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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need to do that too, but I need to ask them about CBT, which would mean I'd have to leave work early every other Thursday to get there on time, hence speaking to my boss first.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not really in the right frame of mind for a hefty piece of writing, I guess I just wanted to throw my hat into this arena because it's a place I've called home for long enough. Depression, S/H, know them too well.

    Clean of physical S/H for a year or two now. Clean of other forms of S/H for a few years in some cases, a year or so in others. Depression battle ongoing. That's a brief update, lol!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just threw up my lunch. So fucking fattttttttttttttttttttt.
  • AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    I just threw up my lunch. So fucking fattttttttttttttttttttt.
    Do you have a ED Franki? Is your women boss in yet? Have you been to your GP yet? x
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. Probably tomorrow. Not yet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stu147 wrote: »
    Clean of physical S/H for a year or two now. Clean of other forms of S/H for a few years in some cases, a year or so in others. Depression battle ongoing. That's a brief update, lol!

    Well done :)

    It's about 8 months free of all forms for me.

    Argh - tomorrow is one year since I had my last proper breakdown, which lasted for just under 4 months. :( I keep getting really unwanted flashbacks about said event. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Threw up my lunch *again* today. Having only had a banana for breakfast.

    I. Hate. My. Head. Make all this crap in it go away :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Threw up my lunch *again* today. Having only had a banana for breakfast.

    I. Hate. My. Head. Make all this crap in it go away :(

    i think you know exactly what i would say about this so i won't type it all out.

    don't get into the cycle. stop it before you can't.
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote: »
    i think you know exactly what i would say about this so i won't type it all out.

    don't get into the cycle. stop it before you can't.
    x
    I know lovely. I'm sorry :(:heart:.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know lovely. I'm sorry :(:heart:.

    don't be.
    but if you want to do it again, think of me and the terrible mess i've got myself into. you don't want that.
    love you
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Two things made me really uncomfortable today..

    In biology we were disecting a heart and someone on another table put a scalpel on their table then I heard "No! Because it's dirty it'll get infected" I looked up and I saw one of the girls with their arm to her friend and the friend went "I'm not going to cut you" and then the girl was showing her something on her arm - I felt so sick and felt like crying, it was so distressing for me and was thinking, "what the hell are you doing?!"
    I realised the girl had loads of bracelets on the arm she told her to cut and she wears a cardigan and when walking around she has her blazer draped over the arm...
    I'm just like... Why is she doing that? If she does SH I wont judge her, of course not - But why the hell is she going so public and telling someone to CUT her in a lesson?!?! I really felt like I was going to cry...

    Then one of my friends later on was saying how he got to drop a subject, he said; "I told them I was being bullied and it was making me depressed, I told them I was doing SH and scraped a key across my arm for proof .. Oh crap they scarred, haha oh well didn't mean to cut myself"
    It was in a conversation with me, him and three other people and everyone was laughing and like "oh my god, haha!" I tried to play along but felt my face really hot and felt really awkward and wanted to get out..

    Just had to sort of had to say something as it was really bugging me, and cant exactly tell my mentor that -_-
    Annyywaaaay... Just making me think, theres this one lesson that I desperatly hate, I'm so behind and I hate it so much and I've tried getting out of it, and it's like, do I really need to tell the people, who will let me drop it, what I'm doing and the extra stress it's giving me - making it worse? And I have this 'eating issue' and the lesson is food tech - so it's making it really awkward espc. as I'll have to taste my cooking and I just can't - So do I need to say to my head of year and head of our acedemics about this JUST to be able to get out of it? I don't want to go that far -_-

    Ugh, anyway - Rant, Moan, Whatever the hell I just said is over
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi bleepy,

    It's good to see you on the boards for a rant - that is what we are here for. Seems like today has been quite tough. What is that makes you say you can't talk about these things to your mentor? If you feel that that your food tech classes are really difficult for you and you are dropping behind, it might be worth talking to someone about how it makes you feel. You could start by just asking the teacher / mentor you trust the most to see what the next steps would be and options to either drop the course or look at other ways around the problem?

    It can be very hard to understand people's attitudes towards self-harm sometimes. Also, it is how we interperet what has been said - based on what we have been through ourselves. I'm sure these people will not have intended to offend you. If you felt comfortable enough, you could always challenge them?

    Take care and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it bad that I'm kind of proud of myself because after a couple of days where nothing really was coming up, I pretty much got all of my lunch up today?

    It's already getting ridiculous. Less than a week and I'm already having to fight the urges to take a toilet break an hour after lunch, or after dinner, or...eugh. I'm finding excuses to not eat dinner as well. I want to bang my head against the wall because I know I'm stupid :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it bad that I'm kind of proud of myself because after a couple of days where nothing really was coming up, I pretty much got all of my lunch up today?

    It's already getting ridiculous. Less than a week and I'm already having to fight the urges to take a toilet break an hour after lunch, or after dinner, or...eugh. I'm finding excuses to not eat dinner as well. I want to bang my head against the wall because I know I'm stupid :(

    I'm going through almost exactly the same. No real help to offer, but have some solidarity and a hug. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote: »
    I'm going through almost exactly the same. No real help to offer, but have some solidarity and a hug. *hug*
    *hug* :heart:.

    I joined the gym and had my induction yesterday so hopefully that will give me some incentive to stop the habit before it turns into a real problem. Gotta have energy to work out and all that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki - you're NOT stupid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    please stop doing this franki :(:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depression and self harm

    I have just found out that my 13 year old daughter has been cutting herself. She was recently dignosed with clinical depression and has just started medication. She tells me that the self harm began about a month ago - well before the diagnosis - and she has done it four times.

    She says that before she does it, she feels absolutley numb, but when she has done it, she feels something.

    I am at a total loss. I've been a teacher for 27 years & often had peripheral involvement with vulnerable and damaged girls, but all of them had reasons to be - broken homes, abuse and so on.

    My daughter says herself that home is perfect - her dad and I are very happy, her brother is great, we live a very happy life, nice home, labrador, lots of friends and holidays, she's at a lovely school where she is apparently really happy & doing very well....but she is cutting herself!

    Can anyone help? I am so bewildered by this and do not know where to turn to help her. We have various 'Helplines' here but none of them are active before 6 pm! It's now 9.30 am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    huntlie wrote: »
    I have just found out that my 13 year old daughter has been cutting herself. She was recently dignosed with clinical depression and has just started medication. She tells me that the self harm began about a month ago - well before the diagnosis - and she has done it four times.

    She says that before she does it, she feels absolutley numb, but when she has done it, she feels something.

    I am at a total loss. I've been a teacher for 27 years & often had peripheral involvement with vulnerable and damaged girls, but all of them had reasons to be - broken homes, abuse and so on.

    My daughter says herself that home is perfect - her dad and I are very happy, her brother is great, we live a very happy life, nice home, labrador, lots of friends and holidays, she's at a lovely school where she is apparently really happy & doing very well....but she is cutting herself!

    Can anyone help? I am so bewildered by this and do not know where to turn to help her. We have various 'Helplines' here but none of them are active before 6 pm! It's now 9.30 am.

    Hi

    I don't really know what to say to you, except that it is absolutely not your fault. Depression is an illness and self-harm is a way of dealing with it.

    The same thing could have been said of me when I was 13/14 and I started self-harming but I was far too scared to tell my parents. You should let your daughter know that she's still cared for and supported, she'll have been very scared of you finding out.

    The thing to do, rather than worrying about why she is doing it is to make sure she gets access to psychological support (probably talking therapy, most people don't recommend anti-depressants for people under 16) and encouraging her to find other ways to deal with her feelings.

    You don't have to wait for a dedicated helpline, have you considered the Samaritans?

    Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* :heart:.

    I joined the gym and had my induction yesterday so hopefully that will give me some incentive to stop the habit before it turns into a real problem. Gotta have energy to work out and all that.

    I can't afford the gym but I went for one run yesterday. Tomorrow Morning Prayer is later than usual so I will try again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a good idea *hug*.

    I am proud of myself because I was only silly once over the whole weekend :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    I am proud of myself because I was only silly once over the whole weekend :)

    Well done. :)
    I have just found out that my 13 year old daughter has been cutting herself. She was recently dignosed with clinical depression and has just started medication. She tells me that the self harm began about a month ago - well before the diagnosis - and she has done it four times.

    She says that before she does it, she feels absolutley numb, but when she has done it, she feels something.

    I am at a total loss. I've been a teacher for 27 years & often had peripheral involvement with vulnerable and damaged girls, but all of them had reasons to be - broken homes, abuse and so on.

    My daughter says herself that home is perfect - her dad and I are very happy, her brother is great, we live a very happy life, nice home, labrador, lots of friends and holidays, she's at a lovely school where she is apparently really happy & doing very well....but she is cutting herself!

    Can anyone help? I am so bewildered by this and do not know where to turn to help her. We have various 'Helplines' here but none of them are active before 6 pm! It's now 9.30 am.

    Hi,

    If she wants to talk about this, let her. Please don't force her to talk about this. Let her know that she can talk to you if she wants. I used to live with people who pretty much always mentioned it when it was just me and them - I hated it. Because it sort of involved someone, they'd always mention him too. I didn't want to talk about him or what happened that evening. Thankfully, they didn't know what else happened.

    I'm not quite sure why I self harm either - so, she's not alone there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    huntlie wrote: »
    I have just found out that my 13 year old daughter has been cutting herself. She was recently dignosed with clinical depression and has just started medication. She tells me that the self harm began about a month ago - well before the diagnosis - and she has done it four times.

    She says that before she does it, she feels absolutley numb, but when she has done it, she feels something.

    I am at a total loss. I've been a teacher for 27 years & often had peripheral involvement with vulnerable and damaged girls, but all of them had reasons to be - broken homes, abuse and so on.

    My daughter says herself that home is perfect - her dad and I are very happy, her brother is great, we live a very happy life, nice home, labrador, lots of friends and holidays, she's at a lovely school where she is apparently really happy & doing very well....but she is cutting herself!

    Can anyone help? I am so bewildered by this and do not know where to turn to help her. We have various 'Helplines' here but none of them are active before 6 pm! It's now 9.30 am.

    you remind me of me and my mum. i was 14 when i was first diagnosed with major depression (i'm 21 now) and it felt at the time that me and my mum (who is also a teacher) were in the wilderness together, not knowing what to do or where to turn. i had been self-harming for a few months before my mum found out, and i remember being so frightened of her knowing, not just because i thought she'd be cross but because i was scared of upsetting her. i was in a private hell, which as a child is especially terrifying. i'd never felt such severe emotions. hurting myself was all i could do right. it took a while for me to realise that i needed my mum to help me, that pushing her away wasn't the answer. and i know she was scared of what was happening to me, and scared of me dying. and she did what you would expect, which was to periodically remove all sharp objects from the house, and i also did what you would expect, which was to go out and buy more.

    your daughter needs you. it doesn't matter that you don't really know what you are doing, she just needs you to sit with her and listen to her. she will be so scared and the prospect of recovering from an illness that you can't understand, when you are so young, is overwhelming. she will get over the self-harming when she is ready. try not to show her that you are upset or angry, because that will make her feel even worse. instead, tell her that you want her to talk to you instead of hurting herself, and that if she does end up doing it (sometimes she simply won't be able to help it) make sure she takes care of what she has done - make sure there are first aid supplies around. i used to get so, so upset when my mum told me off for hurting myself (and it's led to me being very secretive about it as an adult). i knew she didn't mean to, and that she was just showing how worried she was, but it made me feel like such a let down. be a friend to her, look after her and she will slowly start to heal. it's a bumpy ride and you'll need eachother.

    also remember, it's nothing you've done wrong. i too had a normal, healthy childhood and have still managed to be mentally ill for seven years. sometimes it just happens. i have such wonderful parents who have always done their best for me, that's not to say that they've always got it right, but they've always tried, and i can't help feeling that i've let them down. depression is one of those things that creeps up on you, and when you realise it's happening it's already taken hold.

    take care, both of you. you remind me so much of me and my mum. stick together and you'll find a way through.
    x x x
  • LauraOLauraO Posts: 535 Incredible Poster
    Hi huntlie,
    Welcome to the boards.

    You have already got some great replies here, but just wanted to see if you have visited our self-harm section on TheSite? It's got some really useful articles including this one about supporting someone who self-harms which may be particularly relevant to you. Rethink have a similar article on their website about how you can support others.

    You also mentioned that you were finding it hard to speak to someone during the day about this, but I realise this was yesterday you posted. If you havent had any luck yet here is a link to a list of helplines, support groups and websites that you might not already know about. Young Minds have a parents helpline which is open during the working day which may be more convenient for you, the number is 0808 802 5544

    It is important to recognise that talking to someone about self-harm is a big step, and its really positive that your daughter feels she can talk to you. Its a great first step to getting the support she needs and trying to stop, so continue to listen to her but don't push her to talk if she doesn't feel ready. The fact that you are seeking advice and support from others, including other young people your daughters age is also really great step.

    Take care and let us know how you get on,
    LauraO
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    friend is self harming what do i do

    a friend has recently shown me there cuts from selfharming theyve have been using a razor and have cut both legs and wrist with it they told me in confidence but i dont no what to do any help please !
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi There anonynous56,

    Welcome to Thesite's boards, this is a supportive community where people can feel safe to explore how they are feeling.

    Some of the posts above have advice in that is relevant to you and your situation - in suppoting someone who self-harms, it's important to listen and be there for them and try not to judge or get angry with them. Perhaps also offer to go to appointments with them (GP / Mental Health workers). Thesite has loads of information on self harm and a particular page on supporting others that may be helpful for you (follow the links).

    Remember it is important to look after yourself, take care of how you feel and how this insight into your frriends life is affecting you. Be honest with your friend if you are finding it difficult to deal with. Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

    Take care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a friend has recently shown me there cuts from selfharming theyve have been using a razor and have cut both legs and wrist with it they told me in confidence but i dont no what to do any help please !

    Be there for them, let them talk if they want to - but don't force the issue. Look after yourself too.

    If you decide to tell someone, please let the person know. A friend of mine contacted my dad; but didn't inform me until 4 days later. I wasn't happy at all with that.

    Please don't ta;l them into getting help. Someone (not the friend) basically kept telling me to get help and that it was so easy. I was literally crapping myself when I had to sit there and tell the GP what had happened.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My 13 year old daughter is self harming and I just dont understand?
    We have spoken about it.
    She is so full of hate.
    She threatens suicide.
    When we offer help she just shouts.
    Any advice???????????
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    preacher wrote: »
    My 13 year old daughter is self harming and I just dont understand?
    We have spoken about it.
    She is so full of hate.
    She threatens suicide.
    When we offer help she just shouts.
    Any advice???????????

    LauraO's response to Huntlie (above) says everything, I think.

    If you haven't already, you do need to get medical help for your daughter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This sounds really stupid written down, but it is bugging me.
    One of my friend said recently she is jealous of how well I have done for myself (I only graduated last year) and she wishes she was me.
    I agree on paper, my life seems good: I've got a job relevant to my degree, got a room with a roof over my head (not living with my parents anymore), know how to drive, beginning to make new friends etc. But I don't feel happy. I know I have done well, and I am pleased with that, but it seems like "what's the point of having all that" if I'm not enjoying life that much. I'd give this all up to be able to enjoy life instead of having my stupid head.
    I don't know what reply I want/if I even want a reply. I just wanted to get it out. Reality is not like paper unfortunately.
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