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Starting a sexual relationship
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Essential support for under 25s
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caravan club's the best hobby or club to pick up girls with. say you're a member of it and the girls'll be falling at your feet
You need to think about what u want. This means from what I mentioned above from long term, dating, sexual relationship or friendship. Want to also think about what person u want, anyone whos nice and down to earth, outgoing and bubbly, has the same interests as u or someone u get on with. Also the type of girl u want as u want attraction for them for u if its blonds, brunettes, brown eyes, blue eyes etc. and what do u want out of the relationship. You mentioned just sex so u want that only?
The other thing is what u can give in the relationship. I know u said how can u get a girl to have sex with u but its knowing what u can do first of all. You want to show confidence, drive and enthusaim cuz all of these will get the girl interested. Something what she likes doing as it will show ur interested in what u got to say and appreciate it and telling her what u like is another thing. Complitmenting her, seeming interested in what shes got to say, being friendly and poliet and entertaining her is everything u need to make it work.
You can do this by going out or meeting people online. As u said about being online before u could go back there and meet girls on there for will be interested in what u want also. There are other things u can do but this one is an idea.
Trying those examples will benefit u in the long run and u will end up meeting someone as u wanted. You couldnt before as u mentioned above. There is someone out there for everyone.
Try this and see
I thought that mentioning sex on my dating website profiles would attract the girls who like to have a lot of sex, and deter those who don't. If I shouldn't mention sex on my profiles due to it being off-putting, at what point should I mention it? In messages that I send on the site? During text messages or phone calls before I meet her? As soon as I meet her? An hour after I meet her? Two hours after I meet her? How do I raise the topic? It's not true that it goes without saying that everyone loves sex. I don't want to be stuck with a prude who wants to wait months, nor someone who doesn't want sex because she "tried it once, didn't like it and won't be doing it again, ever".
Thats the problem. From what I said before about what u want, who ur looking for, what kind of relationship u want if thats long term, dating, sexual or friendship one u need to ask ur self those questions before doing anything. You mentioned on the dating site about who would be interested. The best thing to do is only mention that question u said I want sex only is when ur speaking to someone on there or they have looked at ur profile and could be interested.
Mentioning about sex to her either by phone or text can be done by sexting her and saying cant wait to meet u and have fun or u been on my mind all day etc. You can say that on the phone two. Another thing u can do is send pictures to her or get her to send pictures to u using Snap Chat. Have u used Snap Chat? That might be a good idea. Do this half an hour before u meet her. I dont think telling her two hours or an hour before would be good cuz she will forget. Talking about subject can be at a time which is convient for u both like before u meet her by sexting or calling. Maybe talking about it in a private place after u gone to meet her. Could be when u finished meeting her or in a bar etc.
I do think if u been in a relationship u are more likely to have had sex but thats part of a relationship anyway. There are people who like doing it and others who do only not all time. They say online, newspapers and magazines about sex saying everything u need to know and why we like it. They even said about chocolate or sex. Comparing the two what one is better. You might think it varies from person to person. Your asking u want someone who wants sex and only sex. Thats why from the questuons above is what u need to ask. Could find someone on that dateing site who wants what u want but finding the right person.
Hopefully ur find someone soon.
x
There are some guys on dating sites I've seen who put as that answer u will have to wait and see. I think that's says they will surprise u and take u out somewhere nice or they are hinting that they will take u back to there's and have sex. Do u think changing ur answering to u will have to wait and see get more of a response from women who will respond to u?
You may just need to look at ur profile and see what needs improving to get more of a chance going on a date. Its about selling urself someone first looks at ur profile. Could say its like a job interview as I've heard that before lol.
The one thing u shouldn't do is look needy or desprete in order to meet someone. That's why showing off ur best qualites will say all that when it comes to meeting someone. I know it's off putting when a girl sees that ur not interested in getting to know them but just want anyone for now which sounds u don't care about there personality.
Maybe look back at ur profile and see if there's anything u need to change and with the questions put them in a different way but more of the same way like u said u want sex on first date but put that in another way saying instead u will have to wait and see
You have to make a few ajustments I think. Everyone does from time to time because u don't want the same information on ur profile as it can get boring and less interesting. Making the most of urself is key here and once u go back on a date u would of become a different person. You need to let things flow natually so u need its gonna go somewhere and there's no problem being honest on a first date but explain ur reasons more clearly to why u feel that as u said u want sex. I don't think that's a good thing u mention on a first date but u may have to put it in a less direct way as I said. Friends with benefits I would say.
I hope this is helpful and remember what I said.
CrazyCat x
I've had a bit of a read of your thread and have taken away a few things that I would like to address. You've had quite a lot of advice from differing angles, so I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.
- from what you've said, I take it that you are interested in fairly no-string attached sex rather than a full on romantic relationship. Is this correct? As such, you would like to find someone who is interested in the same, but haven't had luck with both trying to meet people in clubs/bars or on dating sites.
Have you tried some of the popular apps that many people use to find hookups? Here's an up to date list of hook up apps that you could take a look at.
This may be a better way to find the people that match your interests because on dating sites, I'd assume that many people are looking for a relationship that includes the trappings of 'taking someone out' that you aren't interested in.
Others have said that mentioning that you are looking for sex could be off-putting, but as you've pointed out, it's good to be honest. Maybe it's just that you've been going to the wrong places?
- you have mentioned several times that you do not think you are attractive and lack both confidence and social skills. There are some steps you can take to improve upon all of these. If you can take up a social sport (eg. tennis, badminton, joining a class such as for martial arts or even a fitness group) not only will this help to improve your fitness and therefore be beneficial to your looks, but it is an excellent chance to improve upon your social skills. If you're short on cash and want to try this, perhaps you could find a meet up group near you on meetup.com.
Doing some kind of sport with others is a fantastic ice breaker and makes it easier to talk with them. Additionally, culturing a social life means that you will be more likely to meet new people (friends of friends, social gatherings, you name it), which yes can lead to more opportunities for sex!
I think that's partly what some of the other posters have been getting at - the fact that having that social life can naturally lead to these things. Although you aren't interested in a "long, arduous" road to being sexually active, this can only help when it comes to ensuring that you have many opportunities for it now and in the future.
- One of the questions you've asked is what you should be wearing to look more attractive. I would recommend the forum for Male Fashion Advice on reddit which is very active. You could browse some of the popular posts and even post something yourself with what you usually wear and how to improve on it.
There's even a subreddit on Reddit where people post to look for casual hookups and 'friends with benefits' relationships: http://www.reddit.com/r/r4r
Do you have many friends or have many activities that you enjoy doing? How are things in your life in general?
I ask because you seem very focused on the sex issue and it's evidently causing you a lot of grief. Having a high sex drive is fair enough, but not having other things to be occupied by might not help.
Excellent post, unfortunately these things to be an interesting human being to be around ALL REQUIRE WORK! Why can't you just tell him which phrase to put on his dating profile that flocks of women will contact him with the sole purpose of hot, sweaty, no-questions-asked sex? This can't be so hard. Millions of people have sex every waking second and some of them just met minutes ago. Just tell him which words to utter that makes the inside of a woman's panties like the hoover dam collapsed inside them.
I've worked hard to try to get sex; I've spent many hundreds of pounds and hundreds of hours taking girls out, but I've never even got a peck on the cheek, let alone sex.
Surveys show that a high proportion of people have had sex with someone on the same day they met them - it isn't rare. Despite the sarcasm in the above post, it is true that at any given moment, there are millions of people having sex and some of them did meet only minutes ago.
Hmm. The people who publish these surveys tend to be the same people who own "dating" websites that promise no-strings sex without having to make much effort.
The reality is a lot more complicated. People generally do not fuck people they picked up on the internet half an hour ago, even on apps/websites like Grindr or Tindr. People generally want to have at least half an idea about the other person before they screw like rabbits.
Of course people have sex on first dates, or the first time they meet someone in "real life", but that's not the same thing at all. I've been fortunate enough to have it a couple of times. But the connection had already been made, I wasn't a complete stranger and- crucially- I wasn't expecting them to climb into bed and blow me just because we'd had a pleasant afternoon. We'd chatted for ages, talked dirty, so there was already a connection.
If you're going to judge the success of a date by how quickly you get her knickers down, you're going to spend most of your life feeling very very disappointed. And, even more importantly, you're going to put people off you. Even if the other person doesn't want a long-term boyfriend, and just wants to be a fuck buddy for a while, they still need to be able to trust you. And if you're going into dates considering it a waste of time if you don't get laid, they're not going to trust you.
That's what I am trying to tell you Adam0. There is always a bit of work involved. The only times you get to fuck right of the bat is, because instead of selling yourself with wit and banter is because you are a Brad Pitt/David Beckham genetic blend and girls just look past the fact that you cannot form a coherent sentence.
The last FWB I had, let me give you a bit of a story time. She was wild. I definitely had some freaky sex with her. She let herself go and I experienced a lot of "first times" with her. When we got to know each other it was at a huge barbecue party. Both drunk, we talked a lot, I went for the kiss. We exchanged numbers, no sex yet. The next time we met sober. I was with a couple friends, and she was. Both got the jist and gave us some privacy. More talking. I went for the kiss again... A couple days later we met. (at my or her place I cannot remember). We cooked. Idk if there was a handjob yet or not, but no sex. She wasn't timid in bed at all, but it simply took some time getting to know each other. I don't think that made her a boring prude. This shit takes some time, regardless of what bogus surveys or hollywood moments or rap videos tell you. Yes, sex at first date happens, but this is unfortunately reserved for the gifted unless you are very very lucky and if you readily expect it you will be as disappointed if you expect the big cash if you play a single tip of lottery weekly.
Read the story of any self-made millionaire. Clever investment, hard work, etc. Why is not everyone rich? Why can't they just tell me what stocks to buy, what to study and what to say at my first job interview. What to do and what to say so I get promoted asap into management.
I am telling you, the "long and arduous" road is probably your only option - as it is for the vast majority of people out there - but I can tell you that it can be very rewarding. Also, if you read up on people losing their virginity the usual consensus is "so that was it? What was the big deal?". Mindless, no strings attached sex will not fulfill you, despite what you think about it now.
Seems that way.
Are you actually after a relationship (a proper one; not just a sexual one) or a fuck buddy?
Just because you chose to spend time, effort and money on them doesn't mean they owe you shit.
The previous post asking if I want a proper relationship or a sexual relationship is bogus, because it ignores the fact that a sexual relationship is a proper relationship, it's not something inferior.
The question they actually asked was do you just want a friend with benefits, or an actual relationship. The majority of relationships are not solely based around having sex everyday. I don't think they were implying that it was something inferior or not proper.
Did they all mislead you, or did you make assumptions? Like did they outright tell you if you took them on a date you'd get laid??
As rude as I'm going to sound, you're trying to hard and it's so off putting. I get that you want to have sex, but you need to be prepared to put in the work and get to know someone first.
I have put in the work (time, money, physical and psychological effort, conversation etc.), on many occasions, with many different girls. I've received nothing in return, not even a peck on the cheek. In any case, why should it be an arduous, long-winded ordeal to get sex?
Stop expecting things in return, then you won't be disappointed.
Maybe your issue is trying with so many people, try just trying with one person??
Every day since I was 13, I've wanted to have sex. It's perfectly normal and I need advice about how to get it. The average person first has sex in their mid-teens - hence they must have worked out how to get it. I'd like to know how, otherwise I'll become a 30-year-old virgin, 40-year-old virgin, 50-year-old virgin etc. - unless I die before then.
Sounds like u still don't know what u want. The answer to ur question wether I was implying that if you wanted a proper relationship or a sexual relationship. You said u want a sexual relationship so that is a relationship yh. I may of got the wrong idea of what sexual relationship u wanted.
I think u need to learn from your mistakes what u previously have done and redeem those mistakes by going about it the right way. It's good to hear that when u ask for sex u get girls not wanting nothing to do with u. That shows that's not the right way of going about it.
Putting urself out there more in the public eye then behind a computer screen will really determine what sort of guy u come across when u talk to other women. Maybe a good idea when u meet someone next time is to just ask wether they feel like they are having a good time with u and ask them what they think of u at the moment. I think asking them the questions then waiting for them to ask u will not only show how deeply interested u are getting to know them as a person but u can test them to see wether they don't want something completely different to what u want.
Making the most of urself as what I told u. Dress to impress by wearing a smart shirt and jeans, communcate by getting to know her from interests and hobbies, work, family, friends and dates, show how happy she's making u feel by smiling and taking interest in what she's got to say but not what she's got underneath and prepare urself before hand and think of questions she may ask u two. I know this may sound like more then just having a sexual relationship but u need to get to know the person first then sleep with them suddenly.
Did u look at that website I gave u called bbc.co.uk/thesurgery? That any good for u to get further advice on? You may find The Site has lots of advice on Sexual Relationships. Also there's an app they under Relationships called The Madly in love page. What do u think about that?
You just need try and go out and meet people in places ur likely to meet them. You may not find bars or clubs any good towards u as u said there's not been much progression there but joining a quiz pub, going out with a friend to the cinema or going to the cinema on ur own, taking up a excerise class, attending local events like the races, garden parties or road trips etc can improve ur social life, confidence and abilty to meet people the old fashioned way.
Try and rethink back to the earlier problems u had before and then try and address them by writing the problem down and then thinking of a realistic way to handle it, talking out load, going back to a friend and asking them for there input or keeping a diary and going back to see how much u improved since first date.
I hope this helps and remember were here for u x
And there's your problem right there, in huge twenty-feet-high neon letters.
Think of dating as a transactional relationship and you will only attract people who see it the same way. And you know what? They're not going to be very nice people.
Start seeing people as people and not as fucktoys and you might just have a bit more success.
Though I would reiterate the therapy thing that was brought up a while ago by Kate.
When I see a girl in a short tight dress, high heels, bright red lipstick etc, I should not think about wanting to have sex with her but should instead want to play dominoes with her? Why would she modify her appearance in such a way that causes herself to have difficulty walking if she wants to play dominoes? She must want sexual attention in order to wear what she's wearing, otherwise she'd wear something comfortable instead. No-one wears high heels for comfort.
a) I've stated repeatedly that I'm poor. I want sex every day; I'd struggle to afford a prostitute once a year. Are you saying that I should be satisfied with sex once a year, or that all I deserve is sex once a year, if that?
b) Millions of people (the vast majority of whom do not look like Brad Pitt/David Beckham) get sex regularly, without prostitutes, and without being friends for months first, so why can't I?
You're implying that I deserve to be an outcast, excluded from the sexual opportunities that are enjoyed and taken for granted by most people.
Right. Just because someone wears high heels, it does not mean they want to have sex with you. Just because they are wearing a tight dress, it does not mean they want to have sex with you. It most definitely does not mean you have the right to assume anything about them based on what they are wearing.
Women are humans. Just like you. Treat them like humans and you might get somewhere.
:yes: this. 100% this.
Or she's wearing it to feel good about herself? Because she wants to look nice?
This is your issue. You view girls as sexual objects. It's completely wrong.
Noticing a pattern?
I'm a girl. I've had sex with guys on the same day as meeting them. But the thing is, it didn't start off about sex. Our relationships were always based on more than that, sounds lame but a 'deeper connection'. A situation, shared feelings, good conversation. There still needs to be *something* in addition to attractiveness and the desire to have sex, even for a one off or a fuck buddy type relationship. But meh, that's just my point of view.