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Im sure theres nothing to worry about with your grandad. its probably just something that crossed his mind and not because of anything sinister. My nan reads things somewhere then worries over and over about it.
does he read the Daily Express?they're always waffling about death tax's!
I think the one thing that's stopping me is that people will think I was weak and pathetic, and that's how I'll be remembered... and maybe, just maybe, things will be better in a few years.
The last year has just been out of control:
- I had my heart broken a year ago by an evil manipulative bitch who I now realise was using me for my money. She manipulated me and enjoyed seeing me suffer.
- I'm in love with my best friend, the most amazing, selfless, beautiful, funny, caring person in the world, but I can't tell her. I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way and I will lose her as a friend if I told her. She has a boyfriend who cheated on her and treats her like crap. She seems to go for the bad boy type which is just not me and she doesn't deserve it. It's so difficult to hide your feelings once you realise you love someone! She's the only reason I'm still here so I just can't risk it. Once I was so close to killing myself and then she called me out of the blue and we talked for 4 hours about random stuff. She doesn't know it but she saved my life that day. I love her. But if I lost her as a friend my life would be over.
- I was bullied constantly at school, eventually I had panic attacks and had to leave school early, and it took me 10 years to recover. I didn't have any friends until a year ago.
- I owe over £40,000 after the business I had been running for 5 years went under. I can't pay any of it back.
- I just had my car repossessed because I couldn't meet the payments.
- Nobody will employ me because I was self-employed. Jobs for the skills I have are worth £35K!
- Alliance & Leicester just stole £75.00 from me for going over the overdraft limit by £50 for 7 days!
I don't know what I expect to gain from telling people this but I can't tell anyone in real life and it helps just to write it out and know that someone, somewhere will read it and know what I'm thinking.
Also just feeling really depressed anyway, I don't know if it's my killer come down from Saturday coming back to haunt me or not, but I just feel really lonely and down for some reason.
Hmm a nice spliff may help.
Maybe if you had a word with your tutors or teachers and explained whats happening they might be a little more lenient (plus a little grovelling would help
as for the loneliness, I'd just say ring up a couple mates and do something, maybe lay off the drugs if you think there making you feel bad.
take it easy. :thumb:
I've been seeing my mates, I just feel lonely romantically lol, I've been texting a girl who wants to meet up again but I kinda don't wanna get anything cos she'll just be going to Uni soon anyway.
As for drugs, they're all that keeps me happy when I'm down lol. I don't self harm or anything, they're my way of coping.
as for the drugs: Ok thats fine, just don't go overboard.
as for the romance: hey, you got the girl interested, thats half the battle. These opportunities don't come along very often so I say see where it goes. but I know what you mean about it getting close but just have fun. if you don't want to however, then tell her.
They're giving you a warning so take the hint and start going to class! Once they see you are going again then they will be happy and won't kick you off the course. I was like that in college - I needed a big kick up the arse. Just be thankfull they called you and not your mum like they did to me!
Anyway, maybe you should take a break from the drugs ya know. Sounds like your come downs are really bad! If you hammer it every weekend then your brains gonna be fried. Also look into buying some St Johns Worts off t'internet (they do larger doses online) because thats supposed to balance moods and I think it works
Lol Yeah I know, I got kicked out of my last college at the end of the year and I still haven't learnt my lesson...although I have been better.
Oh, and they called my mum aswell. lol
I don't hammer drugs as much as I used to, my come downs aren't always this bad... but yeah I know what you mean. Prehaps a break is in order. Quite hard though.
St Johns Worts... hmm sounds interesting, I'll have a look...
Cheers people.
Yes it is a depressant but that's not what makes people depressed when they drink. Any drug that is a depressant is a drug that depresses the CNS, hence all the side effects like slurred speech, not feeling pain.
It's when you need to take alcohol regularly to escape from your problems that you can go into a downward spiral of depression.
You mind find venting how you feel helps with the need to self-harm.
want to jump and fly
I get this from time to time. Normally its the stress talking rather then the fact your in a good mood.
your not
im not sure-feel odd
feel indestructable but want to harm
I feel like im not achieving all that I could or that im substandard compared to most people, I mean most guys my age have a job, their own place, even kids to some couples.
I just feel a little behind.
(no need to worry, just a thought)
There are many people in this situation who are your own age. I personally wouldn't worry about it.
of course we'll worry-im sure you're not behind its just the time of year it is
i'm sure you're doing brilliantly
take care
I should be feeling quite good. I had an exam yesterday and it went quite well, so i should be happy with that.
Instead i just feel miserable. It took me ages to get to sleep last night, cos i was just thinking of things. Nothing in particular, just stuff.
Now i just feel like hiding away and not moving out my room. Urgh, I hate feeling like this
feel odd-feel high-feel indestructable-feel like i want to harm-stupid sorry
your not annoying
how you doing jelly tots-feeling any better
(counsellor tomorrow-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh-dont feel i need to go anymore)
nice to see you again Hazell
anything making you feel like this?
If you want an Idea of what to do, take something up like model building, gardening, playing computer games, anything to keep you busy. trust me, if you sit around doing nothing, you turn on yourself.
I was asking you.
Sounds like a good idea Shadow. If you sit about brooding about things it doesnt help compared to actually doing something, anything in fact, to distract you.
hi thanks for your message. it means so much. the fact that someone remembers who i am. its not anything anything in particular - its always been at the back of my mind - the usual dealing with people i hate in a crap job, no life...all that crap...
hope youre ok mate
A break from here could do you good as well.