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fathers at the birth

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arrange times for him to see the baby, ideally more than once a week, and again make sure you give it to him in a letter or e-mail and keep a copy. If he turns up at other times, and it sounds like he will, calmly tell him you're trying to get the baby into a routine.

    we basically decided on this with him in july. my boyfriend, myself and him all agreed that once the baby comes we will sit down together and arrange a time each week which suits us all and he will see the baby then.

    now i have recieved a letter from him telling me that he has gotten himself a solicitor and i should do the same and pretty much that he doesnt agree with what the 3 of us have previously decided on.

    i dunno wat else to do anymore as i thought we had it all settled and then for no reason he changes his mind!

    also not sure what he thinks he is going to achieve by having a solicitor or what he will achieve? as i have never said to him he cant see the baby, all i have said is that when it is newborn and obviously while i am still breastfeeding i will not be happy with him taking the baby from where i am...which i dont think it is unreasonable as he obviously cannot breastfeed it!

    he is just really winding me up with all this. i have been nothing but reasonable from day one, but since i told him i was with someone new all he does is abuse me, harass me, talk down to me and basically tell me im mentally unstable!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we basically decided on this with him in july. my boyfriend, myself and him all agreed that once the baby comes we will sit down together and arrange a time each week which suits us all and he will see the baby then.

    now i have recieved a letter from him telling me that he has gotten himself a solicitor and i should do the same and pretty much that he doesnt agree with what the 3 of us have previously decided on.

    i dunno wat else to do anymore as i thought we had it all settled and then for no reason he changes his mind!

    also not sure what he thinks he is going to achieve by having a solicitor or what he will achieve? as i have never said to him he cant see the baby, all i have said is that when it is newborn and obviously while i am still breastfeeding i will not be happy with him taking the baby from where i am...which i dont think it is unreasonable as he obviously cannot breastfeed it!

    he is just really winding me up with all this. i have been nothing but reasonable from day one, but since i told him i was with someone new all he does is abuse me, harass me, talk down to me and basically tell me im mentally unstable!

    If he's being like this, then perhaps getting a solicitor involved is the way forward.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey BB - Hope you are doing ok. Can only imagine how hard everything is for you at the moment.

    This is purely, just based on what I think I would do... (Many may disagree with me from what I read so far in this thread).

    Anyways, I personally feel that he should not be at at the hospital - as the birth is your time. You are the one doing all the hard work after all, so it is important you feel comfortable and at ease.

    However, I still think it would be a little unfair if you wait a couple days before you tell him when his child been born. I hear you about him being an ass and extremely difficult to reason with but I would rather come out as a better person by keeping him informed when his baby will be born. (Either getting a mutual friend to let him know or someone bit more official, like a solicitor)

    Also, get advice from your solicitor to see if you can make sure he does give you and the baby some space during the birth and recovering/settling at home after wards. Hopefully that will make him back off - if he doesn't want to jeopardize his chance in getting his rights over the baby.

    My sister kinda went through the same thing as yourself. The ex was also a total ass. Cheated on her (2 months before she was due, she found out) - treated her like shit. Wouldn't leave her alone especially when she met someone else. Took him a while to face up to his responsibilities. My niece is 13 this year and still till this day, I don't like him cause of how he treated my sister BUT I have to hand it to him, he has been a good dad to my niece and always does puts her first.

    Really hope things get easier for you. And whatever you do decide, at least you got your family and your boyfriend supporting you.
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