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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still on section of the mental Health Act..:(

    Sorry to hear that BB, although in my experience as bad as it is at the time sometimes it's for the best. What section are you on? Are they doing anything to help you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that means a lot to me.

    :love:

    we should talk sometime

    used to come on all the time because i had someone to relate to, but not anymore

    :no:

    yeahh sure at the talk bit :) i find it that i cant really relate to many people either so yayy :yippe:
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maisyy wrote: »
    yeahh sure at the talk bit :) i find it that i cant really relate to many people either so yayy :yippe:
    x



    you're awsome

    :love:

    will probably write soon
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    The wonders of suicide fill me with joy and happiness the day of freedom the day after judgement he call's my name soon the end of life will come every time I here the word death it fills me with hope and joy and the threats text don't make me scared but more suicidal the end is coming soon x
    phearts.gif
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey Angel,

    It's quite difficult to tell what you're saying in this post, but it sounds like you see suicide as a better alternative to living at the moment?

    Please remember that there are lots of people who want to help you see a brighter future and there are people you can talk to if you feel like you're stuck. Think about what I said in the other post about choosing the places for help that you feel most comfortable with - I know in the past you've found Childline good, so why not give them a call tonight.

    Take care and remember you can chat about interesting topics on the other boards if you're looking for something to keep your mind busy. :)
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    **helen** wrote: »
    Hey Angel,

    It's quite difficult to tell what you're saying in this post, but it sounds like you see suicide as a better alternative to living at the moment?

    Please remember that there are lots of people who want to help you see a brighter future and there are people you can talk to if you feel like you're stuck. Think about what I said in the other post about choosing the places for help that you feel most comfortable with - I know in the past you've found Childline good, so why not give them a call tonight.

    Take care and remember you can chat about interesting topics on the other boards if you're looking for something to keep your mind busy. :)
    I did give ChildLine a call, I didn't talk until like 15 minutes in to the call it was scary I froze didn't know what to say and ended up hanging up when I started talking I'm pathetic aren't I....I did feel a bit better before my parents had a argument about mental health down stars then I dropped again and started cutting I know it's bad for me I really honestly want to really stop but it's like I'm addicted to it I can't stop, I've tried distracting myself an other ways to express my feeling and worries but it is all to hard ptamaen.gif
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Angel_Abi wrote: »
    ...and started cutting I know it's bad for me I really honestly want to really stop but it's like I'm addicted to it I can't stop, I've tried distracting myself an other ways to express my feeling and worries but it is all to hard
    ohmigosh same!! ive been trying to stop for over a year now and its like...impossible isn't it :(
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maisyy wrote: »
    ohmigosh same!! ive been trying to stop for over a year now and its like...impossible isn't it :(
    x

    It takes time but you'll get there eventually. I self harmed for ten years, not all of that time was I trying to stop as at some points I was so addicted I couldn't see anything wrong with it but when I did decide to stop it still took time and an awful lot of effort and I needed a lot of support. But it is definately worth it in the end, I really hope you can stop soon :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote: »
    It takes time but you'll get there eventually. I self harmed for ten years, not all of that time was I trying to stop as at some points I was so addicted I couldn't see anything wrong with it but when I did decide to stop it still took time and an awful lot of effort and I needed a lot of support. But it is definately worth it in the end, I really hope you can stop soon :)
    thank you :) i do think its going to take a while, but hopefully i can stop it sometime
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    feeling really bad tonight

    :(

    for no apparent reason what so ever

    just wanna die right here and now
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Got an awful case of the winter blues! It's crunch time for my course assessments for uni, and I'm now at the stage where everything counts towards my final degree mark, so I'm worried none of the stuff I'm prepared is good enough. The girl on my course is still doing my head in, her fucking constant misery ain't helping me. I'm worried about still having enough money to heat the flat and eat the same week, I'm worried about my boyfriend affording council tax. I'm worried about my future, Passing my degree, affording the extra study I'll have to do to get qualified.

    I've got myself so stressed out im losing my appetite, and my minds too distracted to get on with the uni work i need to do! Making the likelihood of me doing shit increase! If all this shite happened any other time of year (hell, I've had possiblely the most dramatic year of my life, and was coping fine, until the weather turned and the nights have started getting noticeably shorter) hopefully getting this off my chest will get it outta my brain, and let me just fucking get on with it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I self-harmed last night for the first time in eleven months. I'm feeling really down. My boyfriend is away and I can't copw without him :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(

    Ive been self harming for a couple of years now but i managed to stop for a bit over my AS exams in the summer but then once they were over i started again, it felt so good and that just made me feel sooo guilty cause there is NOTHING in my life that should make make me feel like this and what there is is my own fault. I got so scared about how good it felt that i told one of my teachers that i was depressed but not about the sh (too much of a coward) cause that way somebody would be responsible if i did kill myself so i wouldnt do it cause im not gonna ruien someone else's life just cause i hate mine.
    one of the few friends i havent managed to push away yet notice the cuts on the palm of my hand( i never normaly cut there, i stick to my torso and legs and I avoid my wrists / arms completely ) and asked how i got them and when i brushed him off he asked whether i was self harming, scared me so badly he accepted the "no" i think.
    i keep alternating between wanting my teacher to know and wishing id never opened my stupid mouth.
    I know that people have thier own problems and stuff but im scared and you guys are the only ones i think i can talk too cause you havent a clue who i am and you can understand.
    the longer this goes on the more i just want to end it all
    I dont understand and im scared and lonely

    sorry for the ramble and stupid stuff in here i just dont know how to cope anymore
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there iceandfire

    Sounds like things are really tough for you right now and you're feeling pretty stuck and isolated - which you don't want but being seen by people is also really scary. How risky does it feel to talk to your teacher again?

    Glad you feel like you can post here - this is a please where you won't be judged for SH.

    Is there any other way you have of coping when things get tough or any other release that works when you get stressed? The site and other users may have some ideas - exercise, distractions, talking...

    Keep posting - you are definitely not on your own with this struggle
    Take care:wave:
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    When ever I hear the word death it takes over my mind the wonders and joy how wonderful death would be up in heaven at least I would be with the rest of my family heaven I have so many plans ones I hope to soon complete the joy of death I have so many plans beyond people imagination when will I attempt one I hope soon my life is useless anyway, what was the purpose of me being born.Why did I never re attempt it after my last epic fail ended up is hospital for almost a week. I tried over dosing to many times I ended up in having to go to A&E so many times because of the same reason and my social worker told my parents to take all sharp object out my room which is so unfair I wish I could succeed with killing myself one day as only day by day I only bet more miserable and distressing :crying: I just want to end it try and succeed just once it would be wonderful just the feeling of suicide :( I wish I could say good bye world or pay someone to kill me I have the best plan I am sure it will succeed it is the best I only have to try it succeed and be with my family


    I do not know why I am feeling like this its just the pain in life. Like someone once said to me,
    "If you have a plan go for it" so why don't I?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand you're feeling bad angel abi but I sort of wish you didn't go into so much detail in your posts, it's not helping you and it can be very upsetting and triggering for people reading. it sounds like from other threads you have a lot of support so maybe you could please try and use some of the help being given to you? x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is the first time i've ever done something like this. I've read through peoples stories and it makes me feel a little less lonely.

    I don't know if i have depression because i can't talk to people about it, i tried hinting to my parents once that i thought i might be suicidal but they shut me out and wouldn't hear any of it. I've self harmed a number of times in the past and regretted it every single time, but it felt good, i could focus on the pain instead of my thoughts.

    Recently things have got worse, my family life is falling apart because my family don't know what to do with me. They've tried setting up counciling but the waiting list is long.

    I wish it would end. I've caused my family so much grief they'd be better off without me, everyone would.
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    I understand you're feeling bad angel abi but I sort of wish you didn't go into so much detail in your posts, it's not helping you and it can be very upsetting and triggering for people reading. it sounds like from other threads you have a lot of support so maybe you could please try and use some of the help being given to you? x
    Sorry :( was feeling very bad at the time
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Guiltyconcience and welcome to The Site! :wave:

    Firstly, thanks for posting, it can be really hard to share your feelings, especially when you're going through a hard time, which it sounds like you are. Hopefully while you're here you'll get some support from others who have been, or are going through similar troubles - remember you're not alone!

    It's great that you've been able to speak to your family about how you're feeling, and although you think they are having some difficulties coming to terms with how you're doing, they are probably pleased you have spoken to them and just want to help and be there for you.

    There are loads of great articles on here about depression that you might find useful, or that you can give to your family to read and hopefully better understand what you're going through. There's also some information on self harm that you might want to look through.

    Have you been to the doctors to discuss what you're going through? They will be able to refer you to counselling which you may be able to access quicker.

    Hang on in there and keep talking, to us and to your family, we all want to help. :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pleeeease just go kill me now

    pleeeeease
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still feel shit, feel even less like im going to pass uni (thank you so much for belittling me lab partner, much appreciated.) And my SO has been in an unexplained bad mood with me since monday. It will be my fault, but I cant ask what it is. Im fucking useless. I really do feel like I cant do anything right, so why am I wasting my time
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Upseting post deleted
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cat_treats wrote: »
    Hi there iceandfire

    Sounds like things are really tough for you right now and you're feeling pretty stuck and isolated - which you don't want but being seen by people is also really scary. How risky does it feel to talk to your teacher again?

    Glad you feel like you can post here - this is a please where you won't be judged for SH.

    Is there any other way you have of coping when things get tough or any other release that works when you get stressed? The site and other users may have some ideas - exercise, distractions, talking...

    Keep posting - you are definitely not on your own with this struggle
    Take care:wave:

    thanks for the reply, i am almost certain that if i tell my teacher she will have to tell my parents im not yet 18 and i have been working very hard (rightly or wrongly) not to put them through this. I cant risk that happening.
    as for the other stuff i either throw myself into my school work or occassionaly run myself into the ground (litarary) but it dosent work as well
    I know other people have got bigger problems so thanks for the reply
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Angel_Abi wrote: »
    Upseting post deleted



    was that your reply to me?

    i got an email notification with your reply on it, but can't seem to find it on here
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    pleeeease just go kill me now

    pleeeeease
    Hi Dan,
    Why do you say that? Feeling suicidal is not always about dieing but just wanting the pain to go away. Is there something on your mind that is bugging you? Would you like to talk about it?
    Have you tried the site recover your life it is like this one run by v.bulletin as I know you like they also have a open chat and many people are online you can talk to it is like TH and this site so hope you check it out it has forums with insstat replies or have you tried saneline? it is alsso very similar type it in to google you should find it take care x

    Abi x
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Still feel shit, feel even less like im going to pass uni (thank you so much for belittling me lab partner, much appreciated.) And my SO has been in an unexplained bad mood with me since monday. It will be my fault, but I cant ask what it is. Im fucking useless. I really do feel like I cant do anything right, so why am I wasting my time
    You are defo not useless that is the wrong answer you are useful good luck with uni I wish you all the best
    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't explain it, there is no words. Just, there was this moment, in which I sat on the bathroom floor of a hostel, thirteen, all the horrid, repressed memories from the past returning. Until then, I had created an invisible wall, one that protected me, that allowed me to be oblivious and blissful, which, at that moment, was shattered into a million peices. Devestation and frustration filled me, I wanted to cry, to grieve the loss of innocence, to release the anger, but I couldn't. In the literal sense, there was no way in which I could escape. In the emotional sense, I caught sight of an escape, one that would offer, at least, a brief release. I was desperate, I took it.

    It is an addiction, no other words can describe it. Following the experience of that blissful release, I needed and wanted more. It was a downward spiral, one I could see no immediate exit to, one I wasn't sure I wanted to exit, at that moment in time. Minorities such as friends and family, didn't seem to matter. School work seemed hopeless, there seemed to be no possibility of recovery. Without it, I was nothing, felt nothing. It is an impossible and difficult situation, and there seems to be no answer, other than to exit, completely.

    It is a horrid addiction, I believe. You are left with despair and frustration without it, it leads to a downward spiral.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Devestation and frustration filled me, I wanted to cry, to grieve the loss of innocence, to release the anger, but I couldn't. In the literal sense, there was no way in which I could escape. In the emotional sense, I caught sight of an escape, one that would offer, at least, a brief release. I was desperate, I took it.

    It is an addiction, no other words can describe it. Following the experience of that blissful release, I needed and wanted more. It was a downward spiral, one I could see no immediate exit to, one I wasn't sure I wanted to exit, at that moment in time. Minorities such as friends and family, didn't seem to matter. School work seemed hopeless, there seemed to be no possibility of recovery. Without it, I was nothing, felt nothing.
    It is a horrid addiction, I believe. You are left with despair and frustration without it, it leads to a downward spiral.


    I feel the exact way. my family know i am hurting myself yet they do nothing. they think i am a freak like the rest of the world. they think i am scratching myself. Thats how it started. I accidently made myself bleed and it hurt and it felt good as well. I was stupid. I started scratching my arm. i thought people couldnt see and then i had PE and my shirt was short sleeved. teachers asked questions so i said i tripped even though it was SOO obvious i didnt. they didnt ask questions.

    I was 11 when that happened. I am almost 13 and i have started cutting my self with sharpener blades. i have OCD and i am afraid of the cuts getting infected so i have used lots and lots of savlon and antibacterial wipes. my mum doesnt even ask where it goes. i get cuts so deep that it doesnt stop bleeding for days. i know i am depressed people at school tell me and i dont know what to do. because i feel like its over. people call me smart i guess thats true. i am top of the class but it feels like that defines everything i am. i feel like i cant keep going i just cant because every second gets harder. i can ALWAYS make everything worse by cutting my self so deep they blood does NOT stop. i am cutting my feet noone sees there. I am fucked up. everyone tells me i have problems please tell me what to do? i feel like i can t live anymore. No one i know under stands me.:banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Delena,

    Welcome to Thesite! It's great that you have been able to share your feelings here. This is a safe and secure place for you to explore how you feel and get advice and support from others, so do keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

    The fact that you have come here to ask for help, is a good start to exploring your issues with self-harm and feeling depressed. You are also taking care of your cuts with antiseptic cream, which is also good. You said that your parents know about your harming? Do you talk about it with them, or is it that you think they know? It might be that you need to spell it out for them as it can hard for parents to accept if they only guess what's going on.

    You could also try talking to a school teacher / mentor or nurse - someone you trust at school, and they can help to point you in the right direction to get some help. You could also go to see your Doctor, but as you are 12 your parents may need to know or be involved.

    You could also try talking to someone at Childline - 0800 11 11, they can talk to you confidentially on the phone, or you can access their online services.

    Hope some of this helps. Take care - :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just wrote a whole fucking post here of stuff i needed to get out of my head only for my internet to fucking disconnect and lose it. Like fuck i'm going to attempt to write that out all again, so looks like i've failed at getting any of it out at all. FFS.
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