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Struggling to stay alive.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sucks Jo, the house is making us all ill... It's infested with damp and the smell is horrible. We are looking for somewhere else to live, but trying to find somewhere that will take the benefits is hard. We only really need a three bedroom but not a house with stairs, cause once I get my knees sorted I won't be able to use them...

    I'll try at midnight tonight to see if I can get one, even at that I don't know if I'll be able to stick this pain for two weeks. I'm not allowed any painkillers at all. But I guess that's my own fault.

    I really don't know how I'll cope without her... I trust her with my life, she's helped me through so much. It's gong to be weird not having her, not being able to just talk to her when things are shitty for the want of another word.. I'm dreading Wednesday... I don't know how I'll react... Sorry... *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sat here in tears, panicking, wishing I as dead. I can't do this. I'm panicking over nothing. I can't get out of this cycle, I want to give up. I don't know anymore. I just want this to end.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After almost an hour long panic attack... I just want to curl up in bed and cry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeaaa... I'm done with life... Fuck it all.
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    Cat88Cat88 Posts: 377 Listening Ear
    Hi Suzy - sorry to have not replied sooner - how are you doing?? We're all here for you!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cat88 wrote: »
    Hi Suzy - sorry to have not replied sooner - how are you doing?? We're all here for you!

    Hey Cat,

    Just wanted to let you know and anyone else that's been helping to support Suzy in this thread - Suzy's taking a bit of a break for the next week or so but she'll be back, we've been in touch with her and she felt it was a good time to get a bit of headspace.

    If you have any messages for Suzy while she's away then you can post them here :)

    Sending you our best Suzy and see you soon *hug*
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Hey Cat,

    Just wanted to let you know and anyone else that's been helping to support Suzy in this thread - Suzy's taking a bit of a break for the next week or so but she'll be back, we've been in touch with her and she felt it was a good time to get a bit of headspace.

    If you have any messages for Suzy while she's away then you can post them here :)

    Sending you our best Suzy and see you soon *hug*

    Thank you for letting us know Jo! Do look after yourself, Owlie :heart:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When you come back Suzy you'll be welcomed with open arms!! *hug*
    Message me if you ever need to talk. You know that already though
    Stay strong!!! :)

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Lots of *hug* Suzy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you lots everyone:)

    It's been a shitty week if I'm honest, my uncle passed away yesterday I'm still unsure how to react to it I guess. I start back at collage on Friday and I start a new job in a nursery on Monday I'm incredibly nervous. The pains that I've been having in my knees and legs are getting worse, I see the specialist on the 11th September..

    On the upside however, I've not self harmed this past week so I feel a little proud of that.

    But thank you all for the cuddles and messages:)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry that I'm so complicated and mess everything up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do but thanks.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Cuddles x

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lots of owlie cuddles x

    Mother does not like my choice of clothing today... "you look fat and horrible in that" little sister "sure mummy she always looks that way anyway the freak" *everyone laughs* *sighs*:(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am here for you. If you need to talk then feel free to message me and I'll reply when I can.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Id only be in the way, but thanks.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    No you wont

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks all the same though... Gonna piss off into hiding for a while... Mothers upset me *sighs*
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    People want to help lovely :heart:

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know my lovely. But I'm stubborn... I don't deserve help, mother says so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish last night worked now... Mum's made me feel so shit about myself:(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Thank you lots everyone:)

    It's been a shitty week if I'm honest, my uncle passed away yesterday I'm still unsure how to react to it I guess. I start back at collage on Friday and I start a new job in a nursery on Monday I'm incredibly nervous. The pains that I've been having in my knees and legs are getting worse, I see the specialist on the 11th September..

    On the upside however, I've not self harmed this past week so I feel a little proud of that.

    But thank you all for the cuddles and messages:)

    Sorry to hear about your uncle Suzy, were you close to him? The loss of a loved one is bound to knock you for six and stir up confusing emotions.

    How are you feeling about going back to college? I wonder if it might help to break up these things into separate threads to you can get support on the different issues going on? It's good to see you've posted one about things with your sister.

    Glad that you have an appointment with the specialist and congratulations for going a week without self-harming. That's an achievement to hold on to and be proud of. It shows that you can do it and you can build on that in the future :yes:

    It sounds like your Mum is causing you a lot of hurt and upset at the moment.

    Big hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Sorry to hear about your uncle Suzy, were you close to him? The loss of a loved one is bound to knock you for six and stir up confusing emotions.

    How are you feeling about going back to college? I wonder if it might help to break up these things into separate threads to you can get support on the different issues going on? It's good to see you've posted one about things with your sister.

    Glad that you have an appointment with the specialist and congratulations for going a week without self-harming. That's an achievement to hold on to and be proud of. It shows that you can do it and you can build on that in the future :yes:

    It sounds like your Mum is causing you a lot of hurt and upset at the moment.

    Big hugs *hug*

    I was yea... Sick and tired of losing people. I hate it:(

    I hope the appointment helps, but I just have a feeling that I'll be sent for another MRI which will be done in December time and I'll be back with the specialist again in February for the results.

    I am proud of it.. But I have a feeling it's just all gonna go down the drain now.. This sucks:(

    I hate the way my mother's talking to me makes me feel so horrible about myself.. I guess it's just life.

    *hug* Thank you lots:)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »

    I am proud of it.. But I have a feeling it's just all gonna go down the drain now.. This sucks:(

    No one can take that week away from you, it's an achievement :) Recovery take time so try not to be too hard on yourself *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    No one can take that week away from you, it's an achievement :) Recovery take time so try not to be too hard on yourself *hug*

    I guess your right, I kinda wanted to have cleanish arms before starting this new job on Monday (The stickers just arrived in the post and I'm super excited now!) but I'm gonna have to like wear bandages or something... Silly owlie. *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck fuck :( I'm no longer clean fuck sake!:( I'm so stupid... I feel so ill.. Like all shaky and faint...:(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Your not stupid, you relapsed and relapse is part of recovery. Hope you are ok. You know we are here for you :heart:

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I ended up asleep nor to long after I wrte that... Woke up again around 1ish in tears with the pain.I never even cleaned up the first time such a twat:( I'm lucky nopne else. Walked in... I feel so stupid this morning... It hurts and I still feel all faint:(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Do seek medical attention if you need it. You deserve that help and support even if you disagree with that. Big cuddles. Your not alone. I love you owly!! :heart: you will get through this.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I might just go back to sleep again.... See if I can shift the fainty feeling. I love you too nana monkey ♥ I don't feel like I will but thank you lots.
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