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Re: The Cracks Are Showing
Laura_tigger82 wrote: »It sounds really difficult that you feel you may have to face and talk about things which you have pushed down @Lottie5433. It is really important to recognise the boundary of what you do and do not want to talk about. No amount of strength takes away from the fact you deserve to be able to have boundaries respected and feel heard too.
I can hear how you feel this is your fault. However, different people are impacted by similiar experiences in different ways. Your thoughts and feelings are valid, despite how your siblings may have thought and felt about the same experiences. Also, people can mask how they are really thinking and feeling which makes self-comparison particularly challenging.
How are you feeling at the moment? We are here with you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us
Thank you again @Laura_tigger82
I just dont know how I can begin to get people to respect my boundaries (especially my parents) coz i know they are just going to keep pushing me to talk and they know that this just makes me not talk and open up - as they've seen with my SH, SI and ED.
I basically get told by those around me that it's my fault so it's just what im use to at this point. Im constantly compared to my siblings so at this point I must be the issue and the one that caused it all - even though professionals have said its not my fault etc.
Im feeling alot of anxiety but idk why other than my GP appointment tomorrow. But also my thoughts are just going wild and causing alot of mess in my head and im becoming overwhelming with it all.
Thanks for asking ❤️
Re: I need help
Hey @user123 , thank you for your message here. This sounds like an anxiety-inducing situation for you, and I hear just how heavy the guilt has been weighing on you 
That's a lot to be coping with on your own.
May I ask, how have things been feeling with your boyfriend day-to-day since? How do you tend to feel when you're with him, and then when you're apart?
I agree with @stardust444 that it feels to me that you have not done anything wrong here, though I hear its playing on your conscience. You had every right to go on that coffee date before you met your boyfriend, and also, you are allowed to have control over what you do or do not wish to say.
What do you feel this lingering guilt is about for you? Is that guilt could speak, what do you think it might 'say'? I wonder if there is something specific you're afraid might happen, or maybe more a general feeling?
We're here to listen without judgement, and I hope you can offer yourself some grace and compassion here How have you been taking care of yourself at this time?
That's a lot to be coping with on your own.May I ask, how have things been feeling with your boyfriend day-to-day since? How do you tend to feel when you're with him, and then when you're apart?
I agree with @stardust444 that it feels to me that you have not done anything wrong here, though I hear its playing on your conscience. You had every right to go on that coffee date before you met your boyfriend, and also, you are allowed to have control over what you do or do not wish to say.
What do you feel this lingering guilt is about for you? Is that guilt could speak, what do you think it might 'say'? I wonder if there is something specific you're afraid might happen, or maybe more a general feeling?
We're here to listen without judgement, and I hope you can offer yourself some grace and compassion here
How have you been taking care of yourself at this time? 
Sian321
1
Re: (TW suicide) keeping getting job rejections makes me want to kill myself
@eylah im not intending to kill myself. But I’m struggling to see a better future ahead of me. But then again, I’m able to keep myself safe.
Re: (TW suicide) keeping getting job rejections makes me want to kill myself
@eylah im safe at the moment. I can’t kill myself because I’m with my family.
it’s exhausting digging up the past 
(TW suicide) keeping getting job rejections makes me want to kill myself
Being stuck in a job where everyone hates me and I keep fucking up my reputation is stopping me from genuinely improving myself mentally.
When I’m stuck in a workplace full of rotten people, I also become a rotten miserable bitch. And the only way for me to get better is to get out of that environment and be surrounded by people who actually appreciate me. But no matter how much I try, I keep getting job rejections.
When I’m stuck in a workplace full of rotten people, I also become a rotten miserable bitch. And the only way for me to get better is to get out of that environment and be surrounded by people who actually appreciate me. But no matter how much I try, I keep getting job rejections.
I think this is a sign from god telling me that I should kill myself.
There is no hope for me.Re: ‘family’ - tw// mentions of eating disorder
@struggling0_0 none of what you said is pathetic ❤️🩹 sending lots of hugs 🫶
I need help
Basically I went for coffee with a guy from an app before I met my boyfriend. I didn’t bring this up because it didn’t feel like a big deal and was so insignificant. I then started to feel guilty so I told him that I met someone for coffee. He then asked if I got anything out of using that particular app and I said I met that guy on it. He said he asked me before if I met anyone on the app and I said no. And he said he had the impression I never met anyone else and he was my first ever date. I said I felt like he was my first ever date because the coffee felt so unimportant and when he asked me I would likely have been referring to the time after we spoke. We stopped speaking for a while and reconnected. But regardless I feel bad I said no. I don’t remember this. But the facts are that the coffee was not important and before we met. I didn’t even think the coffee was a date as it felt just friendly and I’ve told him this. We both seem to have understood each other but I feel really guilty and can’t get rid of this feeling. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about it again with him
user123
2
Not myself anymore, job is hard
Hello everyone,
At the moment, I’m feeling very odd. I’m at the point where I’m an adult but still feel like a child and everything’s quite strange, and I’m finding it hard to manage my emotions.
In school and through college, I always felt like I had to be the nicest person because if I wasn’t then I was bad essentially and the only way I would be loved and liked was if I wasn’t myself. This was to the point where I would criticise and check every single word I said. It was so hard as I felt like I was hiding parts of me and I feel guilty now about that as I feel that I was fake. I
I recognise I was growing up but I get anxious about that, which leads me on to the next thing.
Over the past year, I feel like I’ve gone back to who I truly am which unfortunately isn’t the kindest person, due to I think partly growing up and also hard experiences I have gone through. Felt like I was wasting my life from worrying and being someone I wasn’t was tiring. I am still kind to people but I feel that a bit more of my personality comes through now which I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with but doing it anyway. I’ve had a lot of friendship issues which confirms to me how horrible I must be.
At work, the manager was saying that he would ask my colleague if she could stay on as I was nervous about being on my own ( buildings a separate building). I find him nice and funny but he has said stuff behind my back a few times I got angry, I’m not 100 percent sure if they were talking about me, but I’m very sure they were because of the faces my other colleague was making and they kept looking at me too. I rolled my eyes at them and went to the front when they looked at me because I was annoyed. Went to my manager where my colleague was stood there I explained (quite angrily) that my colleague (she was stood there) had told me that I was going to be in my own for whole days at some point. I was nervous as my manager hasn’t told me this. I asked my colleague this question specifically and she said I would be at some point. I got quite angry at her in front of my manager as he then was telling me I got the wrong end of the stick when I specifically asked that to her, my manger backed her up. I don’t mind being on my own, but the building is separate, we have a button to press which will call someone in an emergency, but it was pressed before (accidentally) and no one actually came down to help until a while later, which I actually discussed with them after at how bad this could be. it shows that they aren’t very quick if there was a problem.
My manger keeps telling me how words can hurt people, and how he’s not responsible for my happiness, and I get that, I really do. Second one hurt a lot though as I feel like we should all be kind to each other and saying that was just kind of rude. I am unsure if I am just sticking up for myself, or if I’m being unreasonable and a bit too firm. I’ve learned I have to be quite firm at work in order to be treated fairly, otherwise they take advantage of me. I’m just quite honestly too scared to be on my own as it’s in a separate building to the main part, on its own and I’m dealing with general public. Luckily our shop isn’t busy. My manger said ‘well everyone else has been alone’ but at the start I’m sure we were told we had to have at least two people. My colleague said we are meant to follow that practice but don’t always do that and then denied she said it.
A general thing in life that I’m annoyed about, is that I can accept others for their flaws, eg my manager not listening, interrupting me, being rude etc, but they can’t accept mine. Not just him, but people in my life can’t accept me for the things I may not be so good at/ proud of but it’s just me.
I just feel like I’m the most inherently awful person as I was clearly very angry and I didn’t speak in the nicest way to my manager and my colleague. I was just annoyed as my manager interrupts me, seems to think I’m silly and won’t ever admit he’s wrong. When he doesn’t understand what I’ve said, he’ll turn it round so it’s my fault and I get annoyed. I would change jobs but I do have some nice friends there, and I’m worried the next job would be even worse. What ever I say to my colleague always goes back to my manager as she’s the main bosses granddaughter- but I can’t help expressing my emotions to her as she’s the only one that’s around usually. I’ve got a work review soon and my manger will definitely hurt me in that.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for by writing this, I just think I’m very anxious that I’m becoming a horrible person which I don’t want to be, I find it super hard to manage sad and angry emotions which usually ends in tears- I’m wondering if this could be caused by something? I’m not sure. I’m also nervous that everyone will now think I’m horrible at work. On top of all this, I am slowly trying to filter in that I’m lesbian. I’ve always known, but certain people can’t know, and others can. So there is a lot of tiptoeing and I have to be extremely careful who I tell etc, due to not knowing how people might take it.
Any advice would be really helpful xx
At the moment, I’m feeling very odd. I’m at the point where I’m an adult but still feel like a child and everything’s quite strange, and I’m finding it hard to manage my emotions.
In school and through college, I always felt like I had to be the nicest person because if I wasn’t then I was bad essentially and the only way I would be loved and liked was if I wasn’t myself. This was to the point where I would criticise and check every single word I said. It was so hard as I felt like I was hiding parts of me and I feel guilty now about that as I feel that I was fake. I
I recognise I was growing up but I get anxious about that, which leads me on to the next thing.
Over the past year, I feel like I’ve gone back to who I truly am which unfortunately isn’t the kindest person, due to I think partly growing up and also hard experiences I have gone through. Felt like I was wasting my life from worrying and being someone I wasn’t was tiring. I am still kind to people but I feel that a bit more of my personality comes through now which I’m not sure I’m totally comfortable with but doing it anyway. I’ve had a lot of friendship issues which confirms to me how horrible I must be.
At work, the manager was saying that he would ask my colleague if she could stay on as I was nervous about being on my own ( buildings a separate building). I find him nice and funny but he has said stuff behind my back a few times I got angry, I’m not 100 percent sure if they were talking about me, but I’m very sure they were because of the faces my other colleague was making and they kept looking at me too. I rolled my eyes at them and went to the front when they looked at me because I was annoyed. Went to my manager where my colleague was stood there I explained (quite angrily) that my colleague (she was stood there) had told me that I was going to be in my own for whole days at some point. I was nervous as my manager hasn’t told me this. I asked my colleague this question specifically and she said I would be at some point. I got quite angry at her in front of my manager as he then was telling me I got the wrong end of the stick when I specifically asked that to her, my manger backed her up. I don’t mind being on my own, but the building is separate, we have a button to press which will call someone in an emergency, but it was pressed before (accidentally) and no one actually came down to help until a while later, which I actually discussed with them after at how bad this could be. it shows that they aren’t very quick if there was a problem.
My manger keeps telling me how words can hurt people, and how he’s not responsible for my happiness, and I get that, I really do. Second one hurt a lot though as I feel like we should all be kind to each other and saying that was just kind of rude. I am unsure if I am just sticking up for myself, or if I’m being unreasonable and a bit too firm. I’ve learned I have to be quite firm at work in order to be treated fairly, otherwise they take advantage of me. I’m just quite honestly too scared to be on my own as it’s in a separate building to the main part, on its own and I’m dealing with general public. Luckily our shop isn’t busy. My manger said ‘well everyone else has been alone’ but at the start I’m sure we were told we had to have at least two people. My colleague said we are meant to follow that practice but don’t always do that and then denied she said it.
A general thing in life that I’m annoyed about, is that I can accept others for their flaws, eg my manager not listening, interrupting me, being rude etc, but they can’t accept mine. Not just him, but people in my life can’t accept me for the things I may not be so good at/ proud of but it’s just me.
I just feel like I’m the most inherently awful person as I was clearly very angry and I didn’t speak in the nicest way to my manager and my colleague. I was just annoyed as my manager interrupts me, seems to think I’m silly and won’t ever admit he’s wrong. When he doesn’t understand what I’ve said, he’ll turn it round so it’s my fault and I get annoyed. I would change jobs but I do have some nice friends there, and I’m worried the next job would be even worse. What ever I say to my colleague always goes back to my manager as she’s the main bosses granddaughter- but I can’t help expressing my emotions to her as she’s the only one that’s around usually. I’ve got a work review soon and my manger will definitely hurt me in that.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking for by writing this, I just think I’m very anxious that I’m becoming a horrible person which I don’t want to be, I find it super hard to manage sad and angry emotions which usually ends in tears- I’m wondering if this could be caused by something? I’m not sure. I’m also nervous that everyone will now think I’m horrible at work. On top of all this, I am slowly trying to filter in that I’m lesbian. I’ve always known, but certain people can’t know, and others can. So there is a lot of tiptoeing and I have to be extremely careful who I tell etc, due to not knowing how people might take it.
Any advice would be really helpful xx