times before playing on it. No-one wants to visit a restaurant several times before eating there. It's equally absurd that anyone would want to meet someone several times before having sex with them. You either fancy them or you don't. If you do, why wait? If you don't, why date them at all? I either fancy a girl or I don't. If I do, I want to have sex with her as soon as possible; if I don't, I wouldn't date her.