Self-Harm journal TW

it was hurting other people. The way I was started affecting them, and it would make me feel worse. They were blaming themselves while I was blaming myself and it was just getting confusing

You're tired of being stuck in a self-destructive cycle

I was tired of cutting myself. I was looking at myself in disgust. Why would I do that? All these scars for what? And I never wanted to be like that. Those scars I have are for life, and it never had to be that way.

You're exhausted of pretending to be happy. You want to be happy, not fake it.

Being the way I was is so exhaustive. Like it was draining me so much. But trying to pretend to be happy drained me more. So I kind of thought, let's try change because maybe you might have some energy for other people.

You want people to recognize you more than a 'self-harmer.' You want people to see LorryTruck.

I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them that wasn't why I was born. I don't want attention for what I do to myself. I want attention for what I'm good at

The fact that you recognize that where you need to change is a big step. Going through that process is an enormous step.

There's this quote that I carry to my heart:

"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

In your case, to be where you want to be, you're already taking your small steps and that's amazing.
Emotional healing takes a huge amount of strength and you're one of the strongest people right now.

See, anyone can heal physically, but emotionally, it's another journey. Because you're confronting your trauma, your pain, and your struggles head on. You're confronting the scariest part of yourself and taking control of the damage it's giving you, loud and motherfucking proud. You're letting everyone here at the Mix and the people around know that you are @Past User . @Past User is a motherfucking survivor and she's got the scars to prove it.

I know that it may not feel like you're making much of a change but you're making a huge difference. And look: You are going to struggle. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to feel like you're not doing enough. You're going to feel like this is impossible. And honestly, that's okay. That's natural. Because no journey is without its obstacles. You're not in this alone. You got Zay. You got me. You got us. You got the Mix.

lovemimoon

Past User

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lovemimoon

I imagine that must have been really intense.
CONGRATS FOR REACHING TWO WEEKS

Distraction

Well done Lorry Truck!! you're a wee fighter, sending lots of hugs

Past User

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lovemimoon

Hey. I'm sorry to hear that.

I understand how devastating this can be.

Here's the thing though:
You went from 6 days of being clean to 2 weeks.
2 FREAKING WEEKS
And that is such a huge achievement, @Past User

Easier said than done but don't see this as failure.
See this as a temporary setback.

You're currently on a journey of healing and that is one of the strongest things you're doing because you're tackling your pain head on.

There's a point in our journey where we reach an obstacle and it can be really frustrating. Take this moment to:

I'll leave this quote here:

lovemimoon

Past User

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Past User

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Past User

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Former Member

@Past User still very proud of you and how honest you are being - remember progress isn’t linear. Rooting for you 💜

Former Member

@Past User We are rooting for you every step of the way

Every day is a huge milestone and a step in the right direction. No one is judging you if you have bad day - recovery isn't straight forward - and just by wanting to stay clean, you're showing yourself and everyone else how strong you are.

Listen to the otter - be proud of yourself, because we sure as hell are

Past User

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AislingDM

I can hear the pain and frustration in your words @Past User ! It is beyond understandable to feel unhappy and angry because of this. You're trying so hard every day and it must be upsetting for you to feel confused about why you 'still did it'. We are here for you no matter how happy, sad or neutral each day is for you. I know you feel mad and I would never try to deny you the right to feel that way, I just want you to know that you truly are an amazing, compassionate and hilarious person and we want to encourage you to always see that

Here is a random meme to maybe make you a tiny bit less mad

Past User

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Past User

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Former Member

@Past User keep going youre doing so great!

Past User

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Past User

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lovemimoon

AAAAAAYE KEEP GOOOING

Former Member

I am so proud of you @Past User You are so brave and resilient!! You have definitely got this, I believe in you and I know that all the team at The Mix are rooting for you!!!

Don't worry about relapsing, it happens to the best of us, breaking negative habits and cycles is really hard and it can take a lot of patience, perseverance, strength and courage. And I can tell that you have so much strength, courage, patience, courage by the fact that you are trying again , which is so brilliant, you should be so proud of yourself for being so resilient. Day 6 here we come.

Thought I would recommend the app Calm Harm as it's an app which i would highly recommend , it's such a brilliant app as it allows you to overcome your urge to self - harm by providing you with other positive activities. You can download it on any phone - whether that be Android or I PHONE

Keep going!! You've got this!!