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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :no: No I haven't. I had counselling when I was 17/18 in college but tbh, that didn't really help me at all, although being fair, I was depressed at the time if that makes any difference. I was stuck in a bad place bad then, being young and all.

    I think it might have been a little too soon also to be talking about it all. I had just been taken away from the situation I was in so like, I don't know, I didn't want to think about it and just wanted to sort my life out. I had a new boyfriend, I had my A Levels to do, a new home, etc.

    My life is sorted now though. I'm really happy with the way my life is going. I don't understand why my past is now bugging me. It just makes no sense. I mean, I try not to think about it and I'm ok most of the time throughout the day but its just been bugging me when I lie down to go to sleep at night, and like when I see similar things (that I've been through) on TV, advice leaflets/posters, etc. I'm having a few flashbacks and nightmares which sucks.

    I have thought several times about going to see a counsellor or something but I don't know, to be honest, I found counselling at college really unhelpful. I'm also really not good talking face to face about the subject. I think I spent most of my counselling sessions with my head down and she literally had to force things out of me. I was embarassed you see. I didn't like talking to a stranger.

    Also, I don't really know how therapy/counselling is ever going to help me get over it sorta thing. I think its just one of those things that I'm going to have to deal with in time and slowly learn to accept. I just don't know. I just wish I could forget.
    I asked if you had been in therapy before because to me you sound like you could really benefit from it. From stuff you've posted, I suspect you have been through sustained traumatic events in your past, which can be the cause of your present nightmares and flashbacks. These are very recurrent in people who have been through different types of traumatic experiences. Note that when I say 'traumatic' I mean events in which you feel that your moral or physical integrity is at steak - or the integrity of a close person. This is enough to affect anyone.

    You sound to me Stacey like a very resilient young woman, and who has been able to sort her life and be quite content - not every survivor can say the same. But I also suspect that you've been quite alone in all this, and it has begun to take its toll on you. Sooner or later this happens, which is why I think some form of therapy might be good for you. I know talking to a complete stranger doesn't sound appealing, but when you get past the initial awkwardness you realise how great it is to have someone who's sole mission is to listen and support you.

    Anyway, that's just my opinion. I only hope you get through this. And finally, at the risk of sounding like a mod I've put some links here about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder just in case.

    http://familydoctor.org/624.xml
    http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/posttraumaticstressdisorder/posttraumaticstressdisorder.aspx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why can i be so up and high one minute and then just go down into the dark depths of where i dont want to be feeling the need to harm just to get through the next few hours-and then i go up again and then down and the cycle starts again

    sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sikorah wrote: »
    Thanks for asking.

    I said pretty much what i needed to. I got upset and she looked it too, and she gave me a hug. She asked if my eating was a problem-i said no coz im still fat. She made me promise not to get anymore drugs, coz she vouched for me to get me the job and if i get caught...there will be hell(i work with drugs!).
    She gave me my repeat AD prescription but i dont know why-ive been on the same ones and same stregnth for over 2 years and i dont feel that they are what helps me to have better times.
    She says ive still come a long way to when i first went to her 2 1/2 yrs ago, but im not managing to live with it. She asked if i could perhaps go back to seeing the psychotherapist but its not possible with work. Shes made me promise to use the occupational health counselling service at work because its so difficult for me to get an appointment with my her, with being at work 9-5/6.
    Shes told me to get things in my life to look forward to, holidays etc coz i need the break.
    Ive been too intimidated atwork to make doctors appointments but from now on i will just have to so she can know whats going on with me. Its been about 6 months or more since i last saw her.

    As i suspected,theres nothing as such anyone can do, but i feel good to have got it all out and she knows whats happening with me again.

    Tonight though i just cant cope. im breaking down. ON me own for the week so i dont have to hide this from my mum. ive been on the kitchen floor barely able to breathe for crying.
    Ive never been in such a state that appears to have no reason. !5mg of diazepam(unprescribed) isstarting to calm me down.

    thanks again for caring enough to ask.


    it may not mean much comin over the net but im proud of you. you obviously have come a long way and its really good that you opened up to your dr. just try and look for the little positive things. chin up :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aww thank you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when its not one thing its another.

    as soon as I get one thing sorted, something else comes up to bring me down to rock bottom. I mean, I try to keep on top of things and be really positive and optomistic, then I get more stuff piled on or something that reminds me that Im a screw up.

    bah.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when its not one thing its another.

    as soon as I get one thing sorted, something else comes up to bring me down to rock bottom. I mean, I try to keep on top of things and be really positive and optomistic, then I get more stuff piled on or something that reminds me that Im a screw up.

    bah.


    Your not a screw up, far from it. No matter how hard you try you cant always be on top of everything .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks marie.

    I always want to try to be on top of everything. I've learnt in the past year or so, you can't pin your problems on someone else, its always your fault if your not up to standard. Thats why I always try to be on top so I dont make mistakes or fuck up too bad. Its just too hard to do.

    ETA: sorry for being a drag.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont worry bout it, i feel the same way, just as you feel like everythings starting to work out, then WHAM something else comes and knocks you back down again and you just wonder when it's ever gonna stop, but i am determined to fight and not give up. SCREW YOU DEPRESSION!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    2 weeks SH free.:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    2 weeks SH free.:)

    well done!!!

    im on a week at the moment

    keep it up sofie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And you as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well Done Hyper Person and Sofie! Thats really good :D. I can't remember how long mines been. A week and a half I think :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done Girl Gunner.:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well done everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done everyone, no matter how long you go without self harming its an achievement. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course it is, Freeallangels. I am trying to aim for a month now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm kind of stuck in a dilema. i told my mum i self harmed, and i could see how much it hurt her. i hate seeing her in tears, so i lie to her. but i hate lying to her. i tell myself that it's no longer a problem because although i still occasionally do it, it's not that often and not that serious.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you mind me asking, what did she say or do after you told her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she blamed herself, she thought i was doing it to get her attention. that was the first time i told her. the last time she just cried. from then i thought i just couldn't bear to see hear crying like that again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I give the fuck up. I really do. I'm just not coping with anything and its just making me more and more self destructive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I gave in one night last week. Did a load more coke. I know it was just the one night, but I was doing so well before that. Now the cravings are back. :( Oh well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that sounds shit Pill'ed

    Its OK if its just one night, long as you dont get hooked too bad
    depends on your wheelpower. Im sure you can beat it though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    I gave in one night last week. Did a load more coke. I know it was just the one night, but I was doing so well before that. Now the cravings are back. :( Oh well.

    Just a set back mate. I know how ya feeling, but going a few weekends is definetely an acheivment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cant do this. i just want to be hugged and told everything will be ok. only it wont be. i'm so sorry. i feel like a waste of space and time. 5 months down the fucking drain. fucking hell.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( Sorry to hear that, Kirsty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hun, you will get through this, i promise. there will be times when you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, but believe me it is there.xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shorty! wrote: »
    hun, you will get through this, i promise. there will be times when you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, but believe me it is there.xxx

    thanks sofie. the light just keeps moving further away from me. i was so close to grabbing it, holding it, but now i cant do it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm not sofie. :D and can't doesn't exist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote: »
    i cant do this. i just want to be hugged and told everything will be ok. only it wont be. i'm so sorry. i feel like a waste of space and time. 5 months down the fucking drain. fucking hell.

    You can do this Kirtsy, I know you can. You've come a very very long way, and setbacks are nowhere near as bad as they seem at the time. *Hugs* I'll make sure you get a massive hug when I see you in a couple of weeks. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can do this Kirtsy, I know you can. You've come a very very long way, and setbacks are nowhere near as bad as they seem at the time. *Hugs* I'll make sure you get a massive hug when I see you in a couple of weeks. xx

    Havent slipped up yet tonight, just came so close and scared the shit out of myself. Think i may have to get rid of my blade for good, knowing it isnt doing me any good at all just being there. Thankyou for the hugs xx
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