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i'm acting normal and happy at home. im eating to please my mum. i cant be anything but normal. my family is falling apart. my mum is off work for anxiety. her bf filled me in on the info a few weeks ago that she had spoken about over dosing but im not to tell her that i know. my brother is still agoraphobic and we had bad news that he wont be funded to go to a special clinic that would definitely help him. he hates me anyway, i went with mum to visit him and he was silent and just glared at me sometimes. he wont even accept me as a friend on stupid facebook. fuck knows what im supposed to have done. apparently he is pissed off because i went to uni and got a degree. worse 3 years of my life.
im tempted to stop eating again but mum will notice. im a lethargic blob who sleeps until mid day. tempted to run wild and whore it up. but none of my friends have even seen me yet. not that i have many. the odd nice text message but no actual face to face interaction. until thursday when im seeing a friend and her 18 month year old baby. it just reminds me that its something i will never ever have. because no one wants me and no one ever will.
edit: i deleted him from facebook after he tried to speak to me on chat. i explained how i couldnt speak to him like nothing happened. he would never accept my concerns but i hope he listened to his family who loved him and that i would be deleting him not because i hate him but because its too upsetting. i let him have his final say, that he loved me and hoped we'd see eachother again. he then sent me a fb message with pretty much the same thing and 2 soppy pictures of the both of us and that he dreams of us having children.
i fucking hate life.
I didn't know what depression was at first before the Dr said I may have so I did loades of reserch on it I've always found myself to be lively and active but now I just can't be bother I give up on almost everything I enjoy life got pretty boring I hated it so now I'm working on how to get my life back on track x
That's fab
This is a good for replacing the harming:
http://www.selfharm.net/fself.html
x
How are you feeling this evening? Sound's like things are pretty tough for you at the moment and that you are tempted to return to your old ways of coping. Seems that having contact with your ex is causing you to be distressed, so perhaps it's a good thing you are not friends on Facebook or have any other kind of contact until you feel comfortable with it?
Sound's like you are being quite hard on yourself too at the moment. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that you could do to lift you mood a little? Something just for you - a treat?
You know that you can keep posting here too for support - take care
Hi Annie,
Great to hear that you have been managing your self-harm using clay, paper, blue tac etc... It is always good to know what has worked / is working for people.
It's also good to hear that you are working towards getting your life back on track :yes: Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
Take care
I am so low right now. I don't know what to do with myself
so few people falsely report rape (no more than any other crime 1-3% if memory serves) and the perception is that a lot of people do
anyway, sorry that happened it was totally wrong
How are you feeling today brunettebarbie? Did you get any support from the hospital, someone to talk to perhaps?
Let us know how you're getting on *hug*
Hey Fostress
I don't really know how i feel if i'm honest. i have this surge of energy but i'm so paronoid that people know things about me before i know. I was in town today and everyone was laughing- they were laughing at me. The police are after me and i feel under pressure to hurt myself.
When i was in hospital some psych liason person came to see me but they couldn't even write a factual report to my psychiatrist telling them what i had taken.
It sounds like you could really use some support for this. Can you make an appointment to speak to your psychiatrist? Are there any trusted friends or family you could speak to?
Having someone close to you who knows a bit more about whats going on might really help.
*hug*
*hug* Feel free to PM me if you need to talk/vent.
Hi Lauren, i forgot to say thank you *hug*
BB x
thanks, im just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life.
had a text from my ex today asking to meet up again because he'll be flying into london today. i felt i had to reply to tell him why i cant see him again and added on the end no more texts and bye. he replied okay bye and it all just hit me. he was my bestfriend in the world
in the past 3 weeks i've had face to face contact with just one of my friends. once. one of them finally got round to organising something on facebook where we're all in one of those message threads together asking when each of us are free. it started to look like it wouldnt be till october. i threw all my toys out the pram and just said how fucked off i am. now something has been arranged for this weekend but i cant be bothered with any of them. have a feeling i'm going to have to listen to how amazing their lives are and how busy they are anyway. no point. might as well cut the strings off now and be left with no one. how long would it take for people to notice im gone
If you don't mind me asking, would you say you are more low because of your current situation or low in general, despite of all of everything going on for you?
surely i deserve some happiness but no. even some friends to see every friday night like everyone else does. so far i see one of them once a month. if im lucky.
i have no friends. no one gives a shit. no one will ever give a shit. the only person who seemed to give a shit was my ex and that was only because his mind was fucked up anyway. it's my own fault. im obviously not nice enough for 'friends' to want to speak/text/see me more often.
i have my phone on all day. but what is the point. no one ever texts or calls.
I know it's hard when no one is there for you, and when everything seems pointless, but from my own experience, eventually things will get better. Even if it is by the smallest amount, they will.
Hugs *hug*
i have a forum that you can go on with people that are going through the same thing.
i'll pm you the link.
i'm on there as avatar of agony if you need any help
Sorry to hear that
are you okay?
you can talk with me if need be
my eyes seemed to pick a good place to hang myself today. now i have it in my head. i won't do it but i dont like that kind of image being in my head. i really dont. i miss paul. i just realised i forgot his birthday. maybe i was a shit girlfriend
All my life I've been liveing in misery been through so much you would not believe I started self harming and cutting my self at the age of 11 as I got older it got worst I've just been referred to CAHMS and I'm scared so I'm cutting my self more and punching myself and everything I found out I had depression at the age of 13 so I decided to change my whole attitude who I really was so nobody would notice that I had depression. I would have suicidal thoughts and attempts of killing myself I've felt more low than ever over the last few days I'm not eating properly or getting enough sleep because a family member of mine has gone to sleep for ever. I have banging head aces and would do anything to harm myself my lifes a complete mess
Self harm = release, and I'd be pretty lost without it, which cannot be healthy.
It's worryign that slef harm has become more or less socially acceptable now.
__________________
I don't care if your world is ending today, because I wasn't invited to it anyway. You said I tasted famous so I drew you a heart, but I'm not an artist - I'm a fucking work of art...I've got an F, and a C, and I've got a K too, now the only thing that's missing is a bitch like U! You wanted perfect? You got your perfect, now I'm too perfect for someone like you...
My LJ
.:So ManICAllY dReSSed and ManICAlly dEpReSSeD:.
people laughing at me, sniggering... they are all part of trying to hurt me. to try and influence me so i kill myself accidentalily. i don't want to but i'm so low:no:
When i'm at home i am still worried that the police will raid my house for drugs as a set up so i get angry with them in self defence. I don't even take drugs anymore nor did i or do i, live in a cracks house. what if they catch me off guard?
Any who i'm round a friends so better put on my face....
awww soerry to hear you are so down
try and enjoy your friends
let us know how it went after