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nothing touches, why?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    i didnt know that he was meant to turn me on!!! he did tho and never once asked me or bothered to take notice of what i was or wasnt doing when with him.

    so what do you want us to say, that hes a bastard?

    The simple fact is you dont love him. You barely like the guy.I give him 10 out of 10 for commitment the last 28 years
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    so what do you want us to say, that hes a bastard?

    The simple fact is you dont love him. You barely like the guy.I give him 10 out of 10 for commitment the last 28 years
    :yes:

    Especially having experienced your responses to our attempts to help you. Jesus.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    i didnt know that he was meant to turn me on!!! he did tho and never once asked me or bothered to take notice of what i was or wasnt doing when with him.

    so much bitterness, no wonder you can't enjoy sex with him. Whether he knew or not it is not his fault that you are both ignorant, you can change things though if you want to but you really need to stop holding grudges/being bitter. If you hate him as much as comes accross then just do both of you a favour and end it.

    Read this http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/masturbationwomen.htm

    and this http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

    Watch some porn that shows female masturbation - it's free on the internet along with porn showing couples sexing, see if you find this arousing. Go and play with your clit in a variety of ways until it feels good. copy the porn if it helps but most importantly accept your clit is there and will give you pleasure if your mind will let it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    look dont get me wrong i am more than grateful for the replies i have had regarding this ok and thank you for the time it has taken, i really didnt expect it to drag on so long, but surely you can understand just how frustrating it gets when i have to repeat myself over and over again, i really really have tried on my own, with him and we/i cant find a damm thing

    im sorry for shouting but i tend to type as i would speak, there isnt a way of expressing banging your head against a brick wall tho without using large typeface is there?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think this is obviously deep depression that has spanned your whole life. Youve said that you dont know what being aroused means, You cant think of anything that has ever made you feel happy or smile in your entire life. You didnt feel happy when you got married, when you got pregnant, when you saw your children for the first time, when they first smiled, when they first talked. You couldnt name a single thing that had ever made you smile. This is completely abnormal. All those things should have brought you a deep joy. There is something seriously wrong with your responses to things, and its of absolutely no surprise that sex isnt comfortable, and id be VERY surprised for you to start getting pleasure without some serious work and possibly medication. The right one has GOT to be out there for you.
    You need to forget the sex for a while, forget your relationship. Concentrate on YOU. Finding a little bit of happiness in life. I think it will be a long journey, but what have you got to lose?? only your misery and unhappiness.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Summer - i did more than just watch porn a while back ok, i went to new york to meet a sex coach called betty dodson, google her if you want to find out what she does, to be taught what to do, she couldnt even help me either, i was meant to be out there for 7 days and after the 3rd day i came home due to being a totally failure and i just couldnt stand being out there with 2 other girls who i had nothing in common with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know who she is and she has a good success rate ,which leads me to remake the point i made earlier - you have a psycho-sexual block and this is what you need to address. its your head that is the issue not your body.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    which brings me back to why i asked the question in the first place because if i went on top of him its meant to be one of the things of doind sensate focus and to take back some of the control for myself, but we cant even get that right can we? if nothing is going to touch me there when doing this then what is the point of even doing it? none
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should stop being a selfish and unresponsive lover and spend some time actually actively giving your husband some good good sexing. You might find that you find some pleasure in giving someone else pleasure. I've read your description of your sex life and you sound like a crap shag. You lie there while he rubs you, then lie there while he pumps you? What the hell are you doing for him?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    breathing and staying warm - beats being dead anyway!!

    i am terrified of doing anything wrong, i cant move most the time because he is on me doing things and hes the most clumsiest man i have ever met, so you dont tend to move a whole lot with the elbow or knee or whatever likely to hit you at some point, the man claims that he has trouble finding where to put himself in me without hurting me so staying still seems to be the best way of him actually getting somewhere near managing it, he wouldnt have any chance if i was moving around would he? as for doing much of anything else i havent got a clue what to do!!!!! he seems to just want to get on with it and do things his own way
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    which brings me back to why i asked the question in the first place because if i went on top of him its meant to be one of the things of doind sensate focus and to take back some of the control for myself, but we cant even get that right can we? if nothing is going to touch me there when doing this then what is the point of even doing it? none

    but its pointless asking the question coz until you deal with the cause of the problem no position is going to make any difference whatsoever , full stop. you could try every position in the karma sutra and you still wouldnt enjoy it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there is a point o asking because its part of doing sensate focus!!! first you do the massage bit no genital touching allowed then you do the boobs and thenthe lady gets on top of him and does the rest at her pace, but without being able to do that then i wont be able to do anything will i
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you could try sexually arousing him, stroking him, kissing him, licking him, nibbling him, finding out what HE finds pleasurable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cant simply im to terrified to do that
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what of?
    him thinking you like him?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you wont get anywhere until you open your mind and try it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your on the right lines sort of,

    im terrified that he actually thinks that we are getting somewhere and that hes doing something right and that im enjoying it, basically leading him up the path sort of thing, yeah even if i could get over that part and do that what if it dont lead to anything changing in me? what if im still the same and then after doing all that if he turned to me and asked was it any differenct and having to reply no it wwas still the same for me?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    i cant simply im to terrified to do that

    ... isn't that the issue though.

    I've just flicked through this thread and , in between the shouting, it seems that most of the issues you are having stem from a mental block which you have. I don't know whether it's a subconscious thing or if you are actually aware but it sounds like you cannot enjoy life generally and sex is just one manifestation of that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it would be like leading him on for nothing
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but that means you dont even want to start enjoying it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    life isnt enjoyable its flamming hard work from one day to the next
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it isnt. Some of its hard work, but its supposed to be enjoyable too
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    but that means you dont even want to start enjoying it

    no it doesnt it means me being terrified of biulding his hopes up for nothing and having to let him down and see the dissapointment in him yet one more time, it nearly kills me doing that!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when? how?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    life isnt enjoyable its flamming hard work from one day to the next

    I disagree.

    There are parts of life which are hard work but there is so much to enjoy, if you just allow yourself to do that.

    There is nothing wrong with having fun, you shouldn't ever feel guilty for that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    life isnt enjoyable its flamming hard work from one day to the next

    but if you keep reinforcing that in your head then vyou won't ever enjoy anything
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what bit is fun? i dont have fun, i just end up with the hard work all the time running around after everyone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    failingrepeatedly wrote: »
    what bit is fun? i dont have fun, i just end up with the hard work all the time running around after everyone else.

    Why is that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when my children do something cute. Thats enjoyable. When I eat something tasty. Thats enjoyable. When the sun is shining, when i my partner tells me he loves me. When I get a cuddle, when my children give me a kiss. That moment when theyve all gone to bed and i can relax with a glass of wine. A good programme on the telly
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    when my children do something cute. Thats enjoyable. When I eat something tasty. Thats enjoyable. When the sun is shining, when i my partner tells me he loves me. When I get a cuddle, when my children give me a kiss. That moment when theyve all gone to bed and i can relax with a glass of wine. A good programme on the telly

    i get none of that.
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