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Can someone please please help me?!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically, I am in a complete mess. I went back to the doctors this morning, talked through my symptoms and how I don’t feel like there has been any improvement.
So anyway, my doctor asked me if I have a boyfriend, to which the answer is yes. That was when I caught on to what she was saying.
I am pregnant. I did have a virus before hand, but around seven weeks ago I slept with my boyfriend and lucky me, I am now pregnant. The virus hid all the symptoms. I will also add, my periods have never been regular, so I wasn’t bothered about the fact that it was late. I cannot believe I have been so stupid. I am 16 years old, I have GCSEs starting in 3 months. And my mum has gone mental at me.
I have no idea what I should do. I know what the three options are, the doctors talked through them with me. How can I decide that?! How can I basically murder a baby? Can someone please help! I am in such a mess I don’t know what to do.
So anyway, my doctor asked me if I have a boyfriend, to which the answer is yes. That was when I caught on to what she was saying.
I am pregnant. I did have a virus before hand, but around seven weeks ago I slept with my boyfriend and lucky me, I am now pregnant. The virus hid all the symptoms. I will also add, my periods have never been regular, so I wasn’t bothered about the fact that it was late. I cannot believe I have been so stupid. I am 16 years old, I have GCSEs starting in 3 months. And my mum has gone mental at me.
I have no idea what I should do. I know what the three options are, the doctors talked through them with me. How can I decide that?! How can I basically murder a baby? Can someone please help! I am in such a mess I don’t know what to do.
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Comments
Your mum will come around & support you in the long run, this is a normal parents reaction to the situation; partly because youve been dull enough to get pregnant & partly because they may not have know that you were having it. (Cant use the s word as my work filter will block it). Please talk to your mum & any other grown ups.
As for your GCSEs if, & this is a big if, you dont do as well as you may have xpected they can be resat! You can do them through a college (or your school) next year.
Dont rush into a decision over a termination- 2 reasons for this;
1- why end a babys life because you are emotionally unbalanced at the moment
2- there are thousands of people in the uk who cannot have babies naturally so consider giving the baby up for adoption when it is born.
I know I can't make the decision right this moment, but I can't kill a baby, I would much rather have it adopted. But then I would feel bad because this baby could grow up thinking I don't love it and don't care. And I don't want people thinking I am some cheap slapper, because that is so commonly associated with teenage mums. But I'm not a slapper, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and we have only been sleeping together for about a year.
My mum is on the phone to my year head now and is telling her. I didn't even want her to do that. Surely it is up to me to tell people?
What does your bf think of this? He has a huge part to play too if you have been together for so long....
Then you need to sit down with both families (even if he runs a mile) & decide what is going to be done. I dont think a termination is the right answer here & add to the fact that you are asking for help/advice- I dont think that is what you want. I think you will grow up a lot over the coming months & you may discover that as time comes nearer to the birth you will become excited.
has your mum said anything more?
I hope you're OK.
This is a big thing and very scary for you and I can't imagin what's going through your head right now.
There are places that can give you good support and give you more information and help.
This might help, there are links on the page to places you can talk to someone who has helped other people in the same boat as you.
Just don't feel pressured from other people into making a desicion one way or the other. You'll know what's right for you and hopefully be able to find the support you need to help you with the desition you arrive at.
I would rather just talk to his family, I imagine them to be a lot calmer and they are less likely to make any decisions for me, like my mum will, and give advice.
All my mum has said is that my year head wants to speak to me tomorrow and that I might be kept out of lessons for the day.
I dont think there is anything wrong with abortion, but it sounds pretty much that you are against that idea, and I respect that.
I think you need to calm down.
This is a huge thing but you will be ok. This does not mean your life is over. A lot of people have babies very young, and of course this will put obstacles in your path. It wont be an easy ride - its not easy at any age - but its still do-able. Many young people make fantastic parents. You may find you can get extra support to stay in education whilst still raising your child. You should also get some help financially.
Of course this will be hard for your family to accept, but it isnt the end of the world. Try telling your mum how frightened you are and ask for her help and support?
If you do change your mind and decide on a termination. There are many people here who have gone through that too and could offer you support there too.
The important thing is that it is your decision and noone elses
good luck
I know I can count on my mum, but obviously she wasn't expecting this, just like I wasn't.
This whole thing is such a mess, but at least I know why I have been feeling so rank recently..
I'm not against the idea of abortion, I think at times it can be justified, but I got myself in this mess and I don't want to take the easy option out, when it might not be the best thing long term. Personally, I don't think that I could cope with knowing that I had killed something.
I think I am going to try talking to my mum again later, when I have spoken to my boyfriend. At the moment I am too scared about his reaction, and I can't think about anything else.
I hope your bf is ok too.
The most difficult route isnt necessarily the best for you.
You need to decide what YOU want. Can you do it with a baby? Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?
There is going to be a lot of hard thinking to do here. This wont be an easy decision and whatever you decide is going to impact on your future in some way. Some decisions more than others.
If you think after an abortion you would spend your life regretting it, then maybe it wouldnt be the right decision. I had an abortion at 17 and I do think about it sometimes, but its not something i spend much too much time on. I have other children now.
Im really glad to hear you have your mums support. Youre very lucky in that respect.
Do you think I should talk to his parents tonight as well?
Big hugs you must be very confused at this moment in time and in a total state of shock. Usually many people have a suspicion before they take a test that they might be pregnant and so have had some time to think through the options. The main thing to remember is that you shouldn't rush into any decision lightly and that only you can make a choice, you need to ask other people to respect and support your choice not make it for you.
This workbook even though it is developed by a US organisation is still a good resource for working through your options and helping you come to a decision. http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/
You should make time to read through it properly by yourself and answer the questions that it poses. There is also a section for your parents so it might be worth getting your mum to read through it as well - if you reallly trust her you might even want to try and answer the questions togeather. There is also one for your boyfriend.
At the moment i don't think that you should tell your boyfriends parents - you should only tell them when you have come to a definate decision as otherwise I think you will just have more people confusing you.
I could easily tell you what I think you should do but i am not going to. But i really don't think that you should think of having an abortion as killing a tiny baby because its just not like that and whilst i can't pretend that its not distressing for many women its not something they spend thier lives agonising over with regret.
I might have missed you before you go to meet your boyfriend but I hope it goes OK. Try not to worry too much about his reaction, whatever that may be, it will take a while for this to sink in with everyone - your mum, your boyfriend, his parents but most importantly with you. In the same way that you are feeling really panicky about this they will also be a bit in shock and trying to take it in.
The good thing is you do have options and you have time to think things through. There are other people you can talk your options through with, not only your GP.
Brook are an sexual health organisation for young people under 25 and you can call their free helpline or send them your questions online here.
Take a good look at TheSite's unplanned pregnancy section as Lu_c suggested.
Try and take some time to yourself and although it all seems really scary and daunting right now you will get through it. Do you have a good friend or someone who isn't as closely involved that you could talk to? It might help to clear your head.
Take care and keep posting, we're here to listen and support you
and
Doesn't sound much like he loves you to me. What a cheeky fucker - it takes two to tango, and two to make a baby. I'd have belted him good and hard for the cheap slut comments.
Honestly, what an utter cuntish reaction. :mad:
If you do decide to keep this baby, I think you need to think about going it alone (although certainly get your child maintenance out of the ignorant bastard).
It's still a lot for you to take it, but I do think you need to give serious consideration as to how you are going to manage if you are on your own. That pregnancyoptions site is a really good one, do check it out if you feel like it.
Please remember that he has absolutely no right to call you a slut and that you have done nothing at all wrong and that he bears equal responsibility with you (and has a legal duty to provide for your child in the future if you decide to keep it). He also has no right to choose for you, however what ever you decide to do I think that you will probably need to have a good think about weather this relationship is right for you.
ok, i have just found out he has told his parents. Which is fine. But they want both me and my mum to go round and start to make decisions. I can't do that, I only found out this morning that I am pregnant, I can't make a choice now. Considering my boyfriend refuses to be in the house if I am there, I think this is slightly unfair.
I think that you should suggest that you do not rush round there straight away. Instead you all need space to chill out for a few days and even then you don't have to see them.
At the weekend might be the best time maybe saturday morning- meet them somewhere neutral like a park or coffee shop - not at either of your houses. If they offer anything other than support for what ever decision you decide to make (you never know they might be really great!) then I would basically ignore them and anything they have to say.
Make sure that your mum is entirely on your side otherwise they might all gang up on you - if you dont' think she will support you then you should find a neutral adult to come with you. I would suspect that tomorrow at school your head of year will offer you some kind of support so ask if they can provide a neutral space for you all to meet - or if they can suggest somewhere or an organisation who can help.
Explain to everyone that you need time and space to decide what to do and dont' feel pressurised into anything at the moment - ask your mother to at least back you up on that one.
Do you want to become a Mum yet?
It is your choice. If you want to get rid of then do so.
But personally I would never ever have a abortion not ever.
The last line is really not necessary.
It comes across as a semi-judgement if she does decide to terminate, which is really not what the OP needs right now.
This :yes:
Keep us posted x
the anger towards my boyfriend is starting to get to me now. i feel like screaming and screaming. i threw a load of plates at the wall earlier =\and this sounds so vain and weird, but i am going to get fat! and my boobs are going to balloon! and my skin will go all manky!
and all my effing boyfriend can do is call me a cheap slut.
earlier i managed to calm down and now i feel so scared and freaked out.
Sorry to hear things didnt go well with your bf. I dont blame him for reacting that way (althought the comments & way he said things were a bit wrong) as this is a massive shock to him to. When I (& my now wife) was told that we had to have children young or face not having any in the future I freaked out & it got me angry & upset to.
Give your bf some space for a couple of days- his mind will be buzzing at this moment