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fathers at the birth

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
without going into the finer details...i dont want the father of my baby at the birth.

do i legally have to tell him when i go into labour? and do i have to let him come in at the birth?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    without going into the finer details...i dont want the father of my baby at the birth.

    do i legally have to tell him when i go into labour? and do i have to let him come in at the birth?

    No.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, you absolutely do not. Lots of people dont have the fathers there. Having the father at the birth is a fairly new phenomenon, and if youre not even with the guy I wouldnt see why youd want him there. You dont have to have anyone there except a midwife unless you want them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haven't been in the situation myself, but I would have thought you could write it into your birh plan that he is NOT to be there and inform the hospital [security] that he is not to be let in.

    I don't think there is any legal requirement to have him there or tell him you are in labour. Is there even any legal right to recognise him as the father?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he is saying he is going to go for custody (which i know he stands no chance of getting) but i dont want to do anything that he can legally hold against me if that makes sence
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,193 Skive's The Limit
    Is there even any legal right to recognise him as the father?!

    There will be soon thankfully. Not sure if the legislation's come in yet though.
    Yesterday is history
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not even sure you have to name him on the birth certificate if you don't want to - though i think they might be trying to make that a legal requirement.

    in some countries men are banned from being in the delivery room
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,193 Skive's The Limit
    Wyetry wrote: »
    I'm not even sure you have to name him on the birth certificate if you don't want to - though i think they might be trying to make that a legal requirement.

    They are.
    http://www.dad.info/fatherhood/news/2nd-june-2008-unmarried-fathers-to-be-on-the-birth-certificate-by-law/
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he is saying he is going to go for custody (which i know he stands no chance of getting) but i dont want to do anything that he can legally hold against me if that makes sence

    He wouldnt be able to hold that against you. Its absolutely your right, and hes incredibly unlikely to be able to get custody.
    A lot of men threaten that when they get pissed off but it hardly ever comes to fruition because the fact of the matter is your baby will be best off with you.

    Dont worry about it!!

    I feel sick at the thought of someone feeling they have to have someone at the birth that they dont even want there. Its your time. You need to be as comfortable as you can. You sound really worried about it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »

    It doesnt mention when that law comes into effect.
    You may well still have the current law in place by the time your baby is born which means that he wont be able to be named on the birth certificate unless he goes with you to register the baby (since youre not married)

    Just dont tell him when you go.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,193 Skive's The Limit
    It doesnt mention when that law comes into effect.

    I know.
    The change will be implemented in the next session?s Welfare Reform Bill

    Whenever that is.
    Good idea though.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with SCC's advice, just don't tell him when you go into labour... you can go do the birth thing with just you the midwife and friends / family if you want support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, you absolutely do not. Lots of people dont have the fathers there. Having the father at the birth is a fairly new phenomenon, and if youre not even with the guy I wouldnt see why youd want him there. You dont have to have anyone there except a midwife unless you want them

    :yes: If you dont want him there, then its your choice. Make sure you tell your family/midwife in no uncertain terms as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Just dont tell him when you go.

    Actually as a man I think this is utterly shit advice. Fair enough, don't have him come in to the hospital or be present at the birth, but to not tell a bloke when his kid is about to be born is absolutely shocking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    Actually as a man I think this is utterly shit advice. Fair enough, don't have him come in to the hospital or be present at the birth, but to not tell a bloke when his kid is about to be born is absolutely shocking.


    x2
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Mist wrote: »
    Actually as a man I think this is utterly shit advice. Fair enough, don't have him come in to the hospital or be present at the birth, but to not tell a bloke when his kid is about to be born is absolutely shocking.
    Unless he's done something horrible, I'd agree with you.
    EDIT: Whether he's going to be in the room is up to you alone, in either case.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    Actually as a man I think this is utterly shit advice. Fair enough, don't have him come in to the hospital or be present at the birth, but to not tell a bloke when his kid is about to be born is absolutely shocking.

    If you didn't want him at the birth I don't see why you couldn't tell him afterwards. I dunno though, I'm no expert!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do agree that it isn't always fair to not tell the father that you have gone into labour but in most cases it is the best thing to do. The last thing you want is the father kicking off outside the labour ward and with staff while your trying to give birth!

    If you really don't want him there then you don't have to have him there it is entierly your choice who you have with you while you give birth! Jst let the staff on the ward know when you go in :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    Actually as a man I think this is utterly shit advice. Fair enough, don't have him come in to the hospital or be present at the birth, but to not tell a bloke when his kid is about to be born is absolutely shocking.

    I dont see why.


    Hes told her he wants to take her baby away. Sounds like a complete cunt to me. If someone told me that, theyd be lucky if i even told them anything.
    Its reasonable that she would mention that the baby had been born, but her labour is none of his business, especially if hes likely to kick off or start expecting to be watching the show
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piecesofme wrote: »
    I do agree that it isn't always fair to not tell the father that you have gone into labour but in most cases it is the best thing to do. The last thing you want is the father kicking off outside the labour ward and with staff while your trying to give birth!

    If you really don't want him there then you don't have to have him there it is entierly your choice who you have with you while you give birth! Jst let the staff on the ward know when you go in :)

    exactly, and if you suspect he might kick off, then its not a good idea to tell him in advance as that just makes more work for the hospital staff or the midwives, and isnt going to be conducive to the relaxing atmosphere that you need.
    Didnt you say you wanted a home birth too. You certainly dont want anyone unexpected knocking on your door while youre in full swing labour, i can guarantee that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One thought I just had is if anything happened to the mother and child in labour it'd be pretty devastating to have withheld that from the father. Even if he is a see you next tuesday as SCC said I think a father has a right to know.

    But anyway I stand by my original point I think that it's up to blonde__batman because it's her baby and her body. She can give birth in a barn in bavaria for all the father wants. Although I would object to her doing a runner with the baby.

    And SCC, he didn't say he wanted to steal her baby, he said he wanted custody of the child :confused: not exactly the same thing, a child isn't property really. Anyway, its not really an issue, he's a guy, he wont get custody. But I think any parent if at all possible would want custody, father or mother.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have every intention of telling him the baby is born. but i dont want him at the hospital. we dont get on and i know having him around will just stress me even more.
    i have a new partner who will be there at the birth along with my mum and i dont want him there at all.

    i just wasnt sure if i HAD to tell him i'd gone into labour or not
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the thing is, as far as im concerned, he has no rights over this child seeing as he has made it clear from day one he wants nothing to do with it and is refusing to give me a penny to provide the things for my baby it will need from the day its born!
    he hasnt wanted to know a thing about it until my new partner came on the scene and im sure is now only being 'interested' to be a twat and make things hard for me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the thing is, as far as im concerned, he has no rights over this child seeing as he has made it clear from day one he wants nothing to do with it and is refusing to give me a penny to provide the things for my baby it will need from the day its born!
    he hasnt wanted to know a thing about it until my new partner came on the scene and im sure is now only being 'interested' to be a twat and make things hard for me

    does sound a bit of a plonker. I don't think you're obligated to have him at the birth especially so if it's stressful for you. You should be worrying about you and the baby and not much else. However, putting my Jeremy Kyle hat on, I would say he needs to be given a chance to be a dad once the kid is born. If he fucks up fair enough but he is the biological father and should have the same right to be a dad (or at least given the chance) - it's for the kids sake after all as having two (or three) loving parents is ultimately going to be better than having one.

    Best of luck with the birth and don't get too stressed out about it :) - well I know that's difficult I guess but he's extra tripe you don't need to be worrying about :p.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if someone's in labour they're going to have more pressing things on their mind and body than worrying about calling up anyone, let alone an ex :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    I would say he needs to be given a chance to be a dad once the kid is born.

    oh i totally agree, i am not going to stop him from seeing the baby but if he messes me about or doesnt come when we agree etc etc then i will stop him and take it through court if need be cos its not fair on the baby to have someone popping in and out of its life and it certaintly doesnt need some stranger popping up after 6 months cos it wont have a clue who he is!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh i totally agree, i am not going to stop him from seeing the baby but if he messes me about or doesnt come when we agree etc etc then i will stop him and take it through court if need be cos its not fair on the baby to have someone popping in and out of its life and it certaintly doesnt need some stranger popping up after 6 months cos it wont have a clue who he is!

    :thumb:

    for the time being though just forget about him as much as you can as obviously it's a stressful situation and concentrate on your own wellbeing and your birth preparations or whatever (I really don't know what happens lol, do you go to breathing classes? :p)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When are you due?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh i totally agree, i am not going to stop him from seeing the baby but if he messes me about or doesnt come when we agree etc etc then i will stop him and take it through court if need be cos its not fair on the baby to have someone popping in and out of its life and it certaintly doesnt need some stranger popping up after 6 months cos it wont have a clue who he is!


    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When are you due?

    not until november but he just wont let it go! i just want peace until the baby comes but every day he is pestering us!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you change your phone number? (if you're PAYG obtaining a new free SIM is very easy). Still keep the old one so you can contact him as and when you need to, but at least it would give you some peace in the meantime.

    Or is he close enough to keep knocking on your door if you don't answer his calls?
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