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Can someone please please help me?!
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no one in social services is going to let me look after a baby when i tried to take my own life.
Or to put it cynically so many teenagers have contemplated and/or attempted suicide its a wonder there are any children left living with thier parents at all if they were all taken away........
:yes:
Also Amilie - every single pregnant woman out there occassionally has worries about the type of parent they'll be, and if they'll be a good parent at all. The difference is that the majority of women don't have a social network of people being down on them and saying horrible things. They'll eventually have something else to talk about. Do keep a diary of things that have been said, and see if your teachers or support staff can do anything else for you.
Once you're booked in with a midwife, you'll have an extra support person to call upon and she can make recommendations of people you can talk to about your worries if you want.
i don't think i will be able to change schools/be home tutored. GCSEs start in May and it is unlikely a school will accept me at this stage. Besides, the school as a whole is supporting and helping me, just the students and some teachers aren't.
They should still let you do your GCSE's you may have to just postpone them a while...or there are centres that allow teenage mothers to continue with their GCSE's and are taught there
They offer alot of support and you will find other girls in your position who will help and offer you advice.
yes they will.
Its not them letting you look after "A" baby - its YOUR baby.
Unless you do something which puts that baby in danger, then you having an issue in the past isnt going to make the blindest difference. They will WANT you to keep your baby.
but...
i am getting slightly, just a bit excited. i can be a mother and still achieve in life and i want to prove to people that i can do this.
They will refer you but the social workers are there to support you. If you can get to a young mums group then you'll meet people in the same situation.
As for the bulling, all you can do is keep a note of who and what has been said, and ignor ethem, people show their true colours in situations like this and you realise your better off without your so called friends.
You seem to be coping quite well, just take things easy, morning sickness can really take it out on you.
So basically, try and enjoy the experience- pregnancy/ births can feel so magical and you sound like a responsible person. Am sure you'll make an excellent mummy!
If you're feeling lonely maybe join a local group for young mums?
It's easy for me to say this because I finished school five years ago, but the exams, and leaving school, aren't that far away. I know it's horrible to deal with this every day but you should concentrate on yourself and your baby. The people who don't support you don't deserve your time. From what you've said you sound strong, caring and responsible so I know you'll be a good mum and get the education you want.
I would say you should go ahead with the meeting for several reasons - firstly because they can bury thier heads in the sand as much as possible but this is going to have an impact on thier sons life - once the baby is born he will be its father and as such he will have rights and responsibilities (including financial ones) towards the child until it turns 18.
Secondly they may not feel like talking about it now but once the child is there and is a reality they might completely change thier minds about it and want to be part of its life - its probably better that you at least extend an olive branch to them first and tell them that they can be.
Thirdly there is lots of evidence to suggest that children grow up more stable if they know both sides of their family background. This not only has psycosocial benefits for your child but also it can be important when looking at things such as medical background if its ill later in life - you will additionally be asked about the medical history of the babies father at your booking in session with the midwife so you might want to ask them if they can provide you with this information.
Lastly bear in mind that any hostility they are feeling towards you is probably just a reflection of the fact that they feel that they have done so badly at parenting and not preventing thier son from making this kind of mistake - just remember what ever they say its a reflection of them and nothing to do with you at all.
Your so lucky that your school is able to help so much - best of luck for tomorrow.
I was feeling almost happy yesterday, I hadn't been sick very much and had even had a alright day at school. But then everything was ruined. I had the meeting earlier and it was awful. I just sat there while everyone blamed each other for what had happened and had to listen while my ex's parents went on about how stupid I was and how I had single handedly ruined two families lives. IT TOOK TWO OF US! why am the sole person being blamed?! Then they said they didn't want me to have the baby and they refused to give any support, including finances, which my year head said they had to go, being a legal obligation. And they just went on and on and it has made me feel so worthless and like what I think and feel doesn't matter anymore. Then my mum, who had said she would support me no matter what, turned round and sided with my ex's parents and said she didn't want me being a teenage mum.
And I went mental and said that I can still pass exams and have a baby. This is my choice and no one can make it for me. So many teenage girls get pregnant. My life isn't going to stop the minute my baby is born, it will change. And my mum said I was too irrational and couldn't be trusted to look after a baby and I can't even look after myself without trying to kill myself. So I said I would get support. And my ex's parents said the minute social services meet me, I will be deemed an unfit mother. Then I walked out of the meeting and out of school.
Now I am in the library in town and I don't know what to do. I can't go home knowing my mum thinks that. My "friends" all think I am a cheap slapper. I am so scared and feel so alone. And if I am really honest I want to die.
Take a deep breath and go and treat yourself to something nice - a manicure, or a nice cup of coffee, a new book or some nice new accessories! Have a nice relaxing night in with a bath and candles. Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself - you need to treat yourself!
Anyway moving on I think you just have to remember that the whole way they reacted was about them and the way that they are feeling - all three of them probably feel that they have been terrible parents but a) aren't grown up enough to recognise this themselves so looking for someone to blame and b) can't see that it doesnt' really matter any more and that they have to confront the problem in front of them instead of buring their heads in the sand. I think that your mother siding with them was just really saying that she wanted the problem to go away nice and neatly and the she herself is slightly scared about how to deal with it - but that does not in anyway at all excuse her behavior and i don't think you should let it slide.
Instead what i think you should do is write your mum a letter detailing just how awful she has made you feel and that she has to understand that this is your decision alone to make, that you have made it and that all you are asking from her is for support. Then you should go home and give it to her and go to your room and wait for her to come to you.
In the mean time maybe do some background research about what help and support you are entitled to outside of your family so that you can show her that you are serious.
This part is really important. There are lots of people and places willing to help you =]
Apparently, after I walked out, my ex's parents left saying they didn't care wanted nothing to do with it and that my behavior proved how I was unable to cope. And my mum thinks it will be a good idea to send me to my dad's for a while. In France. No chance. That is just her way of saying she wants nothing to do with it either and doesn't want me around. I hate them all. They have no idea how I am feeling and how much worse they are making it.
I don't want to go home. My mum knows I am back at school now. If she cared she will come and get me. Maybe that is being immature of me, but I am sick of walked around and being shunned by everyone. I will write her a letter now and she can do whatever with it. My mum knows that I can have support outside the family; she was there when the doctor told me this.
Good luck with the nurse and with the letter. I really hope things work out for you.
Does your dad know about the situation? What does he think? Because maybe it would be better off for you and the baby to be with him, and to get away and start a new life.
there is no way i am going to france.
i think my family should fxck off and leave me alone now. they have upset me enough as it is. they don't care how i feel. my mum hasn't come to school to see me, despite being asked to by my year head. i can't do this anymore
Then you need to find some people that are willing to help you, and soon.
You shouldn't be going this alone.
You can and you will - I believe in you.
Tell your mother to grow up and stop hiding from her percieved problem.
I agree going to france is a terrible idea - though going for just a week or two to put some space between you and your mum might not be a bad thing. But going for longer would just be bad particually unless you speak fluent french you would find it really hard to get the support you need plus because the french have a weird medical approach to pregnancy and can be really mean and judgmental.
They need to have a word with their son tell him to grow some and realise he needs to act more responsible!!
The blam can't lie soley with you...it takes two.
I am considering an abortion. I will regret it forever but if it means that things will get back to normal i don't care.
Either my baby dies or me.
Thinking about it, why the hell not both of us? No one cares.
No, please don't say that. People do care, look at all the guys talking to you on here, giving you encouragement and excellent advice. Maybe you need to ask a doctor for help? Maybe they can recomended a young mums group or something similar. You will not be the only person going through this, so maybe try and find another person your age who is going through this too- you can support each other through the tough times.
As for your family, obviously I don't know them, but do you think with time they will see your logic and come to accept that it's your decision about the "baby"? (I put it in brackets as at this stage it is likely still a ball of cells- sorry to put it bluntly...) So if you do decided to have an abortion I don't think you should be too harsh on yourself.
Whatever you decide, remember it's your choice, and there's help whatever you choose.