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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    still feeling like shit. i cant delete him from facebook, though i check his page everyday. sometimes he posts youtube videos of songs that are definitely aimed at me. i dont blame him, he isnt being malicious, he is just unwell. i'm almost happy that he seems to be missing me. i feel disappointed when i go on there now because he has given up trying to talk to me. how sad is that.

    i'm acting normal and happy at home. im eating to please my mum. i cant be anything but normal. my family is falling apart. my mum is off work for anxiety. her bf filled me in on the info a few weeks ago that she had spoken about over dosing but im not to tell her that i know. my brother is still agoraphobic and we had bad news that he wont be funded to go to a special clinic that would definitely help him. he hates me anyway, i went with mum to visit him and he was silent and just glared at me sometimes. he wont even accept me as a friend on stupid facebook. fuck knows what im supposed to have done. apparently he is pissed off because i went to uni and got a degree. worse 3 years of my life.

    im tempted to stop eating again but mum will notice. im a lethargic blob who sleeps until mid day. tempted to run wild and whore it up. but none of my friends have even seen me yet. not that i have many. the odd nice text message but no actual face to face interaction. until thursday when im seeing a friend and her 18 month year old baby. it just reminds me that its something i will never ever have. because no one wants me and no one ever will.

    edit: i deleted him from facebook after he tried to speak to me on chat. i explained how i couldnt speak to him like nothing happened. he would never accept my concerns but i hope he listened to his family who loved him and that i would be deleting him not because i hate him but because its too upsetting. i let him have his final say, that he loved me and hoped we'd see eachother again. he then sent me a fb message with pretty much the same thing and 2 soppy pictures of the both of us and that he dreams of us having children.

    i fucking hate life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to self harm well untill today when G told me to stop and think of something else now I take it out on clay paper blue tack or something it's actually really helpful but sometimes in between I feel like I have to cut myself I try not to so far I have managed now to I'm playing with clay which has been great.
    I didn't know what depression was at first before the Dr said I may have so I did loades of reserch on it I've always found myself to be lively and active but now I just can't be bother I give up on almost everything I enjoy life got pretty boring I hated it so now I'm working on how to get my life back on track x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for replying (: im not really sure what's triggering me at the moment, but i think i made a pretty positive step in choosing not to buy blades today.

    and yeah, trying to get through this day by day will be easier than trying to do another whole week. i guess im just stressed out about having to go back to school on wednesday, and i've been having problems with "friends" and stuff. it's mainly just little things piling up, and its the only way i know how to get rid of them.

    would anyone be able to recommend prevention tips ? i've read through the threads on here that have some suggestions, but i guess im just too scared to try and replace cutting at the moment.

    lauren.

    That's fab :) Well done you!

    This is a good for replacing the harming:

    http://www.selfharm.net/fself.html
    x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Clementine the tangerine,

    How are you feeling this evening? Sound's like things are pretty tough for you at the moment and that you are tempted to return to your old ways of coping. Seems that having contact with your ex is causing you to be distressed, so perhaps it's a good thing you are not friends on Facebook or have any other kind of contact until you feel comfortable with it?

    Sound's like you are being quite hard on yourself too at the moment. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that you could do to lift you mood a little? Something just for you - a treat?

    You know that you can keep posting here too for support - take care :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Annie** wrote: »
    I used to self harm well untill today when G told me to stop and think of something else now I take it out on clay paper blue tack or something it's actually really helpful but sometimes in between I feel like I have to cut myself I try not to so far I have managed now to I'm playing with clay which has been great.
    I didn't know what depression was at first before the Dr said I may have so I did loades of reserch on it I've always found myself to be lively and active but now I just can't be bother I give up on almost everything I enjoy life got pretty boring I hated it so now I'm working on how to get my life back on track x

    Hi Annie,

    Great to hear that you have been managing your self-harm using clay, paper, blue tac etc... It is always good to know what has worked / is working for people.

    It's also good to hear that you are working towards getting your life back on track :yes: Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

    Take care :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive had the worse few days. I was found un-concious in town after an overdose and have been in hospital since. I don't remember walking down the road where i fell out of conciousness nor do i know how i got to A&E. Apparently the police were there first. All i remember is waking up in Hospital.

    I am so low right now. I don't know what to do with myself
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    evilemsie wrote: »
    when i first went to see my GP to tell ehr about it she said

    "So you think you were raped?"
    Like she thought I was making it up, it made me feel so horrible.

    I'm now worried whether I'm one of the people you mean. I use depressed in the sense of the word unhappy, not serious mental illness. I'm sorry. I self harm and am on anti-depressants, insomnia, anorexia/bulimia. But....depressed? I'm not sure now.
    unfortunately sexual and domestic violence don't really figure in what doctors are taught about. they should always listen and believe you. they should always record any disclosure.

    so few people falsely report rape (no more than any other crime 1-3% if memory serves) and the perception is that a lot of people do

    anyway, sorry that happened it was totally wrong
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive had the worse few days. I was found un-concious in town after an overdose and have been in hospital since. I don't remember walking down the road where i fell out of conciousness nor do i know how i got to A&E. Apparently the police were there first. All i remember is waking up in Hospital.

    I am so low right now. I don't know what to do with myself

    How are you feeling today brunettebarbie? Did you get any support from the hospital, someone to talk to perhaps?

    Let us know how you're getting on *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fostress wrote: »
    How are you feeling today brunettebarbie? Did you get any support from the hospital, someone to talk to perhaps?

    Let us know how you're getting on *hug*

    Hey Fostress

    I don't really know how i feel if i'm honest. i have this surge of energy but i'm so paronoid that people know things about me before i know. I was in town today and everyone was laughing- they were laughing at me. The police are after me and i feel under pressure to hurt myself.

    When i was in hospital some psych liason person came to see me but they couldn't even write a factual report to my psychiatrist telling them what i had taken.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi brunettebarbie,

    It sounds like you could really use some support for this. Can you make an appointment to speak to your psychiatrist? Are there any trusted friends or family you could speak to?

    Having someone close to you who knows a bit more about whats going on might really help.

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have made an appt to see the doc on friday so hopefully something can be sorted...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when is it going to end
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when is it going to end

    *hug* Feel free to PM me if you need to talk/vent.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there is ALWAYS people here to help, me being one of them. do you know if something triggered this ? you need to try and remember, that hard as it is, it's got to get better. try and stay positive, and a great way of doing that is to come on here and ask for help before turning to hurting yourself. stay strong, and you can always pm if you want me to help.

    lauren


    Hi Lauren, i forgot to say thank you *hug*
    BB x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* Feel free to PM me if you need to talk/vent.

    thanks, im just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life.

    had a text from my ex today asking to meet up again because he'll be flying into london today. i felt i had to reply to tell him why i cant see him again and added on the end no more texts and bye. he replied okay bye and it all just hit me. he was my bestfriend in the world

    in the past 3 weeks i've had face to face contact with just one of my friends. once. one of them finally got round to organising something on facebook where we're all in one of those message threads together asking when each of us are free. it started to look like it wouldnt be till october. i threw all my toys out the pram and just said how fucked off i am. now something has been arranged for this weekend but i cant be bothered with any of them. have a feeling i'm going to have to listen to how amazing their lives are and how busy they are anyway. no point. might as well cut the strings off now and be left with no one. how long would it take for people to notice im gone
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, im just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life.

    had a text from my ex today asking to meet up again because he'll be flying into london today. i felt i had to reply to tell him why i cant see him again and added on the end no more texts and bye. he replied okay bye and it all just hit me. he was my bestfriend in the world

    in the past 3 weeks i've had face to face contact with just one of my friends. once. one of them finally got round to organising something on facebook where we're all in one of those message threads together asking when each of us are free. it started to look like it wouldnt be till october. i threw all my toys out the pram and just said how fucked off i am. now something has been arranged for this weekend but i cant be bothered with any of them. have a feeling i'm going to have to listen to how amazing their lives are and how busy they are anyway. no point. might as well cut the strings off now and be left with no one. how long would it take for people to notice im gone


    If you don't mind me asking, would you say you are more low because of your current situation or low in general, despite of all of everything going on for you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's really difficult to tell. i've been low for a while even when i was with my boyfriend. it took a lot out of me supporting him. now things are over things seem to have come to a head. things will never work out for me. despite me tryingto be a good person all my life. there is no point
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am really struggling with a reason to live

    surely i deserve some happiness but no. even some friends to see every friday night like everyone else does. so far i see one of them once a month. if im lucky.
    i have no friends. no one gives a shit. no one will ever give a shit. the only person who seemed to give a shit was my ex and that was only because his mind was fucked up anyway. it's my own fault. im obviously not nice enough for 'friends' to want to speak/text/see me more often.

    i have my phone on all day. but what is the point. no one ever texts or calls.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really know what to say. But I wanted to point out, and it may or may not be helpful, that I do not see my friends at all often. I have never met up with them each week as everyone lives in different towns/villages.
    I know it's hard when no one is there for you, and when everything seems pointless, but from my own experience, eventually things will get better. Even if it is by the smallest amount, they will.
    Hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks. it's looking doubtful though. i dug myself into a hole by basically sticking two fingers up at them. no going back now. i dont blame them. maybe it took the big breakup with my boyfriend to make me realise i have no support system with them. theyre too busy advancing their careers and preparing to do masters. alone again
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* Feel free to PM me if you need to talk/vent.



    i have a forum that you can go on with people that are going through the same thing.

    i'll pm you the link.

    i'm on there as avatar of agony if you need any help
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm lonely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grace wrote: »
    I'm lonely.

    Sorry to hear that :( If its any help I'm here if you need someone to talk too *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What to do? Is it just my distorted thought process or is it illegal to commit suicide? I can't understand other people's reasoning and justification for making attempts to prevent other people from taking their own lives despite it being their own decision to do so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh that's sad to hear, grace.

    are you okay?

    you can talk with me if need be
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nothing is ever fair :crying:

    my eyes seemed to pick a good place to hang myself today. now i have it in my head. i won't do it but i dont like that kind of image being in my head. i really dont. i miss paul. i just realised i forgot his birthday. maybe i was a shit girlfriend
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is this so hard :(

    All my life I've been liveing in misery been through so much you would not believe I started self harming and cutting my self at the age of 11 as I got older it got worst I've just been referred to CAHMS and I'm scared so I'm cutting my self more and punching myself and everything I found out I had depression at the age of 13 so I decided to change my whole attitude who I really was so nobody would notice that I had depression. I would have suicidal thoughts and attempts of killing myself I've felt more low than ever over the last few days I'm not eating properly or getting enough sleep because a family member of mine has gone to sleep for ever. I have banging head aces and would do anything to harm myself my lifes a complete mess :( or maybe a disaster.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was uber depressed last night, and my mood was not improved by the fact the every pair of scissors in the house were blunt
    Self harm = release, and I'd be pretty lost without it, which cannot be healthy.


    It's worryign that slef harm has become more or less socially acceptable now.
    __________________
    I don't care if your world is ending today, because I wasn't invited to it anyway. You said I tasted famous so I drew you a heart, but I'm not an artist - I'm a fucking work of art...I've got an F, and a C, and I've got a K too, now the only thing that's missing is a bitch like U! You wanted perfect? You got your perfect, now I'm too perfect for someone like you...

    My LJ

    .:So ManICAllY dReSSed and ManICAlly dEpReSSeD:.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm finding it really difficult to hide how low i'm feeling now. The travelling today (to a friends thats over two hours away) was awful. i was so paronoid as someone said on the train, "...i need national intelliegence"

    people laughing at me, sniggering... they are all part of trying to hurt me. to try and influence me so i kill myself accidentalily. i don't want to but i'm so low:no:

    When i'm at home i am still worried that the police will raid my house for drugs as a set up so i get angry with them in self defence. I don't even take drugs anymore nor did i or do i, live in a cracks house. what if they catch me off guard?

    Any who i'm round a friends so better put on my face....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm finding it really difficult to hide how low i'm feeling now. The travelling today (to a friends thats over two hours away) was awful. i was so paronoid as someone said on the train, "...i need national intelliegence"

    people laughing at me, sniggering... they are all part of trying to hurt me. to try and influence me so i kill myself accidentalily. i don't want to but i'm so low:no:

    When i'm at home i am still worried that the police will raid my house for drugs as a set up so i get angry with them in self defence. I don't even take drugs anymore nor did i or do i, live in a cracks house. what if they catch me off guard?

    Any who i'm round a friends so better put on my face....



    awww soerry to hear you are so down

    try and enjoy your friends

    let us know how it went after
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