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Dating websites

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Like we've mentioned before, just because someone is on a dating website does not mean they want a sexual relationship. Or even if they do, they may not want to fuck straight away and may want an relationship that isn't solely sex focused

    There are people who go on dating websites who don't want sexual relationships? Why are they there? There are plenty of sites for people who are looking for friends.

    If they don't want sex straight away and/or don't want a sex-centred relationship, then we're completely unsuited. That's the point of sending sexual messages - it filters out anyone who is prudish or wants me to wine and dine her for ages.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    There are people who go on dating websites who don't want sexual relationships? Why are they there? There are plenty of sites for people who are looking for friends.

    If they don't want sex straight away and/or don't want a sex-centred relationship, then we're completely unsuited. That's the point of sending sexual messages - it filters out anyone who is prudish or wants me to wine and dine her for ages.

    I never said they were looking for friends? People can be in relationships without them being sexual relationships believe it or not. Not all relationships are sexual relationships, but they are still relationships.

    Sending out sexual messages is more than likely going to make a person not reply, whether they're looking for a sexual relationship or not because it comes across like that's all your after and like after you've had a quick fuck you'll be moving on to another girl.

    Also, coming across too strong is creepy and will scare people away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    I never said they were looking for friends? People can be in relationships without them being sexual relationships believe it or not. Not all relationships are sexual relationships, but they are still relationships.

    I think it strange if people are going on dating websites in order to establish platonic relationships. When a person says that they're in a relationship, it usually means that it's a sexual relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Sending out sexual messages is more than likely going to make a person not reply, whether they're looking for a sexual relationship or not because it comes across like that's all your after and like after you've had a quick fuck you'll be moving on to another girl.

    Also, coming across too strong is creepy and will scare people away.

    I don't want one quick fuck with her; I want many long fucks. Is there a way in which I can politely make that clear?

    I'd love it if girls came on strong with me. Why would it put her off if she loves first-date sex?

    No-one has suggested what I should write in my opening message to each girl in order to achieve success. I welcome constructive suggestions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I think it strange if people are going on dating websites in order to establish platonic relationships. When a person says that they're in a relationship, it usually means that it's a sexual relationship.

    Why is it strange? It's still a relationship, they're still dating, hence the use of dating websites.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Why is it strange? It's still a relationship, they're still dating, hence the use of dating websites.

    Dating is usually considered to be a means to start a sexual relationship. Dating for any other reason is considered by most to be disingenuous, timewasting and/or leading someone on. If someone isn't ready for sex; they're not ready to date. Dating is to sex what restaurants are to eating, what cinemas are to films, what sports centres are to sport.
  • plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Adam0 wrote: »
    My reasons for using those terms with her are: a) I want to avoid the friendzone by making the acquaintanceship between us sexual from day one

    It's a dating site. It's unlikely anyone's there to make friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    If someone isn't ready for sex; they're not ready to date.
    This is not your decision to make. You don't get to decide if someone is ready to date or not. What about people who have been through a sexual assault or similar? Are they not allowed to date simply because they may not be ready for sex? Dating is about so much more than just sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plugitin wrote: »
    It's a dating site. It's unlikely anyone's there to make friends.

    I've seen many girls' profiles which state that they're there to make friends, not to date. Some of them say they only want online friends and don't want to meet anyone in real life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is just going to turn into your other threads.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    This is not your decision to make. You don't get to decide if someone is ready to date or not. What about people who have been through a sexual assault or similar? Are they not allowed to date simply because they may not be ready for sex? Dating is about so much more than just sex.

    Dating may be about more than sex, but sex is a major component of it. If someone chooses to date, they've indicated that they want a sexual relationship. If, for whatever reason, a person does not want sex; it's basic common sense that they avoid being in situations where it's expected. If you don't like art, it's common sense to avoid art galleries. If you don't like sex, it's common sense to not date. A person who's averse to sex due to PTSD from being sexually assaulted would not want to be in a situation where sex is de rigueur.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    This is just going to turn into your other threads.

    Not if you offer a constructive suggestion regarding what I should write in my messages on dating websites - instead of merely vaguely criticising the type of message I send.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    Dating may be about more than sex, but sex is a major component of it. If someone chooses to date, they've indicated that they want a sexual relationship. If, for whatever reason, a person does not want sex; it's basic common sense that they avoid being in situations where it's expected. If you don't like art, it's common sense to avoid art galleries. If you don't like sex, it's common sense to not date. A person who's averse to sex due to PTSD from being sexually assaulted would not want to be in a situation where sex is de rigueur.

    Oh my god no they haven't, if they say 'I'm looking for a sexual relationship' then they have indicated that they're looking for a sexual relationship.

    Or maybe people should just stop expecting sex from people? Unless someone outright says 'yes I want to have sex with you' do not expect it.

    Like I've said, you can be dating without having sex. One of my ex's didn't like sex, but she obviously still dated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    If, for whatever reason, a person does not want sex; it's basic common sense that they avoid being in situations where it's expected

    In this case the only thing they'd need to avoid is being a sex worker, because that is the only time sex is expected.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you don't wanna have it true, but even in one night stand situations you usually don't push for sex at second one of coming into contact. If you way to lay on the charm comes in the form of the example of the message you might send to someone on the dating website then you will be very hard pressed to find someone to sleep with you. That is so pushy it sounds like you are the kind of guy who doesn't take "No" for an answer and that will kill her mood instantaneously. It might seem very paradoxical to you, but being this in-your-face with your sexual intentions from the first moment will drastically reduce your chances.

    That's like if you got a new neighbor and he knocks on the door and says Hi I'm Jim your new neighbour. oh wow can i come in? you have a really bouncy couch *jumps on couch with street shoes*, wow, nice 72 inch plasma, mind if I put on some porn? hehe, just kidding. Oh wow what do you have in your closet *opens door* oh just tools and a vacuum cleaner. *grabs picture from wall* oh is this your daughter? hehe what a looker. What do ya pay for this place, it's enormous? If I didn't have my wife around my neck I could still be a professional basketball player but alas...

    You want this guy immediately out of your house and out of your life and girls feel like this if you go "hey gorgeous, you look hot, wow. mind if i sit next to you, darling? Can I ask you a question, are you a fan of sexual intercourse? Because I am. I do it all the different ways, baby."

    You should put your sexual conquest on pause and go back to the counselling idea and grow and develop as a human being, because you going into sexual relationships is like a baby going into the formula 1. It's not gonna happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Oh my god no they haven't, if they say 'I'm looking for a sexual relationship' then they have indicated that they're looking for a sexual relationship.

    Or maybe people should just stop expecting sex from people? Unless someone outright says 'yes I want to have sex with you' do not expect it.

    Like I've said, you can be dating without having sex. One of my ex's didn't like sex, but she obviously still dated.

    This is a sex-positive website. This site strongly approves of sex, including casual sex. It says that sex (including casual sex) is great - so get shagging! If you dislike sex and are opposed to people who want sex, why choose to come here of all places? People who don't like sport wouldn't read and post on sports forums.

    You've said that the messages I send on dating websites are wrong, yet you've not tried to suggest what I should write in messages there instead. Be constructive instead of criticising me for the sake of it. You appear to dislike me simply because I want sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    This is a sex-positive website. This site strongly approves of sex, including casual sex. It says that sex (including casual sex) is great - so get shagging! If you dislike sex and are opposed to people who want sex, why choose to come here of all places? People who don't like sport wouldn't read and post on sports forums.

    You've said that the messages I send on dating websites are wrong, yet you've not tried to suggest what I should write in messages there instead. Be constructive instead of criticising me for the sake of it. You appear to dislike me simply because I want sex.

    Why am I here on TheSite? Maybe because TheSite isn't solely focused around sex. You posted in the 'sex AND relationships' forum, so it's not solely about sex on this forum either. Does your thread title mention sex or does it mention dating websites?

    I'm not opposed to people who are against sex, I'm opposed to people treating women like sexual objects.

    I never said they were wrong, I said that you're coming off too strong and to some people it will come across as creepy and they'd avoid you at all costs and I honestly don't blame them. Try a more casual approach, and don't be as straightforward. Yes we get that you want sex, but if you come across as too desperate you're not going to get it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    In this case the only thing they'd need to avoid is being a sex worker, because that is the only time sex is expected.

    No, there are a variety of situations in which sex is expected, including: dating, marriage, sex-centred holiday resorts as well as events such as swinging and sex parties.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    No, there are a variety of situations in which sex is expected, including: dating, marriage, sex-centred holiday resorts as well as events such as swinging and sex parties.

    Sex is not 'expected' in dating or marriage. You act like people owe you sex. If you don't expect sex, then you can't be disappointed or let down when it doesn't happen. People don't have half as much sex as you're making out that they do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    You should put your sexual conquest on pause and go back to the counselling idea and grow and develop as a human being, because you going into sexual relationships is like a baby going into the formula 1. It's not gonna happen.

    Getting sex doesn't require psychological maturity. The average age for first sexual intercourse in the UK is 16. Are you saying that I'm less mature than the average 16-year-old boy who right now is shagging a girl of the same age under a pile of coats at a party? What does he know that I don't? He's not a master of seduction.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    I'm not opposed to people who are against sex, I'm opposed to people treating women like sexual objects.

    I never said they were wrong, I said that you're coming off too strong and to some people it will come across as creepy and they'd avoid you at all costs and I honestly don't blame them. Try a more casual approach, and don't be as straightforward. Yes we get that you want sex, but if you come across as too desperate you're not going to get it.

    Wanting sex is perfectly normal. How am I supposed to have sex without seeing the girl in a sexual way? I don't get an erection by thinking about paint drying.

    What would I say in a casual approach? Please give me an example.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiccup wrote: »
    Sex is not 'expected' in dating or marriage. You act like people owe you sex. If you don't expect sex, then you can't be disappointed or let down when it doesn't happen. People don't have half as much sex as you're making out that they do

    Sex certainly is expected in marriage. Refusing sex long-term counts as unreasonable behaviour, which is a ground for divorce.

    No man would ever go on a date if he didn't expect sex. The whole reason for him going on a date is to get sex.

    People have a lot more sex than you think. It's an important part of most people's lives. Millions of people want more sex than they are getting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    Getting sex doesn't require psychological maturity. The average age for first sexual intercourse in the UK is 16. Are you saying that I'm less mature than the average 16-year-old boy who right now is shagging a girl of the same age under a pile of coats at a party? What does he know that I don't? He's not a master of seduction.

    First of all, the average age for sexual intercourse in the UK is 18, but that aside.
    I think your average 16 year old has more social intelligence than you. He knows how to make casual conversation with a girl, make her be interested, have her feel comfortable in his presence before he goes further. If your idea of establishing a connection with a girl for the first time is anything like your example message on the dating site your mentioned then all you will achieve is make the girl cringe.
    Millions of people want more sex than they are getting.

    Then why aren't they having more? Surely among a group of people who all want more sex than they are getting there would be constant romping.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    First of all, the average age for sexual intercourse in the UK is 18, but that aside.

    It's 16, and it's relevant. Even if it were 18, lads aren't masters of seduction at that age either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    I think your average 16 year old has more social intelligence than you. He knows how to make casual conversation with a girl, make her be interested, have her feel comfortable in his presence before he goes further. If your idea of establishing a connection with a girl for the first time is anything like your example message on the dating site your mentioned then all you will achieve is make the girl cringe.

    How does the 16-year-old boy do that?

    If my message is so bad, please be constructively helpful by suggesting a better opening message.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Then why aren't they having more? Surely among a group of people who all want more sex than they are getting there would be constant romping.

    I didn't say that everyone wants more sex. Many do, many don't. Many people who want more sex (most of them male) are in relationships with people (most of them female) who don't want sex as often as they do. Many others (again mostly male) are single and can't get laid (as often as they want). One of the problems is that men typically want sex more often than women. An example of this was illustrated in Annie Hall, when Woody Allen and Diane Keaton's characters were both asked how often they have sex together. He says "hardly ever - three times a week". She says "all the time - three times a week".

    A female version of me would have had no difficulty in getting sex regularly throughout the last ten years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In all honestly having read most of your posts I'm utterly disgusted and repulsed that you have such a vile perception of sex. It's another form of exploitation.

    Woman may not want sex straight away they may want to wait weeks, months, years that doesn't mean they aren't ready for dating maybe you aren't ready for dating? Dating is NOT all about sex!!! It's a relationship a two way thing, if I met you I certainly wouldn't want sex with you, I'm not a sex machine, a person to be shagged and fucked off not all woman are 'dirty sluts' as you make out some of us to be. I definitely wouldn't want sex when dating just coz its normal, no it's normal and neither is it abnormal not to have sex when dating.

    Everything people have said to you, seems to be ignored and twisted into ways you want it to be. Why exactly are you here if you aren't listening to advice given.




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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    I know you don't wanna have it true, but even in one night stand situations you usually don't push for sex at second one of coming into contact.

    What do people talk about on one-night stands?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BlondieLiz wrote: »
    Why exactly are you here if you aren't listening to advice given?

    I am listening. I'm receiving a lot of hostility, but little constructive advice. I'm at the Sex and Relationships section of this sex-positive site to find out how to get sex, which is a perfectly normal desire. In the introduction to the Sex and Relationships section of The Site, it says that nothing is off-limits. There's nothing wrong with wanting sex, without any extraneous, expensive, time-consuming nonsense like wining and dining and being a free taxi service and handyman. There's a non-judgmental article here entitled fuck buddies. This isn't a conservative Christian website that preaches abstinence until marriage.

    Several people have criticised the messages I send to girls on dating websites, yet no-one has suggested what I should write to them instead. Try being helpful by saying what I should write to them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Adam0 wrote: »
    I'm at Sex and Relationships section of this sex-positive site to find out how to get sex, which is a perfectly normal desire. In the introduction to the Sex and Relationships section of The Site, it says that nothing is off-limits. Several people have criticised the messages I send to girls on dating websites, yet non-one has suggested what i should write to them instead.

    Maybe stop being so obsessed and up yourself about sex. Not everyone wants sex the first time you're implying that women want sex first time.

    Learn to get to know a person, if you want sex go to a prostitute. Simple.

    Start with introducing yourself telling her a bit about yourself, get to know her. People have suggested things you've clearly ignored. What are good qualities? Clearly being highly intelligent isn't one of them or you wouldn't be expecting what you're expecting. As said before using sweetheart and honey is like wtf this guy is a fucking weirdo creep. Chill out the freaky overfamiliar terminology.


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