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Struggling to stay alive.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm such a stupid twat. My arm is killing. I can't sleep. I need to sleep, I've got to be up in a few hours. I wish I could just talk to someone about how I'm feeling. But I can't, my brain won't allow it. I hate it, I'd love a little help. But the brain makes it impossible. *sighs* Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aghhhh!!! :( forget it. Forget everything. Stupid waste of skin and air.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Just wanted to send you some *hug*s. We all care about you. :heart:

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My side is killing this morning, so is my head and arms... I don't think last night was a wise idea... :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    My side is killing this morning, so is my head and arms... I don't think last night was a wise idea... :(

    Hey Suzy - can you tell us a bit more about what happened last night? It's not entirely clear ? I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain though *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Hey Suzy - can you tell us a bit more about what happened last night? It's not entirely clear ? I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain though *hug*

    Hey Jo,

    Had an amazing day yesterday, but as I knew there would be a shitty comedown too it. It was more shitier than I thought it would be.. My side is killing me, I don't know why, When I was working I got this really bad pain in my left hand side.. To the point it put me to the floor and I was unable to breath right. I was a silly owl last night which is why I think my head hurts.. My arms well... I harmed last night.. Just hurts more than normal...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like that's a pattern for you - the comedown after a good day/experience? I wonder how you might be able to hold on to the positive feelings a little longer? Any ideas? Could you tell us a bit about the day? It sounds like you really enjoyed it!

    The pain you describe sounds serious so it's important to get this seen to - if you're not sure you can call NHS 111 to talk to a trained adviser.

    I'm sorry to hear that your arm is hurting after self-harm, do you feel able to manage it or do you think it might need to be looked at? If it's still hurting after a day or two then it would be worth getting it checked out in case of infection. You could also take a look at out first aid info to make sure you're looking after yourself properly: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/general-first-aid-6282.html

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    It sounds like that's a pattern for you - the comedown after a good day/experience? I wonder how you might be able to hold on to the positive feelings a little longer? Any ideas? Could you tell us a bit about the day? It sounds like you really enjoyed it!

    The pain you describe sounds serious so it's important to get this seen to - if you're not sure you can call NHS 111 to talk to a trained adviser.

    I'm sorry to hear that your arm is hurting after self-harm, do you feel able to manage it or do you think it might need to be looked at? If it's still hurting after a day or two then it would be worth getting it checked out in case of infection. You could also take a look at out first aid info to make sure you're looking after yourself properly: http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/looking-after-yourself/general-first-aid-6282.html

    *hug*

    I had a date yesterday, was such an amazing day, despite people being annoying. We where walking though a shop, holding hands as you do and all then, when we where approached by the shop owner, asking us to leave as 'our kind' wernt welcome in his store. We did that, but just to sicken him we kissed on the way out.

    The pain hurts, but it's just one of them things I guess.

    I don't know yet if I need someone to look at it, I have a strong dislike to going to hospital and stuff about things self harm related. Thanks though.

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd do anything to just stop breathing now...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really have anything helpful to say, I just wanted to come by an offer hugs *hug*
    I'm so proud of you for getting this far owlie, you know where I am if you need a chat
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tues wrote: »
    I don't really have anything helpful to say, I just wanted to come by an offer hugs *hug*
    I'm so proud of you for getting this far owlie, you know where I am if you need a chat
    *hug*
    I wish I could get out of this stupid cycle :( I wish I could just end it all right, I'm so stupid I can't even do that :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    *hug*
    I wish I could get out of this stupid cycle :( I wish I could just end it all right, I'm so stupid I can't even do that :(

    You're not stupid at all lovely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tues wrote: »
    You're not stupid at all lovely.

    I'm very stupid my lovely. I can't do anything right. I can't even leave this all behind. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    I'm very stupid my lovely. I can't do anything right. I can't even leave this all behind. :(

    You can do lots right owlie! You make people smile that's for sure.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tues wrote: »
    You can do lots right owlie! You make people smile that's for sure.

    The slutty kettle makes people smile.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    The slutty kettle makes people smile.

    That's true, but you also make people smile
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MyFitnessPal has just told me that if I keep eating the amount that I am, what weight I'll be. It makes me far to happy.. Yeey.
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    MyFitnessPal has just told me that if I keep eating the amount that I am, what weight I'll be. It makes me far to happy.. Yeey.

    How much are you eating at the moment? I do hope your goal weight isn't something silly, but reasonable. How are you doing lovely?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How much are you eating at the moment? I do hope your goal weight isn't something silly, but reasonable. How are you doing lovely?

    Pretty much long story short, I'm allowed 1720 a day, I only had around 700 of them, as a result it's saying that I'm not getting enough calories, but that makes me super happy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Avoiding food like theres no tomorrow. Ate food yesterday... Don't need to eat anything today
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feel like absolute shit. My brain is running all these thoughts and feelings I just don't know how to express them. Feel super lonely today. I just I don't know anymore. Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Went to work... Pretended I was this happy owl.. People can't see that I'm broken inside... That I'm struggling like mad. I miss my brother so much I can't even describe the pain.. It hurts so bad that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to him. I'd love to just talk to him, but that's impossible.

    I just want to hide from the world. Hide somewhere where no one can find me, that would make me super happy. No one finds me and everyone things I'm gone. Happy owl. What's the point in all this? All I do is upset people. Such a stupid useless person.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For fuck sake!! Its all kicking off over the money my mother owes again!! :(( threating court action, threating people to come to the door to take our stuff.. I can't cope :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Done living this life. There's nothing here for me. Better of gone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What's the point in life? What's the point in breathing, there is no point in this anymore. I'm not needed here, I'm not needed anywhere. Never felt this shitty before.. I don't want tonight to end bad :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    What's the point in life? What's the point in breathing, there is no point in this anymore. I'm not needed here, I'm not needed anywhere. Never felt this shitty before.. I don't want tonight to end bad :(

    You're always needed little owl :heart:
    I'm sorry that you're finding things so hard right now *hug*
    I'm proud of you for getting this far. I'll be around until silly hours if you need a natter
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tues wrote: »
    You're always needed little owl :heart:
    I'm sorry that you're finding things so hard right now *hug*
    I'm proud of you for getting this far. I'll be around until silly hours if you need a natter

    I'm not but.. :( I just get in everyones way. *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never felt this shitty before... It's horrible, my brain hurts from crying my eyes are all red and puffy... I can't do this much longer :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I just stop breathing? Pretty please with a cherry on top?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Can I just stop breathing? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

    I'm afraid not little owl, you're so so strong. You can get through this, I'll be right here whenever you need me.
    Stay strong lovely :heart:
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