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[OLD] The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting :)

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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Waking up thinking it's Friday.

    The disappointment when I actually noticed it's Thursday
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2019
    Still feeling really bad about the person i wont be seeing at rape crisis anymore. What if she takes offense and wonders what shes doing wrong. She was nice. And im kinda sad i wont be seeing her again. I have her work number and feel like i should say it myself too. If i was someone who dod that sort i would take offense tbh. But i guess its not always personal thing and things work differently for others. But now tbh im scared the new person will be very old too - its just she was quite forgetful and its harder to connect with someone really old and i feel like its very likely old people are the one who do that voluteer and its just harder for me to feel connected to them to be saying such personal things and i hope that doesnt sound rude. I love old people, i would love to help old people, maybe it was just her but feel like really hard to build some connection. feel pretty hopeless. O say all this - shes probably over the moon she doesnt have to speak to the disgusting person and can aviod things shes probably read on the refereal. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,154 Part of The Furniture
    Mums booked a holiday for May  which means going on a plane how the fudge and I’m going to cope in the airport and plane 😂
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    Isnt it sick that there is a 20 year old guy living in England somewhere being free to do what he wants when at 16 he locked another 16 year old in his house for 3 days and force her to wee on him and did the same back while also forcing sex not just on those three days and being manipluative. I mean if someone can do that at 16 then fuck knows what he is capable of doing now. 
    Can all blame me for that. If i wasnt such a liar maybe he would be in prison. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    Been reading. Youre more 33% likely to have anorexia if you are a twin. Im a none idenitcal twin so maybe different not sure. But just realised the only person who i knew have anorexia (that i havent meet online) - was a none identical twin. Ive probably meet more in life but didnt know they had it but only just realised only person i have is a twin 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited September 2019
    [deleted lol]
    Post edited by Kathleen07 on
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    CAnt breath again 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I quit. Bye 
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    GreenTea said:
    I quit. Bye 
    Are you safe? <3
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    GreenTea If you're not, please call 999. We need you in the world and things can get better, no matter what you're thinking or feeling. I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting your comment, sending you loving hugs <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    Well fml. Choclate tastes like id rather die on the streets lol. I don’t know why i thought this would work. My room actually smells like mold + food + moldy food + my whole dinner + shit + sick + death + any horrible smell. Because i can only hide my food in my room then i throw it out. But clearly not doing a very good job cause if anyone goes in my room which is very liekly then am fucked
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Kathleen07 said:
    GreenTea said:
    I quit. Bye 
    Are you safe? <3

    I'm safe. Yes. But what would it even matter anyone. No one gives a shit.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    GreenTea said:
    Kathleen07 said:
    GreenTea said:
    I quit. Bye 
    Are you safe? <3

    I'm safe. Yes. But what would it even matter anyone. No one gives a shit.
    It would matter very much. I care, I know that probably doesn't make a difference but you really are loved and do matter xx
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,154 Part of The Furniture
    Having complete meltdown have lost all my earphones and it means I can’t get on the bus which is my only way of getting to college . Mum said she can drive me on Monday but what about the rest of the week :( 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    So after a much needed vent and conversation with the mods of elefriends (don't know if they were allowed to actually spend an hour chatting with me through the app) I feel a bit calmer, still very upset, angry and frustrated and just feel like to some people I'm just something that doesn't matter.
    I've had a horrific week at work (could of been killed today quite literally) and the horrificness hasn't stopped once I've finished work. I've received threats of rape and death over the past 48 hours, had serious other issues going on to and I've just hit breaking point. 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    Well im just posting this incase i die. & im being 100% serious  I feel very unwell.  Not from anything mental health related but i cant breath and i feel sick because too many toxins. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited September 2019
    .
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I just want someone to talk to who will understand. 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2019
    I said to myself - if any of my posts get edited or deleted again because its against rules then ill leave 😔
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited September 2019
    I'm just gonna put all of this down here because I'm suffering with it.

    I feel like nobody will ever like me. I have this feeling that I've never meant much to anyone and that the world would be better off if I died. And it feels like the evidence for that is piling - I can think of so many times people have been snappy with me or said something mean. Maybe it's not normal to dwell on things like that and to have that pile of evidence, I don't know, but it really hurts. Just everything feeds into the feeling of loneliness, of the whole world disliking and not caring about me.

    I feel so worthless. I feel like I have no meaning, just like life - like I'm sort of devoid of character. I also feel like I'm a bad person, like I have no good traits and I'm nothing but a disgusting, unlovable failure who just ruins everything.

    I'll sometimes try to turn it on the people who I feel don't like me, by thinking, "they're so annoying, it's their loss they don't like me, I'm a harmless person" because I need a defense for the sadness. I don't really think those things about people, I just wish they liked me, I just wish I could be good for them. And I want to apologise to everyone.

    I'll lie awake imagining people being horrible to me, or thinking about times in real life which are in my pile of evidence that I'm better off dead. I wish I could snap out of this sadness - and of course, feeling worthless and like nobody likes me is just one of the ways this fog of emotional depression manifests.

    It's just really painful to think that your birth was probably a mistake. It feels like my relatives don't want me, my pets don't want me, strangers don't want me, my role models wouldn't want me, and basically 99.9% or more of the population ahah. I feel so guilty for everything.

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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    My body is crashing. I keep going dizzy, feeling constantly sick, keep getting stomach pains, extremely tired and constantly lacking energy. I don't know if it's physical. I dont know if it's because I'm so stressed and overwhelmed with a shit week.
    I don't know if my body has joined my brain in not wanting to exist
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2019
    Lol when my sister says "swear on your life" to see if im lying about wearing her jacket. i will happy to swear on my life. So i was like yeah i swear on my life. Without realising she was then going to say "swear on my life" which yeah i couldnt do because i did wear her jacket. So yeah thats how to indirectly tell someone you do not cAre if you die
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    davcr0ckdavcr0ck Posts: 774 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey people, I am still alive, just forgot my password and remembered the 18 characters this morning in the shower 😂, mentally I've had a lot of ups and downs recently

    I quit my job as I've started to hate it and I can't fit it round college life so I've applied for a job nearer to me and I've got a a taster shift this Saturday and got out of my toxic relationship that was in with Jackson in South Carolina too. 

    (thanks for the people that messaged me and checked if I was alright) 
    Love is love and everyone is accepting and can share their issues with no judge from me and I try to help 
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    It feels baaad. I reals sad :( lol
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,834 Master Poster
    I feel like I have stayed strong through everything for too long. 😭 Broke down into tears during Spanish and went really shy.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Sending all the love and hugs to everyone <3 x
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,154 Part of The Furniture
    Have really struggled with being back at college today they’ve changed so many small things :( 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Anxiety attack at work. Yep that happened..
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,525 Skive's The Limit
    Phone call from rape crisis she said " i told her that you felt like it wasnt working" i didnt tell you ro say that. I said it was inconvient :'(. Omg
    i feel so bad. Shall i text her to say something snd wish her well for future i feel so bad

    but they changed it to couselling. I am so scared. They didnt say it would be to couselling instead. This means its time limited up to 20 sessions one hour a week. I think even tho its time limited it may be better. 

    See her the thurday coming. Its with cousellor so not volutter i feel maybe better aswell
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,154 Part of The Furniture
    GreenTea said:
    Anxiety attack at work. Yep that happened..
    Sending huge hugs ❤️
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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