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I really want to tell me best bud about things. i know he would never run off cos he's helped other people with their problems. But it is in the back of my mind! I feel really bad cos he tells me everything about himself, and so far ive told him nothing and we've known each other for 2 ears now!
He did notice the other day that i had cuts on my hand and asked what they were. perfect opp to tell him the truth, i thought about it, but then made up an excuse like i always do! :banghead:
Trusting someone no matter how long you've known each other is hard. I can understand why you didn't, because you've told people in the past, and you are scared. You'll tell him when you're ready, don't rush yourself. You will be able to talk, if he asks again, just be brave and tell him. You don't need to spill all the details, but just let him know youre glad he's there.
I hope you find the courage to do so
xx
But my insecurities make me feel like I'm pushing people away...
I can't win. I feel stuck.
I know how you feel DancingHorse, i'm feeling the same way.
im trying to stop self harming now because im fed up of doing it, but sometimes if im that low its the only thing i feel i can do to make me actually feel again.
But i never knew stopping , or trying to stop, would be this hard, buts its turning out to be truly one of the hardest things ive ever done. I havent told anyone about my self harming, i dont think i want too, but its nice to be able to talk about it on here.
Hey MFA :wave:
How are you doing? It's not you that makes your friend sad, it sound's like your friend has her own issues to work through at the moment and if anything, you are helping her to do this by being a friend. She must trust and care for you for her to tell you something so personal?
Does your friend know how you are feeling at the moment? have you told her that you don't hate her because she's gay? Maybe just laying all the cards on the table would help you both right now?
Keep posting
Hey Bethanyh :wave:
It's so great that you feel free to talk about your self-harm on here, that is exactly what we are here for. Have you looked at The Site's page on self-harm? There are loads of pages about support, resources, recovery and distractions. These may help you look at some options if you are trying to stop self-harming.
Keep posting.
Can't do this
Trying so hard to stay strong.
Dad leaves for Afghanistan tomorrow.
It's slowly sinking in...and I feel so...scared. Genuinely scared.
Hey Dancing Horse :wave:
There is a website called 'Military Families Support' - why don't you check it out? Give us your feedback too if you want, it's always good to know how useful these websites are.
Please keep posting for support and advice, tomorrow may be a hard day. Try to keep strong, you are doing really well.
Take care
I currently have the urge at the mo, but resisting with all my strenght cause i made a promise, and i hae my mum visiting me at the weekend and dont want her seeing, cause she think im a bloody loony if she see them.
But to those who havent started self harming----DONT, it is very hard to stop, and its the hardest way to lose 'friends' even if you feel like you dont want anyone near you, cause the loniness eventually makes you worse.
"If A is the success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. X being work, Y being Play, and Z being keeping your mouth shout."
If you have the urge now - why don't you check out some of these distraction tips and ways to dealing with urges? They help for some people.
Are these people really your 'friends' if they stop being your friend when times get tough?
Well done for resisting the temptation so far - you are doing really well.
my stresses are really trivial
i texted a friend today to find out what she's upto this eve because i really didnt want to be on my own on friday night and she replied that she's doing some hardcore revision with another friend and kept apologising in the text. the thing is we are all doing the same exam so she could have easily asked me too.
then i texted my bestfriend to find out what she's upto tomorrow evening. she's staying in to watch eurovision with her boyfriend and my old housemate. so i cant go round there. i dont even want to talk about this incase he still reads this board.
my boyfriend i've only been seeing for a short while (but it has been amazing..really really amazing) might have to go back home to n ireland, his job is just unfufilling and he probably hasnt got onto the course that he wanted to get onto here. i understand why. it's just disheartening i guess.
and i guess because i've already had two exams this week..so the stress has been on.
counselling got into contact because i missed an appointment with them today, i had forgotten about it. so that has been in the back of my mind.
blah. sorry.
When I suffered the most with my anorexia I went down to about 4 stone 7 pounds, and literally wanted to die. I had no energy and it hurt me to walk up the stairs, walking home from school killed me and I just wanted to collapse.
My family found out and I was forced to 'get better'. Then I began to cut. I thought about why I starter cutting and yet I still dont know. I think the anorexia was a form of self harm to me, and after my family finding out and stopping me I had to find another way.
I cut on my legs at first so my family didnt find out and I only ever did it at the top where no one could see. Then my friends found out by seeing my scars. I still cut today and have done for around 2 or 3 years. I'm also trying to loose weight again. I dont care how stupid it is. I'm going too.
I love being sick. It makes me feel good. Like I've achieved something.
I looked at....'tips' ...On making yourself sick last night.
It made me laugh because I used to do all of them things without every looking into it.
Now I'm nothing.
I failed.
I'm gonna do it again though
I say that whilst Im sat here...After just eating half a tub of ben and jerry's ice cream. Meh. Ice creams the easiest thing to puke.
Im sorry if this has too much detail, Im sorry if I shouldnt have posted it. Ill read it back later and wonder why I did.
But theres my experiance.
Anorexia took over my life and it still wont leave me alone.
We're really glad that you have posted about your experiences and have come to Thesite's boards. We hope that you are able to get some advice that will help you.
It seems like there is a lot going on for you at the moment. As I'm sure you've heard before and are expecting to hear us say - you may find it helpful see a health professional about these feelings and the ways in which you use to cope? However, you seem quite determined to return to your previous behaviours. Any steps towards a life without self-harming or eating disorders HAS to come from you and not from what you think other people want you to do.
If you are going to self harm, we would advise that you do it as safely as possible - there are some tips at the bottom of this page about self harm coping tips and distractions, you may also want to check out the pages we have on bulimia if and when you feel ready, there are some great links on the right hand side of the page.
Take care -
was supposed to be meeting a friend in london today. i texted to cancel last night and turned my phone off taking the battery and sim card out so im unreachable. i know he'll probably hate me for cancelling. had been looking forward to it all week but i just cant be doing with seeing anyone. my phone is still in pieces so im unreachable and i think i like that.
That's exactly my opinion. I mean, by all means its fine for the people who actually want to stop to come on the site, but i dont appreciate posts that are like, my life sucks, im going to kill myself tonight. I mean, its not making anyone feel better. More to the point, its not like anyone can do anything with that.
Well, i have been harming for near 3 years now.
I only just started telling people at the start of this year. It was a silly insignificant reason why i started. Got played by a silly boy who was supposed to be my best friend. Did the typical 'I love you' lie and magnetised to the next girl who walked by. I was naive then, it was my own fault. I had known him for 12 years so it kind of got to me. That night was the first night i ever harmed.
The next time i felt down it crossed my mind, and i grabbed the same razor i had kept for an unkown reason until then. It became habitual and i always did it on my wrist. My watch covered it and an elasticated headband alongside it. But when the watch broke i had to get rid and resorted to a large bunch of bracelets. My boyfriend found them then. I was outside so my pale skin had gone purple from the cold and my scars easily stood out...that was not a fun experience. I told him everything and at first his reaction was bad and he called me stupid, but then he apologised and he is still here for me now.
I told a close friend and she was lovely about. Soon my boyfriend and friend started to do it though and so i swore to stop. It is an up and down situation. I dont think i have gone more than 3 months. But its better than three times a week. At one point i was walking around with 70 odd.
I moved onto my legs then so that when i failed, it was hard to know. My legs are no longer nice which is bad as now everyone goes out to parties in little dresses, but i can't. I always have to be careful what to wear on my legs as if its short enough it will ride up and it can be seen.
My boyfriend developed issues to the point he couldn't stop his 'hormonal urges' and so i kind of got the blunt end of his pleasure needs. But ive talked to him about that and it took a while, but hes controlling himself which is hard. Its been 9 months now since that started and it began my depression, and even though his antics are fading the depression isnt.
I went my GP and got help for my depression. The mood swings were bad. I tried anti depressants but they made me ill and i fainted a few times in college so i stopped. But im going to start them up again now. Ive put my name down for counselling and i guess i passed the assessment stage and they agreed i need help...lovely...and so here i am today.
Broken, scarred and sad. On a long list for help. Slow steps right?
i find it hard not harming and have relapsed a hell of a lot, but my boyfriend gives me a strong reason not to. He really helps me.
sorry for the essay, but its nice to get a lot of the past off my chest
i feel better
Welcome to Thesite's boards - this is a safe and open community to share your experiences and seek advice and support. Thank you for sharing your post with us all, it gives hope and strength to others in a similar position. It seems that you have quite a lot of positive stuff going on for you - you're at college, a boyfriend that helps you, a supportive friend and you have accessed the right services that can help you. These are the correct steps in the right direction.
You may not have come across them yet - but Thesite has some really good information pages - they cover almost every subject. The ones on self-harm might be of particular interest and a good place to start.
You have done so well to reduce your harming. Feel free to keep posting (and you can write as much as you want) to help keep exploring or just to vent your feelings.
Take care -
I have never felt this bad. Never. Through all the last 7 years that I've had 'depression' I have never felt so overwhelmingly hopeless.
I've barely eaten in a week and I am stupid enough to be happy with the fact that I've very clearly lost a fair bit of weight because of it.
Fuck.
you need to eat hunnie, though you may not want to you NEED to. If it is weight you want to loose then not eating is not the way to do it. If it that you just dont want to eat then please do try, even if its just an apple or something like that.
Can you talk to anyone about this?? If its the worst youve felt in seven years it does seem as if you need to talk to someone? Its up to you.
how did things go with your essays???
loveyou!
i love you and i'm here if you want me. you have a lot of stress to deal with at the moment, it's no wonder you feel so bad. but it's going to get better i promise. think about june and august, we're going to have lots of fun. think about what you would say to me if it was the other way round. keep fighting, you'll get through this.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx