If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options
Comments
I self harm lots and the cuts,brusies and burns on my body are unbearable. I need help, my friends think they understand what im going through but they have NO IDEA. Not onl this bubt i have anger problems so when i get angry i just get mad and mad and haem myself even more.
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME, I DONT WANT TO SELF HARM
i want to do it tonight. there hasn't even been a really big trigger for it or anything, i've just managed to work myself up about some stuff and then it feels like my whole body is shaking and i don't know what to do. so i'm trying to take deep breaths and i've been reading all the posts on here about how other people cope and stuff and it helped a bit. made me feel less of a freak for doing it.
i'm going to university in september tho and i can feel my depression building up again at the moment and i'm terrified that when i do go away i'll keep hurting myself and won't know what to do. i told one of my friends once that i'd done it when she saw a cut but i think she thinks im okay now, and i pretend to be so she'd have no reason to doubt me. i don't think i am though. but i don't want to upset her by bringing it up and even though i know she would want to help i don't think i could bring it up again.
anyway i think i just wanted to get this all off my chest, sorry if i went on a bit. hope everyone else out there is doing okay, especially you no-name. i get angry too, we all do, so stay strong and please don't hurt yourself.
Hi there no-name,
Firstly, welcome to Thesite's boards. The boards are a safe place to seek advice from other people who have been through or are going through a similar experience.
You sound like you have had enough of harming yourself and want to stop. This is a really positive step forward. The next is to seek advice, which you have also done by coming on here. There is lots of really useful information on our self-harm page. The part under the 'getting help' section may be of interest to you?
There are a lot of people out there who can and will help you if you ask for it. You could also check out this page, it has some great links to helplines and walks you through some of the steps to recovery.
It can often be hard for friends to fully understand a problem as we see it ourselves. A friend should just be there for you, to listen and support you. Don't expect too much from them, as they may never competely understand.
Keep posting and take care of yourself
Hi there hls,
We wanted to wish you warm welcome to the boards, it's great to hear that you have been reading through some of the threads on here and that it has helped you. That is exactly what the boards are here for. And remember, it's OK for you start your own thread too. Also, you can write as much as you feel you need to, so no need to apologise.
You may also want to read over the post above and check out the links I have suggested, as they are relevant for you too. You say that you can feel your depression buiding again. Have you ever seen your GP about your depression?
You said that you have confided in a friend before but that you think she thinks you are OK now. Without asking her, how can you be sure? She may know something is up and want to talk to you, and vice versa? If she was supportive last time, she may want to be there for you this time too? If you can't speak to her, then is there anyone else that you could talk to?
It's really great that you going to University. This, I'm sure will have it's challenges, but there are usually really good support netwroks within Universities. Have you looked into what support you can tap into when you start?
Take care and keep posting
I manage to beat it back to a level I can deal with sometimes, but then it just comes back worse. I can barely leave the house anymore, I lost my place at college because of that. I'm supposed to be trying to go back in september, but I just can't deal with it. My relationship with my parents has gotten worse as time has gone on, now if I try to talk to them about stuff I just get told other people have problems to and to get on with it. The first time mum has even paid attention in months was when I showed her my arm recently. She made me go to see a nurse and get it cleaned up, but after it was back to the usual cold shoulder. I've had a lot of friends turn on me, been bullied because of my problems or just dumped, but it never hurt as much as my mum turning away.
My boyfriend is a lot older than me and lives far away, we can only talk by text because I can't deal with phonecalls. To be honest we've yet to meet in person. He has been really supportive, but lately i've started to doubt him. I don't know if its genuine doubt, or if its the paranoid push people away thing starting back up.
I feel like crying. I get so mad at my family. I'm a prisoner in my own house and all these awful black thoughts are starting to creep back in and it scares me.
I just want to be able to talk to other people who understand at least some of what i'm going through. I've been on a lot of advice sites and read lots of stuff.
Sounds like you've been having a really rough time, I know I've been there, I've been self harming for 8 years and only recently gaining some self control. Can you get any form of counselling/therapy? Nothing really helped me until I started therapy and since then I;ve progressed loads.
Chin up, it will get easier
I dont think I need help and then sometimes I think I do. Compared to how some people have it my life isn't that bad, and I feel guilty and ashamed for resorting to this measure. Then I do it again because of the low from the guilt and shame.
I've never ever been able to talk about my feelings to anybody particularly since my mum and da separated, badly over 10 years ago. Maybe its a culmination of those feelings, maybe not, I'm confused. I'm not close to anyone in particular, not my mum, my sister or my brothers. Not my friends. I have friends but none close enough that they know the real me. I feel like I have a facade up for everybody. No one knows the real me.
I split my time between my mum and da and when I get friends and relations from both sides saying how such a nice person I am and that they should be proud of me, that makes me feel worse. And I have this horrible secret eating at me from inside. My biggest fear is that they will consider me attention seeking or something. They wont understand. For how can I tell them when I dont understand myself?? I'm confused!!
I apologise for the bit of a rambling, but I must say I feel that bit better. :wave:
Thanks and keep up the good work!!:wave:
*Rhia*
Whats scaring me a lot is that i dont even see what the big deal is? (the only reason i think its for some reason a big deal is because thats what society says it is, but not because i believe it, so i know i should think its a bid deal but i dont which is the scary bit) Its not like i need stitches for the cuts, and i clean it to prevent infections etc. so what is the big deal... i've stopped trying to stop myself now and i've just got so deep into it, i cant stop thinking about it, im really lost now.
And btw this site is amazing, it helped me lots just reading advice and things like that
Hi Rachel,
I know it's some time since you posted your first post on the boards, we just wondered how things were for you now and if you have managed to check out some of the advice on Thesite pages? Many people on the boards and in the live chat can relate to what you are going through, you may find the understanding that you are looking for there? Things have obviously been really hard for you, we hope that you keep posting to explore your feelings and situation.
Take care
Hi BleedingLove,
It's really good to hear that reading the information and advice on Thesite has helped you, that is exactly what it is here for. You may have already found the following information, but here are the links anyway in case you haven't. The whole section that Thesite has on self-harm is really concise and current. You may find it useful to check some of it out whilst you are exploring your feelings about it all? There are also some videos to watch on the same subject too. You are looking after your cuts, which is really responsible and positive, well done.
You've spoken about feeling lost and that you can't stop thinking about harming. Any behaviour that begins to take over your thoughts and ultimately your life, is not healthy. If you are managing the behaviour, and it could be anything - exercise, food habits, alcohol, harming etc - you are in control. However, if the behaviour is controlling you, then it maybe time to seek some support?
Take care and keep posting
Anyway thanks so much for all your advice and help, it really makes a difference (:
Heyy
you know I was suprised when I read your post BleedingLove ... I feel exactly the same way as you, I only started harming recently but its become and obsession. I too feel lost. However it feels as though I never fit in, its not just certain moments in my day where i feel lost and out of place, it is all the time...
I'd just like to say if you ever want to chat, you can always PM me.. it's nice to have someone to confide in from time to time
Don't feel worried that you are overburdening your counsellor, that is what he is there for! You're not alone, PM me if you ever want to talk. x
as grace says, your counsellor is there to help you - don't worry about burdening them. i'm pretty sure that they would rather know the whole story because then they can help you better. they wouldn't force you to stop, but they could help you find other ways of coping and help you minimise the damage you are doing. you don't have to deal with it alone. x
I just wanted to say that I'm here if anyone wants to talk, or share the benefit of theirs and my experiences. I will also input into this thread where I can.
The reason I have been going in circles for such a long time is no indication of the futility of trying to tackle these issues, it is merely that I have been an expert in avoidance. I have bounced from distraction to distraction rather than tackle my problems head on. On the way I have caused significant damage to myself and those around me.
I both a good example of endurance and a bad example of coping in constructive ways, but I carry a lot of insight and that may prove useful to some of you.
Always glad to help if anyone needs it.
Thanks a lot, i think i'll probably take you up on that offer
Sorry your going through this too, hope you feel less alone cause its relatable x
Thanks guys, you really have made a difference because i wasnt gonna talk about it anymore until i came on here and you gave me advice, i appreciate it so much :] Its nice to know there are people around that care x
The other night I was out with my mates at uni and the night was going well we were having a laugh etc. But some how one of my mates pulled this stunning girl. It really annoyed me not because of the people more of the action because it is something that feel so inadequate in doing. So I came home and was pretty drunk and my swiss army knife was just laying around on my desk and I ended up cutting my self on the back of the calf, top of my thigh and on my left wrist.
I feel so ashamed that i have done this and wish i could take it back. I'm really scared what it will look like once it's healed and what my family will say when I return home. I have passed the cuts on the back of my calf as from a holly bush when getting a football out of it. I don't know if any body has noticed my wrist (if they have they didn't mention it) i have been wearing long shirts since it happened two days a go.
Please could anybody give some tips to speed up the healing and prevent any scaring.
I don't intend on ever doing it again
Firstly don't call yourself a faliure. you have done so well (without the need to sound patronising) going for two years without self-harming. you should be proud of yourself. i give you corage for admitting not just to you but on here that you've done it again. think of it as a relapse, you are not a faliure!!!
*hug* A x
:wave: welcome
see the scars thread
i mean if it's not life threatening... and it makes you feel better... what exactly are the dangers of it?
Infection. Hurting yourself more than you expected to.
Permanent damage.
Apart from the physical damage, it becomes a really unhealthy coping mechanism for dealing with negative emotions. And from my experience, it starts off being a way to cope with feeling X and then with time its used for feelings X Y and Z, and then eventually its the only thing that can get you through a day.
Aside from that, the scars are permanent unless you get very lucky. I will never be able to wear a bikini again because I have scars dotting my stomach that will fade, but will always be there and will always make me self-conscious about what others think of me. My sister has scars on her arms that have been there since she was ~15. She's 28 now. They're smaller, yes, but they're still there and if she were to ever get a tan they would be pretty obvious. Luckily she's pretty pale so that won't happen but you see what I mean.
:yes: And then there's other people. I have managed to totally fuck up a friendship of mine because he can't (he's said this at least twice) deal with me when I'm like this.
*hug* Wanna post a thread about it?
don't give them the satisfaction.
i love you
*hug*
I'm sorry