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Self-Harm journal TW

LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :)EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
edited June 2 in Health & Wellbeing
I decided that I really want to stop self-harming. So everyday I don't do it Imma write here I didn't do it. Everytime I feel like doing it, Imma write why. And hopefully it will help me stop. And if I relapse, I start again. And hopefully I stop for good. :)

The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
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_Tech_Addict_GirllovemimoonAbbyOwlBenMazaynab_5Anch0r33zoenicole97Mumucookie02gracejeff20
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Comments

  • rainskyerainskye Leeds, UK Posts: 130 The Mix Convert
    I am so incredibly proud of you @LorryTruck <3
    LorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    @rainskye Thank you!!!! I'm going to try keep not doing it.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    BenMa
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,246 Boards Champion
    09nxu136yiex.png

    Sending lots of love and support! <3
    LorryTruckgracejeff20
  • AbbyOwlAbbyOwl North of Watford GapPosts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Super proud of you @LorryTruck! <3
    BenMaLorryTrucklovemimoon
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Thank you @AbbyOwl !!

    Everyone's support means the world. x

    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoonAbbyOwl
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 516 Moderator
    This thread is truly amazing @LorryTruck ! I love seeing everyone come together, we will be here for you, no matter what <3
    LorryTruckMumucookie02
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Thanks @AislingDM

    I'm feeling kind of emotional at all the support. Thanks guys x
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    AislingDMlovemimoon
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Day 3 - Three days clean. Was triggered and almost did it, but didn't. Found it really hard this morning as well, was looking at myself thinking I deserve it. But I really wanted to post on here I'm three days clean, so I am! Really hate scars as well which made me not do it. Like when I do it, I dont care where I'm doing it, but after I regret because I'm ashamed of the scars.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoonzaynab_5m3gan04zoenicole97
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Recovering🥀 LondonPosts: 1,913 Extreme Poster
    I'm so proud of how resilient you are! <3
    LorryTruck
  • m3gan04m3gan04 Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
    So proud of you overcoming the urges, I know how difficult that can be! We are all here if you ever need to talk during these triggering times <3
    LorryTruck
  • ForestWitchForestWitch Posts: 40 Boards Initiate
    You're doing amazing!
    So proud of you for having the strength to do this. You've got this and we are all here if you need any reassurance during this really difficult time <3
    LorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Day 4 - Four days clean. Found it really, really hard. Somehow managed not to do it. I keep feeling the need to do it for no reason which is annoying. But still, I'm clean!
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoonForestWitch
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,246 Boards Champion
    So proud of you for overcoming these urges. I know it's difficult but you've got this! We are proud of you! <3

    pwa3311bh77b.png
    LorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Day 5 - Five days clean. OMGSS it was so hard yesterday not to do it, but I managed to distract myself by writing a song about it. I'm really worried about breaking my streak, but idk. I'm not doing bad considering how it is for me and how often I used to do it. I mean, even if I do fall apart and relapse, at least I will have a target to beat. But I'm trying not to.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoonForestWitch
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    :anguished: I'm finding it really hard.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoon
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,246 Boards Champion
    It's okay! You've got this :3<3
    LorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    :bawling: omggss it's so hard...

    I keep thinking I deserve it. I know that's not really true.

    I even wrote a fucking song and it didn't help....
    :bawling:
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoon
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Managed not to do it, but it's so hard. I really think I'm going to relapse.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoon
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,246 Boards Champion
    Would it help if you talked to someone about it? Sometimes, speaking to someone is helpful
    LorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    edited June 6
    @lovemimoon I might speak to my friends tomorrow. I have counselling on Tuesday as well.

    edit - I think I will actually. Thank you @lovemimoon
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    lovemimoon
  • espurrierviespurriervi Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    OP I'm so so proud of you <3 Remember recovery isn't linear, if a relapse does happen it doesn't make you weak, it makes you incredibly strong for wanting to continue in your recovery. You're doing amazing !!
    treat yourself with kindness
    lovemimoonLorryTruck
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    Day 6 - No days. :( Relapsed last night, but didn't do anything that bad. I'm so fucking mad at myself. I didn't have to do it, yet I did.

    Well, I have a target to beat - 5 days. I'm going to beat that, no matter what.
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
    AislingDMzoenicole97
  • LorryTruckLorryTruck Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 2,295 Boards Champion
    I'm really really annoyed at myself :angry:
    The dark is the only place I feel like I belong...
  • AbbyOwlAbbyOwl North of Watford GapPosts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Do not beat yourself up about relapsing! Negative thinking and self-harm is a cycle and breaking it can take time - please know that a relapse does not make you weak or a failure <3 and do not be afraid to talk to someone about this if you feel comfortable to do so.

    You did really well to get to 5 days in your first attempt - you should be proud of yourself! :star: And you're already set on beating that target - all of this shows how incredibly strong you are <3

    You're doing an amazing job and we're very proud of you! :blush::+1:
    LorryTruck
  • IsaacnmIsaacnm Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    Hi.
    Honestly, I think that you're really brave for writing about all of this and documenting what you're going through.
    Please try not to feel bad about relapsing. The best way to see it is you were five days clean after being stuck in a routine of doing it, and having the effort to break that pattern is really impressive.
    I can see you have got your mind set on beating that target, and you will. We're all here for you and you're doing amazing :))
    lovemimoonLorryTruckAislingDM
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 516 Moderator
    So true what everyone has already said @LorryTruck , it makes complete sense to feel annoyed at yourself, just in the sense that this is such a complex situation for you. Life is rarely so simple as one straight road and the fact that you're even attempting to not self-harm is pretty damn impressive. We love and support you, no matter what and are all so grateful you're choosing to take us on this journey with you <3
    LorryTruck
  • AbbyOwlAbbyOwl North of Watford GapPosts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited June 10
    @LorryTruck What you did yesterday took so much strength and you should be really proud of yourself :star: I know how hard it can be to stop, but know that we're all supporting and are here for you if you ever want to talk <3 x
    LorryTrucklovemimoon
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