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It's been a while since you posted, just wanted to check you're doing fine.
A big hug,
Cosmo.
I hope you'll continue to keep us all updated with how you're doing and even if you're feeling a bit broken like you mentioned you're still able to move forward at your own pace.
It's difficult for me to keep track so I'm sorry if you've talked about this before but do you have anyone you can rely on for support when you're struggling like this, or someone you feel you can talk to about your problems? I know you said you don't have counselling anymore but is that still an option for you at all?
Do you think you would feel able to go back to see the counsellor given how everything is feeling right now? You deserve to have a space where you feel safe to work through how things are for you. They may also be able to help you work out some strategies to prepare in case things are bad over the next few months.
There are also a number of other places where you can find someone to talk if things are ever feeling intense, not sure if you have tried any of the options over on this thread? May be worth trying to reach out to one of these at times when things feel really intense, they may be able to help you calm things down in that moment.
We are all here for you, keep on keeping on
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Just dropping by to send some love and remind you of this ^